FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being knocked back, politely
Being knocked back, politely
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Whilst feeling quite horny, I did a search on fab and winked a few couples. Some of those winks turned into messages. Amongst those was a message from what looked like a really nice couple. After exchanging a few messages the chance of a meeting was discussed. The reply was “let me put it to the other half”.
No, usually when this happens, that’s the end of the conversation. Later that day we were surprised to get a new message from the same couple. The message said sorry, but it’s a no. That reply was very much welcomed. No explanation needed as no means no. This is the first time in over three years somebody has bothered to say no. |
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Depends how many people you're messaging really. The odd polite no, fair enough.
But who wants an inbox full of no? 🤔
When messaging someone new, I delete it from my sent box. If they don't reply, I don't give it a second thought. I find it works better for me, else this place can make you feel really quite self conscious  |
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By *oldmilkMan 13 weeks ago
Trouble, apparently… |
As a bloke, I get an awful lot of silence, but I do appreciate the rare occasion when someone answers with a no because it shows they’ve read the message (or at least didn’t just click on it to clear the yellow square at the top of the screen).
I never let silence get to me, if someone isn’t interested, that’s fine. If they have their own friends on here, that’s also fine. |
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I do try and reply to messages, especially those that have been considered and my profile read.
However, at times it is impossible to reply to everyone due to the volume of messages received, like yesterday as I put up a new profile picture.
One liners I don't tend to reply to or generic copy and paste types.
However, when you reply and say no to someone then that can open a whole new can of worms.
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On this sort of topic - is there a way to see someone's profile without opening the message? (Without having to go off and search for them)
I tend to ignore 'hi, how are you? X' messages. If you can't make more effort than that in a first message then it's not going to go any further.
If I get a more personal message or one that's made more of an effort then I will always reply, even if it's a thank but no thanks.
The bit I'm less good at is if I've swapped a few messages but it's not floating my boat, I need to get better at saying so  |
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If you reply to people and later change your message filters, they wouldn't work for the people who you'd sent a cheery no thanks to.
Fab has no reply = no thanks, in the FAQa and it's useful to accept this |
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"On this sort of topic - is there a way to see someone's profile without opening the message? (Without having to go off and search for them)
I tend to ignore 'hi, how are you? X' messages. If you can't make more effort than that in a first message then it's not going to go any further.
If I get a more personal message or one that's made more of an effort then I will always reply, even if it's a thank but no thanks.
The bit I'm less good at is if I've swapped a few messages but it's not floating my boat, I need to get better at saying so "
Just click on the profile pic next to the message and it takes you to the profile without opening the message xx 😘 |
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"On this sort of topic - is there a way to see someone's profile without opening the message? (Without having to go off and search for them)
I tend to ignore 'hi, how are you? X' messages. If you can't make more effort than that in a first message then it's not going to go any further.
If I get a more personal message or one that's made more of an effort then I will always reply, even if it's a thank but no thanks.
The bit I'm less good at is if I've swapped a few messages but it's not floating my boat, I need to get better at saying so "
If before opening the message you click on their profile pic or silhouette you can see their profile without opening the message. |
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"...The bit I'm less good at is if I've swapped a few messages but it's not floating my boat, I need to get better at saying so "
•
Radio silence is usually the defacto approach on here: leaving the last message from them 'unreplied' so that it feigns a fizzling out or a natural decay of the conversation. If you're feeling bold you could always offer them a "Happy Fabbing" which is interpreted in two ways — a polite "no thank you" or a blatant "f**k off" (I interpret it as the latter). |
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"Whilst feeling quite horny, I did a search on fab and winked a few couples. Some of those winks turned into messages. Amongst those was a message from what looked like a really nice couple. After exchanging a few messages the chance of a meeting was discussed. The reply was “let me put it to the other half”.
No, usually when this happens, that’s the end of the conversation. Later that day we were surprised to get a new message from the same couple. The message said sorry, but it’s a no. That reply was very much welcomed. No explanation needed as no means no. This is the first time in over three years somebody has bothered to say no."
We usually reply to say if there's attraction or not but luckily we both have similar taste |
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I look at it as if I’m sending unrequested mail to someone.
I’ve never replied to the local van driver, gardener, window cleaner etc whose flyers drop through my door without me asking.
I think the site rules say no response is a response
Some of the fabgals get hundreds of messages so totally impossible to respond to each one |
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We reply to each and every message ( we don’t get many ) but most of them are nos because they are from a single bloke who quite frankly hasn’t read our profile which clearly states no single men.
We find that 90 per cent of the time if we say no we get loads of messages back trying to fight their corner or trying their luck.
That’s when the block button gets used but other than that we just reply with a no thanks please read profile next time ;p |
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Always appreciate a polite no from a profile I've messaged. Do understand that women and couples get bombarded with interest though so can see why they can't always respond. No response after being read is a response regardless. |
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We have an update
We have been messaging a couple on here and all appeared to be going well. We even exchanged face pics. Last night we looked and Fab says they had hidden their profile. I don’t know how to tell if they have blocked us.
So I have a theory…
Male manages profile. Shows female. She is unhappy (probably because I am a short arse). Male panics and hides profile..
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"We have an update
We have been messaging a couple on here and all appeared to be going well. We even exchanged face pics. Last night we looked and Fab says they had hidden their profile. I don’t know how to tell if they have blocked us.
So I have a theory…
Male manages profile. Shows female. She is unhappy (probably because I am a short arse). Male panics and hides profile..
"
I mean, you have literally no way of knowing why they have hidden their profile 🤷♀️ It’s easy to concoct all sorts of theories in your head but ultimately you won’t know unless they reappear and tell you. It sucks if you’ve been getting on well, I get it.
Mrs TMN |
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This has finished us with Fab. We were contacted by s couple and they kept messaging us. They sent photos and looked ok. By evening we were already out and had received two more messages. We decided to meet as they were not far away.
We got there and she was cold, almost angry. That wasn’t the worst part. They resembled the photo’s but the photo’s must have been from 10 years ago . Then another guy joined us. They had arranged to meet him too. By this time cammy had become annoyed. She looked over and said she wanted to leave.
Cammy will no longer meet from messages only so from now on its either couples we know ir couples we have met at organised socials |
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It’s hard work replying to all the messages. We get 1-200 a day and maybe 500 if we post a photo. We used to reply to more but got to many nasty messages back. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys on here who think because it’s a swinging site we would shag anyone. They need to be more realistic in their expectations. |
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I get fabmin can be pretty gruelling for the lady folk. If a "polite decline" isn't available, Ill take a delete and no reply as a politest response available.
Ive had a few unapologetically not very polite responses in the past though. I get it costs the same to be an arse as it does to be nice, but hey ho 😂 |
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"Depends how many people you're messaging really. The odd polite no, fair enough.
But who wants an inbox full of no? 🤔
When messaging someone new, I delete it from my sent box. If they don't reply, I don't give it a second thought. I find it works better for me, else this place can make you feel really quite self conscious "
This advice should be pinned to the site. |
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If someone has taken time to send me a decent message, I'll reply, even with a no thanks.
I use a fair few filters though to keep my mail low.
When it's obvious they've not read my bio, I just delete any message as it works both ways and all that. |
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