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Dealing with grief
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 11 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.
It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.
Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.
I have seen people well up when they remember losses they have had and makes me wonder if I'm abnormal that it doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't think I have properly cried over either loss or maybe I just don't show emotions. |
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By *tr8MrEMan 11 weeks ago
somewhere near Sheffield |
I don't think your abnormal at all, we all deal with loss differently and grieve in different ways.
I know this is very current but I'll find a moment to inexplicably explode into tears over my loss
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strange old thing grief, when I lost my father I wasn't too bad much the same as you describe and a melt down about 18 months later for one night believe that was triggered by having to put the family dog down. However I lost my partner of 17 years in October and I've been the opposite, when you think you starting to heal boom she sneak right into my head. Suppose it depends on circumstances my father was ill with a time frame, my partner was ill for a long time but death was unexpected at that stage. |
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I lost my dad 31 years ago and still get down and upset.
The past 5 years has been awful losing so many family members including my mum and wife's parents, auntie's,uncles , family friends and more.
Kinda numb to it all.
I don't think you ever get over it, just learn to live with it.
It's hard 😭 |
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By *dalisqueWoman 11 weeks ago
land of make believe |
Like you said grief is very personal.
Don't put pressure on yourself to grieve in a way others (or even you) think you should.
Every thought & feeling you have is valid ,regardless of if it is a shared experience.
You never get over losing someone special, you just lean to live with it.
Take your time to process & remember if you need someone to talk to i am always here xx |
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"I lost my dad 31 years ago and still get down and upset.
The past 5 years has been awful losing so many family members including my mum and wife's parents, auntie's,uncles , family friends and more.
Kinda numb to it all.
I don't think you ever get over it, just learn to live with it.
It's hard 😭"
I was only 21 when I lost my dad and I became the man of the house and as such couldn't or wouldn't grieve for a long time but it hit hard about a year later.
In the last 5 years I've lost 3 close family members, 2 life long friends and 2 pets. Each loss was difficult but because they all seemed to happen so close together there was no space to grieve for one before the next one landed. |
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no answer the same already, looks like everyone has to navigate it their own way, think it's also good to let the mind run free sort of speak as well. Reckon it's important to speak to someone something personally I find difficuilt to do but hope one day. |
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Lile you i have also recently loat quite a few members but i dont feel the emotional hit like other members of the family but i still think about them regularly when im lost in my own thoughts. I feel weird like i dont have the same connection to that person as other family members but inside i still got memories with them that are a constant reminder |
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Ive lost a couple loved ones in the space of a few month and i honestly thought i was cold hearted/emotionless until the day i lay on the vets table cuddled into my dog while she was euthenized and that right there broke me. Ive never sobbed like that |
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"Ive lost a couple loved ones in the space of a few month and i honestly thought i was cold hearted/emotionless until the day i lay on the vets table cuddled into my dog while she was euthenized and that right there broke me. Ive never sobbed like that "
Hugs xx |
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Agree with a lot of the above, everyone is different. It is just over a year since both my parents died approx 6 months apart. I am not sure how I am "supposed" to grieve, but I keep their memories alive and every time something reminds me of what I have lost I cry for that and then remember their love and try to be happy because that is what they always wanted for others. |
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By *tr8MrEMan 11 weeks ago
somewhere near Sheffield |
"We all handle grief differently… don’t feel guilty.
My father passed away over 5 yrs ago and the other night I dreamt of him (very rare) and we hugged.. such a long hug… gosh, I miss him "
This is so beautiful |
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By *assy69Man 11 weeks ago
sussex and Wales |
"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.
It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.
Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.
I have seen people well up when they remember losses they have had and makes me wonder if I'm abnormal that it doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't think I have properly cried over either loss or maybe I just don't show emotions. "
My father died a long time ago now, but have never shed a tear. We had too many good times and nothing left unsaid when he died. I do still miss not being able to phone him and chat, and sometimes things happen that I know he’d have enjoyed that make me think of him, but have never felt sadness, just joy for having known him |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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We've had two family losses so far this year, it's been a rough year already but I can't cry, I'm not sure why, I've maybe blocked all my feelings off or buried them I'm not too sure.
Sorry for your loss op. |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
I posted a message to dad in a sibling what's app group, maybe trying to get closure. I was mostly honest but bore in mind that we all had different relationships and I can't derail their memories. Was expecting a back lash from them but the one reply so far has been supportive.
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By *bi HaiveMan 10 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
It's five years since I lost my Dad to covid. Still seems strange not visiting him every month.
Sadly death is part of life, but there's no timescale on grief or how long (if ever) things become easier.
Hugs. |
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A friend of mine who lost his father was talking about how during the funeral and all the arrangements there was this expectation that he should be brave keep it together, stiff upper lip and all that and the flat refused and said no he’s gonna grieve and he bawled his eyes out for a few days. This was great advice for me when I had a similar situation to deal with. You deal with it at the time, you’re not only entitled to do that I think you owe it out of respect to put your grief before keeping up appearances. So that’s what I did. I dealt with it at the time I still miss them of course and loss hurts and I remember them and do things to keep the memory , but its a happy memory, doesn’t cause me any concern that I’ve not dealt with it. |
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"I'm stuck in the 'guilt' stage.
 "
I keep their birthday in my phone’s calendar and try and do something nice every year to remember the good & the not so good is fully dealt with, I don’t go there any more  |
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I lost my husband last year, we were together for 61 years. Grief doesn't get any easier you just learn to live with it. I go through so many different emotions daily but one thing I treasure
"You may not get to spend the rest of your life with them but they got to spend the rest of their life with you" ❤️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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I lost my dad last year. I thought I had dealt with it and I didn’t really cry at all but as the year went on I got more and more depressed I tried talking therapy but they kind of tell you what you already know. I still think of him every day and miss him so much. Every one is different I don’t think you really get over it you learn to live with it x |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
"Since October 2020, I've lost my dad, my mum, my aunty, dad's partner, 5 neighbours and 3 pets...so it's been a terrible time for me...still have panic attacks over my mum and dad as well."
Sending hugs |
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"Since October 2020, I've lost my dad, my mum, my aunty, dad's partner, 5 neighbours and 3 pets...so it's been a terrible time for me...still have panic attacks over my mum and dad as well.
Sending hugs "
Thanks...and to you too |
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I lost my Dad at the end of March. He has had various health problems for a number of years, but was given another diagnosis on top last year. I think I saw the inevitable and had a period of pre-grief - even though his passing had not been expected quite so soon. Still, I don't think it's hit me yet.
Yesterday, I was told my mum's cancer has returned, and mutated, so the chemo needs to be different which could also affect her heart. This treatment isn't going to cure her, it's going to give us a few months. I am experiencing pre-grief again, having not fully come to terms with my dad. I'm tearful but, at the same time, numb.
Heartfelt love and support to all of you experiencing loss, in whichever way feels right for you. |
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"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.
It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.
Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.
I have seen people well up when they remember losses they have had and makes me wonder if I'm abnormal that it doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't think I have properly cried over either loss or maybe I just don't show emotions. "
I lost my mum 9 years ago, like you I just got on with things because, what else CAN you do?
I find I get waves of grief that hit me seemingly at random. They've got further apart but, I wouldn't go as far as to say I've "dealt with it" was does that even mean anyway?
To me, to have really dealt with something, you must either forget or not care. That being the case, I'm relieved I haven't dealt with it. That seems kinda psychotic to me. |
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Lost my wife nearly 10 years ago and it fucking devastated me but my sons and family were a great support. . I started having casual meets after a year and haven’t got away from that yet, would be really great to meet a loving lady friend but I no longer really want a permanent relationship. Days out, wine , food and occasional sex. And a deep understanding and curiosity for the natural world and travelling to find it . Any age considered , lol |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
"Lost my wife nearly 10 years ago and it fucking devastated me but my sons and family were a great support. . I started having casual meets after a year and haven’t got away from that yet, would be really great to meet a loving lady friend but I no longer really want a permanent relationship. Days out, wine , food and occasional sex. And a deep understanding and curiosity for the natural world and travelling to find it . Any age considered , lol "
Sorry for your loss but are you trying to hijack the thread with an ad? |
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Getting back to the subject, we all suffer in different ways. I lost my wife 18 months ago and still have a cry most days but have other symptoms which have led me to seek counselling. If you are bothered by your reactions, OP, maybe you should seek counselling. There are some charities that offer it for free. |
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I think we are all looking at it wrong.
Rather than lament their passing maybe think of it as a mark of respect and love that even after so many years ( over 30 in my dad's case) we are still missing and mourning them ❤️ |
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"Getting back to the subject, we all suffer in different ways. I lost my wife 18 months ago and still have a cry most days but have other symptoms which have led me to seek counselling. If you are bothered by your reactions, OP, maybe you should seek counselling. There are some charities that offer it for free. "
Has counselling helped you, I'm thinking of getting in touch with my gp more around constant tiredness, which is confusing cause apart form we local walks I'm doing not very much, even reduced the booze. It's now 7 months by and large thinking I'm.not doing to bad, but from nodding off. |
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By *orny PTMan 10 weeks ago
Peterborough |
This sounds a bit different, but it works for me.
Grief is a bit like toothache:
Life was just dandy
Then it went wrong
The pressure builds up
The pain becomes unbearable
Even sleep offers no relief
it won't get better by itself
You feel like lashing out a lot
Even murderous
Patience is a virtue: they can fuck the right off
You need an expert to remove the source of the pain.
Apply some wadding
And feel the release
OOh what sweet, sweet relief
Welcome back to the human race
and relax
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Lost my mum 5 weeks ago
Quite sudden , and very unexpected
Know it's a relatively short time but can't sleep , when I do I wake up about the time I got the phone call to goto the hospital
Not functioning on the lack of sleep , hoping it gets easier but it's not at present |
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My partner died after being together for 21 yrs, travelled all over the world, There's not one day that goes by that I don't think how nice it was and that I was lucky to meet such a kind and beautiful person. The grief doesn't end for me unfortunatley. But somehow dreams make it better. |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
"Lost my mum 5 weeks ago
Quite sudden , and very unexpected
Know it's a relatively short time but can't sleep , when I do I wake up about the time I got the phone call to goto the hospital
Not functioning on the lack of sleep , hoping it gets easier but it's not at present "
Sorry for your loss |
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By *edSirenWoman 10 weeks ago
magic mountain |
"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.
It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.
Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.
I have seen people well up when they remember losses they have had and makes me wonder if I'm abnormal that it doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't think I have properly cried over either loss or maybe I just don't show emotions. "
Firstly, sorry to hear of your loss 😕
Grief is one of the most personal emotions we experience. How we express it can depend on a lot of factors such as their relationship to you , your mental health state, the adjustment shock level (eg reason of death, time between last speaking and them passing). You can have 2 people equally affected by the loss of a loved one, but the expression of that grief is different for both. It doesn’t lessen the feelings they feel. So I’d say there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I lost my mum 5 years ago. Don’t feel like I cried at all tbh, instead I made myself busy making sure everyone else was ok in their grief. To this day I still don’t get upset. But it doesn’t mean I don’t think about or miss her every damn day. I guess for me it’s just a quiet acceptance of what is and a massive appreciation for what once was. |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
"Like you said op we all greive in different ways
My 7month old Grandaughter passed away in March and most days I have to drag myself out of bed,the pain is at times unbearable"
So sorry to read this |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 10 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
Unfortunately the relationship I had with dad is affecting my ability to grieve normally.
Also recently being mentioned that may be on the autism spectrum so that may affect how I deal with emotions |
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Lost my Dad four years ago, holding his hand in hospital as his passed. Though there were some immediate tears at the time, I've never really felt a process of grieving or of needing to. I spend a lot of time outdoors and whenever I do things he liked or was good at, like gardening, fishing, decorating or construction, I have a very real sense he is with me. As if I'm some sort of continuance of his knowledge and experience. I mostly feel happy when I think of him, but I suppose I'm just very lucky in this. |
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"What gets me is why should someone elses grief be different becuse of the loss or a younger person to an older person??  "
I don't think anyone on this thread is saying different, we all experience grief in different ways young or old |
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By *idssissy OP TV/TS 8 weeks ago
Nr cricket ground birm |
Another person I used to be very friendly with has passed away.
There's part of me that wants to go to the funeral whenever it's arranged but there's another part of me thinking it won't be good for my mh as there will be people I don't want to see there and am afraid may say the wrong thing.
And stupidly another part of me is envious that when it's my turn, I won't be missed as much as as they will be. |
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