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What did....
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"I dont have relationships i have people i know or dont the very rare friendship but relationships are not a word i ever used but i rarely learn from mistakes "
I usually end up making more instead of learning from them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont have relationships i have people i know or dont the very rare friendship but relationships are not a word i ever used but i did learn one thing that i will literally put myself thru complete and utter hell and punish myself over and over just for 1% chance im needed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont have relationships i have people i know or dont the very rare friendship but relationships are not a word i ever used but i rarely learn from mistakes
I usually end up making more instead of learning from them "
had to reword as it wasnt a mistake poor use of words |
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"I dont have relationships i have people i know or dont the very rare friendship but relationships are not a word i ever used but i rarely learn from mistakes
I usually end up making more instead of learning from them had to reword as it wasnt a mistake poor use of words "
I knew what you meant x |
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"That in a healthy relationship, your partner wants you to shine your brightest, not dull your sparkle. That having an awful past doesn't mean they should be excused for their behaviour. "
Very good points x |
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"A) Red flags are there for a reason and shouldn’t be ignored.
B) I am enough.
C) Keeping quiet for the ‘easy life’ is often only easy for the other party  "
I think the "I am enough" one is the most important x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?"
Like the song says " When you see a chance take it " ..The World's surface is 70% water do not let that fish back into the water . |
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"A) Red flags are there for a reason and shouldn’t be ignored.
B) I am enough.
C) Keeping quiet for the ‘easy life’ is often only easy for the other party
I think the "I am enough" one is the most important x"
Agreed. I've been on the other side of someone questioning if they're enough and at times contemplating leaving because of it if they have upset me. It has a negative impact on your partner too and in a way often means that in times on conflict your focus is on your own lack of self worth rather than what your partner and relationship needs. I know people in that position can't help it but I think it's important to do the work on your own self esteem because of the issues it can cause. |
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The last pre fab relationship showed me that some humans kind have a dark life completely secret from all friends, family and partners and that there’s sod all you can do about it but learn not to blame yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That I’m strong enough to be a single parent
That I deserve better than being treated like shit
That I’m capable of making my own decisions
That life is too short to be stuck with a miserable narcissist twat
 |
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"That I’m strong enough to be a single parent
That I deserve better than being treated like shit
That I’m capable of making my own decisions
That life is too short to be stuck with a miserable narcissist twat
"
x |
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"I'm too clingy apparently, staying single now so it won't be a issue in the future
But just because 1 person said it, doesn't mean it's true x"
I'm too affectionate, I know it's true. It's not really been much of a issue in the past and I did tell her and she said she didn't think you could give anyone too much affection before changing her mind after we had been together for about 6 weeks.
It's just easier to be single and not have to worry about giving too much. |
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"I'm too clingy apparently, staying single now so it won't be a issue in the future
But just because 1 person said it, doesn't mean it's true x
I'm too affectionate, I know it's true. It's not really been much of a issue in the past and I did tell her and she said she didn't think you could give anyone too much affection before changing her mind after we had been together for about 6 weeks.
It's just easier to be single and not have to worry about giving too much. "
You have to do what suits you..Good luck x |
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"I'm too clingy apparently, staying single now so it won't be a issue in the future
But just because 1 person said it, doesn't mean it's true x
I'm too affectionate, I know it's true. It's not really been much of a issue in the past and I did tell her and she said she didn't think you could give anyone too much affection before changing her mind after we had been together for about 6 weeks.
It's just easier to be single and not have to worry about giving too much.
You have to do what suits you..Good luck x"
Exactly that and thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That I am a very stupid arrogant person who lacks empathy.
Is that your opinion of yourself or someone else's? x"
My opinion did some really dumb things cause of previous hangups.Led her to a false conclusion and that caused me to end up doing something I really regretted. |
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"That I am a very stupid arrogant person who lacks empathy.
Is that your opinion of yourself or someone else's? x
My opinion did some really dumb things cause of previous hangups.Led her to a false conclusion and that caused me to end up doing something I really regretted."
I suppose at least you can see where the problem was x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That I am a very stupid arrogant person who lacks empathy.
Is that your opinion of yourself or someone else's? x
My opinion did some really dumb things cause of previous hangups.Led her to a false conclusion and that caused me to end up doing something I really regretted.
I suppose at least you can see where the problem was x"
Indeed just wish I didn’t have to break things off in order to see it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That I’m strong enough to be a single parent
That I deserve better than being treated like shit
That I’m capable of making my own decisions
That life is too short to be stuck with a miserable narcissist twat
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I learnt that a great body and a near perfect smile can get you far in life, almost to the top...but it can’t get you everything!
That's the thing though...looks fade x"
No they don’t
Not when shes perfect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The last pre fab relationship showed me that some humans kind have a dark life completely secret from all friends, family and partners and that there’s sod all you can do about it but learn not to blame yourself. "
That’s a massive thing to learn though and mastering it is a huge achievement!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m fortunate. Not counting school playground relationships, my current one (since I was 17) is the only one I’ve been in.
Maybe I’ll have some more serious poly partners and learn some things from them. |
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These are some things I learnt.
Love starts we you. You need to know and love your self and not look to others for it. Be your best freind in this life and the rest will sort its self. Also the value of emotional maturity. Likewise be ware of anyone potential parnter who hasn't emotional maturity and looks to others for happiness rather than with in first.
Their needs to be two way freedom to be completely yourselves. To be loved and supported for being you rather than manipulate, coerced and bent into how they want you to be. Don't be with someone you want to change or you them. Freedom without fear brings you together willing rather than sets you apart.
Look for someone who can openly show their vulnerability to you and be is capable of being completely open. Plus the value of a relationship where you can be completely open and work through everything with safety and acceptance. And have those hardest of conversations with.
Understand when your wrong. We are all flawed and we will be wrong at times. It's ok to be wrong but make sure you have the maturity to recognise, admit and apologise. Likewise find someone who can do the same.
However upset you are with them (we all fuck up and we all have arguments) let them know you love them. Even if it's just a little peck followed by I'm still angry and working through it so give me space.
To avoid narcissist and people who do not love or trust themselves.
I hit the jack pot with my wonderful woman. However we are the sum of our life experiences. We were different people years ago. If we hadn't learnt those life lessons (often from bitter experience) would we have had such an awesome relationship if we met years ago.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That I have more patience and tolerance than I realised.
And that when I'm done, I really am done.
Hes a nice man and I hope he will always be happy, it just won't be with me. |
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"I’m fortunate. Not counting school playground relationships, my current one (since I was 17) is the only one I’ve been in.
Maybe I’ll have some more serious poly partners and learn some things from them. "
I hope you are learning from one another x |
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"These are some things I learnt.
Love starts we you. You need to know and love your self and not look to others for it. Be your best freind in this life and the rest will sort its self. Also the value of emotional maturity. Likewise be ware of anyone potential parnter who hasn't emotional maturity and looks to others for happiness rather than with in first.
Their needs to be two way freedom to be completely yourselves. To be loved and supported for being you rather than manipulate, coerced and bent into how they want you to be. Don't be with someone you want to change or you them. Freedom without fear brings you together willing rather than sets you apart.
Look for someone who can openly show their vulnerability to you and be is capable of being completely open. Plus the value of a relationship where you can be completely open and work through everything with safety and acceptance. And have those hardest of conversations with.
Understand when your wrong. We are all flawed and we will be wrong at times. It's ok to be wrong but make sure you have the maturity to recognise, admit and apologise. Likewise find someone who can do the same.
However upset you are with them (we all fuck up and we all have arguments) let them know you love them. Even if it's just a little peck followed by I'm still angry and working through it so give me space.
To avoid narcissist and people who do not love or trust themselves.
I hit the jack pot with my wonderful woman. However we are the sum of our life experiences. We were different people years ago. If we hadn't learnt those life lessons (often from bitter experience) would we have had such an awesome relationship if we met years ago.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It hurt when it finished  x
Don’t they all?
Sending hugs
Ah, after 17 years it fucks you up bud "
My longest was nowhere near that but towards the end marriage came up,Really fucked me up that one.Nothing compared to the one mentioned gere though.
Can’t even begin to imagine unravelling 17 years
You have my sympathies |
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"It hurt when it finished x
Don’t they all?
Sending hugs
Ah, after 17 years it fucks you up bud
My longest was nowhere near that but towards the end marriage came up,Really fucked me up that one.Nothing compared to the one mentioned gere though.
Can’t even begin to imagine unravelling 17 years
You have my sympathies"
Cheers pal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER |
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER "
Agree with all the above...especially the divorce part  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER
Agree with all the above...especially the divorce part x"
Mine finalised in February... What an amazing feeling it was! |
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER
Agree with all the above...especially the divorce part x
Mine finalised in February... What an amazing feeling it was! "
Can't beat that last piece of paperwork that says it's finally over x |
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER "
That man was plainly at idiot. Lovely looking lady  x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you "
There is always some price to pay x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x"
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive  X |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X"
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x"
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x"
Good for you working on it. This would be my last place to help me through it though x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x
Good for you working on it. This would be my last place to help me through it though x"
Chat to people. Always good x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I learned I'm fat, ugly, stupid and worthless, make a great punching bag and that people can't be trusted or relied on.
I'm being taught differently now.
Posh  "
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve so much more, and I’m very happy you’re being taught differently now |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x
Good for you working on it. This would be my last place to help me through it though x
Chat to people. Always good x"
That's what friends are for x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So many things I don't know if I could list them all
P"
Just list one then thats fine
I will do one shouldn’t lie the consequences are very severe and can’t be anticipated. |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x
Good for you working on it. This would be my last place to help me through it though x
Chat to people. Always good x
That's what friends are for x"
And there are some fine friends here x |
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"I’m not quite sure which is the last or if they are even relationships but something I learned is you can actually make a bad person a good person but it will cost you
There is always some price to pay x
Money is cheap. Emotional and mental damage is expensive X
Sometimes the emotional and mental side are damaged beyond repair x
Yep. Working on it though. Here is a fun place x
Good for you working on it. This would be my last place to help me through it though x
Chat to people. Always good x
That's what friends are for x
And there are some fine friends here x"
You are lucky to have found them x |
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By *hoirCouple
over a year ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"So many things I don't know if I could list them all
P
Just list one then thats fine
I will do one shouldn’t lie the consequences are very severe and can’t be anticipated."
First one I can think of is I am more competant alone than I ever thought I would be, doesn't mean I want to do it alone though
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I trust too much. I believe people more than I should.
It hurts when the truths start to unravel, like nothing I have ever experienced before.
Liars wreck Lives!
I can finally say I survived a narcissist |
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"I trust too much. I believe people more than I should.
It hurts when the truths start to unravel, like nothing I have ever experienced before.
Liars wreck Lives!
I can finally say I survived a narcissist "
and bang goes the theory that it's mostly men who are the narcissist x |
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"I'm too clingy apparently, staying single now so it won't be a issue in the future
But just because 1 person said it, doesn't mean it's true x
I'm too affectionate, I know it's true. It's not really been much of a issue in the past and I did tell her and she said she didn't think you could give anyone too much affection before changing her mind after we had been together for about 6 weeks.
It's just easier to be single and not have to worry about giving too much. "
What she told you says more about the lady than it does about you. What you've just said about affection, is an excellent quality in my opinion. |
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"What I've learned from last 2 relationships:
My worth
If they want to be with me, they would damned well make time for me - I'm not just an "option". "
Quite right. No-one should ever be an option x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What I've learned from last 2 relationships:
My worth
If they want to be with me, they would damned well make time for me - I'm not just an "option". "
Hear hear! I need to remember this one myself. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER
That man was plainly at idiot. Lovely looking lady x"
Haha that's very kind! And how did you know he was an idiot  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER
Agree with all the above...especially the divorce part x
Mine finalised in February... What an amazing feeling it was!
Can't beat that last piece of paperwork that says it's finally over x"
The feeling of freedom was unbelievable |
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"That being single isn't scary
That I can do it on my own
That I'm not as completely hideous as I felt
That my own happiness is important
Have I mentioned getting divorced has been the Best Thing EVER
That man was plainly at idiot. Lovely looking lady x
Haha that's very kind! And how did you know he was an idiot "
He let you slip through his fingers x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That I made an epic cash cow and I could do all the house work and do everything for the step kids whilst working around the clock.
Big lesson learned there haha |
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I learned that I detest liars to no end and that lies demolish trust, which is paramount to a healthy, loving relationship.
I learned that I was too tolerant and forgiving for too long.
I learned that I am better than being second fiddle.
I learned to be more independent and autonomous.
I learned to be more vocal about my thoughts, feelings and fears while still having an awful lot (probably wayyyy too much) of empathy, compassion and understanding for the other.
I learned that I was walked all over, too trusting with different men who had a certain history and that it's highly unlikely that leopards change their spots. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
I'll know it when I find it. |
Honestly?
I have a feeling he'll read this and you know, personal growth and all that means that I'm actually a lot nicer so I won't erm... say something that might make him too sad/embarrassed.
What I will say - I shouldn't be afraid to say how I feel, my voice and thoughts are valid. Like I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly?
I have a feeling he'll read this and you know, personal growth and all that means that I'm actually a lot nicer so I won't erm... say something that might make him too sad/embarrassed.
What I will say - I shouldn't be afraid to say how I feel, my voice and thoughts are valid. Like I am. "
You’re amazing Meli |
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"Honestly?
I have a feeling he'll read this and you know, personal growth and all that means that I'm actually a lot nicer so I won't erm... say something that might make him too sad/embarrassed.
What I will say - I shouldn't be afraid to say how I feel, my voice and thoughts are valid. Like I am. "
Very true x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?"
That one closest too you will cause you the greatest pain....I'm mentally tougher and closed shop up never to be reopened no matter how worthy.... |
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?
That one closest too you will cause you the greatest pain....I'm mentally tougher and closed shop up never to be reopened no matter how worthy...."
This is so true. I just find it a bit sad that some of us close ourselves off because of the actions of previous partners x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?
That one closest too you will cause you the greatest pain....I'm mentally tougher and closed shop up never to be reopened no matter how worthy....
This is so true. I just find it a bit sad that some of us close ourselves off because of the actions of previous partners x"
What's broke doesn't repair |
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?
That one closest too you will cause you the greatest pain....I'm mentally tougher and closed shop up never to be reopened no matter how worthy....
This is so true. I just find it a bit sad that some of us close ourselves off because of the actions of previous partners x
What's broke doesn't repair "
A bit like trying to piece a kirror back together x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What did you learn about yourself from your last relationship?
That one closest too you will cause you the greatest pain....I'm mentally tougher and closed shop up never to be reopened no matter how worthy....
This is so true. I just find it a bit sad that some of us close ourselves off because of the actions of previous partners x
What's broke doesn't repair
A bit like trying to piece a kirror back together x"
Exactly, so you throw a cloth over it never to look at again |
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"I dont have relationships i have people i know or dont the very rare friendship but relationships are not a word i ever used but i did learn one thing that i will literally put myself thru complete and utter hell and punish myself over and over just for 1% chance im needed "
100% with you on this one. |
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