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Just a (innocent) question.
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If you can have sex or f**k someone who is not the same culture/skin colour/religion etc as you, why can't you have a relationship with them?
This question doesn't apply to everyone, it may just be a few. |
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They are very different things. I can find someone of any race or culture attractive so could be open to sex with them but to build a successful relationship involves so much more including shared values etc. So there is no equivalency there. |
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It's not a situation I've been in, but a Jewish friend of mine would only date Jewish girls (though he was far less discriminating about who he'd have sex with - it was only an issue for potential relationships).
His reasoning was that his religion formed a big part of family events, so if he was taking someone to meet the family he needed them to understand that. He was also concerned for any kids, that they would be brought up in his faith. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Cheeseville, Somerset |
"You can potentially. But a casual hookup and sharing the same wants, values and commitments are two very different things. "
Are wants, values and commitments mutually incompatible with people of different races, cultures or religious when it comes to sex and relationships?
There often seems to be assumptions made that there are, when there often aren't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the background of the person, if you want to marry or have a relationship with a person whose family are religious Jews or Muslims. You're going to have a hard time being accepted unless you converted. Large parts of the world aren't like the West where religion isn't a big deal anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don’t stress, OP. If you get even a hint that they are going to collectively group people of a certain race/ culture into ‘hot but not dateable’ run a million miles. |
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By *inkShyWoman
over a year ago
near Windsor |
You *can* but I think a lot of people worry about what our messed up society thinks of them being with someone different to their own race/religion.
I'm from a very diverse town in the UK, and have a lot of friends of varying races, religions, nationalities. One of my best friends is a Muslim Pakistani male, and whenever we go out for dinner or even a walk, we often get funny looks, I've been called names by the older men and women from his 'community', and his brother has even been telephoned by someone to snitch on us, even though his family know me. That response could put someone off starting a relationship with someone.
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It depends on the background of the person, if you want to marry or have a relationship with a person whose family are religious Jews or Muslims. You're going to have a hard time being accepted unless you converted. Large parts of the world aren't like the West where religion isn't a big deal anymore."
My family are religious.
It's never been a factor in my relationship choices. Not everyone conforms to the religious choices of family. |
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By *oughmanMan
over a year ago
Sunderland |
"You can potentially. But a casual hookup and sharing the same wants, values and commitments are two very different things.
Are wants, values and commitments mutually incompatible with people of different races, cultures or religious when it comes to sex and relationships?
There often seems to be assumptions made that there are, when there often aren't. "
No, it's base on the individual is what I was actually getting at. Sex is just a physical act in the end. A relationship requires more than that. Race and colour of skin have no bearing and mutual trust, understanding and compatibility are more important surely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t really understand the relevance of the question but equally I’ve slept with white women that I haven’t had a relationship with. I’ve slept with white and black women. My wife of 20 years is British Caribbean.
Sometimes family and cultural pressures mean it’s difficult to date outside your race. Sometimes it’s not why but can’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the background of the person, if you want to marry or have a relationship with a person whose family are religious Jews or Muslims. You're going to have a hard time being accepted unless you converted. Large parts of the world aren't like the West where religion isn't a big deal anymore.
My family are religious.
It's never been a factor in my relationship choices. Not everyone conforms to the religious choices of family. "
Oh yeah true... I guess I'm just speaking from my experiences. Used to do a lot of jobs when I was a child with my Uncle and he had dealings with both Jews and Muslims mostly in Manchester. Where religious identity was strong with them compared to the rest of the population. |
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A big part of the world makes a massive issue of religion, not like we in Europe and the “west” in general.
Not our fault if some people are stuck in mediaeval times. Purely from the point of view of forming relationships with these people, I would avoid some of them like the plague. I could be perfectly happy if we could both keep our religion, but they shouldn’t expect me to change and become a Orthodox Jew/practicing Muslim or a pastafarian.
My two cents, obviously |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"If you can have sex or f**k someone who is not the same culture/skin colour/religion etc as you, why can't you have a relationship with them?
This question doesn't apply to everyone, it may just be a few."
Because their family and community would not accept you as a partner, you are incompatible for marriage or serious relationship even if you converted to our religion, the culture is incompatible |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Cheeseville, Somerset |
"A big part of the world makes a massive issue of religion, not like we in Europe and the “west” in general.
Not our fault if some people are stuck in mediaeval times. Purely from the point of view of forming relationships with these people, I would avoid some of them like the plague. I could be perfectly happy if we could both keep our religion, but they shouldn’t expect me to change and become a Orthodox Jew/practicing Muslim or a pastafarian.
My two cents, obviously "
Yep.
The Catholic church's stance contraception, abortion and homosexuality is definitely archaic. 🤷♂️ |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"A big part of the world makes a massive issue of religion, not like we in Europe and the “west” in general.
Not our fault if some people are stuck in mediaeval times. Purely from the point of view of forming relationships with these people, I would avoid some of them like the plague. I could be perfectly happy if we could both keep our religion, but they shouldn’t expect me to change and become a Orthodox Jew/practicing Muslim or a pastafarian.
My two cents, obviously "
It has very little to do with religion.
Most people’s values come from their culture, not from their religion. Incompatible values are the main reason these relationships don’t work.
Most parts of the world makes very little fuss over religion far less than than European atheists make of it. Most people in the world have a religion or faith Western European atheism is a small exception on the global scale. And still within this you find people with faith. They will often hope for things to happen in spite of their being zero scientific evidence that hope works. They will often be superstitious and sometimes even pray in the darkest times even though they claim not to believe in God!
Religion for most is just a normal part of their life and on the whole other than a few backward dictatorships people don’t care what religion you are. But they care a lot about your culture and your values.
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You can have sex with people who might not be suitable even for a close friendship etc. We each value different things in people, typically depending on the context of the engagement. Ultimately, you have the choice and determine your own preferences. Other cultures may be somewhat less flexible and permissive than here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You most certainly can, as an adult, you can do what you want, it's your choice.
Somewhere down the line you may have to make some big decisions though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A big part of the world makes a massive issue of religion, not like we in Europe and the “west” in general.
Not our fault if some people are stuck in mediaeval times. Purely from the point of view of forming relationships with these people, I would avoid some of them like the plague. I could be perfectly happy if we could both keep our religion, but they shouldn’t expect me to change and become a Orthodox Jew/practicing Muslim or a pastafarian.
My two cents, obviously
It has very little to do with religion.
Most people’s values come from their culture, not from their religion. Incompatible values are the main reason these relationships don’t work.
Most parts of the world makes very little fuss over religion far less than than European atheists make of it. Most people in the world have a religion or faith Western European atheism is a small exception on the global scale. And still within this you find people with faith. They will often hope for things to happen in spite of their being zero scientific evidence that hope works. They will often be superstitious and sometimes even pray in the darkest times even though they claim not to believe in God!
Religion for most is just a normal part of their life and on the whole other than a few backward dictatorships people don’t care what religion you are. But they care a lot about your culture and your values.
"
Interesting you should say that because in Iran for example. Most people there identify as agnostic or not religious at all. This considering the govt there has been classified as an Islamic Republic since 1979. |
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Don't mind me, I'm just waiting for the comment that gets this thread killed/removed along with all of the other "Why do white women like fucking black guys, but end up marrying white guys?" threads. |
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By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago
Wallasey |
"If you can have sex or f**k someone who is not the same culture/skin colour/religion etc as you, why can't you have a relationship with them?
This question doesn't apply to everyone, it may just be a few."
I honestly don't know, it's never cropped up for me so I don't have a Scooby,
Mrs x |
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"A big part of the world makes a massive issue of religion, not like we in Europe and the “west” in general.
Not our fault if some people are stuck in mediaeval times. Purely from the point of view of forming relationships with these people, I would avoid some of them like the plague. I could be perfectly happy if we could both keep our religion, but they shouldn’t expect me to change and become a Orthodox Jew/practicing Muslim or a pastafarian.
My two cents, obviously
It has very little to do with religion.
Most people’s values come from their culture, not from their religion. Incompatible values are the main reason these relationships don’t work.
Most parts of the world makes very little fuss over religion far less than than European atheists make of it. Most people in the world have a religion or faith Western European atheism is a small exception on the global scale. And still within this you find people with faith. They will often hope for things to happen in spite of their being zero scientific evidence that hope works. They will often be superstitious and sometimes even pray in the darkest times even though they claim not to believe in God!
Religion for most is just a normal part of their life and on the whole other than a few backward dictatorships people don’t care what religion you are. But they care a lot about your culture and your values.
Interesting you should say that because in Iran for example. Most people there identify as agnostic or not religious at all. This considering the govt there has been classified as an Islamic Republic since 1979. "
That'll explain the recent surge in Nightclub applications then. |
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"You *can* but I think a lot of people worry about what our messed up society thinks of them being with someone different to their own race/religion.
I'm from a very diverse town in the UK, and have a lot of friends of varying races, religions, nationalities. One of my best friends is a Muslim Pakistani male, and whenever we go out for dinner or even a walk, we often get funny looks, I've been called names by the older men and women from his 'community', and his brother has even been telephoned by someone to snitch on us, even though his family know me. That response could put someone off starting a relationship with someone.
"
There's a big part of this that's the reason I found it so hard to speak to other girls and women even if I was only friends with them growing up. Some communities are nosey as fuck and get their kicks trying to stir something where there isn't. I've grown out of that though and just don't give a shit anymore, but the fear and worry is there for others which I can empathise with 🤷♂️ |
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If religious values or cultural were so ingrained that being with me causes a family breakdown then I wouldn't get involved.
A British Sikh friend of mine is settled with a white British male. She had to sacrifice her family for that. She has no regrets whatsoever.
However, I wouldn't want that kind of responsibility on me that meant a partner had to make that kind of decision esp if the rship didn't work out and there would be no going back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If religious values or cultural were so ingrained that being with me causes a family breakdown then I wouldn't get involved.
A British Sikh friend of mine is settled with a white British male. She had to sacrifice her family for that. She has no regrets whatsoever.
However, I wouldn't want that kind of responsibility on me that meant a partner had to make that kind of decision esp if the rship didn't work out and there would be no going back. "
A friend of mine who fell in love with a woman from the British Pakistani community had a similar experience though more extreme. They had to move and cut all existing ties to avoid being found by her family who threatened violence against them both. |
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By *inkShyWoman
over a year ago
near Windsor |
"
There's a big part of this that's the reason I found it so hard to speak to other girls and women even if I was only friends with them growing up. Some communities are nosey as fuck and get their kicks trying to stir something where there isn't. I've grown out of that though and just don't give a shit anymore, but the fear and worry is there for others which I can empathise with 🤷♂️"
100%. Some communities are still difficult to understand, but everyday we can try and learn something new from each other 😊 |
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"If religious values or cultural were so ingrained that being with me causes a family breakdown then I wouldn't get involved.
A British Sikh friend of mine is settled with a white British male. She had to sacrifice her family for that. She has no regrets whatsoever.
However, I wouldn't want that kind of responsibility on me that meant a partner had to make that kind of decision esp if the rship didn't work out and there would be no going back.
A friend of mine who fell in love with a woman from the British Pakistani community had a similar experience though more extreme. They had to move and cut all existing ties to avoid being found by her family who threatened violence against them both."
Yes, hers was similar she can't ever let her parents find her. They've disowned 3 daughters and all have moved as far as they can away  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If religious values or cultural were so ingrained that being with me causes a family breakdown then I wouldn't get involved.
A British Sikh friend of mine is settled with a white British male. She had to sacrifice her family for that. She has no regrets whatsoever.
However, I wouldn't want that kind of responsibility on me that meant a partner had to make that kind of decision esp if the rship didn't work out and there would be no going back.
A friend of mine who fell in love with a woman from the British Pakistani community had a similar experience though more extreme. They had to move and cut all existing ties to avoid being found by her family who threatened violence against them both.
Yes, hers was similar she can't ever let her parents find her. They've disowned 3 daughters and all have moved as far as they can away "
Sorry My friend and his now wife are stil happily together and have a couple of great boys. As with your friend, no regrets. |
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"If you can have sex or f**k someone who is not the same culture/skin colour/religion etc as you, why can't you have a relationship with them?
This question doesn't apply to everyone, it may just be a few."
Who do you mean when using 'you'
Why do you assume that 'you' can have casual sex but not a relationship ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having Sex and having a relationship are two entirely different things ..
Sex = you really don't know or care about the persons traits .or their inner most beliefs.. it's just sex ..
..
Relationship = you truly need to know their thoughts, ambitions ,beliefs..
...
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