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By *oxes OP Man 7 days ago
Southend, Essex |
This is more a question for peeps in there 30s or who were in the 30s. Do or did you find it a real struggle or pressure to settle down. Have a well paying career, have a house, have kids, have partner ect |
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Its a toigh one i would say when i turned 30 i felt pressure to fit in with the "norm" and felt i wasnt winning at life. Now im mid 30s i actually realise i am winning at life in my own way and its quite liberating. I can do what i want when i want and it feels great |
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"This is more a question for peeps in there 30s or who were in the 30s. Do or did you find it a real struggle or pressure to settle down. Have a well paying career, have a house, have kids, have partner ect"
Having been there and tried to conform to the norm (and failed!!).
If you don't want those things, fgs, stay true to yourself and don't do them.
You're in charge of your life. Do what's right for you. |
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No, I was ready by 28/29, I had dropped out school at 16, done the travelling had a few failed relationships, had various jobs, so I got myself back to university, bought a house found a good woman had a couple of kids started a business, worked on my career, it was hard work for about 10 years, but of course it pays off huge dividends in the longer term, kids are wonderful, careers can be very rewarding not just financially |
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I was a workaholic trying to make my crazy ideas work. I got divorced and had 5 years of councilling to learn lots about myself and on the other side came to love myself and understand the world around me more. I am now grounded, much more than I was. |
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By *iver78Man 7 days ago
barton upon humber |
Can't say i ever felt any pressure to settle down apart from a few mates partners doing the usual ' you need a good women in your life " staple of every get together lol , do what feels right for you , for me mist relationships have aboutb3 mths until things go being fun to talking about what to watch on tele and what's for tea 🤣 |
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I'm curious (nosey) , what is it about a career, a relationship, children, and a home that puts you off them ?
i'll take a guess you have seen or experienced some bad examples of the above in others, you you don't have to replicate that , they can all be extremely rewarding and build your character, you will have much more freedom with them than without them |
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"Its a toigh one i would say when i turned 30 i felt pressure to fit in with the "norm" and felt i wasnt winning at life. Now im mid 30s i actually realise i am winning at life in my own way and its quite liberating. I can do what i want when i want and it feels great "
Yes very much the same here.. deep down i always knew i never wanted kids and to be settled down so young.. as you say, I enjoy my freedom doing what i like  |
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The parable of the fisherman and the business consultant. It’s useful.
A management consultant was on holiday in a small fishing village, he watched one afternoon as a small fishing boat docked at the quayside. Seeing the high quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long he had spent out at sea that day.
“A few hours.” answered the fisherman.
“Then, why didn’t you stay out all day and catch more?” asked the consultant.
The fisherman told him that his small catch was enough to feed him and his family.
The business guru asked, “So what do you do the rest of the time?”
“I sleep late, make love to my wife, play with my kids and have an afternoon’s rest in my garden hammock. In the evenings, I go into the social club to see my friends, have a couple of beers, shoot some pool, and sing a few songs….. I have a full and happy life.” replied the fisherman.
The consultant ventured, “I have an MBA and work for a top management consultancy – I think, in fact I know I can help you…… You should start by fishing much longer every day and recruit some help. You can then sell the additional fish you catch and with the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. A larger boat will allow you to catch more and expand your business to two or three boats until you have the largest fleet on the island. Instead of selling your fish at harbour, you can negotiate directly with the major fish distributors and perhaps open your own plant. You can then leave this village and move your entire operation to the mainland and build a huge company.
“How long would that take?” asked the fisherman.
“Done right, no more than ten years.” replied the consultant.
“And then what?” asked the fisherman.
“After that? You could acquire other companies, grow a massive organisation and finally float or sell your company and make millions!”
“Millions? Wow? And after that?” queried the fisherman.
“After that you’ll be able to retire, move to the islands, sleep late, make love to your wife, play with your grandkids and have an afternoon’s rest. In the evenings, you could shoot the breeze with friends and have a full and happy life”
The consultant looked at the fisherman, the fisherman stared back.
The consultant now works as a fisherman. |
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By *sWyldWoman 7 days ago
Edinburgh |
I think its really sad that people seem to measure how well you're doing in life by career, relationship status or family.
Personally I've realised being happy is the real key.
That looks different for everyone . |
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By *oxes OP Man 7 days ago
Southend, Essex |
"I'm curious (nosey) , what is it about a career, a relationship, children, and a home that puts you off them ?
i'll take a guess you have seen or experienced some bad examples of the above in others, you you don't have to replicate that , they can all be extremely rewarding and build your character, you will have much more freedom with them than without them"
I think you are mistaken I really want those things but am struggling to achieve them. |
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"I think its really sad that people seem to measure how well you're doing in life by career, relationship status or family.
Personally I've realised being happy is the real key.
That looks different for everyone . "
Exactly.. aslong as you/we are happy within ourselves, that's all that matters. |
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By *oxes OP Man 6 days ago
Southend, Essex |
"My 30's were spent just surviving.
Trying to figure life out now! "
I hear people say all time. You are In your 30s you should have life figured out by now. It's not that I haven't had life figured out it's just the life I planned (including the backup ones) to have when I was going through university A) I was not successful in achieving it and B) they no longer exist in the same way.
" having been there and tried to conform to the norm (and failed!!).
If you don't want those things, fgs, stay true to yourself and don't do them.
You're in charge of your life. Do what's right for you."
But the thing is I do want those things. |
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"This is more a question for peeps in there 30s or who were in the 30s. Do or did you find it a real struggle or pressure to settle down. Have a well paying career, have a house, have kids, have partner ect"
I didn't strive for any of that, things just happened organically at different times
Pressure to succeed at life (societal or self imposed) has never been a thing
I had the career and gave it up in my late 40's- far happier having just a job
Had 3 relationships in my 30's - settled down at 42 when I met someone who matched me
Never had kids and never wanted them
Had a mortgage at 26 |
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By *carlettsWoman 6 days ago
Somewhere out there |
I had a lot of people saying why you not married or why no kids as if I should have been conforming to what people expect you should be doing at that age.
As long as you are comfortable with your own choices in life, sod what everyone else thinks  |
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"I had a lot of people saying why you not married or why no kids as if I should have been conforming to what people expect you should be doing at that age.
As long as you are comfortable with your own choices in life, sod what everyone else thinks "
Exactly |
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At 30 I had bought a house, got married, but I had left my profession and started working in the voluntary sector.
In my 30s I went overseas, dud disaster and relief work for five years, had two kids, returned to the UK and got back into my former profession.
My 30s were fun. My 40s and 50s saw me lost in the rat race. My 60s are pretty good though. |
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