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Making The First Move
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I've just finished a whatsapp conversation with an occasional friend with benefits where she mentioned she'd "sorted myself out last night". I asked her why she didn't give me a shout (she's only a 6 minute walk away) and she responded she'd spent so many years trying not to have sex she doesn't know how to make the first move.
My question to the women of the forum is which of you find yourselves in the same boat and find it difficult to initiate any type of contact, particularly of a sexual nature, and if so, why?
Men, please don't use this as an opportunity to harass, sorry, message any women that may respond and offer your services. |
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I definitely used to.
It's a few years since I gave up trying to adhere to that modest and demure expectation for women. Nowadays I just tell the penis person I want that I want them.
Now, telling women I want to fuck them, that's still absurdly difficult for me 💜 |
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"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with. "
I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x |
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By *Effy-Woman 2 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.
I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x"
On here it's easy. You have an idea if they like you enough to meet you in the first place. It's in person when it starts to get difficult. Are you laughing at my jokes because you want to get naked with me or you just wanna be friends? 😃 |
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It can be harder when who you are and what you may want aren't potentially universal desires. I can be quite forward but I also like to get some positive feedback, to enable me to proceed more confidently. It's an interactive process, that involves back and forwards engagement, as I don't typically just drop my knickers, every time I'm in the company of men who I fancy, else I'd hardly move much all day  |
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"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.
I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x
On here it's easy. You have an idea if they like you enough to meet you in the first place. It's in person when it starts to get difficult. Are you laughing at my jokes because you want to get naked with me or you just wanna be friends? 😃"
You're hilarious so I'd say it's probably because they find you funny and want to get you naked and want to be your friend 😂 |
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I once had a girl lean in and French kiss me in a bar in the middle of our first conversation. I have to say, it was very hot. Probably because it’s the only time it’s ever happened.
Doing things the “usual way” can feel like you are in a rut. |
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Yes. I don't know why, but when I take the initiative, it generally doesn't end up well. Maybe men like to hunt, and feel a bit Insecure if I do the chase. A big mystery to me. But it's a fact that they turn distant, or treat me like a slut when they reply. |
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Generally I’m too shy and too old fashioned. On here and in the real world.
That said, I HAVE made the first move on here twice now, but they tend to go awol shortly after. So yeah. No more!
Twas only for chat - not meets 🤷🏻♀️ |
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For me it’s the lack of confidence. There are so many gorgeous, funny and sexy women on here and I’m just me. It’s a bit of imposter syndrome.
I also have cPTSD so am careful about messaging. To be messaged first means I get a feeling for the person sending it. Their effort, their mental landscape.
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"For me it’s the lack of confidence. There are so many gorgeous, funny and sexy women on here and I’m just me. It’s a bit of imposter syndrome.
I also have cPTSD so am careful about messaging. To be messaged first means I get a feeling for the person sending it. Their effort, their mental landscape.
"
But who knows what may come from a little bravery, I think personally the same as you but for different reasons. I can tell you this week I was totally blown away when someone who's secretly on my hotlist messaged me.
Now who knows where that might go..? 😜 |
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"Lack of confidence and knock backs have left me in the is it worth the effort so I rarely if ever initiate contact."
Welcome to our world 😂
Rejection is an old friend of mine. We go way back. Good times. |
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"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.
I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x"
Both of your comments I agree with. I don't understand people unless they actually say what they mean. I'm tired of games. If I want to play games I'd get a ps5 or a PC. |
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I have people I can call if I need a good shafting and have no issue doing so. For me its more, I've been alone so long that I don't actually need sex. I can switch it off when a man isnt around so my vibrator does just fine in those randy moments. |
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"I have people I can call if I need a good shafting and have no issue doing so. For me its more, I've been alone so long that I don't actually need sex. I can switch it off when a man isnt around so my vibrator does just fine in those randy moments."
Love the "good shafting" expression.
Also a vibrator never turns you down (until the batteries run out!) |
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"I find, asking whoever it is I'm interested in if they like to come around for some homemade lemonade 😋
This usually works. Especially if they've already tried my peach surprise 🤣"
Go on, I'll bite. What's the surprise about the peach surprise? That it has no peaches? |
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"The surprise is that it doesn't exist..
It's what I tell them to lure them in"
Not keen on peaches, but offer me pavlova.....
Oh, and the home made lemonade, sweet or sour? In Morocco, for a country big on sugar in tea and coffee their fresh lemon juice was sour - a lot of face puckering - but very refreshing. You'd have me at the offer of lemonade. |
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"I've just finished a whatsapp conversation with an occasional friend with benefits where she mentioned she'd "sorted myself out last night". I asked her why she didn't give me a shout (she's only a 6 minute walk away) and she responded she'd spent so many years trying not to have sex she doesn't know how to make the first move.
My question to the women of the forum is which of you find yourselves in the same boat and find it difficult to initiate any type of contact, particularly of a sexual nature, and if so, why?
Men, please don't use this as an opportunity to harass, sorry, message any women that may respond and offer your services."
I have never made the first move on any woman.
I have had several MF relationships and have children, grandchildren. Yet I’d still be a virgin if it was down to me. |
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By *eliWoman 1 week ago
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If I've known someone for awhile, generally no.
If I don't really know them, yes. Part of that is because I know that my libido can be very high and I have these odd little societal hangups and don't want to to be too forward or worry men prefer to be the initiators.
And there's a part of me that doesn't want a lacklustre reply or them not being interested.
Asking to fuck? If someone said no, that'll probably sting. I'd have to be certain they'd say yes.
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"Yes. I don't know why, but when I take the initiative, it generally doesn't end up well. Maybe men like to hunt, and feel a bit Insecure if I do the chase. A big mystery to me. But it's a fact that they turn distant, or treat me like a slut when they reply. "
Making the first move generally doesn't go well for men though, especially on here where there is so much choice for women. Do women expect that their first move should have a higher success rate than for the (average) man? On Fab at least?
Speaking only for myself, the sting of rejection is dulled by repetition but it does impact motivation to make the first move. |
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By *egnMaxCouple 1 week ago
East Midlands |
Despite the main reason for us being on here is me (I’m loving exploring my new found bi side) I often leave the approaching to Max. He deals better with rejection and it would take a lot for me to reach out to another woman as this is all new to me.
Though once we’ve had a reply we both actively message / meet.
I know it sounds ridiculous when we are on Fab to meet women but I’m shy and find this really difficult. It’s just how I’m wired, but I’m working on it.
Meg |
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"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.
I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x
On here it's easy. You have an idea if they like you enough to meet you in the first place. It's in person when it starts to get difficult. Are you laughing at my jokes because you want to get naked with me or you just wanna be friends? 😃"
This lol. Though im hoping the reason they laughing at jokes is both. Im funny 😁 |
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Confidence is also key. When im lacking in it, no chance am I putting myself out there. But if im ok then I can make a move if I want to far more easily. A lot of folk have a fear of rejection too and thats never nice especially in person. |
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I like women who are confident enough to message first, I have it on my profile 
I hardly ever send a first message on here anymore as they can get lost in the hundreds of messages women receive, well that's what I tell myself anyway 🤣 |
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