FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do you handle a dripfeeder?
How do you handle a dripfeeder?
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What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none? |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
this happens so much i tend to give up after a few messages I want someone to engage |
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I wish I could give up on people like this but my brain makes it so that when I like someone I really like them. So I seem to overlook that they don’t make time to see me or speak to me but swear that they’re interested in me. |
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Actions people. Take note of them over what comes out of their mouth or is written in messages.
Always the one to suggest meeting up? Stop, just stop. If that person genuinely wants to see you, they will let you know.
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"Actions people. Take note of them over what comes out of their mouth or is written in messages.
Always the one to suggest meeting up? Stop, just stop. If that person genuinely wants to see you, they will let you know.
"
But I want to see them. So I keep asking. |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
"
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily |
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"Actions people. Take note of them over what comes out of their mouth or is written in messages.
Always the one to suggest meeting up? Stop, just stop. If that person genuinely wants to see you, they will let you know.
But I want to see them. So I keep asking. "
Im the opposite if I feel I'm not wanted I stay the hell away.
Then I see them in the street and they act all happy saying "we must catch up over coffee" while airkissing. Followed by utter silence.  |
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By *vaRoseWoman 5 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
This isn’t bread crumbing. You’re trying to initiate conversation and she’s not into it.
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily"
If that's how you're interpreting her actions then you should continue to correspond.
I would say though that women often get a bad press for not responding, so ...🤷♀️
Maybe you could try to arrange a definite coffee date. |
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I don't think of drip-feeding as breadcrumbing, it's more withholding of information and revealing it incrementally.
There's lots of reasons people may do this, which may not carry malicious intent - concern about how people may react to the information is one.
If you believe someone is treating you unfairly or not meeting your communication expectations there are very simple solutions. Broach the subject with them respectfully or stop engaging with them - being the most obvious I think. |
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That's not really breadcrumbing - that's someone who is showing very low interest in you. If they like you, they will make it easy for you. Time to move on.
Another thing to remember is that some of the people with long shopping lists of essentials offer very little in return. Those are also people to avoid.
If in doubt, think "what would James Bond do?" - would he get pissy about one low interest woman, or would he give a little smirk and ski off a mountainside? |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily
If that's how you're interpreting her actions then you should continue to correspond.
I would say though that women often get a bad press for not responding, so ...🤷♀️
Maybe you could try to arrange a definite coffee date. "
Idk, it's too much for me personally to handle mentally. It's not ego, it's basic self respect to not allow myself to be treated this way. It's degrading. I know that men are commodified on here but that's something I've come to accept slowly as I've been on fab and to not take it personally... I do however take it personally when I feel that power imbalance of my position as a single male speaking with a female and knowing she's my only option, therefore, putting me in a position where I would compromise far more mentally than she would. |
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"That's not really breadcrumbing - that's someone who is showing very low interest in you. If they like you, they will make it easy for you. Time to move on.
Another thing to remember is that some of the people with long shopping lists of essentials offer very little in return. Those are also people to avoid.
If in doubt, think "what would James Bond do?" - would he get pissy about one low interest woman, or would he give a little smirk and ski off a mountainside?"
He'd courageously risk life and limb to save her from certain death, probably involving driving an Aston Martin - she would swoon into his arms and then there'd be a scene in a 5 star hotel suite or yacht cabin. |
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Ahh yes this old chestnut 😂😂
When a Woman’s profile states that they want this sort of connection I have to presume she has none of the skills required to be mentally stimulating herself and is dependent on her inbox for a positive Fab experience lol.
Also just because she demands your undivided attention when communicating with her don’t presume her attention isn’t being split into 10 other message threads as she desperately seeks stimulation from all of you at once.
The Fab succubus’s draining energy from all sources around them 😂😂, my advice is to set a boundary pal and just call them out on shit chat.
It’s hard for woman to make meaningful connections due to being bombarded. The ones that ban all messages and seek out the men they like are true geniuses of Fab. |
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Have had situations where I had people making me jump through hoops, take various pictures etc etc and it's clear they're not interested.
Or arranging a meet and then ghosting me.
The sad fact is that the internet is horribly impersonal and Fab being very much a buyer's market there is a bad habit of treating people like meat.
This can be really bad with bods who are looking to try a very specific fantasy, which can mean they are more interested in their fun than remembering they're dealing with another person. Resulting in some being treated like a convenient hole or pole.
It's not just with single guys on the receiving end.
Many women feel it when they're treated like they owe a bloke something.
Plenty of bisexual folks brought in as a 3rd for a 3some treated as meat or couples trying to set all the rules etc.
Anyone who is a bit subby getting bombarded by every wannabe Dom or Domina who doesn't understand how kink actually works.
There are also some very sad bods that get off stringing people along, because they enjoy the attention.
Now, I can absolutely understand people get bombarded in messages, have lives outside of fab and some bods can be very nervous about meeting.
If you feel you're being strung along.
Ask them if they fancy a social to see if there's any chemistry. Cutting to the chase often helps.
Or just asking if they're actually interested or not
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily"
Nope. I've had conversations with people that have been like that. Because we were both free to converse at the time and not in any way planning to meet, giving eachother the idea that we wanted to take things further and simply because we were discussing either something specific or just life in general.
Assuming that because someone responds it's going to lead somewhere is a simple mistake many make.
Sometimes people do just want to chat, sometimes for a short while.
Sometimes those chats continue and sometimes they don't.
Trying to second guess where things will lead, or to steer them in a certain direction is what puts people off and cuts things dead. 🤷♂️ |
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"It's frustrating you because you're playing a game that is heavily rigged against you. If it's starting to get you down, then step away for a few days and concentrate on other things."
Yes, that has to be it. My issue is that I feel you won't get anywhere with Fab if you don't treat it as a full time job if you're a single guy. "Cold calling" and random solicitation is the way to go for us and if you stop, you're unlikely to start again because: you'll self reflect, realize this is super toxic to your mental health, delete fab, get horny and desperate after a while and come back. It's a vicious cycle and I'd rather just keep to it and fight through the emotions
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily
If that's how you're interpreting her actions then you should continue to correspond.
I would say though that women often get a bad press for not responding, so ...🤷♀️
Maybe you could try to arrange a definite coffee date. Idk, it's too much for me personally to handle mentally. It's not ego, it's basic self respect to not allow myself to be treated this way. It's degrading. I know that men are commodified on here but that's something I've come to accept slowly as I've been on fab and to not take it personally... I do however take it personally when I feel that power imbalance of my position as a single male speaking with a female and knowing she's my only option, therefore, putting me in a position where I would compromise far more mentally than she would."
You can easily take the power back.
I'm not unsympathetic but despite me saying she's not interested you seem to want to persist in talking to her. You are in that position because you've actively chosen to be. As I said up the page I don't stay where it seems I'm not wanted. |
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By *hortieWoman 5 weeks ago
Northampton |
Was yesterday the first time you guys messaged? Cause if it was, boy, you've got no patience.
There will be many more times like this on fab. And some great times. You are the only master of your time on here. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It's frustrating you because you're playing a game that is heavily rigged against you. If it's starting to get you down, then step away for a few days and concentrate on other things.Yes, that has to be it. My issue is that I feel you won't get anywhere with Fab if you don't treat it as a full time job if you're a single guy. "Cold calling" and random solicitation is the way to go for us and if you stop, you're unlikely to start again because: you'll self reflect, realize this is super toxic to your mental health, delete fab, get horny and desperate after a while and come back. It's a vicious cycle and I'd rather just keep to it and fight through the emotions"
Fab is just a contact tool. An opportunity to interact with others. It's a gateway, not the complete picture. Used in conjunction with other avenues it works well for many.
But very few will make it all of their swinging lives successfully. Just setting up a profile on the Internet won't open a floodgate of offers to meet and provide an easy and quick route to sex. |
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I would say she's just not that into you, I just wouldn't bother if it were me and move on to someone who is interested in me.
I don't know why you would even persist in trying to get a conversation going. |
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That doesn't really sound like breadcrumbing to me. If I feel someone is, I give up. It gets boring. If they can't communicate, or it feels like they ghost until they've nothing better going on, just leave it and move on.
It's hard when it's someone you like, but it is what it is. You don't have to jump through hoops or feel like a substitute. Maybe you're just not compatible. |
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I appreciate all the thoughtful replies to this thread. I love that the community on Fab is understanding, positive and the people you meet here actually take the time to read what you type, think, and then give a good write up of their own thoughts in kind. I didn't see any hate in this thread. Fab is cut from a different cloth, I swear. If this were any other platform, this subject would have turned to a shitshow |
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It’s annoying. They shouldn’t bother answering at all if they’re not interested. Conversation with a brick wall is hard, and the if the onus is all on the man to be the one doing all the work in the conversation, it’s not a conversation worth having. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"It’s annoying. They shouldn’t bother answering at all if they’re not interested. Conversation with a brick wall is hard, and the if the onus is all on the man to be the one doing all the work in the conversation, it’s not a conversation worth having. "
But how do they know they're interested or not until a conversation happens? Sometimes short responses are triggered by the content/style/approach of a message. It's not always down to laziness. Some questions asked and messages sent honestly don't give much opportunity for anything other than a brief, short reply. Chats are a two way street. If it appears to be one sided and drying up, then there can often be a cause for that. |
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I tend to deal with it by avoiding people who use terms such as gaslighting, dripfeeding, ghosting and various other blue sky adjectives.
That isn't intended as a dig op but I much prefer to have natural conversations with people who aren't analysing my every word or looking for a hidden agenda.
That's why I much prefer getting to know people over a period of time before agreeing to meet and it's usually fairly obvious if they are over analysing everything. |
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I can make it super clear that did whatever reason I'm uninterested in the person and they will keep messaging me until I block them. Take the hint people. If it doesn't feel like it's flowing look elsewhere. |
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By *eyeYCouple 5 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
Frankly we respond with the same effort and they either open the conversation up further or as is more often the case they fade away.
Find the same with those who we've sent face pics to, at they're request often but they won't reciprocate, give them 48 hrs, remove ours and move on.
We appreciate we're in the privileged position of having each other, so don't concern ourselves with hanging out for others.
Their loss 😉😂 x |
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"It’s annoying. They shouldn’t bother answering at all if they’re not interested. Conversation with a brick wall is hard, and the if the onus is all on the man to be the one doing all the work in the conversation, it’s not a conversation worth having. "
I have seen countless threads saying women are rude, ignorant, up themselves, deluded, entitled etc if they don't respond to messages.
I agree that if the onus is all on the man the conversation isn't worth having but it seems women can't win. Respond or not we're wrong.
It's the same off fab. A guy approaches you, you smile and respond. He assumes you're interested in him sexually. You ignore him and you're a stuck up bitch.
Before anyone says it I know it isn't all men but it's some men and I don't know how to tell the difference just by looking |
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"That's not really breadcrumbing - that's someone who is showing very low interest in you. If they like you, they will make it easy for you. Time to move on.
Another thing to remember is that some of the people with long shopping lists of essentials offer very little in return. Those are also people to avoid.
If in doubt, think "what would James Bond do?" - would he get pissy about one low interest woman, or would he give a little smirk and ski off a mountainside?"
In general, when we see a 'laundry list' of requirements on any profile, we just move on; as, what's the point of reading paragraph after paragraph, you're as likely to win the lottery as to fulfil them all.
One other thing we've learned in the FAB'couplesphere' is that not everyone on here actually wants to meet anyone at all, even though their profile doesn't say that. It's highly likely there are women on here who are just the same. So, when you get a neutral/non committal reply, or, more usually, no reply to a thoughtful message, just move on. There are huge numbers on here, including some really great people, of course, the issue is actually finding them.
BTW, loved the previous poster's 'What would James Bond do' metaphor, after reading that, I couldn't help wondering what his profile on FAB would say...... |
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It could also be she's dealing with something in her private life and can't respond.
You could ask her outright if she's interested and say you won't be upset or offended if you aren't for her. If she says yes then say you don't seem it as you state you want good conversation yet ours seem onesided. That kind of thing. |
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By *aizyWoman 5 weeks ago
west midlands |
I put the same energy in as I get from someone, if it is all one sentence msgs that is what they will get back till I or they stop messaging. I am bad at answering msgs I know I am, sometimes I log onto fab just to have a nosey on the forums, at the same time I have no problem chatting to people I like every day, every other day or picking up a convo weeks or sometimes months after we last chatted. The way I look at is, it is just chatting if it goes somewhere great, if it doesn't I haven't lost anything or missed out on anything it was just chatting. |
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"It could also be she's dealing with something in her private life and can't respond.
You could ask her outright if she's interested and say you won't be upset or offended if you aren't for her. If she says yes then say you don't seem it as you state you want good conversation yet ours seem onesided. That kind of thing."
That's actually a really well written response, nanna. I'll borrow that and use it from now on  |
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"
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily"
Sometimes I am super, super bored (not lately) and I just reply to messages to have a chat. I put if in my profile bio though. That me responding to messages does not mean I want to meet. And 85% of those “chats” are always “so where r u from then” “any plans” “up to much” etc- so I reply accordingly.
I had an amazing chat the other day with a very fluent non-native Spanish speaker. We talked for hours. But I am not attracted to them physically. So I won’t meet them for sex which is what they were looking for. 🤷♀️ |
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"
Sometimes I am super, super bored (not lately) and I just reply to messages to have a chat. I put if in my profile bio though. That me responding to messages does not mean I want to meet. And 85% of those “chats” are always “so where r u from then” “any plans” “up to much” etc- so I reply accordingly.
I had an amazing chat the other day with a very fluent non-native Spanish speaker. We talked for hours. But I am not attracted to them physically. So I won’t meet them for sex which is what they were looking for. 🤷♀️ "
As a single male, THAT sort of thing drove me nuts. I didn't sign up to the apps to be someone's pen pal or emotional support blanket. I'd ask very early on if I was of interest to them and if the answer was "no", then no more time would be wasted on that person |
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"
Sometimes I am super, super bored (not lately) and I just reply to messages to have a chat. I put if in my profile bio though. That me responding to messages does not mean I want to meet. And 85% of those “chats” are always “so where r u from then” “any plans” “up to much” etc- so I reply accordingly.
I had an amazing chat the other day with a very fluent non-native Spanish speaker. We talked for hours. But I am not attracted to them physically. So I won’t meet them for sex which is what they were looking for. 🤷♀️
As a single male, THAT sort of thing drove me nuts. I didn't sign up to the apps to be someone's pen pal or emotional support blanket. I'd ask very early on if I was of interest to them and if the answer was "no", then no more time would be wasted on that person"
Fair enough! Your prerogative, as it is a woman’s (or man’s or any gender’s) not want to shag every man who messages 🤢
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That isn't intended as a dig op but I much prefer to have natural conversations with people who aren't analysing my every word or looking for a hidden agenda.
That's why I much prefer getting to know people over a period of time before agreeing to meet and it's usually fairly obvious if they are over analysing everything. "
I think that's very good advice. Over-analysing tends to be more about the observer than the subject. |
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That isn't intended as a dig op but I much prefer to have natural conversations with people who aren't analysing my every word or looking for a hidden agenda.
That's why I much prefer getting to know people over a period of time before agreeing to meet and it's usually fairly obvious if they are over analysing everything.
I think that's very good advice. Over-analysing tends to be more about the observer than the subject."
Ok I can see where you're coming from with this. It took me a second read but I get it. It's not like that though. It's not overanalysis and expectation of the other person's responses. It's perfectly natural to try get a read on the other person so you get to read social cue on how to respond, whether to respond and how to take something. |
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If you met somebody in a club and started chatting at the bar while waiting for a drink, and they walk away after getting their drink, what do you do?
Wuld you follow them asking why they left the conversation?
Or take a hint? |
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If the conversation isn’t matched in terms of effort and you’re the one asking the most questions, without only basic replies, then it quickly should be apparent that it won’t get far.
We walk away from conversations that are too difficult - if the energy is on both sides, conversations flow. If it’s not, they are painful.
K
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"
That isn't intended as a dig op but I much prefer to have natural conversations with people who aren't analysing my every word or looking for a hidden agenda.
That's why I much prefer getting to know people over a period of time before agreeing to meet and it's usually fairly obvious if they are over analysing everything.
I think that's very good advice. Over-analysing tends to be more about the observer than the subject.Ok I can see where you're coming from with this. It took me a second read but I get it. It's not like that though. It's not overanalysis and expectation of the other person's responses. It's perfectly natural to try get a read on the other person so you get to read social cue on how to respond, whether to respond and how to take something."
It's up to you to decide where that line between 'natural read' and over-analysis is I guess. |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
waste of energy move on |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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Sometimes an opening message and profile is appealing enough to respond to but after starting to exchange messages it's just goes nowhere or you don't get the vibe you want to meet. Or the other person is getting pushy and asking to meet after 5 messages.
It's really difficult because sometimes you are just taking your time to suss someone out and other times you are not interested or they said something that gave you the ick.
Usually I am clear if no longer interested and politely withdraw from the conversation. |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
Happens all the time dude ..
Sorry but move on she's not that bothered and you're wasting valuable time .. Find someone who shows some real interest  |
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"Fair enough! Your prerogative, as it is a woman’s (or man’s or any gender’s) not want to shag every man who messages 🤢
"
.
Not what I was suggesting. But if you have zero intention of progressing beyond chit chat, then it's a bit like spending hours talking to a car salesman when you have no intention of ever buying a car. |
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"Drip feeding another ridiculous name.
Take the hint shes just being polite"
I don't like the naming convention either but these behaviors are common enough to be labeled.
And like I said to others. If they aren't interested or they want to reject you gently, they won't even bother beginning a talk. That's esoterically understood on fab that you're either blocked or left on read if someone isnt interested |
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"
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?"
Some people have a high opinion of themselves, once you figure this out just leave them alone for the idiots that are prepared to do all the work for some attention they deserve each other.
Some people are just very cautious, nervous and take awhile to warm up just match their energy and effort and see what happens.
Some people find it very difficult to ask to meet even though they want to, they’re just waiting for you to ask
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"Drip feeding another ridiculous name.
Take the hint shes just being polite
I don't like the naming convention either but these behaviors are common enough to be labeled."
It’s a stupid name trip feeling is given small amounts to reduce risks in medical or investing both are done in the interests of the the thing being drip fed! Breadcrumbs railway to find your way home…. If they’re gonna make up silly names, they should at least require them to have a GCSE in English.
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"So you hit up a woman whose profile you didn't care much for and now you're annoyed that she's not putting out for you?
"
I think that this is the only rude comment in the whole thread. And no, it's not that simple. I'm not making this thread out of vitriol. |
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By *hortieWoman 5 weeks ago
Northampton |
"So you hit up a woman whose profile you didn't care much for and now you're annoyed that she's not putting out for you?
I think that this is the only rude comment in the whole thread. And no, it's not that simple. I'm not making this thread out of vitriol."
She ain't rude and she ain't wrong |
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"So you hit up a woman whose profile you didn't care much for and now you're annoyed that she's not putting out for you?
I think that this is the only rude comment in the whole thread. And no, it's not that simple. I'm not making this thread out of vitriol.
She ain't rude and she ain't wrong "
It's condescending and delegitimizing what I'm saying as though it isn't an issue. It reduces its status from an actual issue worth discussing to a rant meant to air grievances |
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"Drip feeding another ridiculous name.
Take the hint shes just being polite
I don't like the naming convention either but these behaviors are common enough to be labeled.
And like I said to others. If they aren't interested or they want to reject you gently, they won't even bother beginning a talk. That's esoterically understood on fab that you're either blocked or left on read if someone isnt interested"
A few women have told you she is being polite but you choose to disbelieve them. Trust me, women are often polite to men , it doesn't mean they're interested it literally means they're polite. I think almost every woman in this thread will have been polite to a man and had it mistaken for interest. |
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By *aralluWoman 5 weeks ago
Near Newport |
Loads of replies I struggled to read, so here’s why i did this.
I used to have a list of stuff I was looking for and a long profile. This was mainly to dissuade time wasters because guys who would be genuinely interested in a connection would make the effort to read it and engage other than looking at a pic and going ‘her ass looks nice, I’ll message based on that’.
It’s also because I have limited free time, so want to spend it with people who would be worth spending it with. I’m also not out for ONS etc and a longer profile helps get rid of the guys just looking for that too. I’m also quite picky too.
I found having less on my profile left me open to a lot of time wasters and people who ghosted me or stood me up. I did notice a difference when I increased what was on there. I’ve never been one of the women who get hundreds of messages a day anyway (more like 10 if that!) and this way I was able to concentrate my time on those who I genuinely wanted to get to know more rather than being polite with short replies. I did initially reply to people with a thanks but no thanks and found that was an open invite for guys to try and change my mind, so I gave up replying and being polite.
Now I’ve taken most of it off simply because I can’t find what I’m looking for here so would rather focus my efforts on vanilla relationships now instead.
Hope that helps OP! |
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I love these references to people's 'precious time'.
Probably it's nothing of the sort and their time management is abyssmal.
Quite likely the person in question lives a permaphonic lifestyle and has at least two live voice conversations going at any one time and the messaging in question is way down the list of their communication priorities and that is why the answers being messaged are fundamentally terse.
They probably just haven't got the time to elaborate while multitasking!
I've seen and heard many of this breed in action and usually elect to give them a wide berth, even if they have other redeeming attributes. |
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"What the title says. For the folks who don't know what it is, Dripfeeding's alternate name also Breadcrumbing, is when someone is just stringing you along with the slightest of efforts.
Was talking with this woman yesterday with one of these giant texts in her bios and a long shopping list of wants, dislikes, exposition, personal life stuff etc. She explicitly stated how she doesn't do sudden meets but instead she wants a patient guy who she can get to know at least for weeks and building a connection. Humor, intellect whatever the fuck, you see this in bios a lot.
I start trying to hold a conversation with her on anything relevant and she's being as brief as possible, being barely responsive. I was trying to show interest in several things she was doing, trying to ask what her situation is like etc. but I could get nothing more than 4 words per response. The fact she was responding shows she was interested, otherwise she wouldn't bother.
It got me thinking: how can you build rapport with someone who is this non reciprocal in conversation? And 2nd question: how can you ask for all these personality qualities in a guy and for him to put in the effort in talking with you when you put none?
I think your mistake is assuming that because she replied she's interested when she's being polite. Her every action says she isn't.
You can't build rapport with someone who isn't interested in you. Stop trying.
She has asked for those qualities because that is what she wants. However possessing them doesn't automatically make you attractive to her.
You've heard the expression 'might as well flog a dead horse'?
I agree with 2 things you've stated: That because you possess certain qualities someone is looking for, you aren't automatically attractive to them and 2, you can't build rapport with someone uninterested.
However, I must strongly disagree that she was just being polite and not interested. You're a forum mod, which means you should know better than me who has been here for a few weeks. When you are not interested (especially for women), you don't reply. You either leave them on read or block. You do not respond to each message within a minute or 2 with a terse reply. It's a waste of your time otherwise, especially for women who drown in messages here daily"
nope wrong.. when I was on my singles profile I would reply to pretty much every message. I woild politely engage in conversation, even if I didn't want to meet them. |
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