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Has anyone ever met...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know. |
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By *rsandMrAtoZCouple
over a year ago
Milton Keynes - currently in PDI |
Definitely always listen to the internal voice, it is usually right.
There are lots of opportunities to chat and meet people in rh lifestyle, so don't do it, then look for the next opportunity with someone or some people new. |
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I think this is where you have to rationalise is it your insecurities or is your gut telling you something about them? If it's your gut, listen to it.
Also on a point of insecurities it maybe totally your insecurities keeping you down but it maybe also be something about them that you're not feeling totally comfortable and at ease with them. Which most likely is not a sinister thing, more a chemistry thing (or lack there of). However if they are not making you feel at ease and comfortable how does this bode for potential sexual chemistry and you feeling completely comfortable around them if you do meet? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day.  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I always trust my intuition unless I was sure I would not meet. I did do once about six years ago and met a couple in India that I wasn’t sure about the guy. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. He turned out to be an absolute nightmare in the bedroom, pushy abusive and bullying to the women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day. "
Essex Tom still talks about it.❤️ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day. "
You see i think I'm overthinking it. Everyone he's met has been young and hot. I'm neither. But he seems really keen. Maybe I just will. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day.
You see i think I'm overthinking it. Everyone he's met has been young and hot. I'm neither. But he seems really keen. Maybe I just will. "
I wouldn’t let who else they have met put me off, but if I wasn’t 100% sure they were genuinely interested in me now that’s a different matter. You can separate the two things.
I’ve met people on here where I don’t think I ranked well with their ‘others’, and they told me the complete opposite!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day.
You see i think I'm overthinking it. Everyone he's met has been young and hot. I'm neither. But he seems really keen. Maybe I just will.
I wouldn’t let who else they have met put me off, but if I wasn’t 100% sure they were genuinely interested in me now that’s a different matter. You can separate the two things.
I’ve met people on here where I don’t think I ranked well with their ‘others’, and they told me the complete opposite!
"
I never think anyone's genuinely interested in me. Probably my problem |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day.
You see i think I'm overthinking it. Everyone he's met has been young and hot. I'm neither. But he seems really keen. Maybe I just will.
I wouldn’t let who else they have met put me off, but if I wasn’t 100% sure they were genuinely interested in me now that’s a different matter. You can separate the two things.
I’ve met people on here where I don’t think I ranked well with their ‘others’, and they told me the complete opposite!
I never think anyone's genuinely interested in me. Probably my problem"
I can relate to that feeling |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always trust my gut about a person if something doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t "
What if for example you're not your usual self and you're an overthinking mess of a woman who seems hellbent on sabotaging everything? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My gut is telling me big fat lies right now though. I'm convinced of it
The rest of my body is against me why wouldn't my guy be!??
Only you can decide oh wise one  "
I meant gut. Not guy. How i long to be wise  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes I drove there, knocked on the door and turned around and walked away. Sometimes you need to let your head rule your cock. "
Jeez. I need to find my cock. Anyone seen it?? |
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One other time I was in lingerie in a hotel...waiting. The guy messages and asks did his friend message me? I panicked and thought he'd invited someone else to the hotel....got dressed. Packed my bag and was gonna drive home. Waited in reception for him....
Turns out it was a miscommunication. Had a great night. Still meeting over a year later 😊
So turns out I am wrong sometimes 🙈 |
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"Yes I drove there, knocked on the door and turned around and walked away. Sometimes you need to let your head rule your cock.
Jeez. I need to find my cock. Anyone seen it??"
Probably pecking away somewhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once totally overthunk meeting someone. We'd built a really good friendship (a little more than that actually) and I was so worried that when he met me in person, he'd change his mind.
But I got on that train and made it to the hotel room. I felt sick to my stomach all day. Of course, he took a wrong turn on the motor way and ended up being very late. But he finally got there and to this day it's been the best experience I've had on here. I'm so glad I ignored my insecurities that day.
Essex Tom still talks about it.❤️"
😏😏😏 |
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"I always trust my gut about a person if something doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t
What if for example you're not your usual self and you're an overthinking mess of a woman who seems hellbent on sabotaging everything?"
I get this feeling. I overthink, too. I'd communicate it to them. I'm sure they'll understand and reassure you, I'd hope so anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always trust my gut about a person if something doesn’t feel right it usually isn’t
What if for example you're not your usual self and you're an overthinking mess of a woman who seems hellbent on sabotaging everything?
I get this feeling. I overthink, too. I'd communicate it to them. I'm sure they'll understand and reassure you, I'd hope so anyway. "
Yeah I've told him so many times I'm crap. Constantly being reassured. I'd honestly have given up by now if i were him! Thank you. |
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I had a meeting with someone who totally over thought everything. Kept giving me the opportunity to back out. I never did, and even sent her a picture of me in the hotel room to put her at ease that I had turned up.
The whole meet was amazing. I just reassured them to be them, be comfortable and go with the flow. One of the best meets ever. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know. "
I don't. If I'm not sure if someone is in to me I can quite quickly lose interest. I don't do well with uncertainty. That's not to say I need daily messaging but I like to feel certain about things. If it feels off there's generally a reason why.
In terms of insecurities, I try not to any more. I spent a few years regretting not confirming a date and disappearing and then I got another chance. I never want to make that mistake again.
It's easier said than done but don't compare yourself to others OP. Rarely do we see ourselves as others do. And also... I have quite varied taste in people when it comes to sex. I'm sure you do. Don't judge by a few veris. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know.
I don't. If I'm not sure if someone is in to me I can quite quickly lose interest. I don't do well with uncertainty. That's not to say I need daily messaging but I like to feel certain about things. If it feels off there's generally a reason why.
In terms of insecurities, I try not to any more. I spent a few years regretting not confirming a date and disappearing and then I got another chance. I never want to make that mistake again.
It's easier said than done but don't compare yourself to others OP. Rarely do we see ourselves as others do. And also... I have quite varied taste in people when it comes to sex. I'm sure you do. Don't judge by a few veris."
I think the problem is I'm not used to feeling insecure so I really don't know how to handle it. I know the old me would just do it and what the hell. Eurgh. I hate me right now!!🤣🤣 |
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I don't think I've ever had that to be honest. Everyone I've organised a meet with, I've wanted to meet. The only doubts I've ever had have been based on me and whether I would live up to their expectations |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think I've ever had that to be honest. Everyone I've organised a meet with, I've wanted to meet. The only doubts I've ever had have been based on me and whether I would live up to their expectations "
Yep. Those are my doubts. |
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"I don't think I've ever had that to be honest. Everyone I've organised a meet with, I've wanted to meet. The only doubts I've ever had have been based on me and whether I would live up to their expectations
Yep. Those are my doubts."
What make you doubt you can live up to expectations? |
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By *illowzWoman
over a year ago
Exeter |
"That's why I think its always best to meet for a social first. Any doubts or worries can be confirmed or put to bed afterwards (pardon the pun)."
Exactly this. If I ever have niggling doubts in my mind, then social first. |
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"Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know. "
Once; and it became the worst night of my life. There were red flags a plenty, but I ignored them.
I think for you though OP the big difference isn't that you're unsure of them, you're second guessing yourself; AND YOU REALLY NEEDN'T DO THAT. Every word of positivity and encouragement written above is justified and sound. Listen to the old you and go for it... 🤗 |
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"I don't think I've ever had that to be honest. Everyone I've organised a meet with, I've wanted to meet. The only doubts I've ever had have been based on me and whether I would live up to their expectations
Yep. Those are my doubts."
It's definitely a tough one, but I've gotten better at preventing that by telling myself that there's a reason they want to meet me and they must already like me otherwise they wouldn't have agreed 😅 |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
The first night I met my long term partner.
When he responded by message I thought I must have been the only woman online that time of night.
After moving to msn to chat he asked where I lived and said about coming over.
My brain was telling me don't be stupid, but my vagina said shut up, he's hot, you'll be an idiot if you turn this opportunity down.
Didn't think I'd see him again after that night.
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"Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know. "
Years ago got bitten by a late booty call. Drove out to the postcode and suddenly not answering phone or messages.
Also had people making me jump through hoops with no intention of meeting etc.
Or people trying to run scams and chat bots.
So while I am fully aware that I have social anxiety, worry about if I look okay, will be okay or not go to a club night because I 'know' that no-one will be interested etc.
I do try and listen to my intuition when sommat feels off
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Mrs believes in gut feelings but I think it's nonsense.
I conduct careful analysis of toxic personality traits regarding personality disorders.
Some are pretty negative and obvious while others are things that fooled me in the past like charming type behaviours or idolizing me when I barely know them (which turns toxic because you can't meet their expectations)
It's a big list of things. It's not just about dating I have a worse experience with some colleagues and employers. |
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I don't believe in intuitive senses.
The person with these "feelings" probably got a bad vibe from something negative but I myself need to have an absolutely solid reason that I investigated.
My wife is obviously someone who has feelings but I am extremely stoic and logical. |
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By *a1970Man
over a year ago
East cork |
"Someone that you're really not sure about, and they tell you they are so up for it, and you really fancy it... but something says don't... but you don't really know why. Other than your own idiotic insecurities. Have you done it,? Or wouldn't you? I need to know. "
if it don't feel perfect... Bail out
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hmm thanks for all your input so far. I really don't think I have bad vibes about them. I'm pretty sure it's a me thing. But this is quite new for me as I don't normally feel like this. I'm gonna blame the menopause. Maybe what I'm feeling is anxiety? Not something I suffer with but have read it can be linked to menopause. Eurgh. Don't get old, kids!! |
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By *viatrixCouple
over a year ago
Gatwick |
"Yes once and I didn't do it. And I'm not sorry.
When I listen to that voice I'm never wrong.
👆🏻this"
Another vote for this.
I keep thinking I will fancy them when I meet them in person because they’re great in personality, but it never happens. Ever.
So, because I am here for my satisfaction, not a relationship or anything, I only meet people who tick all my boxes. Means I meet once in a blue moon but itdoesn’t matter. Nowadays one or two days of sex see me for 6 weeks or so. 🤭 |
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If I had even the slightest doubt about someone I wouldn't be having sex with them.
I'm not attracted to people that might cause me to have those doubts.
It's not about insecurity for me and much more about connection which is one of the reasons I get to know people over weeks and months before meeting socially and that part isn't open to negotiation.
I've never had sex just for the sake of it and don't think I ever could so gut feelings and doubts would mean a big no as far as I'm concerned. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends why I’m getting the “no don’t do it”vibe. Is it because of my lack of self confidence OR because I’m getting serial killer vibes.
I may brush one aside but run for the hills with the other!
Always trust your instinct. |
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By *sWyldWoman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Hmm thanks for all your input so far. I really don't think I have bad vibes about them. I'm pretty sure it's a me thing. But this is quite new for me as I don't normally feel like this. I'm gonna blame the menopause. Maybe what I'm feeling is anxiety? Not something I suffer with but have read it can be linked to menopause. Eurgh. Don't get old, kids!!"
Insecurity and anxiety is shit. Perimenopause brought me a whole heap of both. I've always been insecure and not confident within myself but now that's heightened with anxiety on top (oh and a bit of imposter syndrome for good measure)
It doesn't take much for my head to convince me I'm not good enough or that they couldn't possibly be that into me.
It's a real struggle and I have to work really hard at times to get past those thoughts. Not just when it comes to meeting people but even at work and in life.
I've also however realised we often regret the things we don't do when we wanted to,the most .
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmm thanks for all your input so far. I really don't think I have bad vibes about them. I'm pretty sure it's a me thing. But this is quite new for me as I don't normally feel like this. I'm gonna blame the menopause. Maybe what I'm feeling is anxiety? Not something I suffer with but have read it can be linked to menopause. Eurgh. Don't get old, kids!!
Insecurity and anxiety is shit. Perimenopause brought me a whole heap of both. I've always been insecure and not confident within myself but now that's heightened with anxiety on top (oh and a bit of imposter syndrome for good measure)
It doesn't take much for my head to convince me I'm not good enough or that they couldn't possibly be that into me.
It's a real struggle and I have to work really hard at times to get past those thoughts. Not just when it comes to meeting people but even at work and in life.
I've also however realised we often regret the things we don't do when we wanted to,the most .
"
Thank you for this. I think this is exactly where I am. It's really not something i suffered with before. And yes! Imposter syndrome at work big style! I brought it up in my line management at work the other day and my boss is being really supportive. A colleague of mine also suffers with this and she found a webinar that she found really helped to understand it and with putting in measures to overcome it.
The self doubt really has come from no where though. I think I'm going to have to push it aside and pull up my big girl pants (not too big because that really won't do much for my confidence!) And go for it!! It's true. never regret the things you do, only the things you don't. Eeek!! |
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By *sWyldWoman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"Hmm thanks for all your input so far. I really don't think I have bad vibes about them. I'm pretty sure it's a me thing. But this is quite new for me as I don't normally feel like this. I'm gonna blame the menopause. Maybe what I'm feeling is anxiety? Not something I suffer with but have read it can be linked to menopause. Eurgh. Don't get old, kids!!
Insecurity and anxiety is shit. Perimenopause brought me a whole heap of both. I've always been insecure and not confident within myself but now that's heightened with anxiety on top (oh and a bit of imposter syndrome for good measure)
It doesn't take much for my head to convince me I'm not good enough or that they couldn't possibly be that into me.
It's a real struggle and I have to work really hard at times to get past those thoughts. Not just when it comes to meeting people but even at work and in life.
I've also however realised we often regret the things we don't do when we wanted to,the most .
Thank you for this. I think this is exactly where I am. It's really not something i suffered with before. And yes! Imposter syndrome at work big style! I brought it up in my line management at work the other day and my boss is being really supportive. A colleague of mine also suffers with this and she found a webinar that she found really helped to understand it and with putting in measures to overcome it.
The self doubt really has come from no where though. I think I'm going to have to push it aside and pull up my big girl pants (not too big because that really won't do much for my confidence!) And go for it!! It's true. never regret the things you do, only the things you don't. Eeek!!"
If you haven't considered it already, see if there is a menopause specialist within your GP practice. You don't have to suffer at the hands of hormones. I'd also really recommend menopause training within workplaces too. It's amazing the difference it can make.
Good luck. Find the pants that make you feel your best  |
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