FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Red Flags
Red Flags
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ooooooooo I can't pick one so I'll generalise...
Any fundamental lack of respect e.g. a lack of respect for boundaries / a desire to control......
Uhmmmmmmm testing limits, rushing initimacy , guilt tripping , entitlement ...
see what you've done  |
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Not asking me a single thing about myself but somehow already steering the conversation straight into sex. Bold of you to skip the “human being” getting to know you stage and go straight to objectification.
The “I’m only free weekdays, daytime, quick meets, maybe a car or hotel” crowd. I don’t know your situation, but it sounds a lot like you already have a wife who does.
And my personal favourite: men who think boundaries are just… suggestions. The minute I hear “I’d like to push your boundaries” I’m like don’t worry, I’ll make this easy as I’m already halfway out the door. Boundaries aren’t a game, they’re there for a reason. |
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"There are a few but one not yet mentioned - if all of their exes/people they don't like are narcissists/evil demonic beings.
They've not realised they're the problem."
This! They're usually projecting lmao |
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"Not asking me a single thing about myself but somehow already steering the conversation straight into sex. Bold of you to skip the “human being” getting to know you stage and go straight to objectification.
The “I’m only free weekdays, daytime, quick meets, maybe a car or hotel” crowd. I don’t know your situation, but it sounds a lot like you already have a wife who does.
And my personal favourite: men who think boundaries are just… suggestions. The minute I hear “I’d like to push your boundaries” I’m like don’t worry, I’ll make this easy as I’m already halfway out the door. Boundaries aren’t a game, they’re there for a reason."
The meet in car is the worst lmao |
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In the real world? Never answering the phone when you ring, regardless of whether morning, noon or night, instead calling you back 15 mins later with an 'I was in the shower', 'I had no signal' or 'I was on another call' excuse.
On here? Starting or posting on forum threads about their wife/GF whilst simultaneously stating 'I'm definitely single' in their profile.
Obi |
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Slagging off their x partner.
Having their ex partner as their screen saver on the phone.
Constantly vocalising that they are loyal.
Saying it's ok for your friend to see the intimate pictures you have taken together.
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Entitlement
Disrespect
Delusional
Rudeness
Dishonesty
Pay for access
Lack of accountability
Impatient
There are more but in general being a shitty person.
I believe it's possible for a person to grow and change, but that takes self reflection and accountability. |
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Dishonesty
Shady with verifications
Telling you they are having a break from the site and it not being about anyone else ..then publishing a new veri the day after.
These are the kinda slimeballs who are a massive red flag to us. |
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Biggest? Ok, it can take time to figure out, but you want to see how well someone handles criticism. If they fall apart or get spiteful they're usually no good. A stable, secure, educated person is tough to rattle, these are the people you want to know and surround yourself with.
It can be a playful probe or constructive or even story they're telling you from a previous experience of theirs. Don't gotta be nasty |
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"Biggest? Ok, it can take time to figure out, but you want to see how well someone handles criticism. If they fall apart or get spiteful they're usually no good. A stable, secure, educated person is tough to rattle, these are the people you want to know and surround yourself with.
It can be a playful probe or constructive or even story they're telling you from a previous experience of theirs. Don't gotta be nasty"
Interesting. 🤔
I would say the reverse is also true. It's telling how, when and why someone will criticise. If they do it frequently, unnecessarily, in an non constructive way and without regard for the other person's feelings and experiences it's counterproductive and often a reflection of their own weaknesses. |
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"Biggest? Ok, it can take time to figure out, but you want to see how well someone handles criticism. If they fall apart or get spiteful they're usually no good. A stable, secure, educated person is tough to rattle, these are the people you want to know and surround yourself with.
It can be a playful probe or constructive or even story they're telling you from a previous experience of theirs. Don't gotta be nasty"
I would agree whole heartedly with this. This is definitely a red flag for me.
Usually they are so dissatisfied with themselves they lash out at others, often in an attempt to discredit and usually play the victim long and loud. |
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"Biggest? Ok, it can take time to figure out, but you want to see how well someone handles criticism. If they fall apart or get spiteful they're usually no good. A stable, secure, educated person is tough to rattle, these are the people you want to know and surround yourself with.
It can be a playful probe or constructive or even story they're telling you from a previous experience of theirs. Don't gotta be nasty
Interesting. 🤔
I would say the reverse is also true. It's telling how, when and why someone will criticise. If they do it frequently, unnecessarily, in an non constructive way and without regard for the other person's feelings and experiences it's counterproductive and often a reflection of their own weaknesses. "
I also agree with this. Most people don't want or value your - constructive criticism / unwanted advice .
Give advice when it's asked for
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Funnily enough ..... I've left a 'friend' alone for a few days.
Once to often he has used racist language and I don't want a person like that in my life.
So .... Red Flag for me. Racist tendencies. |
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"Funnily enough ..... I've left a 'friend' alone for a few days.
Once to often he has used racist language and I don't want a person like that in my life.
So .... Red Flag for me. Racist tendencies."
I had that too along with supporting a political point of view that is very different to mine.
Another recent one was someone telling me about the people they were talking to, literally sending me their profiles links. |
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"“I’m going to do x to you anyway when you least expect it…”
Absolute no there "
I had someone say i want to do X to you .... I said No ... the replied I wouldnt be able to help myself ....
Well that was a very firm No thanks and good bye |
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"Funnily enough ..... I've left a 'friend' alone for a few days.
Once to often he has used racist language and I don't want a person like that in my life.
So .... Red Flag for me. Racist tendencies."
Yes I have had to withdraw from someone's company since seeing some of their Facebook posts |
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By *ino200Man 7 weeks ago
Bournemouth and London |
"Dishonesty
Shady with verifications
Telling you they are having a break from the site and it not being about anyone else ..then publishing a new veri the day after.
These are the kinda slimeballs who are a massive red flag to us. "
lol thats a common one thats why many dont publish veris  |
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"“I’m going to do x to you anyway when you least expect it…”
Absolute no there
I had someone say i want to do X to you .... I said No ... the replied I wouldnt be able to help myself ....
Well that was a very firm No thanks and good bye"
No has to mean no.
“What if it just happened?”
“There now won’t be an opportunity for it to happen” |
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"I’ll add another, promoted by the ‘challenging wank’ threads.
Denigrating people you don’t find attractive for a cheap laugh or like. "
Especially when they are on the same level of attractiveness... |
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By *erdyHollyTV/TS 7 weeks ago
In a galaxy far far away |
"I’ll add another, promoted by the ‘challenging wank’ threads.
Denigrating people you don’t find attractive for a cheap laugh or like. "
My answer on that thread is because Trump is a cunt. Nothing to do with his looks. |
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"Quick to get angry (especially about trivial stuff), laugh l of personal accountability (everything is someone else’s fault). "
The guy I was seeing was just like this, he would get mad at me for sleeping!!! Like what 😂😂😂😂😂😂 |
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By *eliWoman 7 weeks ago
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Another addition - when I'm told I'm not like the other women/what's a nice girl like me doing on here etc
I'm not enough of a pick me girl to swoon at that crap attempt of flattery - chubby ND millennials are ten a penny. |
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Not photo varied is a red flag, unless there are numerous verifications from genuine sources. And I think potential chemistry is either there or it isnt, it can take next to no messages before you know. |
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Another 🚩🚩
The “I’m separated but still living with my spouse for the kids” line. Right… so you’re single in theory but still sharing a house, a life, bills and a WiFi password. Very convincing. And just out of curiosity ... does your wife know you’ve re-entered the dating pool, or is she finding out later in a plot twist?
On a serious note: I know separation can take time, but I’m not interested in getting involved in something that’s clearly still unresolved. |
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"Them profiles with a long lists what they want , usually posted by people with vague pictures
Find there here just to moan lol "
Would rather that than people saying they will go for anything and everything lol |
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When it’s a couple profile been speaking as a couple but every time we are about to meet last minute only the husband is ever available.
Asking for solo meets shows they have not read the profile. |
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Straight off with smut talk and unwanted pics of their knob
Asking to move into your phone before you even know their name
Won't talk on the phone or send a voice note - so you know what they sound like
Won't send up to date pics of themselves - so you know who you're talking to - instead sending recycled pics from their camera roll
Disappear for hours/days on end with no prior notice or explanation afterwards
Get pissy with you because you're talking to others
Get pissy with you when you go to a club with your husband
Get pissy with you when you go on a social
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Wanting to move away from fab to an app quickly
When the conversation is all about them , no interest in other subjects or finding out a bit about me
I also observe people’s posts or replies on threads. I find how people treat people they are not interested in or want anything from to be quite telling. |
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By *iver78Man 7 weeks ago
barton upon humber |
"Them profiles with a long lists what they want , usually posted by people with vague pictures
Find there here just to moan lol
Would rather that than people saying they will go for anything and everything lol"
Must admit people with hundreds of verifications from meets isent to attractive  |
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If you go on a social and they are leering at the woman behind you.
If they lie by omission.
Scroll on their phone when you are sat across from them.
Stalk you on the forums.
Flaky with contact.
Not respecting boundaries.
Their whole personality revolves around sex, getting sex, having the sex, reminiscing about who they’ve had sex with when you’re at the getting to know each other stage.
Still being hung up on an ex, slagging off an ex.
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Red flags for us.
It’s simple. If you can’t read and understand a basic profile or try your ‘ luck ‘ we will just delete and block.
Not sending face pics yet wanting a meet?
Old men over 60 expecting Belle to be interested, double standards unless you are prepared to get with someone 80 then don’t expect her to get with someone 20 years older than her…
Calling Belle stunning when you haven’t seen her face pics.. she is but you can’t tell that from a boob or ass pic.
Saying you happen to be in a hotel ‘ near ‘ us and free tonight. Yeah ok we will just drop everything to come and pleasure you… nope. |
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Refusing to send a face pic until I send one, even if I was the one asking first. I understand the trepidation, but it works both ways and the person who asks shouldn't have to send a face pic first.
Also people who want to take the conversation to a different app within two messages of talking |
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By *edFlame83Woman 7 weeks ago
South Gloucestershire |
Lies, even little ones.
I am so honest & direct & people don't like it but I would rather have honesty than lies or ghosting.
If I am not your cup of tea say so.
If you have changed your mind say so.
Also people who say they have read my profile then mention something they want to do to me that my profile states is a limit. |
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Going too quickly into the sex talk
Only talking about themselves and not asking questions about me
And this sort of ties into the above and something I've realised recently, but women who talk to me too much about their sex lives and meets on here. It's great and everything, but if we're not making plans about meeting, then I'm not interested in hearing about your meets/sex life and it's a real turn off.
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"There are a few but one not yet mentioned - if all of their exes/people they don't like are narcissists/evil demonic beings.
They've not realised they're the problem.
Ahhh that chestnut..... 🚩🚩🚩"
Explaining the term 'common denominator... |
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I'd not write people off as a common denominator so fast.
People seek out the same type of toxic partners, repeat mistakes, due to childhood trauma and unhealthy patterns.
It's a red flag of a different sort. |
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"Not asking me a single thing about myself but somehow already steering the conversation straight into sex. Bold of you to skip the “human being” getting to know you stage and go straight to objectification.
The “I’m only free weekdays, daytime, quick meets, maybe a car or hotel” crowd. I don’t know your situation, but it sounds a lot like you already have a wife who does.
And my personal favourite: men who think boundaries are just… suggestions. The minute I hear “I’d like to push your boundaries” I’m like don’t worry, I’ll make this easy as I’m already halfway out the door. Boundaries aren’t a game, they’re there for a reason.
The meet in car is the worst lmao"
worse than meet in the back of my van, yeah... I'm a builder.
I'm guessing that he hasn't washed up after work 🙂 |
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"I'd not write people off as a common denominator so fast.
People seek out the same type of toxic partners, repeat mistakes, due to childhood trauma and unhealthy patterns.
It's a red flag of a different sort."
They are related. If someone is making this claim the options are (broadly)
1. They avoid taking any blame for relationship breakdown, and its easier to label others. (Expect to be added to the list)
2. They are not self-aware of their own shortcomings in relationships and never reflect on their input to failures.
3. They genuinely have poor selection issues, and even if you are not that type, toxicity will be generated to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. |
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Blocking out of the blue.
I don't get blocked often, but there were a couple of instances where conversations were going well only to find myself suddenly blocked.
I know I'm not owed an explanation because the whole idea is that the blocker doesn't want to be contacted any more.
However, the mind does wonder, self doubt hits, and these things knock your confidence in an already difficult space for men.
People are peculiar beings. |
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Sad as it may sound, I've not encountered any (from memory) from women I've interacted with.
Can name a fair few I know about some male mwssages though.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them. |
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"Refusing to send a face pic until I send one, even if I was the one asking first. I understand the trepidation, but it works both ways and the person who asks shouldn't have to send a face pic first.
"
We would say that was 100% reasonable. You would be the red flag for us in that scenario |
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Demanding rules that I have to obey like they are gospel while they do the exact opposite on a daily basis.
Hypocrites and double standards is a huge red flag for me. Nobody on here is better than me and everyone else should think the same of themselves |
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"Blocking out of the blue.
I don't get blocked often, but there were a couple of instances where conversations were going well only to find myself suddenly blocked.
I know I'm not owed an explanation because the whole idea is that the blocker doesn't want to be contacted any more.
However, the mind does wonder, self doubt hits, and these things knock your confidence in an already difficult space for men.
People are peculiar beings. "
That isn't a red flag. You've been blocked. They are not interested. There are no flags showing |
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"Couples profile, both looking to meet.
But you guessed it....only pics of the lady.
Mrs. "
We have pics of both. But let's face it, people generally want to see pics of women on here.
In general, not everyone, women like what they hear, men like what they see. Thats why men lie and women wear makeup.
It's not the same for everyone, a general rule. But if husband puts up a pic it gets 30 fabs. If wife puts up a pic it gets 3000 fabs. |
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Well just had one...someone saying how much they want to meet me,haven't even seen my face
And when I stated that I was told they like my body so don't care as it's only for fab and fucking 
Someone who is an any holes a goal type is instant red flag
Also anyone who isn't honest and upfront |
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"When they ask me to squat and take a shit on there glass table whilst they lay under it but they expect me to bring my own toilet roll
They don’t supply 3-ply? Unforgivable "
I should of known it was too good to be true. Bet it was a woman pretending to be a man  |
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"When they ask me to squat and take a shit on there glass table whilst they lay under it but they expect me to bring my own toilet roll
They don’t supply 3-ply? Unforgivable
I should of known it was too good to be true. Bet it was a woman pretending to be a man "
It always is… sometimes I just want to meet the male half for a pint of local English bitter and to discuss our own personal tactic for sweeping up debris in the kitchen… BUT NO the wife wants to sneakily show up because the male half has suddenly come down with such strong flu they had to leave the house entirely meaning it’s now free to go to… every. Time. |
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When there is only pictures of the woman on a couples profile but they want the male half to be involved
When they stipulate too many rules like they are better than anyone else
When they insist on chatting for ages before meeting… ok thats not a red flag just get bored
Pick me women
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"When they ask me to squat and take a shit on there glass table whilst they lay under it but they expect me to bring my own toilet roll
They don’t supply 3-ply? Unforgivable
I should of known it was too good to be true. Bet it was a woman pretending to be a man
It always is… sometimes I just want to meet the male half for a pint of local English bitter and to discuss our own personal tactic for sweeping up debris in the kitchen… BUT NO the wife wants to sneakily show up because the male half has suddenly come down with such strong flu they had to leave the house entirely meaning it’s now free to go to… every. Time."
Thats sad. I hope your ok ❤️ |
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"When they ask me to squat and take a shit on there glass table whilst they lay under it but they expect me to bring my own toilet roll
They don’t supply 3-ply? Unforgivable
I should of known it was too good to be true. Bet it was a woman pretending to be a man
It always is… sometimes I just want to meet the male half for a pint of local English bitter and to discuss our own personal tactic for sweeping up debris in the kitchen… BUT NO the wife wants to sneakily show up because the male half has suddenly come down with such strong flu they had to leave the house entirely meaning it’s now free to go to… every. Time.
Thats sad. I hope your ok ❤️"
I am grand thanks! Sorry I stole your thunder.
You were talking about taking a shit on a glass table…?
No 3 ply, no bumming |
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"When they ask me to squat and take a shit on there glass table whilst they lay under it but they expect me to bring my own toilet roll
They don’t supply 3-ply? Unforgivable
I should of known it was too good to be true. Bet it was a woman pretending to be a man
It always is… sometimes I just want to meet the male half for a pint of local English bitter and to discuss our own personal tactic for sweeping up debris in the kitchen… BUT NO the wife wants to sneakily show up because the male half has suddenly come down with such strong flu they had to leave the house entirely meaning it’s now free to go to… every. Time.
Thats sad. I hope your ok ❤️
I am grand thanks! Sorry I stole your thunder.
You were talking about taking a shit on a glass table…?
No 3 ply, no bumming"
Thats my motto |
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Can do without the drama thanks