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Emotional Intelligence
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Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on. |
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I sometimes struggle to manage my emotions, and I tend to clam up rather than express them.
I'm aware of that so does that make me emotionally intelligent?
I do better with other peoples' emotions as I'm very empathetic-which I hate. |
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The ability to understand where your emotions are at and where they are taking you. If you can get a handle on this then you might have a chance of making sure you control them rather than them controlling you.
Most people, like me, react far more than they respond to emotions so I think people are generally very poor at emotional intelligence. |
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Would others agree?those that know me better yes.
Do i have it? ,yes I have needed it in my job and wouldn't have coped without it.
What does it mean? Knowing when and how to deal with certain situations with empathy and how you carry yourself and knowing when to remove yourself.
Not getting yourself worked up. |
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"I think the core components (for me) about emotional intelligence are self awareness and empathy which I think is lacking amongst quite a large group of people. "
I think those are very interesting components that you picked out, especially self awareness which is something I thought along the lines of too. |
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"I hope so, I need it for my job! I’m still a work in progress in refining it though.
I agree that there’s a real scarcity of it about sadly."
Oh that's interesting that it's a key part of your job. Do you think it's something that could ever be mastered or or is it constantly a work in progress? |
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By *herry77Woman 26 weeks ago
North West |
"I hope so, I need it for my job! I’m still a work in progress in refining it though.
I agree that there’s a real scarcity of it about sadly.
Oh that's interesting that it's a key part of your job. Do you think it's something that could ever be mastered or or is it constantly a work in progress?"
I think it’s likely that we always have blind spots! |
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Metacognition is its highest level. The ability to observe your own impulses in real time. See any stimulus for what it is and respond to it (or not) rather than react. You have to learn to recognise your own life prejudices objectively to do this. |
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im not sure, i have empathy for others and I think i am a warm approachable person. But as far as my personal emotions go im very cold hearted and wouldn't let things affect me. Im not surely if that is hypercritical or not
Im just me |
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"Metacognition is its highest level. The ability to observe your own impulses in real time. See any stimulus for what it is and respond to it (or not) rather than react. You have to learn to recognise your own life prejudices objectively to do this."
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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Think it's an odd term. Emotions and intelligence very different things. Would rather spend time with someone with a lovely character but if I need a bridge built or a brain transplant I'm going with the high IQ arsehole! |
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I definately dont have it.
I very much suspect I have a touch of "the tism" in clear cut cases of, person is sad becasue of X, appropriate responce is Y. I can deal with other peoples outbursts.
If the situation where the other persons emotions do not compute. I eather try of offer advice or just freak out and leave the situation. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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An Emotionally intelligent person,tolerant, regulates their emotions, manage your emotions and they also knows how to navigate their sensitivities.... but this person really good at cutting people off if they sees that your sensitivity bring too much reactivity.... |
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"Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on. "
Ahhh right, the empathy is an interesting one for me as I always tended to look at my own handling of things which always think I need to sort out before I'm in a position to show empathy to others. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I'm too emotionally intelligent & empathetic 🤦♀️
Its means to me recognising yours & other people's emotions & responding accordingly.
I find a lot of men lacking in this department 😏
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"I sometimes struggle to manage my emotions, and I tend to clam up rather than express them.
I'm aware of that so does that make me emotionally intelligent?
I do better with other peoples' emotions as I'm very empathetic-which I hate."
Why do you hate being empathetic? I get what you mean though about handling your own emotions and I still think acknowledging it is a sign of emotional intelligence |
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There are vast swathes of the population who lack the basic self awareness to recognise thier own often destructive patterns and who seek to villify others.
Self awareness and a consciousness of the difference between thoughts feelings and the truth is crucial to having constructive relationships in my oppinion. When you have the ability to talk and separate an emotional reaction from something your partner has actually done is life changing and throws anfocusnonto thenreal issues and solutions.
The ability to talk constructively and work towards common goals all while satisfying very different needs makes for trust and value in yourself and your relationship. That is my experience of emotional intelegence. |
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"Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on. "
This. Recognising your inner feelings are yours and being able to respond to a situation for what it is, not how you feel about it. As the lady said (sorry, I can't see your name now I've started typing) responding, not reacting.
P |
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I went straight to empathy when thinking about definition, but I know it's broader than that. But in my head it's about being able to read people and situations and understand others' perspective - and being able to adapt your own behaviour or approach accordingly.
Not sure really, but I think I have those qualities I've described so I'll say I have EI! |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.
I've never had that.
To me, that is emotional intelligence. |
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"The ability to understand where your emotions are at and where they are taking you. If you can get a handle on this then you might have a chance of making sure you control them rather than them controlling you.
Most people, like me, react far more than they respond to emotions so I think people are generally very poor at emotional intelligence."
I think I was a bit more along this line of defining it in terms of how I handle mine. But the empathy aspect definitely made me think about it on a wider spectrum! |
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"I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.
I've never had that.
To me, that is emotional intelligence. "
I’m told that I give good hug. If you’re ever in Manchester and in need. No charge and no obligation, just a hug and a cuppa. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.
I've never had that.
To me, that is emotional intelligence.
I’m told that I give good hug. If you’re ever in Manchester and in need. No charge and no obligation, just a hug and a cuppa."
Deal x |
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Self awareness and not just recognising and responding to your emotions but undestanding responding appropriately to the emotions in others.
Off that is the ability to self regulate and deal with your emotions rationally...Taking responsibility for your own emotions and not looking to others...
Empathy
Curiosity
Thinking about the actions and consequences
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"Would others agree?those that know me better yes.
Do i have it? ,yes I have needed it in my job and wouldn't have coped without it.
What does it mean? Knowing when and how to deal with certain situations with empathy and how you carry yourself and knowing when to remove yourself.
Not getting yourself worked up."
I quite like that answer. It seems you already have an idea of what it is, when to use it and you seem very secure in that. |
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I struggle with showing emotion at the best of times but I've always been emotionally intelligent despite not knowing that that was what it was.
I've been a carer from the age of 12 so I've been in many situations that required me to be empathetic and supportive and more often than not I've been able to deal with that. |
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I hope I do given I used to train on this topic 
Agree with someones comment on a great book on EI by Daniel Goleman and also one by Marshall Rosenberg about non-violent communication
Self awareness and empathy are key points but people often forget about the social side and communication skills so being intune with how others are feeling too.
If you can improve your EI skills it can help you manage things like your stress levels which is always a good thing but also help create stronger relationships with people by having a better understanding of yours and their emotions
I love this sort of stuff plus things like self reflection, motivation and mindfullness |
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"I hope I do given I used to train on this topic
Agree with someones comment on a great book on EI by Daniel Goleman and also one by Marshall Rosenberg about non-violent communication
Self awareness and empathy are key points but people often forget about the social side and communication skills so being intune with how others are feeling too.
If you can improve your EI skills it can help you manage things like your stress levels which is always a good thing but also help create stronger relationships with people by having a better understanding of yours and their emotions
I love this sort of stuff plus things like self reflection, motivation and mindfullness"
I would say this encapsulates everything about EI. |
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By *eliWoman 26 weeks ago
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"Havimg seen a definition of this term, I'm convinced many a person claims to possess it, when in reality this isn't the case at all. "
Yep. Or they possess a minor level of it. Like we all do. I can think of so many examples of behaviour that show not a high level of EI...
And I'm also guilty of displaying them. To different levels. Maybe we're Dunning-Kruger-ing hard. :D |
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"Everybody has emotional intelligence, it just depends how high your EQ is."
SQ is far more important now. We tested leaders for sq using sociogram because companies and groups rely on group dynamics for success. In SQ language I'm the super-collaborator & muse is pair creator !  |
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"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "
Empaths are very low social and emotional intelligence, it's a disorder |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people."
And the rest of us are just emotionless 🤷🏻♀️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "
This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.
I've also got a RL friend like this.
Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people.
And the rest of us are just emotionless 🤷🏻♀️
That was average I would say."
😏 |
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"I'm too emotionally intelligent & empathetic 🤦♀️
Its means to me recognising yours & other people's emotions & responding accordingly.
I find a lot of men lacking in this department 😏
"
That's interesting and I wouldn't question your belief but I find it difficult to comprehend that someone can be 'too' emotionally intelligent or too empathetic.... |
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"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "
We, as human beings , are all empaths. Empathy is not a quality that some have and others don't.
Our lived experiences determine how much we develop empathy and also how we use it - goes for all emotions really.
So - anyone out there who thinks empathy is something other people do and you just can't , have another thought, do some reading of GOOD QUALITY literature and develop your empathetic side if you want to. |
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Empathy with low internal emotional logic creates a reactive state. Exhausting for them and those around them.
Low empathy and high internal emotional logic creates cold fish who find relating to others difficult. Some types of ‘tsm could be described this way.
High EQ is having enough of both to balance sensitivity, self awareness and control. |
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By *sWyldWoman 26 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
I think it can be quite rare sadly. Its much more than having empathy.
Its actively listening. Its about being sincere.
The ability to read a room, to understand what isn't always said. To be self aware and to always seek to be.
It's something everyone should strive to be better at |
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By *agic.MMan 26 weeks ago
Kent/London |
Emotional intelligence...being in touch with your emotions...stoicism...these are all the same to me - which means understanding your emotions, being able to manage them within the moment and knowing how to express them in a positive way |
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"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word."
Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way? |
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"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.
Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?"
Not if you’ve ever heard of dark empaths. |
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"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy
This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.
I've also got a RL friend like this.
Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice."
I suppose it's the same with self awareness too. Without regulation, it can turn to over thinking and being anxious in how you come across |
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"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.
Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?
Not if you’ve ever heard of dark empaths."
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy
This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.
I've also got a RL friend like this.
Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice.
I suppose it's the same with self awareness too. Without regulation, it can turn to over thinking and being anxious in how you come across"
Oh, I feel so seen 😆
That’s very true. Fortunately (for people like me), self-regulation and over-monitoring can be worked on. Gotta love therapy! |
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"What does it mean to you? Do you have it? And would other agree?"
To me it means having a reaction to something whatever it is ie joy, sadness, anger, peace etc.
However, if extreme, is causing discomfort for yourself, or if having an impact on others, being able to talk about it and deal with it.
Do I have it, both yes and no. Yes, I can recognize when I am one way or another, if I've hurt someone by being irritable for example I apologize. As I recognize my behavior wasn't acceptable, I also try and explain why ie 'Im just finding it overwhelming at the moment, I'm trying to take it all in, but I'm struggling. I'm shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry.'
Also no, I'm seeing a therapist again as I'm trying to understand myself and why I have said reactions. At some things I'm clueless and don't even realize it's a thing.I have learnt I do need to be kinder to myself, doing it is the hard part though.
I don't know if people would agree as I think most people are concerned about themselves and their own lives. So it isn't even something to heyd think about. But those important to me and I them, I think they'd agree. |
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"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.
Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?"
Empathy has nothing to do with “being nice” to people. It is about being able to understand what is driving them. What you do with that knowledge is a different thing. You want a counsellor to be able to understand why someone’s behaving a certain way but you wouldn’t want them to necessarily be “nice” to a psychopath or extreme narcissist. Same with a manager at work or a sports coach. |
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"Its just another woke buzz word. If your a normal fully functioning adult then it should be part of anyone's persona. "
It’s partially innate but it’s also a skill which can be practiced and improved.
Calling anything woke is a thought terminating cliche. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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Empathy btw is one of the easiest emotions to fake, and narcissists and psychos routinely mirror other people's interests and feelings to appear empathetic. |
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"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.
Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?
Empathy has nothing to do with “being nice” to people. It is about being able to understand what is driving them. What you do with that knowledge is a different thing. You want a counsellor to be able to understand why someone’s behaving a certain way but you wouldn’t want them to necessarily be “nice” to a psychopath or extreme narcissist. Same with a manager at work or a sports coach. "
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