FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > When women have a type and you're not it
When women have a type and you're not it
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By *agic.M OP Man 5 weeks ago
Orpington |
Gentlemen...this one is more for you. I think I'm not far to say that all of us at some point in our lives have heard the cliche rejection of "you're nice but you're just not my type"... which is when you just accept it and move on, however whilst I agree you're not going to be everyone's type, there's a cynical realisation that you might also not be anyone's type - and I'm convinced there's gonna be some push back on this one (especially from women) saying "there's someone for everyone ", but that is a statement I simply cannot agree with- I truly believe that there are some people (predominantly men) that are just not desired (because of the way they look or behave or a combination of both).
Now people can change, they can "better" themselves, they can become more attractive (if that's what they want), but to do that, both introspection and feedback are required. As a man you definitely don't want to ask for feedback from the women that have rejected you (you will appear desperate) but who would be the right people to give you that feedback? People of the opposite sex from your social groups? Siblings? Or maybe friends that have success in dating (and appear to be more desired)?
On fab, whenever a man asks for feedback or help (regarding attractiveness), women tend to give more cliche answers (such as "just be yourself " - which is weird because if that would work surely they wouldn't be asking for help) and men tend to make more jokes than actually give advice.
For those of you (guys) that are a bit more successful on fab, would you be willing to be part of a group chat where we offer advice to those that struggle on here, bounce ideas and productive feedbacks of eachother ? Or do you believe it would be waisted on most men on fab?
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Fab forums are a really interesting place because you watch men go in real time from confident and seemingly pretty safe to a place where they’re on the brink of being vulnerable to so many dangerous ideas because of the constant rejection |
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I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I won't give you pushback on what you said in your OP, bar one point.
I really don't agree with the view that some men won't be anyone's type due to looks. That's a really personal thing and aesthetics are more I.portant to some than others.
But I'll 100% agree that some men won't be wanted by women due to their behaviour and opinions. Even a model standard guy who fits most people's idea of a visually attractive guy will get knocked back 99% of the time if he acts in a certain way and displays red flags, manosphere/red pill opinions and can't engage in a decent manner with the opposite sex. 👌 |
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By *agic.M OP Man 5 weeks ago
Orpington |
"I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
"
Fair points...and interesting view on it. At what point would you see it as not "conning women" when a man advices another man on dating? Would it be only if they know eachother personally? |
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"I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
Fair points...and interesting view on it. At what point would you see it as not "conning women" when a man advices another man on dating? Would it be only if they know eachother personally?"
I think general profile advice and advice on being yourself are all you can do. You can’t give people lines and you can’t give people ways of altering their true self. That’s getting them to be something they’re not. |
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Everyone would be happier in life if they didn't let others dictate their self esteem. Self worth and confidence is attractive, there's no shortcut or advice to a woman's bed so all you can do is be yourself. One person's rejection doesn't determine an entire rejection from the rest of society, it just redirects you to the right people for you. |
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"Everyone would be happier in life if they didn't let others dictate their self esteem. Self worth and confidence is attractive, there's no shortcut or advice to a woman's bed so all you can do is be yourself. One person's rejection doesn't determine an entire rejection from the rest of society, it just redirects you to the right people for you."
Literally |
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If you're not someone's type, I always taken it as just that. They aren't looking for that/you.
You can't tell someone's type from a sentence or paragraph or two on a page. You can't tell what they are looking for from one day to the next. I get people could save you if they liked you, but realistically, they are doing them and you are doing you so meh.
Fab does seem to be getting a bit of a platform for other sites nowadays so all the sex people are having might be more promo than anything else.
It's also a reasonably small pool unless you're willing to travel miles and miles - you'll be seeing the same profiles - even travelling has it's hurdles no matter how much you get along. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
Fair points...and interesting view on it. At what point would you see it as not "conning women" when a man advices another man on dating? Would it be only if they know eachother personally?
I think general profile advice and advice on being yourself are all you can do. You can’t give people lines and you can’t give people ways of altering their true self. That’s getting them to be something they’re not. "
To me it's not really a question of whether advice should be given or not, it's the question of what's the motivation for seeking the advice in the first place?
Wanting to be a better person? Wanting to change and become someone different because it's the right thing to do?
Or wanting pointers on how to better convince women to let them have sex and not get rejected at each attempt?
Because I've no issue at all with the first two and a massive 'NOPE' in flashing neon, with a blaring siren in my head for the third. 🤷♂️ |
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I'm not many people's type, yes I feel sad when I find someone who I'd love to play with but they say no, but you accept it and move on.
When reading a profile if it says so beards, body hair, cock length longer than half an inch I know I dont meet their criteria so no point bothering them. Yes they are missing out on a truly disappointing time but thats their choice. Make you the you you want to be and dont focus on what others want you to be, except washed. Always wash. |
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"I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
Fair points...and interesting view on it. At what point would you see it as not "conning women" when a man advices another man on dating? Would it be only if they know eachother personally?
I think general profile advice and advice on being yourself are all you can do. You can’t give people lines and you can’t give people ways of altering their true self. That’s getting them to be something they’re not.
To me it's not really a question of whether advice should be given or not, it's the question of what's the motivation for seeking the advice in the first place?
Wanting to be a better person? Wanting to change and become someone different because it's the right thing to do?
Or wanting pointers on how to better convince women to let them have sex and not get rejected at each attempt?
Because I've no issue at all with the first two and a massive 'NOPE' in flashing neon, with a blaring siren in my head for the third. 🤷♂️"
and then you’ve got to figure out how a group like that works. Ultimately it would be a group to offer advice to improve profiles and interaction, with the view to have more ‘success’. But also you have to balance the opinions on what makes someone better because it’s the right thing to do. |
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I used to just go on forums and dating websites messaging eastern European, African and Asian women who were new to the country. Loads work in care homes or as nannies/nurses.
Kinky forums also in kinky social media.
Then obviously have a job to pay for taking them out and accomodating them and running a car.
I think alot of guys don't realize they are expected to be providers and they want 50/50.
I don't date very westernised modern women or try to they are not my type and I am not their type.
Also if you go on forums and you are this pathetic guy who wants to fit in with then they don't respect you really.
Even myself saying controversial things and getting blocked I was getting inboxes from women because the others hated me but I kept being myself.
It's not really about being super chad 6 pack farrari man 10%vs80% and pulling birds in clubs unless you're into western women who will with old food and sex from you for whatever reason anyway.
I had lots of relationships and sex encounters with women I met online. Not on here though. Only on kinky social media and dating sites where I can write messages.
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I would say the problem isn’t how attractive someone is but it’s how they sell themselves online.
I used to offer advice to new guys on how to better sell themselves online, whenever someone got in touch with us, to help save them the constant rejections.
However I’d say about 99% of the time, I might as well not have bothered as their profile wouldn’t change or they’d think they were the exception to the rule that guys need a good profile.
When I was single on here, I looked around at good profiles and seen what it took to sell myself and find my USP. I also got out and went to socials.
Meeting people face to face is so much better - there are guys we’d have probably said no to online but face to face they’ve looked better and their personalities have come across.
The bottom line is some people can sell themselves online and some just can’t.
Also this is essentially a free to sign up site so it’s going to attract a lot of people who think they just need a profile to get sex as that’s what everyone is on here for, so I don’t think you’ll ever get past the dross.
Unless the site had some pointers to build a profile, a lot of people just think sex site and sell themselves accordingly.
K
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I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men. |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men. "
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god. |
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By *agic.M OP Man 5 weeks ago
Orpington |
"I have very little success on fab, don’t have much success in the forums, I’m not openly *desired* but truly advice won’t work and advice from other guys feels like just a way of conning women into sleeping with you which feels very gross and problematic.
If you’re not desired on here, look elsewhere? If you aren’t the type of the women on here, you can’t change that. There are apps designed to help you find people you will connect with, use them.
And of course, go to socials and clubs. It’s a good way to get your personality across.
Fair points...and interesting view on it. At what point would you see it as not "conning women" when a man advices another man on dating? Would it be only if they know eachother personally?
I think general profile advice and advice on being yourself are all you can do. You can’t give people lines and you can’t give people ways of altering their true self. That’s getting them to be something they’re not. "
You mean like pick up lines? Oh God no, I wasn't thinking to that extreme...more like giving eachother advice on things like grooming, what hairstyle or facial hair would look better on one's face, or fashion, various forms of fitness and physical exercises, or what books they could read to enhance their vocabulary...all things that could be used to "better yourself " with the byproduct of becoming more attractive as well, and also maybe give men a sense of inclusiveness and camaraderie. But I can understand how that can easily turn into something toxic, once the wrong voices appear... |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god."
Oops, I should do some better ones.  |
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Fab is like fishing.
When things aren't going well, you start blaming yourself. You question whether your rods big enough, you question if you have the right lures. You even start asking those around you what set up they're using. When times are really desperate, you start casting further with no success.
Your mate tells you he caught 5 the other day and you think he's bull shitting.
Sometimes the fish just simply aren't hungry. Sometimes it's all about luck and timing. It's about patience.
Others should just take up golf. |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god."
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny  |
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I think it's more a matter of probability. I don't think my metric for 'success' is a particularly common one here. I am also not interested in introspection for the purpose of being attractive to women, sure it may be a by-product, but it's only valuable to me if (1) That person likes me for who I am and (2) I like them for who they are.
In answer to your question about a man's group. I am not really interested in being part of a gender exclusive group. And as I've explained above, I am not really interested in the defined goal of the group.
So I will wish you well in your endeavours. |
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By *aizyWoman 5 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god.
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny "
2 more years Pickles, can't wait to see em! 👀 |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god.
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny "
The sad reality is- people aren’t always attracted to you. Maybe you’re ‘ugly’. Maybe you’re not. But we should just accept that being attractive is a huge factor to success on here. Yes you need a profile and a personality but being a nice guy with a nice profile if you’re not attractive wins you nothing but mates. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god.
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny "
Ageist...... |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god.
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny
2 more years Pickles, can't wait to see em! 👀"
Tbf I’m already hilariously bad at taking selfies. That’s why I don’t do well on here! Keep up |
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"I think we’re totally kidding ourselves if we are acting like looks aren’t a factor for rejection.
A good profile is great but the OP is talking about hearing that you’re nice but not someone’s type. Looks are a huge factor on here. Personality is what makes you more desirable than the other attractive people. But your looks do the initial filtering.
Most women on here are not attracted to someone regardless of how they look as long as they have a nice personality. Same for most men.
This is it. And the photos most men are using? My god.
It’s also the angles. Men over 30 taking selfies is so funny
Ageist...... "
Men under 30 aren’t typically good with typewriters |
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Despite having numerous verifications I would never try and claim that I'm successful on fab.
I wouldn't be interested in a chat group for a number of reasons mostly related to having no interest in chat groups but also because I have no interest in giving advice to strangers who I know nothing about.
I've never tried being anyone or anything that I'm not on fab and that has worked for me over the years.
There are lots of women who use the forums that don't like the way I engage on here and I can't see any of their profiles for that reason.
At the same time, I haven't sent a single introductory message in more than 5 years and the vast majority of those women who have contacted me in that time have done so because they like how I engage in the forums.
You can't please everyone and I've no interest in doing so but at the same time I can't advise or train someone to be me.
In regards to looks, I've been at a few socials where the most popular men in the room were far from the tall gym honed guys that some seem to think are the most successful on fab.
Personality goes a hell of a long way on here. |
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I have been useless chatting up women since I was 17 or 18, was told by one girl I fancied at work I was too nice, that has been in my head ever since, been out with women since but was with one for 6 years but we never had sexy, she didn't want anything further than foreplay and kissing, stuck with her but broke up, met a woman in a pub who i didn't realise was a bad alcoholic, so since then I've become a single man aged 71, enjoy x dressing at times, but i send out wrong vibes, i am quite reserved at times , not a loud person either, this is reading boring i guess think i nesd a wank soon , thanks👍👍 |
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Depends what your metric for success is on Fab I suppose.
My first month on Fab I had 3 meets, all involved a period of a week or so of chatting and social meets before things got sexual.
By month 2 I was a bit drained of energy, not from sex or anything just the constant chatting, also when I first started experiencing negative interactions with fake profiles and random time wasters deleting profiles after days of chat.
Month 3 I found the forums and enjoyed the interaction and discussions, it was also when I realised that my profile was actually pretty decent and had more positive interactions than most single guys, I didn’t really look for meets or send much messages but I didn’t get a few winks and messages and have a couple of things lined up.
I wouldn’t really class my time on Fab as successful as I’ve not really found what I set out to do, I’ve not had the new sexual experiences I was looking for but instead enjoyed sex with some new partners.
Overall Fab has been mostly positive for me if sporadic and frustrating at times. I don’t send many messages now unless I get a wink first but I’m definitely more selective of the people I engage with. |
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As someone said its not necessarily the most attractive that are successful.
Get yourself known, join in the forums, go to socials. I recommend newbie socials or organized socials where people get to know your personality. Once you get known as being a decent guy doors will open for you.
No point sitting round here waiting for people to come to you |
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By *agic.M OP Man 5 weeks ago
Orpington |
"Depends what your metric for success is on Fab I suppose.
My first month on Fab I had 3 meets, all involved a period of a week or so of chatting and social meets before things got sexual.
By month 2 I was a bit drained of energy, not from sex or anything just the constant chatting, also when I first started experiencing negative interactions with fake profiles and random time wasters deleting profiles after days of chat.
Month 3 I found the forums and enjoyed the interaction and discussions, it was also when I realised that my profile was actually pretty decent and had more positive interactions than most single guys, I didn’t really look for meets or send much messages but I didn’t get a few winks and messages and have a couple of things lined up.
I wouldn’t really class my time on Fab as successful as I’ve not really found what I set out to do, I’ve not had the new sexual experiences I was looking for but instead enjoyed sex with some new partners.
Overall Fab has been mostly positive for me if sporadic and frustrating at times. I don’t send many messages now unless I get a wink first but I’m definitely more selective of the people I engage with."
I (from my pov) think that success on fab is as simple as most people liking your profile - not how much people you meet or how much sex you get from fab. If you get at least one message per day where someone is complimenting your pictures and bio, I think you're pretty successful on fab (keyword "on" fab) |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 5 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
"Depends what your metric for success is on Fab I suppose.
My first month on Fab I had 3 meets, all involved a period of a week or so of chatting and social meets before things got sexual.
By month 2 I was a bit drained of energy, not from sex or anything just the constant chatting, also when I first started experiencing negative interactions with fake profiles and random time wasters deleting profiles after days of chat.
Month 3 I found the forums and enjoyed the interaction and discussions, it was also when I realised that my profile was actually pretty decent and had more positive interactions than most single guys, I didn’t really look for meets or send much messages but I didn’t get a few winks and messages and have a couple of things lined up.
I wouldn’t really class my time on Fab as successful as I’ve not really found what I set out to do, I’ve not had the new sexual experiences I was looking for but instead enjoyed sex with some new partners.
Overall Fab has been mostly positive for me if sporadic and frustrating at times. I don’t send many messages now unless I get a wink first but I’m definitely more selective of the people I engage with.
I (from my pov) think that success on fab is as simple as most people liking your profile - not how much people you meet or how much sex you get from fab. If you get at least one message per day where someone is complimenting your pictures and bio, I think you're pretty successful on fab (keyword "on" fab)"
A very positive pov |
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I know I'm an aquired taste and getting that first meet is bloody difficult. However, once I get past that hurdle, repeat meets never seem to be an issue.
I think the only problem arises when I see someone I like and "I" think I'm what they are looking for when in reality I'm not.
You can waste a lot of time chasing the unobtainable.
But there will be very few people on fab that can't get a meet unless they sabotage themselves by being an unpleasant person or engage in activity that no one finds appealing.
For every 50 messages sent, maybe get 7 replies and one of them might result in a meet. However the onus is on me to ensure that the first meet becomes one of many!
You absolutely control your own destiny on fab! |
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