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PTSD, self destruction and risky sex
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Having read through the ADHD/Risky Sex thread (and big hugs to all contributors there), it got me pondering.
Having PTSD as a result of sexual trauma, my relationship with myself can be self destructive and my judgement can be impaired at times.
Whilst still broken, I (probably) use sexual encounters to regain ownership of my body, what happens to it and who by. I'm retraining myself and my responses to relearn that sex can be fun, consentual and enjoyable.
However, my brain can throw a spanner in the works. A random example being that if someone shows an interest in me I become over enthusiastic and would quite happily leave work to meet there and then at the risk of being sacked. High risk for my personal circumstances, low risk physically.
Whilst I don't take risks with my sexual health (I got 99 problems and clap ain't one), there is always a risk that I lose focus and knowing it will fuck me up, do something purposefully I know I'll regret. Again, conteplating attending a BBGB, lower risk to circumstances, high risk to health. I haven't done it and don't intend to, but still, identifying opportunities for self damage.
I guess what I am asking is, and it doen't need to be in open forum, am I alone or do others in my situation fight the same battle?
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I (probably) use sexual encounters to regain ownership of my body, what happens to it and who by. I'm retraining myself and my responses to relearn that sex can be fun, consentual and enjoyable.
Do something purposefully I know I'll regret.
I haven't done it and don't intend to, but still, identifying opportunities for self damage.
I think it's a common coping strategy and I also think the trick is as you say identifying opportunities which could be damaging to self.
I joined this site around the time I finished up with my PTSD counciller and did mention this space. Explained I'd consider it exposure therapy for the most part.
I do believe PTSD gives people a level of self reflection and then it's building trust in self to honour that reflection. No to damage self. Recognising opportunities but slowing down reactions and impulsive decisions.
What I'm trying to say is I don't think it's wholly a negative. It has the potential to build trust and knowledge of self the majority would not consider. |
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"I (probably) use sexual encounters to regain ownership of my body, what happens to it and who by. I'm retraining myself and my responses to relearn that sex can be fun, consentual and enjoyable.
Do something purposefully I know I'll regret.
I haven't done it and don't intend to, but still, identifying opportunities for self damage.
I think it's a common coping strategy and I also think the trick is as you say identifying opportunities which could be damaging to self.
I joined this site around the time I finished up with my PTSD counciller and did mention this space. Explained I'd consider it exposure therapy for the most part.
I do believe PTSD gives people a level of self reflection and then it's building trust in self to honour that reflection. No to damage self. Recognising opportunities but slowing down reactions and impulsive decisions.
What I'm trying to say is I don't think it's wholly a negative. It has the potential to build trust and knowledge of self the majority would not consider. "
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I was extremely risky with my attitude to sex when I was younger, it took a long time to realise that it was a direct result of trauma that I'd suffered as a teen. I then went the other way and repressed all of my desires. Its taken a lot of reflection and compassion towards myself to come to terms with it and I am only now learning about what I want and need safely. |
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