I was watching some old video tapes in this haunted house and the strange guy on tv told me: "Listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck."

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By *poolGuyMan 2 days ago

Liverpool

"My mum always told me to engage brain before opening mouth"

Mine said that too and "You've two ears and one mouth, use what you have more of."

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"Many people are so poor because the only thing they have is money"

This is true .. I have no money ..

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By *uperchargedMan 2 days ago

Manchester

If you can't fight, wear a big hat...

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"I was watching some old video tapes in this haunted house and the strange guy on tv told me: "Listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck.""

I remember a guy like that .. just before he stole my handbag !

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By *eightsB4DatesMan 2 days ago

north east

My dad always told me if I can’t buy it twice I can’t afford it, this advice served me very well

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By *xSirenaxxWoman 2 days ago

Gloucestershire

Unsolicited advice is like someone singing out of tune. Nobody wants to hear it.

Advice is like cooking: you should try it yourself before you feed it to others

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By *owmanytimesMan 2 days ago

derby

To do two things at once is to do neither

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By *oalie88Man 2 days ago

Newtownabbey

Always make sure your laces are tied before going into a public toilet

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By *rBruce101Man 2 days ago

Leicester

Never shit on your own time. Get paid for it.

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By *eal4269Man 2 days ago

Llanelli

Never push your granny when she's shaving

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By *uaveNightsMan 2 days ago

Canvey Island

"If you see something that doesn’t look right, speak to staff or text the British Transport Police.

See it, say it, sorted.

So it's not "See it, say it, snort it"?"

That’s after 5:30pm 😂

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"To do two things at once is to do neither "

And the truth shall set you free !!!

Eh ladies .. wadda y say ?

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By *erdyHollyTV/TS 2 days ago

In a galaxy far far away

If you accidentally fart in public shout "jet propulsion" and walk faster

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"Always make sure your laces are tied before going into a public toilet "

Especially if there’s a revolving door involved

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"Never push your granny when she's shaving "

I would imagine this is good advice ..

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By *ympho6969Woman 2 days ago

glasgow

The only person you should compare yourself to, or compete against is yourself.

If you look to others, you will always find something to bring you down. But if you compare yourself to who you were 6 months, or 3 years ago, you will see growth.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan 2 days ago

London

Ask yourself "is this worth my time?" If not, move on.

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By *hineasMan 2 days ago

Washington services (Monday night)

As Aztec Camera said;

You can’t buy time, but you can sell your soul.

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By *antric ecstasyMan 2 days ago

Co Durham

Don't always follow the advice you get.

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"never confuse smartness with cleanliness.

always remember this when entering establishments that serve and cook hot meals."

Good advice .. I’ve seen plenty of rank things pop out of the bottom half of a 3 piece suit

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"As Aztec Camera said;

You can’t buy time, but you can sell your soul. "

And the camera never lies .. ?

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By *rman82Man 2 days ago

Manchester

Don’t get your haircut with your hat on

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By *itty9899Man 2 days ago

Bed waiting

Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

Rinse your cereal bowl straight after as that stuff sets like concrete.

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"Don’t get your haircut with your hat on"

Is that common in Manchester .? . sounds like very good advice indeed

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By *ittlebirdWoman 2 days ago

The Big Smoke

"If you see something that doesn’t look right, speak to staff or text the British Transport Police.

See it, say it, sorted. "

Epic ♥️

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By *hamallamadingdongMan 2 days ago

London

If there's an item of clothing you're interested in, compare the retail price with the resale price. Then choose the one you want.

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By *amesB66Man 2 days ago

Channel islands

Ne'er a lender nor a borrower be!

I can still here my mum saying this!!

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By *rystal Dreamtime OP TV/TS 2 days ago

horsham

"Ne'er a lender nor a borrower be!

I can still here my mum saying this!!"

Need to tell that to Barclays !!! …

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By *rchie300Man 2 days ago

Hamworthy

Put your socks in the fridge and then wear them to bed when it’s hot , helps you sleep …..😉

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By *ravellingcdTV/TS 2 days ago

Ayrshire

Advice needed please - I had a dream the other day that I’d got together with my sister in law (and very much enjoyed it), she’s widowed and we get on great. I help her out around the house fixing stuff and look after her dog regularly.

Now I can’t stop thinking about fucking her and can’t look her in the eye.

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By *4bimMan 2 days ago

Farnborough Hampshire

The stockmarket goes up and down. The key is to stay in the game

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By *ohn 66Man 2 days ago

South Birmingham

When one door closes, another one opens.

Or you could just reopen the first door. That's how doors work

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