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Do you ever think...
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Do you ever think? That's it. That's the thread 
No, nevermind.
Do you ever think your standards are too high? Here? Dating? Real life?
Here, I set my standards wherever the heck I want them and I'm fine with the results. But when it comes to dating, I dunno.. maybe I expect too much. Been single for.. a while.. now. I don't find myself attracted to the men who want to match with me, and I appear to not attract the men I want to match with. My bestie told me I shouldn't lower my standards, because I could end up with a piece of shit.. but she also said "what could he want with a fat girl from [redacted location]?" about a guy who appears to be way out of my league.
So, over to you.. whaddyathunk? |
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"And here lieth the problem with all apps; you can't tell personality. It's a meat market. I gave on dating apps ages ago.
I'm having a bit of a mump and moan tonight 🙄🤓"
That's just it, isn't it. I'm a fucking delight but nobody can see past the 7 chins 🤣 |
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"And here lieth the problem with all apps; you can't tell personality. It's a meat market. I gave on dating apps ages ago.
I'm having a bit of a mump and moan tonight 🙄🤓
That's just it, isn't it. I'm a fucking delight but nobody can see past the 7 chins 🤣"
At the risk of sounding like a white Knight, you look just pukka to me 🫡🤓 |
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"Do you ever think? That's it. That's the thread
No, nevermind.
Do you ever think your standards are too high? Here? Dating? Real life?
Here, I set my standards wherever the heck I want them and I'm fine with the results. But when it comes to dating, I dunno.. maybe I expect too much. Been single for.. a while.. now. I don't find myself attracted to the men who want to match with me, and I appear to not attract the men I want to match with. My bestie told me I shouldn't lower my standards, because I could end up with a piece of shit.. but she also said "what could he want with a fat girl from [redacted location]?" about a guy who appears to be way out of my league.
So, over to you.. whaddyathunk?"
I could have written this post 😂
Been single for ages, dating on and off. Not short of offers on dating apps etc, but I am not willing to lower my standards when it comes to dating and sex. Connection and attraction is important for me. Always seems like the men I am actually interested in decide they don't want me, and the ones who do I don't feel the same way.
I sometimes think maybe I'm too picky and should lower my expectations, but also fuck that! I'm not going to settle for the sake of having a relationship. I'm happier single than in a bad relationship. |
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"And here lieth the problem with all apps; you can't tell personality. It's a meat market. I gave on dating apps ages ago.
I'm having a bit of a mump and moan tonight 🙄🤓
That's just it, isn't it. I'm a fucking delight but nobody can see past the 7 chins 🤣
At the risk of sounding like a white Knight, you look just pukka to me 🫡🤓"
 |
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"Do you ever think? That's it. That's the thread
No, nevermind.
Do you ever think your standards are too high? Here? Dating? Real life?
Here, I set my standards wherever the heck I want them and I'm fine with the results. But when it comes to dating, I dunno.. maybe I expect too much. Been single for.. a while.. now. I don't find myself attracted to the men who want to match with me, and I appear to not attract the men I want to match with. My bestie told me I shouldn't lower my standards, because I could end up with a piece of shit.. but she also said "what could he want with a fat girl from [redacted location]?" about a guy who appears to be way out of my league.
So, over to you.. whaddyathunk?
I could have written this post 😂
Been single for ages, dating on and off. Not short of offers on dating apps etc, but I am not willing to lower my standards when it comes to dating and sex. Connection and attraction is important for me. Always seems like the men I am actually interested in decide they don't want me, and the ones who do I don't feel the same way.
I sometimes think maybe I'm too picky and should lower my expectations, but also fuck that! I'm not going to settle for the sake of having a relationship. I'm happier single than in a bad relationship. "
Sometimes it's easier to get lost in good romance book, and fall asleep happy 🤣 |
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By *sWyldWoman 2 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I have accepted the fact I will be single forever. I'm now more than ok about it.
I will never accept crumbs again when I absolutely deserve the whole damn loaf.
So yes, I'm rather picky and fussy for someone who really doesn't get looked at twice in the real world.
However, I'm also my own worst enemy too, I very quickly convince myself some people are out of my league.
Its a difficult combination
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I never think about my standards. I like who I like and if they like me I don't question it. If they don't like me I don't think it's because I'm awful or they're out of my league I just think I'm not their type.
If I ever thought about meeting someone I wasn't 100% attracted to or who I had to make a lot of allowances for I'd get a friend to take my car keys away, confiscate my modem and tell me to have a think until I came to my senses |
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"My bestie told me I shouldn't lower my standards, because I could end up with a piece of shit.. but she also said "what could he want with a fat girl from [redacted location]?" about a guy who appears to be way out of my league.
So, over to you.. whaddyathunk?"
I mean, the first part sounds right, but the second makes me wonder if you should raise your standards on friendship too.
Being alone is highly underrated. And infinitely better than settling for less than you want or deserve. If it's not, take some time to learn to love yourself before worrying about loving someone else 💜 |
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I'll give a fudged answer to this which will probably make no sense...and because it's late...
I feel, as I get older, I'm begrudgingly accepting the gradual erosion of whatever physical attributes I had of my younger self: looks (good or not-so-good), skin complexion, body shape and build, and the general aura of youthfulness and vitality.
Because of this I sometimes feel that I may not meet the standards of others on here. Those "others" who have not succumbed (yet) to my aforementioned ^ decrepitudes. In other words I'm no longer a catch. (Was I ever one?)
I have standards - chemistry, connection, presentation etc which serve me well, but they carry little value if I don't meet the standards of others.
Clear as mud. |
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"I'll give a fudged answer to this which will probably make no sense...and because it's late...
I feel, as I get older, I'm begrudgingly accepting the gradual erosion of whatever physical attributes I had of my younger self: looks (good or not-so-good), skin complexion, body shape and build, and the general aura of youthfulness and vitality.
Because of this I sometimes feel that I may not meet the standards of others on here. Those "others" who have not succumbed (yet) to my aforementioned ^ decrepitudes. In other words I'm no longer a catch. (Was I ever one?)
I have standards - chemistry, connection, presentation etc which serve me well, but they carry little value if I don't meet the standards of others.
Clear as mud."
I was a catch in my 20s. Hit 30 and it all went downhill 🤣 |
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By *enda83Man 2 weeks ago
newcastle |
One of my good mates tells me all the time to lower my standards not that I think I’m above anyone looks wise my hair and face are utter dogshit haha it’s more so lifestyle factors i expect a potential partner to work hard, be money and goal oriented, train seriously and have savings or assets of own.
He says it’s slim pickings at my age and I’m just denying myself potential happiness haha I have thought about it a lot |
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Having standards or going for what you want is best. Be realistic about it but being with anyone you don't really want to either for a date, sex or just a drink is never going to be fulfilling.
Even harder to achieve in a sea of catfish as well. But that is what sex toys are for  |
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"One of my good mates tells me all the time to lower my standards not that I think I’m above anyone looks wise my hair and face are utter dogshit haha it’s more so lifestyle factors i expect a potential partner to work hard, be money and goal oriented, train seriously and have savings or assets of own.
He says it’s slim pickings at my age and I’m just denying myself potential happiness haha I have thought about it a lot "
How does he know what would make you happy and would you be happy with someone who didn't fit your criteria? |
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"I'll give a fudged answer to this which will probably make no sense...and because it's late...
I feel, as I get older, I'm begrudgingly accepting the gradual erosion of whatever physical attributes I had of my younger self: looks (good or not-so-good), skin complexion, body shape and build, and the general aura of youthfulness and vitality.
Because of this I sometimes feel that I may not meet the standards of others on here. Those "others" who have not succumbed (yet) to my aforementioned ^ decrepitudes. In other words I'm no longer a catch. (Was I ever one?)
I have standards - chemistry, connection, presentation etc which serve me well, but they carry little value if I don't meet the standards of others.
Clear as mud.
·
I was a catch in my 20s. Hit 30 and it all went downhill 🤣"
•
Good grief - don't let JoeBeans see that remark!  |
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"I'll give a fudged answer to this which will probably make no sense...and because it's late...
I feel, as I get older, I'm begrudgingly accepting the gradual erosion of whatever physical attributes I had of my younger self: looks (good or not-so-good), skin complexion, body shape and build, and the general aura of youthfulness and vitality.
Because of this I sometimes feel that I may not meet the standards of others on here. Those "others" who have not succumbed (yet) to my aforementioned ^ decrepitudes. In other words I'm no longer a catch. (Was I ever one?)
I have standards - chemistry, connection, presentation etc which serve me well, but they carry little value if I don't meet the standards of others.
Clear as mud.
·
I was a catch in my 20s. Hit 30 and it all went downhill 🤣
•
Good grief - don't let JoeBeans see that remark! "
He'll cope 🤣 |
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I don't think anyone should have standards to lower. That's just arbitrarily putting abstract constraints that are not realistic. I've known tall women who said "I don't want to date someone shorter than me". I've know guys who said "I'd never date a woman older than me". Yet they might meet someone in real life they fancy and not realise they break their own rules.
On the other hand, I don't think anyon should settle for something they don't want because they haven't found what they want.
But that's just my opinion. No one has to agree. |
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Given up on dating and meeting people coz there's too much negative stuff to go through, plus theses days most people are just after a bit of fun n nothing serious, ive technically been single a long time, I just can't see it ever changing, |
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By *ete hMan 2 weeks ago
Penzance |
Years ago I was going out with a girl who I considered to be far more attractive than me. After a while, she told me she thought I was the more attractive one in the relationship and I was amazed. |
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By *enda83Man 2 weeks ago
newcastle |
"One of my good mates tells me all the time to lower my standards not that I think I’m above anyone looks wise my hair and face are utter dogshit haha it’s more so lifestyle factors i expect a potential partner to work hard, be money and goal oriented, train seriously and have savings or assets of own.
He says it’s slim pickings at my age and I’m just denying myself potential happiness haha I have thought about it a lot
How does he know what would make you happy and would you be happy with someone who didn't fit your criteria? "
Good point I will use that next time he mentions it ha, I know he means well just wants to see me with someone I think |
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I think that trying to anticipate or control anything that is essentially based on other people’s personal preferences is doomed to failure from the start. All we can do is be the best versions of ourselves and hope that makes us somebody other people want to know |
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"Do you ever think? That's it. That's the thread
No, nevermind.
Do you ever think your standards are too high? Here? Dating? Real life?
Here, I set my standards wherever the heck I want them and I'm fine with the results. But when it comes to dating, I dunno.. maybe I expect too much. Been single for.. a while.. now. I don't find myself attracted to the men who want to match with me, and I appear to not attract the men I want to match with. My bestie told me I shouldn't lower my standards, because I could end up with a piece of shit.. but she also said "what could he want with a fat girl from [redacted location]?" about a guy who appears to be way out of my league.
So, over to you.. whaddyathunk?"
Wow that's some bestie ! If that’s how she views you, maybe she’s jealous? |
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I wouldn't call it standards for me but I know what I can offer in a relationship and I want it matched and comprises.
I don't see why I should settle for less.
Years ago, I took crumbs and thought it was all I deserved after being told this many times previously.
Since healing and finding my worth, im after the whole cake with Icing and the cherry!
|
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"I don't think anyone should have standards to lower. That's just arbitrarily putting abstract constraints that are not realistic. I've known tall women who said "I don't want to date someone shorter than me". I've know guys who said "I'd never date a woman older than me". Yet they might meet someone in real life they fancy and not realise they break their own rules.
On the other hand, I don't think anyon should settle for something they don't want because they haven't found what they want.
But that's just my opinion. No one has to agree. "
My standards have nothing to do with looks.
My standards in a romantic relationship are about things like...
- not wanting children (because I don't want them - it's a deal breaker)
- emotional maturity
- willingness and ability to communicate openly like adults
- respect for women's autonomy
- socially liberal values/having a sense of social justice
- having the same priorities in life
- similar interests and hobbies
- sexual compatiblity
Some of these are more important than others, but not wanting kids is an absolute deal breaker. |
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"One of my good mates tells me all the time to lower my standards not that I think I’m above anyone looks wise my hair and face are utter dogshit haha it’s more so lifestyle factors i expect a potential partner to work hard, be money and goal oriented, train seriously and have savings or assets of own.
He says it’s slim pickings at my age and I’m just denying myself potential happiness haha I have thought about it a lot
How does he know what would make you happy and would you be happy with someone who didn't fit your criteria?
Good point I will use that next time he mentions it ha, I know he means well just wants to see me with someone I think"
He’s being a good mate by not blowing smoke up your arse. To be honest, he’s right, your criteria reduce potential partners to a very low, almost impossible number but you also have to examine what you bring to a potential relationship too, take a look around gyms etc. (I find attractive well adjusted women who look after themselves and stay in shape are doing classes, body pump, spin, running clubs, you won’t meet them in a weight room with a bunch of other dudes)- what will they see in you? You’re obviously spending a great deal of time and resources on your body but what else do you do, what else do you enjoy outside of work and gym, meal prepping etc. Emotional and intellectual traits that are attractive to a woman? It’s tough finding a mate in todays society - online dating is just shit, scrolling through pictures, swiping left and right, discarding after a momentary glance at a single picture without ever considering what they are really like. Without giving a chance to a real life encounter which might reveal an amazing attractive, desirable personality
Good luck my friend, life these days has changed from how people used to meet and pair bond and it doesn’t look good for the future. |
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By *enda83Man 2 weeks ago
newcastle |
"One of my good mates tells me all the time to lower my standards not that I think I’m above anyone looks wise my hair and face are utter dogshit haha it’s more so lifestyle factors i expect a potential partner to work hard, be money and goal oriented, train seriously and have savings or assets of own.
He says it’s slim pickings at my age and I’m just denying myself potential happiness haha I have thought about it a lot
How does he know what would make you happy and would you be happy with someone who didn't fit your criteria?
Good point I will use that next time he mentions it ha, I know he means well just wants to see me with someone I think
He’s being a good mate by not blowing smoke up your arse. To be honest, he’s right, your criteria reduce potential partners to a very low, almost impossible number but you also have to examine what you bring to a potential relationship too, take a look around gyms etc. (I find attractive well adjusted women who look after themselves and stay in shape are doing classes, body pump, spin, running clubs, you won’t meet them in a weight room with a bunch of other dudes)- what will they see in you? You’re obviously spending a great deal of time and resources on your body but what else do you do, what else do you enjoy outside of work and gym, meal prepping etc. Emotional and intellectual traits that are attractive to a woman? It’s tough finding a mate in todays society - online dating is just shit, scrolling through pictures, swiping left and right, discarding after a momentary glance at a single picture without ever considering what they are really like. Without giving a chance to a real life encounter which might reveal an amazing attractive, desirable personality
Good luck my friend, life these days has changed from how people used to meet and pair bond and it doesn’t look good for the future."
All great points mate thank you for the insight |
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They are pretty high but I don't think anything I want or need is asking too much. There's a general view that you need a partner to be happy and a lot of people don't understand how well someone can go through life alone. It's because of this my standards are high.
I can look after myself, provide for myself and I have more peace now than I ever have. Jeopardising that just for the sake of not being alone is something I have no interest in. I know what I want and I'm never going to settle for less than that again. If this means I'm alone forever, im good with that. |
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By *ookie46Woman 2 weeks ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
My standards are high and I won’t lower them. I’ve been single for nine years now and the few relationships I’ve had in that time have been with men who lived away from me. I’m fiercely independent and have brought my four kids up alone and we have a good life. My life is very full with family, friends and folk from here I don’t honestly think I’ll ever be in a full term relationship or live with someone again but I’m good with that. I want someone who can enrich my life in different ways and I won’t settle for anything less |
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