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The "you don't want kids?" question
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Absolutely. We’re “programmed” into believing that you should have them. The same way you “should” do this and “should” celebrate that, etc.
However, why? If you aren’t necessarily family inclined or have the financial ability to have a family then why?
With the way things are also, it is very selfish to expect the state to carry the burden. Selfish to have children you are not capable emotionally to raise. Selfish to bring people into this shit show of a country and world as well. |
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True
People don’t have children for altruistic reasons. They don’t have them for the benefit of mankind. They do it for themselves.
And are most people even qualified to be parents?
Afterall, you need a license to catch a fish - But anyone can create a child |
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Are people selfish for following what for many is a biological imperitive or cultural expectation? I don't think so.
Even if their motives are selfish and I believe that is very rare they soon discover it's difficult to be selfish once they're born.
No kids, no pensions, no late night supermarket opening, no future. |
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"
I cant speak for all women but for me and most women I know, having children came from a natural instinct, no other reason. Now im sure plenty of people have spefic reasons to not have kids.
Im sure most women like me get broody when you hold a friends baby |
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"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !
Ain't that the truth.
My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!"
Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x |
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"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !
Ain't that the truth.
My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x"
Apparently I need to eat more and stop plucking my eyebrows  |
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"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !
Ain't that the truth.
My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x"
Tbh you worry more about them as and when they become adults, they think they are invincible but really more vulnerable than ever |
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"
Not at all! I agree with you
Society has this warped idea that having kids means you've reached enlightenment
My son and his wife have been married for 3 years, financially stable living in a 3 bed house but they don't want kids, she can't have them anyway....People are just rude and thoughtless, she gets upset at the comments they make about when are they having kids? - Surely they will now they have everything - now, why not? What's wrong with you?
I've had comments made in front of my Son and Daughter in law of 'Oh I bet you'd love to be a Granma' - I always reply with - 'Actually no, I support them in whatever they choose to do' |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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If I had to choose now I’d never bring kids into the shithole this country has become
I never wanted kids, first one was accident after being told she couldn’t get pregnant but having them was the best thing that ever happened to me they do change your mindset |
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By *ayHaychMan 27 weeks ago
West Yorkshire |
People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.
Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure. |
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For me, I ask the question, if I were a parent and one of my own asked me or questioned if they are gonna be happy, successful, find love and so forth, how could I look them in the eye and tell them a lie and say "Yes"? In this day and age, a lot of the good stuff that was promised is no longer there. I feel bad in the idea to bringing someone into this life with a stacked deck already against them. |
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"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.
Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure. "
Probably as it was not long after WW1.
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"For some people it’s not a choice.
Safest just to respect the fact that people can make their own choices."
^^
This 💯
I find it incredibly difficult when some people presume that I didn’t want kids because I don’t have them.
I also know I would’ve been a good mum so it’s not an easy question OP and sometimes isn’t a good thing to ask it IMO 😘 |
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I’ve had a relationship end because her biological clock was ticking and I couldn’t. The “I know I’ll be an amazing mum” line was used a lot.
Selfish is doing something that leaves others with no choice in future consequences. |
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By *ayHaychMan 27 weeks ago
West Yorkshire |
"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.
Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.
Probably as it was not long after WW1.
"
Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1? |
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"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.
Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.
Probably as it was not long after WW1.
Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1?"
100 years ago was 7 years after world war one ended. I reckon people (who had the choice) were wondering if it was sensible to have children |
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"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.
Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.
Probably as it was not long after WW1.
Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1?
100 years ago was 7 years after world war one ended. I reckon people (who had the choice) were wondering if it was sensible to have children "
I believe there was an initial spike in births following the war, which soon receded with the ever worsening economic climate of the time. |
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By *ydaz70Man 27 weeks ago
Rotherham /newquay |
Everyone will be different it could be classed as selfish on both sides.i never wanted kids I enjoyed what I was doing but sacrificed it for my partner who wanted them in hindsight I should have stuck to my guns but have 3 lovely ones and 3 grandkids and I told them all enjoy life. |
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By *abs9Man 27 weeks ago
driffield |
It wasn’t a choice for us … just didn’t happen, we also took the choice of not finding out which one of us couldn’t which was a good idea. In real terms we’ve both had very good jobs & have travelled a lot & both retired in our early 50’s. |
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"Neither is selfish.
If you want kids. Have kids.
If you don't want kids. Don't have kids.
Tis pretty simple.."
If only it were that simple, the choice to have children should be arrived at with far more scrutiny than simply because you want too. |
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"Neither is selfish.
If you want kids. Have kids.
If you don't want kids. Don't have kids.
Tis pretty simple.."
Totally agree with this.
It’s often implied that people who choose not to have kids are selfish for doing so.
I’d say everyone should have the freedom to choose the right path for them. |
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Don't have kids, never wanted kids, held dozens of babies and never felt broody, changed nappies, done bath time, feeds, dealt with tantrums, dispensed advice / sweets / plasters etc and still never wanted kids.
If I had 10p for every time I was told ' when you find the right man you'll change your mind'.
Actually, the right man would respect my decision and not expect me to change my mind. So fuck off and mind your own business.
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If you think about it, everything you do is “selfish” as you are doing it ultimately for your own good or want. The key is who else benefits from the deeds that you do and what is your underlying intention for doing it.
Wow! That was way too deep and abstract for me! 😂 |
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Not really thought of it in those terms, and not really sure I've understood it as everyone has free will but it does make a stark title. I think if everyone decided not to have kids, in a generation there'd be a global problem so I suppose the world is lucky people are spitting them out  |
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"
No there is absolutely people out there that have no business having kids and those that can’t but should have  . Such is life |
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By (user no longer on site) 27 weeks ago
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"
I'd say from what I understand so far, making or not making offspring can be both selfish and not selfish.
It can be selfish in the sense that, if a partner is pressured and forced into it, because it's what you want to do, then it's selfish, but that's the first phase, you need to them raise them (if the birth goes well,) which can also be done either selfishly or selflessly, so that's also up to us.
Also, if a couple does not currently have access to all the life stuff necessary to raise them well, then no it's not selfish to not make any. Being a parent isn't something to go into lightly.
But inherently, I do not see making offspring as selfish at all. We have to put our attention and care onto them when raising them, and if cared for genuinely and properly, it can be done selflessly. So no, making offspring isn't selfish... or at least not selfish entirely. |
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By *ayHaychMan 27 weeks ago
West Yorkshire |
"If you think about it, everything you do is “selfish” as you are doing it ultimately for your own good or want. The key is who else benefits from the deeds that you do and what is your underlying intention for doing it.
Wow! That was way too deep and abstract for me! 😂"
This is what gets me about the “altruistic” argument against having kids. If everyone stopped having children today, would we be happy to let those in 70-80 years time die alone as their species becomes extinct? That also sounds selfish…
It’s not that I’m against people choosing to be child free. But I just can’t get on board with the usual arguments which get brought up (cruel world, over population, altruism, etc). |
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People stopped asking when I was going to have kids as I started referring to having children as breeding parasites, just to get the shocked reaction from them, followed by the protestations- followed by me showing them the OED definition for a parasite as ‘a living organism (plant or animal) that lives on or in another, getting its food from that host’.
Kind of leaves them nowhere to go after that nugget |
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"I always said if i don't have kids by 30 then i don't want any as i didn't want to be an older parent."
I was 32 when my 1st was born, got 4 now and 5 grandkids, you see real love whenever you become ill, it's surprising how they rally to your side.
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?
I cant speak for all women but for me and most women I know, having children came from a natural instinct, no other reason. Now im sure plenty of people have spefic reasons to not have kids.
Im sure most women like me get broody when you hold a friends baby "
I don't get broody at all. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want to have children.
But dogs. Oh yes I love them 😍 |
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"I always pictured myself as a mum, but turns out that's not possible. I've made my peace with it.
It's actually the lack of nieces/nephews that gives me the real sad feelings  "
It's sad when you hear things like that but honestly ... If mine are anything to go by you are not missing out. Bar one or two, they are a bunch of dicks, only wanting money and birthday prezzies then you don't hear niff from them. I'd be a hard push to recognise them if I walked past them. |
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"
No I did not have children as I was too selfish and decided. I would be a crap dad so did not become one at all as I was busy living my life. So at 27 had a vercectomy.
To be honest when I look round I don't regret my decision. |
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"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?
Not at all! I agree with you
Society has this warped idea that having kids means you've reached enlightenment
My son and his wife have been married for 3 years, financially stable living in a 3 bed house but they don't want kids, she can't have them anyway....People are just rude and thoughtless, she gets upset at the comments they make about when are they having kids? - Surely they will now they have everything - now, why not? What's wrong with you?
I've had comments made in front of my Son and Daughter in law of 'Oh I bet you'd love to be a Granma' - I always reply with - 'Actually no, I support them in whatever they choose to do' "
Good for you well put it should be a choice at best. I feal for anyone that want a family and can't. 😞 but I hope thay stay strong. |
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I did the maths and in a pure branching model, after 1000 years the original couple of 2 partners and 2 children would have about 2.2 trillion cumulative descendants.
.
I decided not to pursue the idea. |
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I hate kids.
I was one at some point & I was horrible. I don't want to perpetuate me. The world doesn't need that. Mrs RC is utterly lovely, but thankfully has no maternal instincts.
And I wouldn't want to put my artistic but unacceptable problems into a kid.
My family line ends with me. And it's a good thing. Until then, fuck it. I'm going to enjoy what's left. I have a thing for cars, guitars & women. I'm taking the family line out in style. 🤘 |
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I concur with the _elaxed couple...we set out at the begining of our relationship with the agreement neither would force children into the mix,and i think we are stronger for it....And we were debt free when i paid the morgage off at 42....no debt no stress holidays whenever we like,do what we want when we want....yeah that sounds selfish i know....but think of the load we,ve taken off the nhs,the schools,and above all the planet....there,s enough of us ffs,stop breeding otherwise we won,t have a world for your spawn to live on. |
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