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I see you!
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One of the big issues people seem to have in the Lounge is that they contribute but don't feel like they're noticed.
What are the little (or big) things that make you feel seen and heard? What kind of actions, words, or environments help you feel more understood? And on the flip side, what has made you feel unseen, and how did you cope with it? |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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I contribute without any expectation, I rarely recheck a thread for what I said before or responses. Unless it's a joke of course, I don't want to repost my zingers more than once  |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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I think you probably know one thing Julie and it’s hard to explain in a place like this. But some environments you’re just seen in and it gives you an unexplainable sense of security.
Other things that make me feel seen or heard I don’t know. That’s a tough question. People recognising me as a whole person but I can’t explain how they do it. I just know when they do. |
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This is a complex question, with multiple answers. At home, I feel seen. Ailsa and I work hard to be the best life partners we can be, and the best parents. Among friends, I have deliberately made myself less seen. I won’t get into the reasons for this, but I feel happier now that I can come and go with greater ease. On fab, I feel like I pass by leaving barely a ripple in my wake. I could probably make a bigger splash if I tried harder, but a minimal level of engagement works for me. That way, it’s always a lovely surprise when people get in touch, and I value the friendships we have here. There is also being seen at work - in my industries, this is essential, but something I struggle with. Cult of personality counts for so much, but I’m more comfortable standing behind my work instead of in front of it. |
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There's a lot of ground between being noticed and seen.
e.g. A person can be noticed but ignored, because they are not seen or understood.
What does it really mean to be noticed or not by someone who doesn't understand me? |
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I think it's hard to be seen when a group is not your kind of people. So I think being seen in the forum ebbs and flows. In the past there were more debate kind of conversations here, which I engaged with and found people I could chat with and be seen. There aren't as many of those kind of threads at the moment so therefore I'm not seen as much. Such is life, I'm seen in places away from here so I'm happy enough, with my lot. |
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In big groups I purposely remove myself as I don't like it.
I don't mind if I'm noticed or not when through life you've been unnoticed or misunderstood or the butt of a joke (people telling you to shut up when you're the quiet one)
Forum wise it is what it is. We haven't been active on here for ages and I just felt like joining in for once and not just read and leave.
People may or may not remember us as we were mostly here just for the forums... more so the games for me.
Madhatter |
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I am seen on my Fab profile and in real life- e.g. socials. I really stand out and I enjoy that.
But I am completely invisible on the forum. I very rarely get replies when I comment, and on the 6-7 threads I’ve started in the 7 years I have been here, I am lucky if I get more than 20 posts. So I don’t start any more.
I kind of cared in the past. But now I don’t. I get plenty of attention where it matters and that is the important bit.  |
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"I contribute without any expectation, I rarely recheck a thread for what I said before or responses. Unless it's a joke of course, I don't want to repost my zingers more than once "
Will you see this response then DDK? Only the fab gods know. 😁 |
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"I think you probably know one thing Julie and it’s hard to explain in a place like this. But some environments you’re just seen in and it gives you an unexplainable sense of security.
Other things that make me feel seen or heard I don’t know. That’s a tough question. People recognising me as a whole person but I can’t explain how they do it. I just know when they do. "
There is such a comfort and validation in being seen Stephen. Like really seen. ❤️😘 |
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"This is a complex question, with multiple answers. At home, I feel seen. Ailsa and I work hard to be the best life partners we can be, and the best parents. Among friends, I have deliberately made myself less seen. I won’t get into the reasons for this, but I feel happier now that I can come and go with greater ease. On fab, I feel like I pass by leaving barely a ripple in my wake. I could probably make a bigger splash if I tried harder, but a minimal level of engagement works for me. That way, it’s always a lovely surprise when people get in touch, and I value the friendships we have here. There is also being seen at work - in my industries, this is essential, but something I struggle with. Cult of personality counts for so much, but I’m more comfortable standing behind my work instead of in front of it. "
I was kind of more interested in real life George and I really like your answer.
On here I don't think that any of us are more than ripples in a pond/puddle. But occasionally you do get to connect or resonate and those moments are quite special. |
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"There's a lot of ground between being noticed and seen.
e.g. A person can be noticed but ignored, because they are not seen or understood.
What does it really mean to be noticed or not by someone who doesn't understand me? "
I agree Hans. Noticed and seen are very different things. Being seen is validating. |
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Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess people remembering the little things - either a comment you made or something you like in real life - but I'm not sure if that's being "seen" in the way it's used now.
I feel modern usage might be a nuance that has passed me by... |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"I think you probably know one thing Julie and it’s hard to explain in a place like this. But some environments you’re just seen in and it gives you an unexplainable sense of security.
Other things that make me feel seen or heard I don’t know. That’s a tough question. People recognising me as a whole person but I can’t explain how they do it. I just know when they do.
There is such a comfort and validation in being seen Stephen. Like really seen. ❤️😘"
🫡 |
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I don't feel the need to be seen on here. It has never been my motivation for contributing to any part of the forums.
It's nice to have an opinion acknowledged especially when it goes against the grain as many of mine do but whether or not people see me here doesn't really cross my mind.
With people I know it's much more important but I deliberately keep my circle of friends very tight.
Those I class as friends are people I always "see" even if we don't physically see each other for weeks or months. We just take up where we left off and there is never any tension because we have similar interests and are always there for each other if needed.
Those in my inner circle are people that I have no problem telling that I see them even when they can't see themselves.
The way I always describe my relationship with my best friend is that we can be totally naked in each others company even while fully dressed.
We have no secrets from each other and I see her through good days and bad and I always feel seen when I'm with her. |
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I'm such guarded, private person that it is almost impossible for people to get to know me, or understand me ... So it's hard to be fully seen - but that's mostly on me for not being able to be vulnerable and share.
It stems from from childhood - we moved so often I eventually stopped making friendships, as I knew we'd be leaving them in a few months and I'd never see them again.
It made me super independent and that is a tough nut to crack. |
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"I'm such guarded, private person that it is almost impossible for people to get to know me, or understand me ... So it's hard to be fully seen - but that's mostly on me for not being able to be vulnerable and share.
It stems from from childhood - we moved so often I eventually stopped making friendships, as I knew we'd be leaving them in a few months and I'd never see them again.
It made me super independent and that is a tough nut to crack. "
Yip. I've been trying to get to know you for years and failed x |
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"I think it's hard to be seen when a group is not your kind of people. So I think being seen in the forum ebbs and flows. In the past there were more debate kind of conversations here, which I engaged with and found people I could chat with and be seen. There aren't as many of those kind of threads at the moment so therefore I'm not seen as much. Such is life, I'm seen in places away from here so I'm happy enough, with my lot. "
Yeah, those sort of threads don't seem to really happen. Although it feels like everyone is making an effort today.
I wonder if those who feel most alienated on fab are those who don't feel seen in their life away from here. |
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I don’t often feel like I’m seen much, but I hid my profile for a while and when I came back a few unexpected people said they noticed.
This is probably the reason why I try and make people’s contributions feel valued. This is a funny old place, but it can be important to people.
If you’ve made someone think or smile or just feel that their day is a little better, I applaud you. |
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"I'm such guarded, private person that it is almost impossible for people to get to know me, or understand me ... So it's hard to be fully seen - but that's mostly on me for not being able to be vulnerable and share.
It stems from from childhood - we moved so often I eventually stopped making friendships, as I knew we'd be leaving them in a few months and I'd never see them again.
It made me super independent and that is a tough nut to crack. "
One of the few virtues of mobile tech is that some friends can always be there, no matter how far away you travel 😘 |
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"I think it's hard to be seen when a group is not your kind of people. So I think being seen in the forum ebbs and flows. In the past there were more debate kind of conversations here, which I engaged with and found people I could chat with and be seen. There aren't as many of those kind of threads at the moment so therefore I'm not seen as much. Such is life, I'm seen in places away from here so I'm happy enough, with my lot.
Yeah, those sort of threads don't seem to really happen. Although it feels like everyone is making an effort today.
I wonder if those who feel most alienated on fab are those who don't feel seen in their life away from here. "
Erm I think maybe those who take not being seen here hard, may also feel that way outside of here.
I generally find it easier to get to know people in real life not online, so it makes sense that I don't put too much onus on being seen here. |
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For myself I don't think about it terms of being seen anymore. I'm my life it used to be important but it's not so central now after a career change.
On the forum I just dive in to whatever catches my eye and I love the variety with worts and all. I'm just as happy with flirting and silly games as I am getting stuck into a discussion. That's what it's all about after all.
I don't think about being seen because I assume I am. If someone is reading a thread that I've posted in then they have read what I wrote. I don't need a reply to know that but I do love being replied to. |
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"In big groups I purposely remove myself as I don't like it.
I don't mind if I'm noticed or not when through life you've been unnoticed or misunderstood or the butt of a joke (people telling you to shut up when you're the quiet one)
Forum wise it is what it is. We haven't been active on here for ages and I just felt like joining in for once and not just read and leave.
People may or may not remember us as we were mostly here just for the forums... more so the games for me.
Madhatter"
I think that's an important point Madhatter, sometimes it's nice to fly under the radar. 😄 |
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"I am seen on my Fab profile and in real life- e.g. socials. I really stand out and I enjoy that.
But I am completely invisible on the forum. I very rarely get replies when I comment, and on the 6-7 threads I’ve started in the 7 years I have been here, I am lucky if I get more than 20 posts. So I don’t start any more.
I kind of cared in the past. But now I don’t. I get plenty of attention where it matters and that is the important bit. "
I don't think you're invisible on the forum Aviatrix. Not even close 😘 |
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"I do think I'm pretty much invisible, but now and again I get messages to prove otherwise.
So I suppose I'm in the middle somewhere.
 "
So messages help you feel seen more than replies on here Chunky? |
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"Unseen is when I comment and it's ignored, esp if someone else later says something very similar and it's reacted to.
Makes me very wary on what I post on and how often I post "
Yeah, that feels pretty rubbish Mids. I do think often it's done without malice as people often read a thread from the bottom up and so newer posts get commented on first. |
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"Unseen is when I comment and it's ignored, esp if someone else later says something very similar and it's reacted to.
Makes me very wary on what I post on and how often I post "
This has happened numerous times to me and others, so in terms of the forums it does have a negative effect.
In real life, I am seen but I keep my circle small and trusted and we all value each other immensely. I don’t open up easily outside of that group but if I met someone to pursue a relationship with, then I would. |
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"Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess people remembering the little things - either a comment you made or something you like in real life - but I'm not sure if that's being "seen" in the way it's used now.
I feel modern usage might be a nuance that has passed me by..."
Hey, I still remember us bonding over stationery and neat handwriting YOLO! ❤️ |
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I feel indifferent. Sometimes I feel seen like when people reply to one of my threads or pm me off the back of a thread. Having a blank avatar and hidden profile I'm happy to stay out of the limelight |
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"I don't feel the need to be seen on here. It has never been my motivation for contributing to any part of the forums.
It's nice to have an opinion acknowledged especially when it goes against the grain as many of mine do but whether or not people see me here doesn't really cross my mind.
With people I know it's much more important but I deliberately keep my circle of friends very tight.
Those I class as friends are people I always "see" even if we don't physically see each other for weeks or months. We just take up where we left off and there is never any tension because we have similar interests and are always there for each other if needed.
Those in my inner circle are people that I have no problem telling that I see them even when they can't see themselves.
The way I always describe my relationship with my best friend is that we can be totally naked in each others company even while fully dressed.
We have no secrets from each other and I see her through good days and bad and I always feel seen when I'm with her."
As far as fab goes, I'm not talking about being 'forum famous' on here RB, unless that's what it takes for some people to feel seen. For me a reply that sees 'me' is far more valuable to me than an empty flirtation or nice tits comment. |
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"I'm such guarded, private person that it is almost impossible for people to get to know me, or understand me ... So it's hard to be fully seen - but that's mostly on me for not being able to be vulnerable and share.
It stems from from childhood - we moved so often I eventually stopped making friendships, as I knew we'd be leaving them in a few months and I'd never see them again.
It made me super independent and that is a tough nut to crack. "
That must've been so tough Midders. 😢 Ooh, it would be interesting to do a deep dive into whether you think that has influenced your kink side. And has also reminded me that when we went for a drink that I had to try to guess that thread link. I'm guessing there was some sort of psychoanalysis involved. |
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"I don’t often feel like I’m seen much, but I hid my profile for a while and when I came back a few unexpected people said they noticed.
This is probably the reason why I try and make people’s contributions feel valued. This is a funny old place, but it can be important to people.
If you’ve made someone think or smile or just feel that their day is a little better, I applaud you."
That's lovely Adam. And I agree it can be important to people. Finding a balance is important though I think, it's easy to get sucked in to an unhealthy level. |
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"If it wasn't for the forum, I'd give up on here.
Generally, I talk bollocks and take it not at all seriously 🤓"
The forums can be pretty entertaining. Sometimes I find them more draining than fun and just skim for a while. |
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"I’d like to try an experiment to prove this. I need a helpful female forumite to help me. Message me. "
If it's that threads posted by women get more traction, I think that's fairly common. Although I find that the ones I interact with get more people involved. Which is why I think most people here do like to feel seen/heard whether they'd admit it or not. |
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I don't really have any expectations on here or think anyone owes me any attention. I just post and try to include everyone though not always possible as you end up with so many replies that you feel you've taken over the thread. Posts I do on other threads simetimes get ignored but almost an identical post by someone else gets responded. It is what it is and don't see any reason to take that to heart. Personally here is an escape for me, a bit of fun but alsi often learning stuff that I may have not known otherwise. I have found people happy to share and help when need advice on something. In real life I would of course expect more acknoledgement in either personal or work meetings for example and would always give others the opportunity to engage as one should. |
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I view this forum as shouting into the void: I've no expectation the void will shout back.
Initially it bothered me, as I couldn't figure out whether I was doing something wrong that my posts were being ignored on threads, but over time I realised that's just how this particular environment is for me. I have other environments where I feel more seen and heard and which feel more of a community to me, that's not what I come here for. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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When I post I'm not expecting to be seen or get a reply, so it's nice when it happens. I'll sometimes receive a PM from a guy mentioning something related to my post, rather than post a reply in the thread. |
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By *elloWoman 16 weeks ago
alpha centauri |
"I don't care if I'm seen or not if I'm honest about it "
Me too, I'm happy popping in, talking crap and then disappearing for weeks, then popping back in to find the same things being discussed in the forum  |
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"When I reply to a 'Person above' thread and the next person to post actually follows the spirit of the thread, instead of replying to the single female, who had posted 42 people ago  "
You mean the ones where all the guys say they'll do all the woman and all the guys say they'll pass on all the guys.
Except Nero. I see you Nero |
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"Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess people remembering the little things - either a comment you made or something you like in real life - but I'm not sure if that's being "seen" in the way it's used now.
I feel modern usage might be a nuance that has passed me by...
Hey, I still remember us bonding over stationery and neat handwriting YOLO! ❤️"
😘
Can handwriting get less neat as you get older???
Asking for a me.
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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Forgive me OP- I have not answered with fab in mind.
Being seen on fab? Interacting with my people.
Unseen? Interacting with the demographics of the lounge.
I used to care but I’m 27 now.  getting old. |
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"Forgive me OP- I have not answered with fab in mind.
Being seen on fab? Interacting with my people.
Unseen? Interacting with the demographics of the lounge.
I used to care but I’m 27 now. getting old. "
🤓 me trying to see with my reading glasses on. |
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"Forgive me OP- I have not answered with fab in mind.
Being seen on fab? Interacting with my people.
Unseen? Interacting with the demographics of the lounge.
I used to care but I’m 27 now. getting old. "
FFS mate, I’ve got eBay feedback older than you |
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I think I've been quite lucky as a woman on the forums that I do get noticed. I've had several friendships that have formed from forum comments or replies to forum comments. Bit of light flirting etc. It's been nice.
One of my favourites has been thread responses I had from someone before we became friends. It was lovely the things that were said and it really made me more open to exploring further.
I also like the threads where people say nice things to each other. But more books/reading threads please. |
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I participate on the forå and therefore, I suppose, by it's very nature I am noticed. It's not for me to say what makes me seen or heard because I'm not vying to be noticed.
What really perplexes me is how people are gracious with their private messages acknowledging my forum contributions and kindly paying me a compliment across ether, but in real-life group socials those very same people render me unseen and expendable.
I have no explanation for it. I cope by accepting it, plain and simple. |
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"One of the big issues people seem to have in the Lounge is that they contribute but don't feel like they're noticed. "
I would never again join in any of those "best pic of the profile above" forums,as when i have in the past there is a jump missing myself out   |
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"I'm such guarded, private person that it is almost impossible for people to get to know me, or understand me ... So it's hard to be fully seen - but that's mostly on me for not being able to be vulnerable and share.
It stems from from childhood - we moved so often I eventually stopped making friendships, as I knew we'd be leaving them in a few months and I'd never see them again.
It made me super independent and that is a tough nut to crack. "
Midders, I’d notice you if you cracked my nuts.
~ anonymous ~ |
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"I participate on the forå and therefore, I suppose, by it's very nature I am noticed. It's not for me to say what makes me seen or heard because I'm not vying to be noticed.
What really perplexes me is how people are gracious with their private messages acknowledging my forum contributions and kindly paying me a compliment across ether, but in real-life group socials those very same people render me unseen and expendable.
I have no explanation for it. I cope by accepting it, plain and simple."
Nowt so queer as folk, Nero. Or should that read rude? But you're anything but expendable! |
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"One of the big issues people seem to have in the Lounge is that they contribute but don't feel like they're noticed.
I would never again join in any of those "best pic of the profile above" forums,as when i have in the past there is a jump missing myself out "
Same in getting missed out. Happened yesterday. But I'll still do it anyway. I've got no pride to bruise. 😆 |
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"I participate on the forå and therefore, I suppose, by it's very nature I am noticed. It's not for me to say what makes me seen or heard because I'm not vying to be noticed.
What really perplexes me is how people are gracious with their private messages acknowledging my forum contributions and kindly paying me a compliment across ether, but in real-life group socials those very same people render me unseen and expendable.
I have no explanation for it. I cope by accepting it, plain and simple."
We'll drink gin together some day Nero. I know it. |
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