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FWB break ups
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An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well? |
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Did she decide to go do monogamy and thought that keeping in touch with you would be disrespectful to her partner?
Mostly I remain friends with former FWBs. Unless they go into monogamous relationships, in which case it's often easier for them to go non contact 💜 |
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They end for whatever reasons. Maybe he's just tried ripping the plaster off quick by blocking etc but understand the questions it'd leave. Honestly can't remember how mine ended.. fairly well on the whole, some with a lot of back and forth conversations leading to mind games, others more levelled conversations knowing it was the right time. |
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I feel for you OP, I've had a similar experience so chalked it up as a lesson and moved on. everyone is different however if you were friends as well as having benefits I would say you're better off not having contact if they are throwing in keeping in touch. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I don't think there is a right way as each situation and each person will be different. I'm sure they did it the way they needed to. I've done this in the past as I knew I'd be tempted to contact them again. Others I still talk to now and then. Just don't see it as reflection on you. 🤗 |
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Ahhh it really sucks OP, I'm so sorry.
For some people the only way they can move on, is by blanking you out of their world - not having any reminders, not seeing you struggling or thriving... It's like you didn't exist, which is hard to hear when someone has told you they love you or have feelings for you, but no longer wants to see you |
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One of my FWBs just started pulling away. I got angry and blocked him etc… took a good couple of years, but now I can chat occasionally with him haha.
Current FWB we’ve been on and off for 6 years. It will be sad if it ever ends. 🥲🥺 but I’d rather be told (or me telling him) if it were to end, rather than just ghosting etc |
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"Did she decide to go do monogamy and thought that keeping in touch with you would be disrespectful to her partner?
Mostly I remain friends with former FWBs. Unless they go into monogamous relationships, in which case it's often easier for them to go non contact 💜"
I have a lot going on in my life that they have supported me with so it is definitely that which I’m missing the most. I can only assume that there is more to another partner than they shared with me 🤔 |
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"An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well?"
My now very ex fwb did something similar a couple of years ago .. totally broke my heart... Wound up in a very dark place, sending you hugs , it might not feel like it but it will get better xx |
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"They end for whatever reasons. Maybe he's just tried ripping the plaster off quick by blocking etc but understand the questions it'd leave. Honestly can't remember how mine ended.. fairly well on the whole, some with a lot of back and forth conversations leading to mind games, others more levelled conversations knowing it was the right time. "
I’ve had other fwbs where time and circumstances meant it just fizzled out. This is the first time it’s ended like this for me which is why I wondered what other peoples experiences were. |
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Thanks for the kind words. This wasn’t meant to be a pity party post or looking for sympathy. I know it sucks at the moment but I have other people in my life, vanilla and non vanilla that will fill the gaps he left. I just wanted to see what other peoples experiences of it all were like. |
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These things often do die a death for various reasons. I'm not sure there is a good way to do it but I too often block. As much so I'm not tempted to contact them. It's never easy if it hadn't come to an end for you. Hugs. |
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I ended things with a fwb recently I had known for a long while and tried/hope to stay friends. He continued to send me unwelcome sexual messages that made me uncomfortable and in the end I had to block him on all platforms (after explaining why he had made me uncomfortable). I still found it more upsetting that I expected to when I blocked him.
For some people, blocking all communication allows them to process their feelings/emotions about something a little easier. Not everyone can stay friends. Perhaps they just find it easier to have a clean break and move on.
Hopefully you will feel a bit better about it with time. |
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"I don't think there is a right way as each situation and each person will be different. I'm sure they did it the way they needed to. I've done this in the past as I knew I'd be tempted to contact them again. Others I still talk to now and then. Just don't see it as reflection on you. 🤗"
I do wonder how much of it was to protect himself as I’m so amazing he wouldn’t be able to keep away  |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"I don't think there is a right way as each situation and each person will be different. I'm sure they did it the way they needed to. I've done this in the past as I knew I'd be tempted to contact them again. Others I still talk to now and then. Just don't see it as reflection on you. 🤗
I do wonder how much of it was to protect himself as I’m so amazing he wouldn’t be able to keep away "
Exactly the way to look at it. Who cares if it's the real reason or not. Hope you're feeling better soon, OP. |
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"An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well?
My now very ex fwb did something similar a couple of years ago .. totally broke my heart... Wound up in a very dark place, sending you hugs , it might not feel like it but it will get better xx"
I’m sorry you had to experience that as well. I know I will be ok with a bit of time and will be better for it. |
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"One of my FWBs just started pulling away. I got angry and blocked him etc… took a good couple of years, but now I can chat occasionally with him haha.
Current FWB we’ve been on and off for 6 years. It will be sad if it ever ends. 🥲🥺 but I’d rather be told (or me telling him) if it were to end, rather than just ghosting etc "
I’ve written all the angry messages but not sent them. I was quite impressed with my ability to compose a message entirely of swear words! |
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By *eliWoman 6 weeks ago
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Hey OP, sorry to read that.
If we're fwbs and not dating, there's usually something that happens (a boundary ignored, a dickish comment, trust broken etc) and then I'll explain that I'd like to stay friends but we're not too compatible. Or sometimes that sexual attraction isn't quite there any more, the flirty has given way to the mundane.
Generally with a bit of space and time friendships have been resumed. Sometimes it's been taken poorly, I've not been fully honest with how I'm feeling but I'm learning to be better at it. |
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"I don't think there is a right way as each situation and each person will be different. I'm sure they did it the way they needed to. I've done this in the past as I knew I'd be tempted to contact them again. Others I still talk to now and then. Just don't see it as reflection on you. 🤗
I do wonder how much of it was to protect himself as I’m so amazing he wouldn’t be able to keep away
Exactly the way to look at it. Who cares if it's the real reason or not. Hope you're feeling better soon, OP. "
Thank you. I’ll get through it, and be better and more brilliant because of it. |
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Fwb’s can be tricky, if one of you get the feels it’s game over, both need to know you can walk away at the drop of a hat, harsh but true, had my heart broken once so refuse to go down that path again xx |
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"Fwb’s can be tricky, if one of you get the feels it’s game over, both need to know you can walk away at the drop of a hat, harsh but true, had my heart broken once so refuse to go down that path again xx"
When I see stuff like this it makes me think that some people use the fwb label to basically say, I want to spend time with you and get to know you but I also want you to give me licence to treat you as I please with no regard to your feelings |
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"Fwb’s can be tricky, if one of you get the feels it’s game over, both need to know you can walk away at the drop of a hat, harsh but true, had my heart broken once so refuse to go down that path again xx
When I see stuff like this it makes me think that some people use the fwb label to basically say, I want to spend time with you and get to know you but I also want you to give me licence to treat you as I please with no regard to your feelings "
Absolutely. A fwb to me is someone that I care about, not in a romantic way but their feelings are important to me, no different to a vanilla friend. Having sex together is just a bonus.
We all have different definitions of what relationships look like and the labels that we put on them and if it works for both people then good for them. |
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"Fwb’s can be tricky, if one of you get the feels it’s game over, both need to know you can walk away at the drop of a hat, harsh but true, had my heart broken once so refuse to go down that path again xx
When I see stuff like this it makes me think that some people use the fwb label to basically say, I want to spend time with you and get to know you but I also want you to give me licence to treat you as I please with no regard to your feelings "
I get some people see it that way, that’s shouldn’t be how fwb works, some people are just arses, it’s possible to be mates who hook up, but for me respect comes into it, honesty from the start from both, I’m still mates with and old fwb, in fact I did some work in her house few weeks back, well have a coffee and a catch up, nothing ever happens sexually |
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By *a LunaWoman 6 weeks ago
o o OO o o |
I tend to block. It’s just easier all around and then they can’t booty call you when their new person is not available for fun and I can’t send them the most recent pic I’ve taken of my tits!
Clean slate.
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"I tend to block. It’s just easier all around and then they can’t booty call you when their new person is not available for fun and I can’t send them the most recent pic I’ve taken of my tits!
Clean slate.
"
Somewhat coincidentally, on the subject of slate.
"The baw's on the slates" is a Scottish phrase meaning "game over". |
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"An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well?"
Hi Flying
I ve be not been on Fab long, so no experience of this, but its there loss, your super delicious and a very sexy lady x
Keep up your head up babe |
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"An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well?
Hi Flying
I ve be not been on Fab long, so no experience of this, but its there loss, your super delicious and a very sexy lady x
Keep up your head up babe "
Thanks x |
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My long term FWB recently demoted me to a friend....without the benefits. She's got a queue of other guys to choose from, so I do get it. It's taken me a period of readjustment, but I'm nearly cool with it now. We still talk. |
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"My long term FWB recently demoted me to a friend....without the benefits. She's got a queue of other guys to choose from, so I do get it. It's taken me a period of readjustment, but I'm nearly cool with it now. We still talk."
That I could understand, we didn’t see each other that often due to geography but chatted every day which is the part I am missing the most. |
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Been there, it sucks... especially if the other person is of the 'dismissive avoidant' type of personality.
Feel for you OP. Don't let it get you down, just do your best to move on from it. Not everything lasts forever
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I've agreeably done the instant no-contact way and also gone the route of agreeing to end the sexy side followed by a more gentle slowing of contact.
I much prefer the gentle exit.
The other is like a death. Awful. Especially if you're on good terms and great friends.
It's not even the 'emotional' side of losing a friend that's hardest to reset. It's changing your habits. There's a whole other set of challenges now when you're dating, ones that come from being able to be in contact 24/7 by text/etc.
Rather than seeing a person once a week or month for a date you can chitchat daily. We have to break these habits of texting throughout the day (if that was a thing).
That's the hardest part. I'm a real chatter box. I love it all. The reset is tough but still worth it.
Remember the good parts you shared OP and what made it all worth it at the time. Tomorrow will bring you another adventure ✨️ 🤗 😎 |
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"I've agreeably done the instant no-contact way and also gone the route of agreeing to end the sexy side followed by a more gentle slowing of contact.
I much prefer the gentle exit.
The other is like a death. Awful. Especially if you're on good terms and great friends.
It's not even the 'emotional' side of losing a friend that's hardest to reset. It's changing your habits. There's a whole other set of challenges now when you're dating, ones that come from being able to be in contact 24/7 by text/etc.
Rather than seeing a person once a week or month for a date you can chitchat daily. We have to break these habits of texting throughout the day (if that was a thing).
That's the hardest part. I'm a real chatter box. I love it all. The reset is tough but still worth it.
Remember the good parts you shared OP and what made it all worth it at the time. Tomorrow will bring you another adventure ✨️ 🤗 😎"
It is exactly this, I’m not sad about losing a lover (well maybe a bit) but he had been the first person I would message when something happened or I wanted advice on something. He was there for me through my separation and recent health scares as well. That is the part that is hard to let go off. But I will respect his decisions, I try to believe (not in a bad way) that he is finding it as hard as I am and that is why he went for no contact. |
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It's a loss of something you valued. Doesn't really matter what label it had. A loss is a loss. You can still choose to hold positive thoughts and feelings about the experiences and the friendship. It hasn't all disappeared. It's still there and holding value.
People sometimes cross our paths unexpectedly and show up for us in different ways as and when we need them. All for a purpose. You had his friendship whilst you needed it and now you can look ahead from a great place.
As you say, perhaps he is doing what he feels is best for you both x |
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The friend bit of FWB is often overlooked OP. It is harsh for them to go no contact but as you said, they said it was about them not you. They have to do what is right for them. Losing a friend hurts. Sending hugs x |
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I'm still heartbroken over my ex fwb. Mostly because for a long time he was my best friend as well as a lover. He was the person I turned to and he pulled that away and it hurts. We constantly talked about staying friends after the sex stopped and how much it meant to both of us. Turned out it was all bullshit.
Time does heal though and I don't miss him nearly as much, it only occasionally comes up now.
I've still got something of his that I need to return and i at least feel like I could see him without wanting to punch him or fuck him so I'm taking that as a good thing. |
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"An fwb has recently ended our journey together and gone for blocking me across all communication channels. Apparently I had done nothing wrong, it was them and not me, blah, blah, blah but it has left me questioning what the right way to end things would be? What are your horror stories on how things have ended with a fwb or can it ever end well?"
I would prefer this way than leaving the door open for hurt and disappointment. Same as any other break up I guess? |
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Sorry you are going through this OP. I find suddenly going no contact quite childish. There has only been 1 of my previous FWB's that no longer have the benefits but because we were adult about things, we have remained extremely close as friends.
Chin up xx |
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Ah so sorry you are going through this  sounds cliché but time really is a great healer
I lost my FWB of 10 years recently, I couldn't tell him about my menopause and mental health so I would cancel seeing him. He got fed up and ended it. Tbf I don't blame him but I do miss him
Another FWB fizzled out because he moved away, we still message and chat
And another FWB decided to make a go of things again with his ex wife, she's just had his baby, she knows about me and tbf we've chatted when she wanted Nursery advice, we've chatted a few times since, so he has been friend zoned
Not seeing anyone right now and I miss having company. But I guess that's the nature of the business |
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I know it’s not the same as we are a couple but we have lost a FWB of each sex for different reasons and so understand how hard it is.
They are friends first and foremost, they celebrated your achievements and they were there in times of trouble. They also got you…there is no explanation needed.
One of ours was quite sudden - so it felt like we’d lost someone.
I think the hardest thing is that replacing them with someone who gets you and fits all your dynamics is so difficult.
Hopefully you’ll start feeling better soon OP
X
K
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I don’t mind my fwbs moving on…. I’ve stayed close with some of them…. Shame they felt the need to remove you from their life tho OP….. shame they couldn’t still be the F part…. Even if the benefits were just a good memory….. |
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I had an fwb that I liked and the feeling was mutual. Things had not been going so well as he had a lot on. Then one day he came through my door and looked hot AF, didn't stay long and said something complacent on his way out and it just made me realise I had to stop seeing him.
I blocked him. Then about six months later he left Xmas presents on my doorstep.
I then thanked him and we saw each other a couple of times just to talk, nothing else.
I then ended it as from our get togethers we realised there were feelings there from both sides and it wouldn't work as he was 15 years younger than me.
It's tricky having an fwb I find the balance hard and I don't think it will ever get easier. However it's nice whilst it lasts. |
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Blocking someone you were close to is often a knee-jerk reaction. As time passes it's not unusual for that reaction to subside and for the friendship part to bloom again.
It's definitely hurtful to be on the recieving. |
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Ah that's painful. But to be honest, I think if feelings are involved there is never going to be a nice way to end the situation. But blocking communication is like a punch in the face. I hate that for you. |
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