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Ending a unhappy marriage.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
Before I asked the question. I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there harvey and jean are about to end their marriage.
Harvey and jean have gone back and forth with ending their marriage, more so harvey I would say, because he is living in a very unhappy marriage with jean, as he doesnt feel loved and appreciated by her, but he feel that with kathy.
They both sat around the table in the kitchen and talked about their marriage, jean talked to him and said how good he was with the kids and harvey wasnt sure what he would say.
Harvey would then say something that would change everything forever, he said is that is that all, am I just good for them, not you, dont you love me?
He was surprised because jean didnt say she loved him which is what harvey asked her, do you love me, she didnt say anything, harvey then said thats it I am packing my bags and then left.
It would be interesting to see what your views about living in a unhappy marriage is, have you gone through a similar thing? Do you think what harvey did was the right thing to end it and finally left because he didnt feel loved, but loved by kathy instead?
I agree that he did the right thing, because it is important to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship too  |
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It is important to have that conversation if you don't feel loved and appreciated. Ideally before monkey branching off to someone new.
Humans are generally very good at accepting that this is what it is, just crack on. But your own individual happiness is a deeply important factor. And denying that for the sake of a self imposed obligation is madness 💜 |
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Relationships are hard. You won't always 'feel' loved and appreciated that doesn't mean you aren't.
I haven't seen EastEnders so I don't know any more than what you've written Shag, but isn't saying he's good with the children being appreciated? Could they have talked about that a bit more, tried to understand the different ways people have of loving each other?
I think some people give up on relationships too easily. I know that isn't always the case and I'd never want people to stay with an abusive partner or to be truly miserable but sometimes it's a case of swapping one set of miserable circumstances for another when some difficult conversations might have improved things. |
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I think ending it before finding comfort in someone else would be the better way to do it.
If you can't have these conversations with your partner then in my opinion the marriage isn't worth much, communication is a huge part personally, if I felt unloved or something wasn't right I'd discuss it not find someone else who gives me whatever it is I'm missing, that's selfish and that isn't love.
Mrs |
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"Relationships are hard. You won't always 'feel' loved and appreciated that doesn't mean you aren't.
I haven't seen EastEnders so I don't know any more than what you've written Shag, but isn't saying he's good with the children being appreciated? Could they have talked about that a bit more, tried to understand the different ways people have of loving each other?
I think some people give up on relationships too easily. I know that isn't always the case and I'd never want people to stay with an abusive partner or to be truly miserable but sometimes it's a case of swapping one set of miserable circumstances for another when some difficult conversations might have improved things. "
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By (user no longer on site) 5 weeks ago
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"Before I asked the question. I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there harvey and jean are about to end their marriage.
Harvey and jean have gone back and forth with ending their marriage, more so harvey I would say, because he is living in a very unhappy marriage with jean, as he doesnt feel loved and appreciated by her, but he feel that with kathy.
They both sat around the table in the kitchen and talked about their marriage, jean talked to him and said how good he was with the kids and harvey wasnt sure what he would say.
Harvey would then say something that would change everything forever, he said is that is that all, am I just good for them, not you, dont you love me?
He was surprised because jean didnt say she loved him which is what harvey asked her, do you love me, she didnt say anything, harvey then said thats it I am packing my bags and then left.
It would be interesting to see what your views about living in a unhappy marriage is, have you gone through a similar thing? Do you think what harvey did was the right thing to end it and finally left because he didnt feel loved, but loved by kathy instead?
I agree that he did the right thing, because it is important to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship too "
It's a soap opera not real life... maybe you are taking the characters too seriously?
I know 2 couples who years ago both wives were complaining about their husband's and how unhappy they were, bizarrely both couples are now devoted to each other. I myself was in an unhappy abusive marriage too and stayed also because I had no option to leave because of my kids and mortgage. It's not always so black and white as people think, ending bad relationships.. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"It is important to have that conversation if you don't feel loved and appreciated. Ideally before monkey branching off to someone new.
Humans are generally very good at accepting that this is what it is, just crack on. But your own individual happiness is a deeply important factor. And denying that for the sake of a self imposed obligation is madness 💜"
Hi _reytothefairies, yes, you are right there, it is important to have that conversation, if you dont feel loved and appreciated too |
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"Before I asked the question. I will set the scene. I watched an episode of eastenders and there harvey and jean are about to end their marriage.
Harvey and jean have gone back and forth with ending their marriage, more so harvey I would say, because he is living in a very unhappy marriage with jean, as he doesnt feel loved and appreciated by her, but he feel that with kathy.
They both sat around the table in the kitchen and talked about their marriage, jean talked to him and said how good he was with the kids and harvey wasnt sure what he would say.
Harvey would then say something that would change everything forever, he said is that is that all, am I just good for them, not you, dont you love me?
He was surprised because jean didnt say she loved him which is what harvey asked her, do you love me, she didnt say anything, harvey then said thats it I am packing my bags and then left.
It would be interesting to see what your views about living in a unhappy marriage is, have you gone through a similar thing? Do you think what harvey did was the right thing to end it and finally left because he didnt feel loved, but loved by kathy instead?
I agree that he did the right thing, because it is important to feel loved and appreciated in a relationship too
It's a soap opera not real life... maybe you are taking the characters too seriously?
I know 2 couples who years ago both wives were complaining about their husband's and how unhappy they were, bizarrely both couples are now devoted to each other. I myself was in an unhappy abusive marriage too and stayed also because I had no option to leave because of my kids and mortgage. It's not always so black and white as people think, ending bad relationships.."
I hope things have got better for you. |
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Not having a frank conversation is where do many couples go wrong, we’re all human, all have wants and needs out of our relationship with someone else so don’t go through life regret if you never discussed it |
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If something no longer works it's kindest to end it,before bitterness and resentment take hold and what positives there may have been get tarnished too....
There is life after death .... in relationship breakdowns that is |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Ending a marriage is so hard but the and result is worth it. Kids do better with happy separated people than with unhappy married people."
Hi catnip, yes, you are right there, ending a marriage is so hard, but the and result is worth it, yes, kids do better with happy separated people too |
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I think if you feel unloved or taken for granted in a marriage/relationship & your partner doesn't seem interested in improving that, it's best to end it.
Why Carry on making yourself miserable, when it's never going to change?. |
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"I think if you feel unloved or taken for granted in a marriage/relationship & your partner doesn't seem interested in improving that, it's best to end it.
Why Carry on making yourself miserable, when it's never going to change?."
Sometimes I wonder if it's perhaps an adjustment of expectations that would help |
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People forget that love isn’t action, a verb when you love someone you do it through your actions the way you treat them and the feeling of love the noun comes from that.
Anybody who thinks differently who believes that love is just a wishy-washy feeling that sticks around leaves their head examining.
Most people stay in marriages because they are gutless cowards and are too scared to step out of it |
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Not a soap fan here.
Marriages can just run their course for a variety of reasons.
Some couples stay together for the children, stability etc
Others for financial reasons and there are those who just have limited choices and nowhere to turn.
It can be very hard to live under the pretence that all is well in a marriage.
Children pick up on atmosphere.
It will eventually take it's toll on someone.
My opinion...leave when possible to do so. No matter how long it takes to get to that.
Life changes for sure, but eventually will be better for all.
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So my first marriage was toxic and even though I knew it was destroying me,it still took him leaving me and our kids for it to end. It was awful but it was "safe" (I'm aware of the irony of using that word) and all I'd known for 15 years. I was scared to be alone and a single mum (even tho I essentially was already that as he was rarely around).
Not long after though, C and I got together as a casual thing, fell in love and have never looked back. We've been together 11 years and it's been amazing. So while ending a marriage for whatever reason is scary, its also sometimes for the best |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Relationships are hard. You won't always 'feel' loved and appreciated that doesn't mean you aren't.
I haven't seen EastEnders so I don't know any more than what you've written Shag, but isn't saying he's good with the children being appreciated? Could they have talked about that a bit more, tried to understand the different ways people have of loving each other?
I think some people give up on relationships too easily. I know that isn't always the case and I'd never want people to stay with an abusive partner or to be truly miserable but sometimes it's a case of swapping one set of miserable circumstances for another when some difficult conversations might have improved things. "
Hi nicecouple, yes, you are right there, relationships are hard. I also think people give up on relationships too easily, yes, they could of talked a bit more about it too |
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By *lynJMan 5 weeks ago
Morden |
"For a start Harvey and Jean where not married only boyfriend and girlfriend so easier to end the relationship "
Legally maybe, but the emotional stuff can be just as bad. There's also any children and their feelings to be considered too. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think ending it before finding comfort in someone else would be the better way to do it.
If you can't have these conversations with your partner then in my opinion the marriage isn't worth much, communication is a huge part personally, if I felt unloved or something wasn't right I'd discuss it not find someone else who gives me whatever it is I'm missing, that's selfish and that isn't love.
Mrs "
Hi knightso, yes, you are right there, it is important to have those conversations with your partner too |
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If one or both isn’t feeling loved then a conversation should be had about putting more effort in if that’s what they both want, sometimes relationships are taken for granted and get stuck in a rut and it’s not until one says something (usually in an argument) that they both realise the unhappiness. Doesn’t mean cut your losses and run (although some do) if there is genuine feelings still there that’s when the conversation should take place and to ask yourselves “how can WE change things?” Because it does take both to make the changes and put the effort in
Mrs |
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I have had this conversation in real life, it wasn't easy but my ex knew that I was deeply unhappy. She just wasn't expecting me to leave. Although
I know I caused her immense pain by leaving the marriage, she was wonderful about it, no animosity. This was 4 years ago, I recently messaged her, we still talk. But I know that it was the right thing for me to do for me.
I'm much happier as a single bloke for now. Just an opinion. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Not having a frank conversation is where do many couples go wrong, we’re all human, all have wants and needs out of our relationship with someone else so don’t go through life regret if you never discussed it"
Yes, it is important to have a conversation about it too |
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The most unhappiest place a person can be is when there's no room left for talking. You've said everything you need to say and it still hasn't been heard. Too many precious years can be wasted with a person that simply doesn't deserve your respect, loyalty or love.
If I can give any advice to anyone its life's too short to be unhappy. The rest of your life finally begins the day you walk out of that door. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 5 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I spent years in an unhappy marriage, ending it was the best thing I ever did. I’ve been single since but better that than feeling unloved and disrespected. "
Hi _ilybeth, that is good ending it was the best thing for you, yes, that is a better too |
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