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Dad Jokes!!

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

OK let's have um!!!

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?"

What??

What's pink and hard??

A pig with a flick knife.

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?"

Come dancing..

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By *elnw84Man 13 weeks ago

Lancs

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?

Come dancing..

Wow I heard that in the 80s 😂

Excellent work, old ones are the best 👏🏽

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

It gets worse.

Two fish in a tank...

One days to the other..

"Can you even drive this thing?"

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

What do cows do for date nights?

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By *elnw84Man 13 weeks ago

Lancs

Two cannibals eating a clown

One says… “does this taste funny to you?”

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

"What do cows do for date nights? "
they go to the Mooooovies

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

Two packets of crisps walking down the street, cab pulls over, "you lads want a lift"

"No thanks, we're Walkers"

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in the field

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By *ariaxxxxWoman 13 weeks ago

London

Just jumping in for the jokes

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By *ariaxxxxWoman 13 weeks ago

London

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

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By *ornyfella111Man 13 weeks ago

coppull

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexia Society

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

What's the second fasts cake in the world?.........

Its scone!!!

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By *rogalCouple 13 weeks ago

Falkirk

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet....

The p is silent

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

What's the fastest cake in the world??

MerrrriiiinggggUUUUUeeeeee!!! 😂🤣😅

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By *ex on the benchMan 13 weeks ago

Pinchbeck

Cum dancing

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By *illan-KillashMan 13 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

I just got sacked from my job at the keyboard factory.

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough shifts......

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By *uffhoundMan 13 weeks ago

Bourne, Lincolnshire

What's pink and hard when it goes in and pink and soft when it comes out?

Chewing gum.

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By *cotlickMan 13 weeks ago

Falkirk

Why did the builder buy a new bum?

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By *cotlickMan 13 weeks ago

Falkirk

"Why did the builder buy a new bum?"

Because he had a crack in his

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By *.M79Man 13 weeks ago

Glasgow

What's the difference between I don't know and neither do I?

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By *cotlickMan 13 weeks ago

Falkirk

"What's the difference between I don't know and neither do I? "

Hehe

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By *ou345Woman 13 weeks ago

somewhere out there

[Removed by poster at 09/05/25 10:25:16]

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By *ou345Woman 13 weeks ago

somewhere out there

[Removed by poster at 09/05/25 10:25:56]

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

"What do cows do for date nights? "

Ho to the moo vies

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By *weet and SpiceCouple 13 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?

The pickpocket snatches watches

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By *ason_xMan 13 weeks ago

Watford

What's a magician's favorite dog?

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By *rRiosMan 13 weeks ago

dublin

"What's a magician's favorite dog?"

What?

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By *ust RachelTV/TS 13 weeks ago

Crawley Down

A joke, is not a dad joke, until its fully groan.

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

What do u call a Scottish cloakroom attendant

Angus mcoatup 😬

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple 13 weeks ago

bradford

Any emergency vehicle goes past with the blues flashing and the two tones blaring.

Dads “they’ll never sell any ice creams going that fast will they?”

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By *ason_xMan 13 weeks ago

Watford

"What's a magician's favorite dog?

What? "

A Labracadabrador

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

I was seeing this woman for a few weeks but I ended it after I found out she was missing digits on her feet.

Turns out I’m lack-toes intolerant

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By *r.EdibleMan 13 weeks ago

Fraserburgh

Old lady goes to the doctor complaining about a debilitating ailment.

Have you been bedridden lately? Asked the doctor.

"What has my sex life got to do with it?" Said the incredulous lady.

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

As i get older I realise i only really need 3 shops

Specsavers, Boots and Greggs

I guess you could say my life is just Specs Drugs and Sausage rolls

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By *enk15Man 13 weeks ago

Evesham

Have you noticed that jokes about white sugar are quite rare? But jokes about brown sugar... demerara.

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By *ampireLoveMan 13 weeks ago

Essex

"What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexia Society

😂😂😂 this one still has me laughing

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 13 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.

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By *issolvedOrdersMan 13 weeks ago

Bristol

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog

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By *rAitchMan 13 weeks ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I went to the pharmacy and said "I would like to buy some deodorant."

The pharmacist replied "ball, or aerosol?"

"Neither, it's for my armpits."

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan 13 weeks ago

Norwich

I used to be into BDSM, necrophilia and bestiality, but I gave up because I was flogging a dead horse.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 13 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

What do you call a dinosaur with haemorrhoids?

A megasorarse

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

2 Cows in a field

One cow says Moo ,the 2nd says you git I was just about to say that

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

What's the height of cheekiness?

Spitting through someone's letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far you got.

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

What's the height of pain?

Sliding down a razor blade and using your balls as brakes

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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago

3 teenagers whose names are Shit,Manners and fuck off copper.

The 3 teenagers are climbing a large wall when Shit falls off behind the wall. Manners quickly scrambles over to see if Shit OK.

Fuck off Copper panics and runs off to get help, as he darts around a corner he runs into a Policeman (Copper).

The Policeman asks what's the urgency, Fuck off copper tells him Shit has fallen off a wall.

The Policeman again asks what the matter. Fuck off Copper tells him Shits fallen off a wall.

The Policeman is becoming annoyed with the teenagers language and asks for the Teenagers name.

The teenager tells him ' Fuck off Copper'.

The Policeman is now really annoyed and asks for his name again.

The teenager is also becoming annoyed as already given him it. Again he says 'Fuck off Copper'.

The Policeman now shocked and Appalled asks where is the teenagers Manners.

The teenager replies' Over the wall picking up Shit!'

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By *rtwisted98Man 13 weeks ago

Market harborough

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving once.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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By *phrodisiac2000Man 13 weeks ago

saddleworth NW

How does a monkey make its cheese on toast?

He puts it under the gorilla

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 13 weeks ago

Sussex

"What do cows do for date nights? they go to the Mooooovies "

Two cows in a field. "One cow goes MooOOOOO".

The other cow goes "Damn, I was just about to say that!"

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 13 weeks ago

Sussex

"2 Cows in a field

One cow says Moo ,the 2nd says you git I was just about to say that"

Baahh, Now I see, you beat me to it. I should've read the previous posts.

OK, how about this one

What do you call a male cow that's fallen asleep beside a big pile of earth?...

... a bulldozer

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By *ergus1622Man 13 weeks ago

Dundee

Why do women speak so much and men think so much?

Women have four lips and men have two heads!

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By *istalloverCouple 13 weeks ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

Why doesn't Mary Poppins wear lipstick for a blow job

Because

The super coloured flavoured lipstick

Makes the dick atrocious

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By *erdyEstLdner 82Man 13 weeks ago

Ilford

Q: What is better than Roses on a Piano?

A: Tulips on my Organ...

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By *illan-KillashMan 12 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

What's worse than two women running with scissors?

Two women scissoring with the runs.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 12 weeks ago

Sussex

What did the woodlouse say as he fell off the log...

Earwig go, earwig go, earwig go

Earwig go, earwig go, earwig gOoo

... I'll get my shell articulated coat

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By *ortySwitchMan 12 weeks ago

london

Me: Whoa there cowboy. That’s a nice horse.

Cowboy: thanks

Me: it’s a big, innit

Cowboy : yup

Me : how many hands?

Cowboy : none… it’s a horse!

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By *haron1701ETV/TS 12 weeks ago

Southport

What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit's finger

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By *haron1701ETV/TS 12 weeks ago

Southport

2 nuns in a bath

One says "where's the soap?"

The other replies "yes it does"

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By *till gameMan 12 weeks ago

Oldham

What do you call a Scotsman that’s nearly home

Hamish 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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By *artfordBlokeMan 12 weeks ago

Dartford

Before the invention of crowbars, most crows drank at home.

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By *dnmartinMan 10 weeks ago

Leeds

Do you know that Vin Diesel only has 2 meals a day

Breakfast and Breakfurious

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By *carlettsWoman 10 weeks ago

Harpenden

What color is the wind? Blew

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By *dnmartinMan 10 weeks ago

Leeds

I like to go up to Spanish people and just say;

"Mucho"

It means a lot to them

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By *xhib12Man 10 weeks ago

Blyth

Two nuns in a bath. One says "where's the soap?" The other one says "it does, doesn't it".

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By *linyMan 10 weeks ago

Manchester/London

What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxers?

Your mum

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By *dnmartinMan 10 weeks ago

Leeds

Who was the most bloodthirsty antelope in all history?

Vlad the Impala

I'll see myself out

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By *dnmartinMan 10 weeks ago

Leeds

So far, no one's discovered that I'm putting extra toppings on my waffles.

I've been doing it syruptitiously.

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By *eus n EuropaCouple 10 weeks ago

Swindon

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭"

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 10 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

Gets her sense of humour from her dad lol

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By *eus n EuropaCouple 10 weeks ago

Swindon

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

Gets her sense of humour from her dad lol"

She most certainly does (KBW) a real funny guy, cos you cant say Cunt in Canada and before we get berated for the C word DILLIGAF

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By *dnmartinMan 6 weeks ago

Leeds

They did a survey in the UAE and found the people of Dubai do NOT like The Flintstones

However, the people of Abu Dhabi do

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By *onnachakeaneMan 6 weeks ago

Dundrum

🤣

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By *onnachakeaneMan 6 weeks ago

Dundrum

What is it called when a chameleon can't change colors? A reptile dysfunction.

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By *dnmartinMan 6 weeks ago

Leeds

With the above joke in mind...

Did you hear that scientists created a new compound for erectile dysfunction?

It's called mydixaflopin

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By *arc1000Man 6 weeks ago

London

Hahahaha, this one is great.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 6 weeks ago

Sussex

[Removed by poster at 26/06/25 13:50:55]

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By *ORDERMANMan 6 weeks ago

wrexham(south)

2 nuns riding a tandem down a cobbled street..

One on the front says "never come this way before"

One on the back says

"Nnnneeeeeiiiittther hhhhaaaave iiiii"

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By *naughtysubbyMan 6 weeks ago

Swadlincote

What do you call a fake noodle??

An Impasta 😂

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By *dnmartinMan 6 weeks ago

Leeds

My wife is mad at me, she says I ruined her birthday.

That's ridiculous because I had no idea it was her birthday.

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By *dnmartinMan 5 weeks ago

Leeds

What is made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones

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By *hickthighs25Woman 5 weeks ago

Stockton

"What is made of Brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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By *ature420Couple 5 weeks ago

aberdeen

I just walked out my job in the helium factory...I'm not letting anyone talk to me in that tone of voice

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By *arrenhertsmanMan 5 weeks ago

Hatfield

[Removed by poster at 29/06/25 19:10:41]

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By *hickthighs25Woman 5 weeks ago

Stockton

Ahahahahaha this thread just keeps on giving 🤣🤣🤣

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By *arrenhertsmanMan 5 weeks ago

Hatfield

Why do the French 🇫🇷 only eat one egg for breakfast

Because one egg is in ouef …

You’re welcome

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By *eathcliffMan 5 weeks ago

Cardiff

When does King Charles like watching cricket?

When Camilla Parker Bowles.

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By *smith87Man 5 weeks ago

totton

What do you call James Bond in the bath? Bubble 07

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By *smith87Man 5 weeks ago

totton

What do you call a three humped camel?

Pregnant

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By *ypersoonMan 5 weeks ago

WHITCHURCH, Shropshire

Bought a chameleon, lost it

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By *antasticMrFucks07Man 5 weeks ago

plymouth

What’s E.T short for ?

Because he only has little legs 🤣😂

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By *rPunxMan 5 weeks ago

Hull

Two bulls noticed that the farmer had accidentally left the gate open to a field full of cows.

The younger bull says to the older bull, "let's run over there and fuck a cow"

The older bull replied " no let's walk and fuck them all"

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By *artfordBlokeMan 5 weeks ago

Dartford

I don't make jokes about plane crashes, they never land well

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By *uperSalopian7Man 5 weeks ago

Shrewsbury

I was arguing with a guy today who said he was a big pop star in the 80's. I didn't believe him, but he was adamant.

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