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Long distance, swinging and relationships :|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time 
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
 |
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"This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
"
Do whatever your heart tells you. Stay out of my swamp and the cold never bothered me anyway.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I got confused as fuck just reading it xx"
Haha, in basic he wants me to sleep with women on his say so, he lives in Italy, the thought of him sleeping with somebody else is a big no no for me, what he wants is a fantasy of his - I'm afraid of what the reality would be and if said fantasy could be an easy reality.
And would there even be a single female happy to associate themselves in the situation.
That help?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I got confused as fuck just reading it xx
Haha, in basic he wants me to sleep with women on his say so, he lives in Italy, the thought of him sleeping with somebody else is a big no no for me, what he wants is a fantasy of his - I'm afraid of what the reality would be and if said fantasy could be an easy reality.
And would there even be a single female happy to associate themselves in the situation.
That help? "
Doesn't sound like this is going to end well... |
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You need to think long and hard  about all aspects of the situation.
Talk it out with him, ask all the questions you need to. Talk, talk and talk some more. Tell him your fears and doubts.
Hope all goes well for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds too much effort. Long distance has that romantic daydreamy element about it, but in reality it rarely pans out that way. Just reading it gave me a headache! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
"
Reading it seems that he loves you and doesn't want anyone else to have you so to speak. With him arranging your meets/vetting them he has control over the situation and will assess whether these potential meets could be a threat to your relationship with him x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
He could move back to this country and then fly out whenever need be so rather it feeling like long distance it would just feel like he's away.
But the rest to me isn't something that would work because I really do have to feel like I'm in control of myself and as cool as it is that id have the best of both worlds (male and female) - it just wouldn't feel like a swinging relationship because I would be uneasy if he played away, more so unknowingly because who would I be to judge because of what I'd have been doing even at his request.
I think this is going to have to be a no and just suggest maybe having some MMF together.
I'm freaking out just replying haha.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
Reading it seems that he loves you and doesn't want anyone else to have you so to speak. With him arranging your meets/vetting them he has control over the situation and will assess whether these potential meets could be a threat to your relationship with him x"
Never thought of it that way!
But me sleeping with females turns him on no end too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
Reading it seems that he loves you and doesn't want anyone else to have you so to speak. With him arranging your meets/vetting them he has control over the situation and will assess whether these potential meets could be a threat to your relationship with him x
Never thought of it that way!
But me sleeping with females turns him on no end too."
I think it could just be a fantasy that he wants to play out.. I am sure it will all work out x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Soooo.....what time u want me kiddo? 
You never fail to make me grin!
Haha
You free weekend?
Haha how's the concussion after running into a tree   "
You Miss, are a twat! Ta for that
Keep them puppies indoors when I'm out running unless you have a good nurses outfit? |
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maybe as a one night of fulfilling a fantasy of him walking in and controlling the room.
but as a long term arrangement i cant see it working, too many varibles and emotions involved.
one question you need to ask is, is this what you want, or you just doing it to make him happy.
i hope it works out for you |
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The question is would u regret it if u didn't try to find a way to make it work. Nobody knows what's round the corner. U have to live life like there's no tomorrow no regrets and no what ifs xx hope this helps x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Call me weird but this is just the type of arrangement I enjoy, boundaries imposed by others, no fear of anything beyond the physical, someone else in charge. This would easily work for me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Soooo.....what time u want me kiddo?
You never fail to make me grin!
Haha
You free weekend?
Haha how's the concussion after running into a tree
You Miss, are a twat! Ta for that
Keep them puppies indoors when I'm out running unless you have a good nurses outfit? "
That could be arranged ha x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Soooo.....what time u want me kiddo?
You never fail to make me grin!
Haha
You free weekend?
Haha how's the concussion after running into a tree
You Miss, are a twat! Ta for that
Keep them puppies indoors when I'm out running unless you have a good nurses outfit?
That could be arranged ha x"
I'm going for a run same time tomorrow |
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"This might be a long one and I'll go into detail so the whole situation is pointed out! Only posting on here as my friends beyond fab don't know about my sexual lifestyle and love of Deep and meaningful one night long passionate relationships :p
I've been wrecking my brain the last day after meeting up with my ex to talk and generally make sure he went back to Italy walking how I think he should full time
Anyway, we've had an on off relationship for two years now and I only ended things because of his age, I was at a cross roads in my life and his career dictates that he has to live in places of high fashion interest because of his work - these obviously being Paris, Milan, New York and London. Whilst I don't think distance should come between anything our relationship would already have to be unique due to the distance... We are VERY open with one another and he knows that I've been re-exploring my sexuality and meeting guys, females and couples.
This to him being gay is hot because I guess a sub/bottom like to think they can have the ultimate masculinity in a man and I guess 'straight acting' sort to speak.
Anyway, one of his fantasies and the way he wants things has always been us being together, him faithful but I'd be allowed to meet females as and when I wish, only females though! I could also have a female fuck buddy if desired but it would have to be known I'm HIS man and he call the shots, this would be him taking control of my fab profile and arranging meets or having contact with a fuck buddy. Now I'm sure a lot are likely thinking you lucky bastard your partner arranging hot fun for you this guy has absolutely blown my mind because if I'm not in control this doesn't sit easy for me. That and in reality could a 20 year old actually be able to handle somebody he's besotted with sending photos of him balls deep in somebody else?
What views I'm interested in from others are how would they see this actually working?
That and why am I so dead against him meeting anybody else yet I could be swayed to go along with his idea.
And how the fuck do I find a female that would handle the potential of him walking in asserting that I'm his man if it wasn't prior arranged him being there as part of a MMF situation.
It already hurt him me ending things before and although this is his suggestion now - I wouldn't like for it to fuck his head up or drag somebody else into it if it did.
If anybody could share some light on my seemingly fucked up situation I would appreciate all input.
I don't want to be getting into or agreeing anything that'll make my life uneasy.
I must add that I adore this guy to the moon and back, in or out of a relationship
"
i think your on the wrong site go to the darkside more understanding people on there this post is way beyond most swinger peeps im straight but i can see your confusion and where your coming from try fet more genuine people and theres a group that fits your dilema in fact theres a group for all types good luck m8
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Call me weird but this is just the type of arrangement I enjoy, boundaries imposed by others, no fear of anything beyond the physical, someone else in charge. This would easily work for me x"
See I can't have anybody controlling my sex life, I'm Dom in the bedroom, have to be in control, happy for boundaries and all that and I'm respectful of them but having somebody arrange when I fuck (in his absence) is beyond me so we spoke last night and I've said, it's MMF together or nothing.
To save myself from anything that'll get confusing or messed up I think I've done the right thing.
MMF together enables me to enjoy the lifestyle I do, he gets to see me fuck females and I retain my dom status.
In the meanwhile I'm free to do as I please
(Must stay single until my birthday haha) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been in a similar lesbian relationship, and had it fail utterly, I'd say that these things can sound fine when you're looking ahead from the start but are doomed to failure in the longer term. They just don't allow enough space for love and individual expression.
If you want to try it - why not agree to a very fixed trial period - say 6 months, then sit down and talk honestly about how it's worked for each of you.
Try it, or you'll always look back and wonder...
But don't make the mistake of committing the rest of your life to a promise that already know won't work!!!
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Having been in a similar lesbian relationship, and had it fail utterly, I'd say that these things can sound fine when you're looking ahead from the start but are doomed to failure in the longer term. They just don't allow enough space for love and individual expression.
If you want to try it - why not agree to a very fixed trial period - say 6 months, then sit down and talk honestly about how it's worked for each of you.
Try it, or you'll always look back and wonder...
But don't make the mistake of committing the rest of your life to a promise that already know won't work!!!
"
Ah thanks for your input.
We had a chat last night and decided that it would be best if we just planned MMF fun together or if he so wishes I'll arrange it and let him walk in mid swing if that's what would turn him on, I would be open to meeting single females but only ones that I think work for me and then could 'report back' or send pics or whatever.
This is just a small piece of a huge picture but being a perfectionist I just wanted to be sure if we are openly accepting third parties that it's got to be right for both of us, I love seeing that glint in his eye when he see's something he likes so only happy to go along with his fantasy but only if I feel in control and don't renounce myself from being Dom.
So now it's just coasting the seas and seeing if we do decide it's right to get back but I'm trying to halt because I want to be free for my birthday haha. |
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Good that you've worked out what best for you. Doing something that doesn't sit comfortably will only lead to doubt, regrets and probably issues that can't be undone once done. As much as we like to please the people we care/love you still have to be ok with doing whatever it is. |
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