"How good are you at telling someone you like or a friend when they’ve crossed a boundary? Or they’ve done something and you’ve realised you’d like to set a boundary?
4 bits  "
I've definitely learnt that I need to be clearer when I tell someone that they've crossed a boundary and enforce that. It's difficult when you care about someone but when they are ignored it's obviously a red flag. That's something I'd be more vigilant about in the future. |
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It depends on how they've crossed that boundary. Was it disrespect of me and my feelings? Did it make me feel unsafe or undervalued? If yes, I think I'm okay at saying so.
If it's something less straightforward I'm more shit at letting things slide. |
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I think I'm pretty good at it.
I rarely tell people in the moment. If it's affecting me that much that I need to say something then I usually just take some space until I can calm down and process what upset me and why, so that I can make sure I get it across effectively instead of a burst of unintelligible emotion 💜 |
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"It was something I used to be proper rubbish at. But I'm really good at it now, which seems to offend people. Maybe I'm too direct who knows 🤷🏻♀️
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Yeah, some people really get angry when you call them out on behaviours that hurt or upset you.
Maybe they should have set their own boundaries about never hearing anything less than absolute praise even when they're being a massive tosspot 💜 |
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"It was something I used to be proper rubbish at. But I'm really good at it now, which seems to offend people. Maybe I'm too direct who knows 🤷🏻♀️
Hi. "
Hello you, you're back missed your musings |
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By (user no longer on site) 8 weeks ago
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I've learnt to be more direct over the year, but I still find it hard.
I used to replay conversation and scenario in my head thinking of what I should have done/said different. Being direct helps cut that out. |
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Being open and honest has bitten me in the past but I stick by it. If you can't let me tell you how I feel about something then I'm better off without you.
Bottling it up and not saying anything is worse. |
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By *eliWoman 8 weeks ago
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This is rather timely... I'm not particularly great at it. There are some things (and they tend to be smaller) that I'm very clear on. Direct. The things that really matter to me, ach.
I dislike upsetting people. Which is daft really. I have this idea in my head that it's easier for me to get over hurt than another so I can, sometimes, say it's fine when inside I'm thinking 'I've told you this is a hard boundary, several times'. And then it results in me not trusting the person as much, not pushing them away but not being as open. I know it's not always done with malice and try and remember that.
And if it keeps happening I say "let's be friends" because then I remove that potential for hurt.
I'm getting better at saying when someone has crossed a boundary. It's fairer on myself and them. If it's done in a direct way, it's clean. I appreciate when others are direct with me. |
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"This is rather timely... I'm not particularly great at it. There are some things (and they tend to be smaller) that I'm very clear on. Direct. The things that really matter to me, ach.
I dislike upsetting people. Which is daft really. I have this idea in my head that it's easier for me to get over hurt than another so I can, sometimes, say it's fine when inside I'm thinking 'I've told you this is a hard boundary, several times'. And then it results in me not trusting the person as much, not pushing them away but not being as open. I know it's not always done with malice and try and remember that.
And if it keeps happening I say "let's be friends" because then I remove that potential for hurt.
I'm getting better at saying when someone has crossed a boundary. It's fairer on myself and them. If it's done in a direct way, it's clean. I appreciate when others are direct with me."
OMG this is absolutely me too. I was about to say pretty much the same thing then you wrote it for me 
I really struggle about this part of myself and beat myself up about it. I wish I cared less about upsetting people. I am slowly getting a little bit better I think, but people have taken advantage of my nature in the past. |
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"If you dont push my boundaries,I'm probably not going to be interested.🩵"
I guess there's different definitions of boundaries out there.
I don't tend to lay out boundaries where I want people to actually go 💜 |
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With people I know and trust I'm very comfortable with it, and i hope they feel the same in return.
It's the little (or big) things with people I'm not as close to that I let slide when I should probably speak up. Some people aren't great at being held accountable and I get a bit anxious about how they'll react. |
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"How good are you at telling someone you like or a friend when they’ve crossed a boundary? Or they’ve done something and you’ve realised you’d like to set a boundary?
4 bits "
I’m not good at doing that. Usually because I don’t realise they crossed a boundary until I’m laid in bed ruminating about it 2 weeks later.
I have some delayed processing or something. I’m very laid back and take everything with a pinch of salt, until time passes and then I think “wait a minute!?” |
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I'm very good at it if I feel they care about our relationship and it's a relationship I'm invested in. Tbh if you invest in good friendships I don't feel friends overstep.
However if people overstep who I'm not invested in them then meh just let it go you never have to see them again. |
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"How good are you at telling someone you like or a friend when they’ve crossed a boundary? Or they’ve done something and you’ve realised you’d like to set a boundary?
4 bits "
I’m not very good at it, tbh if someone crosses a boundary with me, or even goes out their way to purposely offend me it doesn’t really bother me, I think I’m super adaptable and thick skinned.
I have to remember not everybody is like me , I crossed the boundary awhile back and it took her a bit of time to process it and tell me. It surprised me to be honest I’m used to people just at the point of something happening just saying no, but I guess some people go with the flow then process it & maybe regret it. 🤷♂️ |
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By *eliWoman 8 weeks ago
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"A lot of these posts seem to dispel the idea that swingers are great communicators.
I'm good at letting others know when they've said or done anything to test my boundaries
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Thank fuck I'm not a swinger then.
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My statement of the month is
'of course that was a boundary'
It was the hot topic in my head last month.
I had thought that my boundaries were clear, obvious and extant. So it came as a surprise when some of the big ones were transgressed.
I'm pretty good at letting people know that they are rubbing up against a line in the sand and I'm pretty decent at communicating that a line has been crossed. I've even tempered my bluntness that, as above, can translate as aggression.
I wasn't as good at making my boundaries as clear as I thought I was though.
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I don't call anything to do with relationships boundaries.
I'm quite tolerant, and selfless, so most people can get away with stuff other people wouldn't allow.
I don't really care. Which is a bit sad, I suppose.
I tend to shrug things off and get on with my life.
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"My statement of the month is
'of course that was a boundary'
It was the hot topic in my head last month.
I had thought that my boundaries were clear, obvious and extant. So it came as a surprise when some of the big ones were transgressed.
I'm pretty good at letting people know that they are rubbing up against a line in the sand and I'm pretty decent at communicating that a line has been crossed. I've even tempered my bluntness that, as above, can translate as aggression.
I wasn't as good at making my boundaries as clear as I thought I was though.
"
I wouldn't count on it being down to you not being clear enough. Sometimes it absolutely is that. But I also know I'm a big word vomity overexplainer and clarity is something I seek pretty much constantly.
Oh I didn't know that was a boundary is something I've heard before. For things that I know we had had a direct conversation about in terms of us as well as it being mentioned in general conversation where I was not unclear about my feeling on it.
They didn't have much of a come back when I asked why they actively and directly lied to keep it from me (rather than it just not coming up in conversation) if they didn't know 💜 |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 8 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
I don’t set boundaries. I don’t expect to manage grown adults to behave appropriately with others, I don’t give warnings.
If I need boundaries with someone they probably need therapy and I’ve no time to be someone’s social parent. |
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