FabSwingers.com > Forums > Wales > Fucked up big time this weekend, advice needed
Fucked up big time this weekend, advice needed
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so on Friday we had a works do, I spent most of the evening with one particular female co worker, dancing and flirting, and generally having an awesome night, we had both had too much to drink, me more than her, and I kissed her, not a big passionate kiss, just lips on lips, I fancy her like crazy but we are both married so I know nothing could ever happen, don't ask me why I kissed her, but I did. Anyway later on she said don't do that again, which I think was quite polite, she could have slapped me, anyway, as a very bad defence mechanism I thought the best way to stop the flirting and put an end to my desires would be to say something bad and make her hate me, now I can't really remember much of the night after that, but I think I called her fat and said I didn't like her anyway! This couldn't be further from the truth, she is amazing in every possible way. I know that she was crying after so in guessing I really upset her.
I'm not looking for any kind of sympathy, I know what I did was 100% wrong.
What I am looking for is a woman's point of view as to my best way to apologise and minimise the damage I have already caused. I have to work quite closely with her on a day to day basis.
Thanks
Ps I know I'm a twat, and deserve any kind of shit I get from her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Alcohol is evil and has led too similar situations many years ago with female co workers. Anyhow, being honest is prbably your only chance of redeaming yourself
Explain the her that you have feelings for her that you let get the better of you and as you were feelig guilty about the betrayal of your partner that you over compensated due too the drink and now you know you have hurt her.
Can't guarentee she will want too speak to you but either way appologise and tell her you didn't ea the horrible things you said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Alcohol is evil and has led too similar situations many years ago with female co workers. Anyhow, being honest is prbably your only chance of redeaming yourself
Explain the her that you have feelings for her that you let get the better of you and as you were feelig guilty about the betrayal of your partner that you over compensated due too the drink and now you know you have hurt her.
Can't guarentee she will want too speak to you but either way appologise and tell her you didn't ea the horrible things you said. "
this seems pretty wise to me hun
Id appreciate it I you told me the truth
Hope you sort this out x |
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"What I am looking for is a woman's point of view as to my best way to apologise and minimise the damage I have already caused. I have to work quite closely with her on a day to day basis. "
Honesty works best with me. In MY case I'd appreciate you saying "I'm so sorry, I tried to pick a fight with you to undo hitting on you. I was d*unk, I'm a prat, and I hope you can forget it happened because I really value our work friendship." She's going to be really stressed as well, remember. Be sincere, apologetic, and don't hang around waiting hopefully for an instant reply. Don't run, either. Give her space, but give her the chance to speak when and if she wants. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What I am looking for is a woman's point of view as to my best way to apologise and minimise the damage I have already caused. I have to work quite closely with her on a day to day basis.
Honesty works best with me. In MY case I'd appreciate you saying "I'm so sorry, I tried to pick a fight with you to undo hitting on you. I was d*unk, I'm a prat, and I hope you can forget it happened because I really value our work friendship." She's going to be really stressed as well, remember. Be sincere, apologetic, and don't hang around waiting hopefully for an instant reply. Don't run, either. Give her space, but give her the chance to speak when and if she wants. "
great advice hun
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We all do silly things we regret especially when alcohol is involved. If I was you I would ask to speak to her privately and explain that it was stupid to kiss her and you do like her but as u felt embarrassed your mouth run away with u, as u d*unk far too much. Say u respect her and hope the two of you can be workfriends again. Don't forget the big "I'm very Sorry" bit. Good luck. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you very much for your replys, you have all said basically the same thing and it was what I thought you would say. I am very sorry and I hope the sincerity of my apology comes accross to her.
Thanks again, and i will let you all know how I get on.
I currently feel very shit, but probably not as shit as she feels 
|
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"What I am looking for is a woman's point of view as to my best way to apologise and minimise the damage I have already caused. I have to work quite closely with her on a day to day basis.
Honesty works best with me. In MY case I'd appreciate you saying "I'm so sorry, I tried to pick a fight with you to undo hitting on you. I was d*unk, I'm a prat, and I hope you can forget it happened because I really value our work friendship." She's going to be really stressed as well, remember. Be sincere, apologetic, and don't hang around waiting hopefully for an instant reply. Don't run, either. Give her space, but give her the chance to speak when and if she wants. "
This! Is v good advice ....good luck ! |
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as stated, apologize, be honest. then give space,don't go chasing or begging for forgiveness. Give space but don't avoid either.
face the consequences, in time things will settle down, just be professional in each others company at work |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Starting to panic a bit, what if she calls in sick? Should I email her and ask if I can have a chat?
oh well I'll find out in a few hours!
Wish me luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was in your shoes I would say the reason you did that because you fancy her. Remember you're both married and if you confess your love to her then this could end up in a worst situation because a) she might not want to work with you and you could lose a good friend or b) it might play with her emotions and could end up in her leaving her husband and pursuing something with might or might not work as you are both already married. Maybe you should just blame it on the alcohol and say that you did what you did because you felt embarrassed and you tried to rectify it by saying something hurtful but either way you didn't mean it. Good luck pal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unlike some of the other judgemental and bitchy relies I think you sound like a decent guy who got d*unk and made a mistake whilst under the influence ..I swear some ppl have never eve had too much to drink and some something they regret ...
You need to be honest!! Please be honest!!
I would be so much happier if someone said to me that they said it to cover fact they liked me rather than meaning it...
Apologise..tell her you like her and so blurted something out to hide it...and that alcohol played a part
Good luck dude xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unlike some of the other judgemental and bitchy relies I think you sound like a decent guy who got d*unk and made a mistake whilst under the influence ..I swear some ppl have never eve had too much to drink and some something they regret ...
You need to be honest!! Please be honest!!
I would be so much happier if someone said to me that they said it to cover fact they liked me rather than meaning it...
Apologise..tell her you like her and so blurted something out to hide it...and that alcohol played a part
Good luck dude xx"
Thank you, it was the drink, and that's exactly why I did say it, she is an amazing lady and I can't believe I actually said it! Hopefully she will see that it was the drink and we can make up.
The flirting was both ways, so I think that she did like me, so hopefully she will see that I didn't mean the awe full thing that I said was not said on purpose.
For those that have given me advice. Thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unlike some of the other judgemental and bitchy relies I think you sound like a decent guy who got d*unk and made a mistake whilst under the influence ..I swear some ppl have never eve had too much to drink and some something they regret ...
You need to be honest!! Please be honest!!
I would be so much happier if someone said to me that they said it to cover fact they liked me rather than meaning it...
Apologise..tell her you like her and so blurted something out to hide it...and that alcohol played a part
Good luck dude xx"
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Love the way you blame the drink, blame the situation, try to justify your awful behaviour, of course it's not your fault it's everything else that made you do it!
You would have cheated on your wife, you treated her badly because she turned you down, you showed your true colours.
You prob don't deserve my rant as in this case I suspect the consequences may well catch up with you.
The sooner pathetic spineless 'men' like you stand up and be a real man, take a long hard look at yourself, the sinner we will all be happier, this site would benefit greatly if guys like you behaved properly.
I know this is not what he asked but I feel I have to say it.
Nobody is all bad but all too often we need to change our behaviour/attitude
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx"
Spoken like a true jeremy kyle apprentice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx
Spoken like a true jeremy kyle apprentice"
Hey cheeky xx jezza has nothing on me lol xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love the way you blame the drink, blame the situation, try to justify your awful behaviour, of course it's not your fault it's everything else that made you do it!
You would have cheated on your wife, you treated her badly because she turned you down, you showed your true colours.
You prob don't deserve my rant as in this case I suspect the consequences may well catch up with you.
The sooner pathetic spineless 'men' like you stand up and be a real man, take a long hard look at yourself, the sinner we will all be happier, this site would benefit greatly if guys like you behaved properly.
I know this is not what he asked but I feel I have to say it.
Nobody is all bad but all too often we need to change our behaviour/attitude
"
A bit strong but to be fair you walked into this debate & should be willing to accept both sides of the argument. Some will be supportive some won't, I'm more the do what you feel is right kind of person, in your heart you know what you should be doing X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx
Spoken like a true jeremy kyle apprentice
Hey cheeky xx jezza has nothing on me lol xxxx"
Your spot on there xxx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx
Spoken like a true jeremy kyle apprentice
Hey cheeky xx jezza has nothing on me lol xxxx
Your spot on there xxx "
Mwah thanku xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I kind of agree but not in such a nasty context xxxxx
I think u need to b true to urself first and ur own situation before u can b honest with others xxx find out what u want first, im not saying cos u want anything to happen with this other lady but if uve had feeling for her and acted on it, d*unk or not then something isnt right with the relationship u already have xxxx
Its hard work being married as it is than to throw complications like that in!
Coming from a married woman myself, thinking that i couldnt trust my hubby enough to go out with his female co workers would ruin us especially as we r both in this lifestyle aswell but enjoy it together xxx i think u should b honest to both women save the hurt to either of them if either find out the truth from the wrong people, that seems the more manly thing to do xxxx
Goodluck lovely xxxx
Spoken like a true jeremy kyle apprentice
Hey cheeky xx jezza has nothing on me lol xxxx
Your spot on there xxx
Mwah thanku xxx"
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so on Friday we had a works do, I spent most of the evening with one particular female co worker, dancing and flirting, and generally having an awesome night, we had both had too much to drink, me more than her, and I kissed her, not a big passionate kiss, just lips on lips, I fancy her like crazy but we are both married so I know nothing could ever happen, don't ask me why I kissed her, but I did. Anyway later on she said don't do that again, which I think was quite polite, she could have slapped me, anyway, as a very bad defence mechanism I thought the best way to stop the flirting and put an end to my desires would be to say something bad and make her hate me, now I can't really remember much of the night after that, but I think I called her fat and said I didn't like her anyway! This couldn't be further from the truth, she is amazing in every possible way. I know that she was crying after so in guessing I really upset her.
I'm not looking for any kind of sympathy, I know what I did was 100% wrong.
What I am looking for is a woman's point of view as to my best way to apologise and minimise the damage I have already caused. I have to work quite closely with her on a day to day basis.
Thanks
Ps I know I'm a twat, and deserve any kind of shit I get from her. "
Only the truth will help u out if this one dude.. That's all it takes. And next time. Don't call a woman that. Or anybody on that note! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know, this is totally not like me, I would never call someone that.
She doesn't want to speak to me at the moment, so I'm going to give her space. And see how it goes, she is aware that I am trying to apologise, and that I am very sorry, so hopefully in time she will speak to me. Luckily it's a quiet time in work so I don't have to work that closely with her at the moment.
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"Unlike some of the other judgemental and bitchy relies I think you sound like a decent guy who got d*unk and made a mistake whilst under the influence ..I swear some ppl have never eve had too much to drink and some something they regret ...
You need to be honest!! Please be honest!!
I would be so much happier if someone said to me that they said it to cover fact they liked me rather than meaning it...
Apologise..tell her you like her and so blurted something out to hide it...and that alcohol played a part
Good luck dude xx"
Most passive aggressive thing I've read on here.
Serious dude you fuck women behind your wife's back, what the fuck do you care about some bint you work with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do wonder how all the people who have been nice to the OP would feel if they were his wife and the one being cheated on.
Its time people were accountable for their actions and to stop blaming everyone or everything else for their problems.
This site is supposed to be about good old fashioned, honest fun.Its a joke.
Since Ive been on here, which is a while its made me very cynical and trust people even less.
All the lies, deceit and venom that some spout.
Its very sad really as this site used to be great but its descended into being all about who pics get fabbed the most and getting one over on others on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do wonder how all the people who have been nice to the OP would feel if they were his wife and the one being cheated on.
Its time people were accountable for their actions and to stop blaming everyone or everything else for their problems.
This site is supposed to be about good old fashioned, honest fun.Its a joke.
Since Ive been on here, which is a while its made me very cynical and trust people even less.
All the lies, deceit and venom that some spout.
Its very sad really as this site used to be great but its descended into being all about who pics get fabbed the most and getting one over on others on here."
Spot on !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do wonder how all the people who have been nice to the OP would feel if they were his wife and the one being cheated on.
Its time people were accountable for their actions and to stop blaming everyone or everything else for their problems.
This site is supposed to be about good old fashioned, honest fun.Its a joke.
Since Ive been on here, which is a while its own made me very cynical and trust people even less.
All the lies, deceit and venom that some spout.
Its very sad really as this site used to be great but its descended into being all about who pics get fabbed the most and getting one over on others on here.
Spot on !!!"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"According to many profile statuses on here, seems to be the standard response to being turned down, throw an insult of two."
this has happened to me many times
And thought of this when I first read this thread
but it kinda makes you feel sorry for how
Insecure men really are
When the only way to react is abuse
So I've learned something from fab
Men who hail abuse at you
Could potentially like you
it's still a sad way to act though
And still hope they both work things out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is only one thing you MUST do, apologise for the hurt you caused and tell her your words were a stupid knee jerk reaction to the guilt you experienced. Explain FULLY why you said what you did and don't expect sympathy . . . and send her a bunch of flowers with ONLY one word on the card. "Sorry" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It seems to me the one and only person you should be begging forgiveness from for your actions is your wife.
Your profile openly says your on here behind her back but it's ok because at least you've admitted it up front. Wtf!? You seem to be under the allusion that calling it swinging some how makes cheating on your partner ok. It doesn't. Swinging is a lifestyle choice you make and agree to as a couple. If your partner doesn't know your having sex with other people it's not swinging it's cheating, simples.
Swinging requires truth and deep trust. If you not prepared for that then you're in the wrong game and someone will always get hurt. Unfortunately it's usually the innocent party that trusted you and wakes up to find your wife banging on their front door one morning. A thing that many unfortunate people on here have experienced.
It seems to me that the person that made the right adult decision here is your work colleague. Politely telling you not to do it again and putting a stop to it immediatly. Your reaction to that was like a child having their toy taken away. Yes, apologise and then leave her alone. She is obviously happy with her marriage even if you are not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do wonder how all the people who have been nice to the OP would feel if they were his wife and the one being cheated on.
Its time people were accountable for their actions and to stop blaming everyone or everything else for their problems.
This site is supposed to be about good old fashioned, honest fun.Its a joke.
Since Ive been on here, which is a while its made me very cynical and trust people even less.
All the lies, deceit and venom that some spout.
Its very sad really as this site used to be great but its descended into being all about who pics get fabbed the most and getting one over on others on here."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know, this is totally not like me, I would never call someone that.
She doesn't want to speak to me at the moment, so I'm going to give her space. And see how it goes, she is aware that I am trying to apologise, and that I am very sorry, so hopefully in time she will speak to me. Luckily it's a quiet time in work so I don't have to work that closely with her at the moment.
To her that is exactly what you are like !
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do wonder how all the people who have been nice to the OP would feel if they were his wife and the one being cheated on.
Its time people were accountable for their actions and to stop blaming everyone or everything else for their problems.
This site is supposed to be about good old fashioned, honest fun.Its a joke.
Since Ive been on here, which is a while its own made me very cynical and trust people even less.
All the lies, deceit and venom that some spout.
Its very sad really as this site used to be great but its descended into being all about who pics get fabbed the most and getting one over on others on here.
Spot on !!!
"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Love the way you blame the drink, blame the situation, try to justify your awful behaviour, of course it's not your fault it's everything else that made you do it!
You would have cheated on your wife, you treated her badly because she turned you down, you showed your true colours.
You prob don't deserve my rant as in this case I suspect the consequences may well catch up with you.
The sooner pathetic spineless 'men' like you stand up and be a real man, take a long hard look at yourself, the sinner we will all be happier, this site would benefit greatly if guys like you behaved properly.
I know this is not what he asked but I feel I have to say it.
Nobody is all bad but all too often we need to change our behaviour/attitude
"
Wow... Just wow. What a dick! I love how you are slagging him off for cheating on his wife but I bet you wouldn't turn down a woman cheating on her husband |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So nice to see people giving advice to a self confessed liar. This guy is betraying some one he swore to love and honour 'till death, wonder what else he could be lying about"
I forgot that everyone tells the truth all of the time  |
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By *alleycplCouple
over a year ago
gobblers knob |
"It seems to me the one and only person you should be begging forgiveness from for your actions is your wife.
Your profile openly says your on here behind her back but it's ok because at least you've admitted it up front. Wtf!? You seem to be under the allusion that calling it swinging some how makes cheating on your partner ok. It doesn't. Swinging is a lifestyle choice you make and agree to as a couple. If your partner doesn't know your having sex with other people it's not swinging it's cheating, simples.
Swinging requires truth and deep trust. If you not prepared for that then you're in the wrong game and someone will always get hurt. Unfortunately it's usually the innocent party that trusted you and wakes up to find your wife banging on their front door one morning. A thing that many unfortunate people on here have experienced.
It seems to me that the person that made the right adult decision here is your work colleague. Politely telling you not to do it again and putting a stop to it immediatly. Your reaction to that was like a child having their toy taken away. Yes, apologise and then leave her alone. She is obviously happy with her marriage even if you are not."
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Dunno about you, but I'd advise that poor girl to stay a million miles away from you. 
