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Couples with single friends
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This last few months I've noticed my friends who are in couples distancing themselves from me - whether intentionally or not I've been seeing them less and invited to hang out less. (Non sexual btw!)
For the last few years I've been single mostly by choice after a traumatic ending to a decade long relationship. This year I put myself back in the dating game and have been enjoying the casual nature of fab.
I told one such friend (my best) that I'd had a threesome and she's not seen me since then.
Anyone else experience this sort of change as the years go by? I'm happily single but almost feel I'll lose friends if I stay single, ridiculous as it sounds! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say that your best friend might not have been your best friend, if she couldn't accept you for who you are or what you like. It's not like you would have tried to initiate a threesome with them! (I assume).
It's a difficult balance to strike between people who are only ever going to be vanilla friends because that is who they are, vanilla, and people who are not so. You will find truth and honesty in far stronger degrees in this Fab life than you will ever find in the vanilla world, however with that you will also find far harsher people who would use it to attempt to hurt you in some way, probably because you rejected them or something petty.
From what I see, even in the Fab universe, couples almost always prefer to seek couples before singles. So someone who is attractive, readily 'available' and maybe not so vanilla as the rest of their social circle, that person is going to be perceived as a threat to the vanilla lifestyle. A potential homewrecker. A divorce in waiting. Not everyone is as open minded, not everyone has the capacity to be.
Hopefully you will find a family within the Fab lifestyle who will offer you a different kind of friendship, a different kind of support. One that will help you along in life even with vanilla things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your best friend should take you for who you are! But some people are very narrow minded when it comes to sex!! I have been single now for 6 months,after a 17yr relationship and i'm starting to feel like a spare wheel with my married or coupled friends, I have some real good friends I can tell anything, but they live a 5 hour drive away  its not the same chatting on the phone! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I slipped a tiny bit of my lifestyle out to a friend at the beginning of my journey & over time came to realise that was a mistake. She doesn't understand & judges me making sweeping comments all the time. I've spent the intervening years back tracking & making an alternative back story to cover my trips etc. Life is just easier keeping this separate. I have some lovely friends here & I share my experiences with them X |
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From what I've seen, and as you get older, people settle down into "couple hood" and their lifestyle revolves around that, families and mortgage etc. Even for Dinkies 
Single people don't seem to fit their needs any more, and perhaps remind them of their younger selves 
Coming back into singlehood, after having been there and got the t-shirt, I feel a bit left out and awkward in their company
But I do enjoy certain freedoms I'm now able to enjoy  |
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By *inataur1Man
over a year ago
Rhondda/Bristol |
"This last few months I've noticed my friends who are in couples distancing themselves from me - whether intentionally or not I've been seeing them less and invited to hang out less. (Non sexual btw!)
For the last few years I've been single mostly by choice after a traumatic ending to a decade long relationship. This year I put myself back in the dating game and have been enjoying the casual nature of fab.
I told one such friend (my best) that I'd had a threesome and she's not seen me since then.
Anyone else experience this sort of change as the years go by? I'm happily single but almost feel I'll lose friends if I stay single, ridiculous as it sounds! "
Maybe she was a little worried that you were hinting, instead of confiding.
That's the problem with fab, the longer your on here, the more separated we become from our Vanilla world. I mean that in the sense of conversations, meets and even the socials. Their all with your fab friends.
|
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I think some of these points hit it on the head. We like to have a social circle where our friends are in roughly the same phase of life as ourselves. The group being in roughly the same financial bracket, roughly the same age, with common aims and goals. But circles fracture and change: some people become much richer or poorer than the group, some fail to get mortgages, some get divorced, others embrace some wacky religion or ideology that make them a pain in the arse to hang out with, etc.
The upsetting thing about circles of friends changing is that we've got used to people, we love being with them and love feeling that they have our back, and so when the circle fractures we really miss them.
But if they really are deep friendships they'll come back to you in a year or so. At the moment your singleness is destabilising to the group, but yep, quite a few will experience it too in the future, as someone said. Time for new friends for this point in life !  |
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"I would say that your best friend might not have been your best friend, if she couldn't accept you for who you are or what you like. It's not like you would have tried to initiate a threesome with them! (I assume).
It's a difficult balance to strike between people who are only ever going to be vanilla friends because that is who they are, vanilla, and people who are not so. You will find truth and honesty in far stronger degrees in this Fab life than you will ever find in the vanilla world, however with that you will also find far harsher people who would use it to attempt to hurt you in some way, probably because you rejected them or something petty.
From what I see, even in the Fab universe, couples almost always prefer to seek couples before singles. So someone who is attractive, readily 'available' and maybe not so vanilla as the rest of their social circle, that person is going to be perceived as a threat to the vanilla lifestyle. A potential homewrecker. A divorce in waiting. Not everyone is as open minded, not everyone has the capacity to be.
Hopefully you will find a family within the Fab lifestyle who will offer you a different kind of friendship, a different kind of support. One that will help you along in life even with vanilla things. "
This is true. I'm starting to question our friendship. I had a really tough bereavement last year and she was there initially then just avoided me, so wasn't sure if she didn't want to deal with it.
I'm quite vanilla compared to some on here so I feel sometimes I don't fit in here and don't completely fit in with the vanilla world. Also in a phase where my leaning is more bisexual than bicurious so getting to grips with that. Some friends have been great mind!
Yeah perhaps I need to get more socials here...though I've bene to one and wasn't sure it was for me! |
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"Your best friend should take you for who you are! But some people are very narrow minded when it comes to sex!! I have been single now for 6 months,after a 17yr relationship and i'm starting to feel like a spare wheel with my married or coupled friends, I have some real good friends I can tell anything, but they live a 5 hour drive away its not the same chatting on the phone! X"
Yeah I wish that were true. She cheated on her partner and used me as an excuse constantly until I found out and I accepted her and what she had done. She's my mate! I constantly feel like I'm the "poor singleton" yet they forget I was in a relationship for a decade so not like I never have done it! |
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"I slipped a tiny bit of my lifestyle out to a friend at the beginning of my journey & over time came to realise that was a mistake. She doesn't understand & judges me making sweeping comments all the time. I've spent the intervening years back tracking & making an alternative back story to cover my trips etc. Life is just easier keeping this separate. I have some lovely friends here & I share my experiences with them X"
You would think in this day and age people would be a lot less judgemental! But yes perhaps separate is key. Even if it weren't for mentioning the threesome I just feel like they don't want to hang out with the single friend anymore! |
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"From what I've seen, and as you get older, people settle down into "couple hood" and their lifestyle revolves around that, families and mortgage etc. Even for Dinkies
Single people don't seem to fit their needs any more, and perhaps remind them of their younger selves
Coming back into singlehood, after having been there and got the t-shirt, I feel a bit left out and awkward in their company
But I do enjoy certain freedoms I'm now able to enjoy "
This is so true - perhaps being single is too much fun! |
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"This last few months I've noticed my friends who are in couples distancing themselves from me - whether intentionally or not I've been seeing them less and invited to hang out less. (Non sexual btw!)
For the last few years I've been single mostly by choice after a traumatic ending to a decade long relationship. This year I put myself back in the dating game and have been enjoying the casual nature of fab.
I told one such friend (my best) that I'd had a threesome and she's not seen me since then.
Anyone else experience this sort of change as the years go by? I'm happily single but almost feel I'll lose friends if I stay single, ridiculous as it sounds!
Maybe she was a little worried that you were hinting, instead of confiding.
That's the problem with fab, the longer your on here, the more separated we become from our Vanilla world. I mean that in the sense of conversations, meets and even the socials. Their all with your fab friends.
"
Maybe that's the case! She did say "so you like girls now?" haha |
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"I think some of these points hit it on the head. We like to have a social circle where our friends are in roughly the same phase of life as ourselves. The group being in roughly the same financial bracket, roughly the same age, with common aims and goals. But circles fracture and change: some people become much richer or poorer than the group, some fail to get mortgages, some get divorced, others embrace some wacky religion or ideology that make them a pain in the arse to hang out with, etc.
The upsetting thing about circles of friends changing is that we've got used to people, we love being with them and love feeling that they have our back, and so when the circle fractures we really miss them.
But if they really are deep friendships they'll come back to you in a year or so. At the moment your singleness is destabilising to the group, but yep, quite a few will experience it too in the future, as someone said. Time for new friends for this point in life ! "
I love what you said. Hits the nail on the head! |
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"Just wait till one gets divorced, suddenly you'll have a new best mate. \
They are all exceedingly happy so might have a long wait haha"
You never know, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wait till one gets divorced, suddenly you'll have a new best mate. \
They are all exceedingly happy so might have a long wait haha
You never know, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. "
To true! You've only got to go to a social to see the wide varity of people who love this lifestyle  |
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I’ve been single just over two years now. The fab / kink / swinging side of me is very private and not one of my “regular” friends know about it, so I can’t blame that on friendship breakdowns. However, when I became single everyone was great initially, drinks every weekend, invites round to their houses for midweek meals etc. But as time has passed by I feel more and more forgotten about. Most weekends I’ll see social media posts where groups of friends have gone out, or one couple has hosted the others for dinner. All events that me and my ex would have been invited to before we split. It’s now at the point where I have literally no options for New Years as everyone is doing couple things and not one of them thought to invite me. It’s pretty shit really. But on the other hand it’s human nature as you get older, couples hang out with couples, singles with singles, male halves of couples with each other as their partners do something else together etc etc. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have a single, single friend. If this period has taught me anything, it’s that if (when) a mate becomes single in the future, I’ll be a better friend than mine have to me. X |
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