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Dad Jokes!!

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 7 weeks ago

cheltenham

OK let's have um!!!

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?"

What??

What's pink and hard??

A pig with a flick knife.

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?"

Come dancing..

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By *elnw84Man 7 weeks ago

Lancs

"OK let's have um!!!

What's white and slithers rhythmically around the floor?

Come dancing..

Wow I heard that in the 80s 😂

Excellent work, old ones are the best 👏🏽

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

It gets worse.

Two fish in a tank...

One days to the other..

"Can you even drive this thing?"

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

What do cows do for date nights?

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By *elnw84Man 7 weeks ago

Lancs

Two cannibals eating a clown

One says… “does this taste funny to you?”

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

"What do cows do for date nights? "
they go to the Mooooovies

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

Two packets of crisps walking down the street, cab pulls over, "you lads want a lift"

"No thanks, we're Walkers"

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in the field

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By *ariaxxxxWoman 7 weeks ago

London

Just jumping in for the jokes

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By *ariaxxxxWoman 7 weeks ago

London

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

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By *ornyfella111Man 7 weeks ago

coppull

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexia Society

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 7 weeks ago

cheltenham

What's the second fasts cake in the world?.........

Its scone!!!

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By *rogalCouple 7 weeks ago

Falkirk

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet....

The p is silent

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 7 weeks ago

cheltenham

What's the fastest cake in the world??

MerrrriiiinggggUUUUUeeeeee!!! 😂🤣😅

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By *ex on the benchMan 7 weeks ago

Pinchbeck

Cum dancing

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By *illan-KillashMan 7 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

I just got sacked from my job at the keyboard factory.

Apparently I wasn't putting in enough shifts......

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By *uffhoundMan 7 weeks ago

Bourne, Lincolnshire

What's pink and hard when it goes in and pink and soft when it comes out?

Chewing gum.

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By *cotlickMan 7 weeks ago

Falkirk

Why did the builder buy a new bum?

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By *cotlickMan 7 weeks ago

Falkirk

"Why did the builder buy a new bum?"

Because he had a crack in his

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By *.M79Man 7 weeks ago

Glasgow

What's the difference between I don't know and neither do I?

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By *cotlickMan 7 weeks ago

Falkirk

"What's the difference between I don't know and neither do I? "

Hehe

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By *wilight_Muse.Woman 7 weeks ago

La La Land

[Removed by poster at 09/05/25 10:25:16]

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By *wilight_Muse.Woman 7 weeks ago

La La Land

[Removed by poster at 09/05/25 10:25:56]

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

"What do cows do for date nights? "

Ho to the moo vies

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By *weet and SpiceCouple 7 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom?

The pickpocket snatches watches

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By *ason_xMan 7 weeks ago

Watford

What's a magician's favorite dog?

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By *rRiosMan 7 weeks ago

dublin

"What's a magician's favorite dog?"

What?

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By *ust RachelTV/TS 7 weeks ago

Horsham

A joke, is not a dad joke, until its fully groan.

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

What do u call a Scottish cloakroom attendant

Angus mcoatup 😬

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By *organ and rob zombieCouple 7 weeks ago

bradford

Any emergency vehicle goes past with the blues flashing and the two tones blaring.

Dads “they’ll never sell any ice creams going that fast will they?”

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By *ason_xMan 7 weeks ago

Watford

"What's a magician's favorite dog?

What? "

A Labracadabrador

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By *eralt80Man 7 weeks ago

cork

I was seeing this woman for a few weeks but I ended it after I found out she was missing digits on her feet.

Turns out I’m lack-toes intolerant

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By *r.EdibleMan 7 weeks ago

Fraserburgh

Old lady goes to the doctor complaining about a debilitating ailment.

Have you been bedridden lately? Asked the doctor.

"What has my sex life got to do with it?" Said the incredulous lady.

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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago

As i get older I realise i only really need 3 shops

Specsavers, Boots and Greggs

I guess you could say my life is just Specs Drugs and Sausage rolls

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By *enk15Man 7 weeks ago

Evesham

Have you noticed that jokes about white sugar are quite rare? But jokes about brown sugar... demerara.

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By *ampireLoveMan 7 weeks ago

Essex

"What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexia Society

😂😂😂 this one still has me laughing

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 7 weeks ago

cheltenham

Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.

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By *layfulGent40s OP Man 7 weeks ago

cheltenham

I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.

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By *issolvedOrdersMan 7 weeks ago

Bristol

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog

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By *rAitchMan 7 weeks ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

I went to the pharmacy and said "I would like to buy some deodorant."

The pharmacist replied "ball, or aerosol?"

"Neither, it's for my armpits."

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan 7 weeks ago

Norwich

I used to be into BDSM, necrophilia and bestiality, but I gave up because I was flogging a dead horse.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 7 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

What do you call a dinosaur with haemorrhoids?

A megasorarse

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By *allmusculargentMan 7 weeks ago

Wirral

2 Cows in a field

One cow says Moo ,the 2nd says you git I was just about to say that

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By *allmusculargentMan 7 weeks ago

Wirral

What's the height of cheekiness?

Spitting through someone's letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far you got.

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By *allmusculargentMan 7 weeks ago

Wirral

What's the height of pain?

Sliding down a razor blade and using your balls as brakes

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By *allmusculargentMan 7 weeks ago

Wirral

3 teenagers whose names are Shit,Manners and fuck off copper.

The 3 teenagers are climbing a large wall when Shit falls off behind the wall. Manners quickly scrambles over to see if Shit OK.

Fuck off Copper panics and runs off to get help, as he darts around a corner he runs into a Policeman (Copper).

The Policeman asks what's the urgency, Fuck off copper tells him Shit has fallen off a wall.

The Policeman again asks what the matter. Fuck off Copper tells him Shits fallen off a wall.

The Policeman is becoming annoyed with the teenagers language and asks for the Teenagers name.

The teenager tells him ' Fuck off Copper'.

The Policeman is now really annoyed and asks for his name again.

The teenager is also becoming annoyed as already given him it. Again he says 'Fuck off Copper'.

The Policeman now shocked and Appalled asks where is the teenagers Manners.

The teenager replies' Over the wall picking up Shit!'

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By *rtwisted98Man 7 weeks ago

Market harborough

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving once.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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By *phrodisiac2000Man 7 weeks ago

saddleworth NW

How does a monkey make its cheese on toast?

He puts it under the gorilla

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 7 weeks ago

Sussex

"What do cows do for date nights? they go to the Mooooovies "

Two cows in a field. "One cow goes MooOOOOO".

The other cow goes "Damn, I was just about to say that!"

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 7 weeks ago

Sussex

"2 Cows in a field

One cow says Moo ,the 2nd says you git I was just about to say that"

Baahh, Now I see, you beat me to it. I should've read the previous posts.

OK, how about this one

What do you call a male cow that's fallen asleep beside a big pile of earth?...

... a bulldozer

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By *ergus1622Man 7 weeks ago

Dundee

Why do women speak so much and men think so much?

Women have four lips and men have two heads!

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By *istalloverCouple 7 weeks ago

Pays de la Loire -Normandie -Brittany borderFrance

Why doesn't Mary Poppins wear lipstick for a blow job

Because

The super coloured flavoured lipstick

Makes the dick atrocious

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By *erdyEstLdner 82Man 7 weeks ago

Ilford

Q: What is better than Roses on a Piano?

A: Tulips on my Organ...

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By *illan-KillashMan 6 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

What's worse than two women running with scissors?

Two women scissoring with the runs.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan 6 weeks ago

Sussex

What did the woodlouse say as he fell off the log...

Earwig go, earwig go, earwig go

Earwig go, earwig go, earwig gOoo

... I'll get my shell articulated coat

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By *ortySwitchMan 6 weeks ago

london

Me: Whoa there cowboy. That’s a nice horse.

Cowboy: thanks

Me: it’s a big, innit

Cowboy : yup

Me : how many hands?

Cowboy : none… it’s a horse!

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By *haron1701ETV/TS 6 weeks ago

Southport

What's green and turns red at the flick of a switch?

A frog in a blender.

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermit's finger

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By *haron1701ETV/TS 6 weeks ago

Southport

2 nuns in a bath

One says "where's the soap?"

The other replies "yes it does"

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By *till gameMan 6 weeks ago

Oldham

What do you call a Scotsman that’s nearly home

Hamish 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

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By *artfordBlokeMan 6 weeks ago

Dartford

Before the invention of crowbars, most crows drank at home.

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By *dnmartinMan 4 weeks ago

Hounslow

Do you know that Vin Diesel only has 2 meals a day

Breakfast and Breakfurious

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By *carlettsWoman 4 weeks ago

Harpenden

What color is the wind? Blew

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By *dnmartinMan 4 weeks ago

Hounslow

I like to go up to Spanish people and just say;

"Mucho"

It means a lot to them

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By *xhib12Man 4 weeks ago

Blyth

Two nuns in a bath. One says "where's the soap?" The other one says "it does, doesn't it".

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By *linyMan 4 weeks ago

Manchester/London

What’s pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxers?

Your mum

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By *dnmartinMan 4 weeks ago

Hounslow

Who was the most bloodthirsty antelope in all history?

Vlad the Impala

I'll see myself out

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By *dnmartinMan 4 weeks ago

Hounslow

So far, no one's discovered that I'm putting extra toppings on my waffles.

I've been doing it syruptitiously.

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By *eus n EuropaCouple 4 weeks ago

Loughborough

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭"

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple 4 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

Gets her sense of humour from her dad lol

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By *eus n EuropaCouple 4 weeks ago

Loughborough

"Just jumping in for the jokes

Oh & here's one......

I'm fat & identify as skinny..... I'm Trans~Slender🤭

Jenny Talia one really funny lady

Gets her sense of humour from her dad lol"

She most certainly does (KBW) a real funny guy, cos you cant say Cunt in Canada and before we get berated for the C word DILLIGAF

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