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Naive to try and build a connection?
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Context: I need for there to be quite a deep connection on a non physical level to truly enjoy someone on a physical level.
I’ve had fantastic conversations with some incredible people since I joined FAB but never got to that point with someone where I would be comfortable enjoying a FWB relationship with them. And I’m always upfront about needing that connection and quick to ensure I don’t waste anyone’s time when I know it won’t lead to anything.
I put a lot of effort into FAB and it can sometimes consume a lot of my time (in a good and a bad way). And it hasn’t been quite as successful with finding a spark as more traditional apps have been, the problem with more traditional apps is that there is an expectation of a more traditional relationship too.
So, finally to my question. Is it naive to think that FAB can be a place where a connection can be built that leads to a genuinely sex positive and sex first relationship? Or is it unsuitable for what I am seeking and no matter how patient I am I will always be looking in the wrong place for it? |
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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I don't think you're naive at all OP.
I do think that on Fab the majority are perhaps looking for a different kind of connection than you and it'll take time to find the one you want. Is it a non-conventional relationship you're after or a friendship?
I've dated a few people I've met from Fab. And 99% of the time I don't feel physical attraction until there's a level of friendship there. So - it's possible. I've never actively looked for anything though. Met people, things have developed organically and then they've asked me if we're dating and then bam, in a relationship. 
Relax and enjoy it a bit more OP. If you put a lot of pressure on things it's less likely to happen. Meet people, see how things go. |
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Does seem very tough o.p I was to someone for a bit, then didn't message them for a day as I had stuff going on and they said you got board easily then, no worries so that's the end of that lol. It's tricky navigating this site sometimes, but keep your chin up o.p you sound like a decent guy. All the best |
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A non-conventional relationship yes. Too busy for anything more traditional and in that phase where I want to enjoy new sexual experiences with someone before I’m too old to get into certain positions 
It is a tall ask and maybe a little bit of having my cake and eating it. |
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Yes this is exactly the experience I’ve had. When I’m online and conversations flow it is great and there seems potential for a spark. However, I’m often very busy and may drop off for two or three days. When I come back to the conversation it can be like trying to restart a car that has been lying up for a decade
I get that women on here have there inboxes flooded though so I understand it to an extent. |
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I've found that connection with someone through fab but I honestly don't think that just having 2 people looking for the same thing didn't guarantee they will find it with each other.
It's organic and takes time to build that level of trust.
I've said on numerous threads asking people seeking a fwb to pop their name in that it takes a hell of a lot more than that.
My fwb is a friend first and foremost and the benefits just a bonus but that friendship is also one of the bonuses. |
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What do you mean by a deep connection? Are you saying you need to be madly in love with someone before meeting them? Or are you asking if everybody else fucks people they don’t like?
Lots of people bang on about a connection I’m sure a connection means completely different things to different people, so what exactly is it you are asking |
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Is it naive? Not at all. There are many people on here who are really using it as a dating site and the connection thing is what they are really looking for.
That said, many people are here because they explicitly don’t want to use a dating site/have a long term relationship and you are not going to chime well with those people.
There are more of the later than the former on here IMHO. |
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It’s a fair point. Different people have their own understanding of what connection means.
It is probably easier to state it in terms of goals. My perception thus far is that the majority of uses have a goal of physical experiences with people they like. It’s time boxed to one or multiple occasions.
My own goal is diametrically opposed to this. I want to meet socially first and I get turned on when there is a clear desire to meet more and get to know each other before anything physicals. However, with the ability to have a mature boundary that despite this desire the main pillar of any “relationship” would be sex and not “love”.
My perception is that this is difficult and/or rare on FAB.
However, I’m not here long, I’ve had lots of great conversations but I’ve only had one social meet, so I’m questioning if my perception is accurate. |
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"It’s a fair point. Different people have their own understanding of what connection means.
It is probably easier to state it in terms of goals. My perception thus far is that the majority of uses have a goal of physical experiences with people they like. It’s time boxed to one or multiple occasions.
My own goal is diametrically opposed to this. I want to meet socially first and I get turned on when there is a clear desire to meet more and get to know each other before anything physicals. However, with the ability to have a mature boundary that despite this desire the main pillar of any “relationship” would be sex and not “love”.
My perception is that this is difficult and/or rare on FAB.
However, I’m not here long, I’ve had lots of great conversations but I’ve only had one social meet, so I’m questioning if my perception is accurate. "
Not rare at all in my experience.
The issue comes when people seek it out, rather than let any kind of FWB relationship (or anything deeper) evolve naturally.
People can say they want one as much as they like. It still doesn't mean you'll be compatible with someone else also looking for the same kind of relationship, just because you're seeking the same thing. 🤷♂️
Obi |
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A "connection" can have a different meaning to different people.
Do you mean “connection” in a relationship/romantic sense or are you seeking emotional closeness?
Do you desire an element of sexual chemistry or is it friendship compatibility?
If it's "emotional closeness" based on a strong sexualised physical attraction, then your seeking someone that is arousing.
There is intensity of desire within these encounters that you will remember.
Touch and eye contact form subtle cues that will guide each other without awkwardness. There is a willingness to try things, explore fantasies, and learn what the each otger likes.
There is mutual pleasure where you both are satisfied with a fwb experience.
My thoughts,.... This can be hard to find and maintain without the lines blurring.
There is one person that I think of whole writing this and wow 😳 it really was all that and more but sadly that was a long time ago. If she's reading this, I hope she's doing well.
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By *eliWoman 2 weeks ago
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"A non-conventional relationship yes. Too busy for anything more traditional and in that phase where I want to enjoy new sexual experiences with someone before I’m too old to get into certain positions
It is a tall ask and maybe a little bit of having my cake and eating it. "
Ah fuck it, have your cake and eat it. I don't think it's that much of a tall ask - my long term partners are both from here and with one we very much have an unconventional relationship. It works for us.
I do think Obi is right though - let things develop. On paper can only tell you so much and you'll heap a whole lot of unnecessary pressure on things. |
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