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I'm a sensitive soul...
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By *eli OP Woman 6 weeks ago
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I think I am. Kind of. Situationally. Words from family, friends, lovers can stick sometimes and then I distance myself a little. It depends on who
and why it's being said, how frequently it happens.
Are you good at handling negative words etc from people you like/respect? If their view of you was rather negative, would you still try and continue the relationship? Minimise interactions or stop them all together? |
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I don't deal with people like that
I have a small cluster of people I admire and like and they know what to say and how to say it if needed.
As a general rule, I don't worry what people think or say. I think if people are talking about me, they've not enough on themselves |
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Am I GOOD at handling negative things said to me from people I care about? God, no. But - obviously depending on the context, who has said it, what's been said and the reasons for it - I could probably get past it. Especially if I knew whatever was being said was said because they care about me. Also, I'm pretty self aware of my own negative traits, even as they're saying it and I'm all rage or hurt or whatever it is, I'll probably also be recognising truth.
If they're wrong or unfair about whatever they've said, eh. No telling how I'd react. |
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I don't think I'm good at handling negative words from people in general. But if it was from people I like or respect, I'll tend to overthink and wonder why they could feel the way they do have to really reign myself in from being a bit overbearing and asking for the exact details as to what caused those feelings and can get a bit annoyed if they don't want to get into it. I guess in my mind, there just had to be a reason for feeling the way they do even if they can't explain it. |
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By *eli OP Woman 6 weeks ago
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"If I respected them, as in a peer, I would feel a little embarrassed, if it was someone I liked, depending on the context not so much as everyone is entitled to an opinion "
So you wouldn't mind what friends etc say to you because everyone is entitled to an opinion? I can kind of understand that. |
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By *eli OP Woman 6 weeks ago
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"I don't deal with people like that
I have a small cluster of people I admire and like and they know what to say and how to say it if needed.
As a general rule, I don't worry what people think or say. I think if people are talking about me, they've not enough on themselves "
Oh it's not random people talking about you etc, it's more direct to you. Not dealing with people like that would be the ideal solution but sometimes it's not always possible sadly! |
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Can't be positive 100% of the time. If the people that know me come at me with anything negative, I take it on board as their opinion matters. I know I can be an utter twat most of the time and I'm glad they tell me, just as I would them. |
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I worked on this in therapy around body image. Obvs coming from a Caribbean family it isn’t unheard of to get comments that seem rude but are meant in jest. Some things stuck with me. Working to recognise that these parts of me aren’t the whole me or the entirety of me really helped. Yes I’ve put on weight but I have also changed career and been prioritising raising a child etc. that reframing really helped.
I will always be sensitive. People say not nice things to me on here or family or colleagues or managers say things that are hard to take. Distance isn’t always the way to solve it for me. Talking about it is. I love talking things through. Not always easy though so sometimes. |
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By *eli OP Woman 6 weeks ago
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"Am I GOOD at handling negative things said to me from people I care about? God, no. But - obviously depending on the context, who has said it, what's been said and the reasons for it - I could probably get past it. Especially if I knew whatever was being said was said because they care about me. Also, I'm pretty self aware of my own negative traits, even as they're saying it and I'm all rage or hurt or whatever it is, I'll probably also be recognising truth.
If they're wrong or unfair about whatever they've said, eh. No telling how I'd react. "
Oh definitely. If it's being said because someone cares about me, if I can see what they're saying (can be pretty rational) then I might not like it but I'll more willingly accept it. Like I told a very good friend something recently. Her reply wasn't the most cheerleaderesque but... she said it with love. And I understand why. Being aware of your own negative traits is a strength.
Wrong/unfair is a weakness of mine. But I want to be better at it. Work in progress.  |
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"I think I am. Kind of. Situationally. Words from family, friends, lovers can stick sometimes and then I distance myself a little. It depends on who
and why it's being said, how frequently it happens.
Are you good at handling negative words etc from people you like/respect? If their view of you was rather negative, would you still try and continue the relationship? Minimise interactions or stop them all together?"
I'm terrible at taking negativity to the max. I can have someone tell me lots of positive things and one negative comment or not even full on negative maybe just a little bit but I will focus on that rather than the positive comments
I am 'N' and I am a wet lettuce 🥹
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By *vaRoseWoman 6 weeks ago
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I can take things to heart, especially if it’s from someone I care about. A flippant throwaway remark to them might cut much deeper then they realise, but I am pretty rational and if what they say has merit then the onus is on me to fix things. Sometimes we do need to have people in our lives who will give our head a wobble. |
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By *eli OP Woman 6 weeks ago
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"I don't think I'm good at handling negative words from people in general. But if it was from people I like or respect, I'll tend to overthink and wonder why they could feel the way they do have to really reign myself in from being a bit overbearing and asking for the exact details as to what caused those feelings and can get a bit annoyed if they don't want to get into it. I guess in my mind, there just had to be a reason for feeling the way they do even if they can't explain it."
You're recognising how you respond Joe, that's part of it isn't it? I know that I can distance myself from people, close off that little bit more. It's a way of protecting myself. You're trying to understand where they're coming from - sometimes I do that. It's not fun for me or them so I'm actively trying to find better ways.
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For me OP, it all depends on my mood, hormones etc!
Sometimes people can say pretty hurtful things, with intent and I’m like whatever. Other times I cry like a baby.. only when their opinion really matters because I love them that much.
I hope you’re ok Op😌 |
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I think when combined with self-awareness, sensitivity is quite a desirable personality trait. It's when sensitivity comes with defensiveness that it can be challenging, as you can't go there and have the important conversations.
I have several friends who are very comfortable challenging me and I very much appreciate that. If it's done disrespectfully though that's a different thing altogether. If they don't own that then absolutely no, I wouldn't carry on that relationship. |
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"I don't think I'm good at handling negative words from people in general. But if it was from people I like or respect, I'll tend to overthink and wonder why they could feel the way they do have to really reign myself in from being a bit overbearing and asking for the exact details as to what caused those feelings and can get a bit annoyed if they don't want to get into it. I guess in my mind, there just had to be a reason for feeling the way they do even if they can't explain it.
You're recognising how you respond Joe, that's part of it isn't it? I know that I can distance myself from people, close off that little bit more. It's a way of protecting myself. You're trying to understand where they're coming from - sometimes I do that. It's not fun for me or them so I'm actively trying to find better ways."
It's part of it, but I think finding a healthy way to cope with it that doesn't totally damage the relationship is really what I'm looking to achieve and it's the only way I can grow as a person. It's something I definitely want to figure out though. |
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I could be better at handling negative views of me if I was less sensitive.
The people that I like and the those that I respect are liked and respected because of their kindness, empathy and authenticity. More often it's about what they don't say that speaks volumes and that, for me, can be construed as negative - especially when I'm expecting them to be open with me. Naturally I will take that to heart because I held them in my highest regards and appreciation.
I would try to persevere in my friendship with them but also retreat a little into the background for self preservation and reflection, with the intention of assessing whether they are truly my friends or not. |
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I tend to avoid people who think negatively if me if I can. Throughout my working life I had no choice but to interact with colleagues who felt that way towards me now I don't have to.
With family it's a mutual avoidance, if they don't feel positively towards me we're polite at social events and that's that.
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I am incredibly sensitive, I overthink way too much and assume the worst far too often. As you say, if it's a constant repetition of something I don't agree with or understand, I'd try and address it; maybe I've misunderstood? maybe they're not 'saying' what I'm perceiving?
I certainly wouldn't give up on a relationship/friendship without fully understanding their view.
If it was a one time only comment, depending on what it was, I'd either forget about it a day later or it could start that overthinking spiral where I look for that 'view' in anything they say... and would end up addressing it as above; only to find I was being an overthinking buffon! |
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