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New relationship
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By *paged OP Man 18 hours ago
Doncaster |
Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please |
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By *paged OP Man 18 hours ago
Doncaster |
"Honesty always best. Then nothing can bite you in the rear down the line. Maybe if they have reservations let them know if you are willing to give up the lifestyle if they have zero interest. "
thank you
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Honesty from the outset is essential. It gives someone the information they need to make a fully informed decision about whether they want to pursue a relationship with you before emotions become involved.
If they're not interested in the lifestyle, and you want a relationship with them then you need to be prepared to either walk away from the lifestyle and respect their choice, rather than trying to persuade or pressure them into something they wouldn't have chosen for themselves. |
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By *paged OP Man 18 hours ago
Doncaster |
"Honesty from the outset is essential. It gives someone the information they need to make a fully informed decision about whether they want to pursue a relationship with you before emotions become involved.
If they're not interested in the lifestyle, and you want a relationship with them then you need to be prepared to either walk away from the lifestyle and respect their choice, rather than trying to persuade or pressure them into something they wouldn't have chosen for themselves."
if they didn't want to be involved I would never make them I would consider walk away from the lifestyle but that might be easier said then done .thanks for your advice much appreciated |
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"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please "
A future partner doesn't need to know about your previous sex life.
But if you mean you'll still be looking for fab opportunities, then it's probably not wise to start a new relationship with secrets.
Although confession might scupper your chances of anything actually blossoming |
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By *paged OP Man 17 hours ago
Doncaster |
"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please
A future partner doesn't need to know about your previous sex life.
But if you mean you'll still be looking for fab opportunities, then it's probably not wise to start a new relationship with secrets.
Although confession might scupper your chances of anything actually blossoming "
thanks would probably walk away from the lifestyle |
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Be honest, just because you feel you ate in love with someone doesn't mean you are compatible.
You do not have to go into specific details with specific people but be open about your sexual desires as well and the vanilla stuff in life and if you both accept all aspect of each others person, then you started a relationships with honesty from the beginning, that's a good first step. |
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By *paged OP Man 17 hours ago
Doncaster |
"Be honest, just because you feel you ate in love with someone doesn't mean you are compatible.
You do not have to go into specific details with specific people but be open about your sexual desires as well and the vanilla stuff in life and if you both accept all aspect of each others person, then you started a relationships with honesty from the beginning, that's a good first step. "
cheers 🍻 |
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Perhaps let the topic come up naturally rather than forcing it into the open.
If you want the relationship to work/last maybe take a break from the lifestyle?
Certainly don't try and talk a new partner into swinging IMHO. |
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The question is, now that you’re going to get in to a relationship, do you think you’ll be able to give this lifestyle a miss or has it now become a huge part of your life?
If it’s still a big part of your life and you think you won’t be able to stay away from it. Might be good to mention it. But, in my opinion, the past remains in the past unless it will affect your future actions/decisions. Then, it’ll be unfair on your new partner and it’s best to be open.
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By *AYENCouple 17 hours ago
Lincolnshire |
"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please "
A confession sounds like you've sinned - have you sinned?
I think it's natural to speak about former relationships, I remember telling a new girlfriend that a previous girlfriend was bisexual - she was shocked and disgusted - the next day she told me that she was actually strongly attracted to women but had been suppressing it - that was the start of an amazing 6 year relationship. It's always best to be honest and open with what you like . . . . K. |
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By *paged OP Man 16 hours ago
Doncaster |
"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please
A confession sounds like you've sinned - have you sinned?
I think it's natural to speak about former relationships, I remember telling a new girlfriend that a previous girlfriend was bisexual - she was shocked and disgusted - the next day she told me that she was actually strongly attracted to women but had been suppressing it - that was the start of an amazing 6 year relationship. It's always best to be honest and open with what you like . . . . K."
I suppose I'm really hoping deep down she say wow I'd love to try that together. Fingers crossed |
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This was exactly the situation we found ourselves in many years ago when we first got together… I (Mr) was in the lifestyle with an ex… was upfront about it when we were first meeting etc and said I would happily give it up if Mrs2forfun was not interested…
We tried a club together after about 8 months to just to test the water (mrs2forfun idea) so to speak and here we are …15 year wedding anniversary Saturday and still going strong.
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By *AYENCouple 15 hours ago
Lincolnshire |
"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please
A confession sounds like you've sinned - have you sinned?
I think it's natural to speak about former relationships, I remember telling a new girlfriend that a previous girlfriend was bisexual - she was shocked and disgusted - the next day she told me that she was actually strongly attracted to women but had been suppressing it - that was the start of an amazing 6 year relationship. It's always best to be honest and open with what you like . . . . K. I suppose I'm really hoping deep down she say wow I'd love to try that together. Fingers crossed "
My following relationship was 8 years monogamous, followed by my current relationship which was 15 years monogamous, 5 years ENM - so I would always put relationship before sex. Good luck, K. |
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People's History do not define a new relationship. It's a unique mix of two people. Knowing each other's past is part of the trust building. What you create between you has to fulfill both of you.
It's not a question of telling them, it's a joint learning of each other's past. From the good to when you both have messed up.
How you go fowards is for you both to work out together. |
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Mr N and I knew everything important about each other before things got serious. One of the main things that attracted me to him apart from the obvious was his honesty.
If you're serious about this going forward decide now whether it's a deal breaker for you. Things have a habit of coming out though even in casual conversation with each other, you could be recounting an experience that reveals you were/are into swinging. |
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By *ino200Man 14 hours ago
Bournemouth and London |
"Just a bit of advice would be appreciated thanks. If I was to start a serious relationship with someone not in the lifestyle .would I be best to confess to been in the lifestyle or just not say anything . If I did confess and she said let's try it together that would be a bonus or she may just walk away. Any advice please "
If you care about him or her and its a new relationship based on love and respect i'd not say a word  |
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Strewth, going on the majority of comments on here that means if I were to date a vegetarian I’d have to confess to the chicken pie I ate last week….
OP, if you plan to come off Fab and date this lady with no intention of swinging or playing away then what is the point of telling her? It will achieve nothing and frankly your PAST sexual history is nobody’s business.
If, however, you plan to stay on Fab and shag everyone and anyone then yes, tell her. She needs to know, at the very least because her sexual health is important.
If you hope to date someone and hope they will turn to swinging then yes tell them, but keep in mind that is highly unlikely to happen. |
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By *paged OP Man 13 hours ago
Doncaster |
"This was exactly the situation we found ourselves in many years ago when we first got together… I (Mr) was in the lifestyle with an ex… was upfront about it when we were first meeting etc and said I would happily give it up if Mrs2forfun was not interested…
We tried a club together after about 8 months to just to test the water (mrs2forfun idea) so to speak and here we are …15 year wedding anniversary Saturday and still going strong.
"
perfect ending |
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It sounds like OP might not have decided if monogamy is right for them. Make your choice first then the answer is quite simple.
I have been here and it was important for her to know before we started our sex life. I explained a broad outline of what this lifestyle is and what it represents, the opportunities and the risks. I told her that I would give It up to persue a meaningful relationship with her. I let her choose for herself and prepared myself for rejection.
My sexual history is the story of my sexuality and It is important for someone you love to know it intimately. Without that you will never be open to the possibility of a loving and intimate relationship. You will have to hide that wanker away from them as a guilty secret.
This process poses a couple of other questions to me.
What does it say about you if you believe you should make the decision to hide your sexuality from them?
Will you spend the rest your time with them trying to control their decisions?
What else are you going to lie about?
Can you really give up this lifestyle? |
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I think it depends on how much you’re actually into the lifestyle. You might just be dabbling, or you might simply enjoy the occasional casual encounter, so there may be no need to go into too much detail at that stage.
However, if you’re serious about swinging and have no intention of giving up that lifestyle, then yes, I think you should tell her. If the relationship blossoms over the next few months, you’ll probably get a better idea of where it’s heading and whether it’s something you need to discuss openly.
Polly  |
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This is a finely balanced conundrum. In general, honesty may be the best policy, but not always. If you're determined to enter a monogenous relationship it might be better to tuck your past into a pigeon hole, shut the door and chuck away the key. I fear revealing the truth might sow the seeds of mistrust. |
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IF you were to start a serious relationship, presumably it would be something that is getting serious. In that case delete all profiles and anything from the swinging life, get a new phone number if necessary and advise anyone who is a swinging friend you won't be seeing them again not even socially and move forward with your choice Never mention swinging unless she brings it up and have a happy life.0 |
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"Also, never underestimate how folk not in this lifestyle feel about people in this kind of lifestyle.
You may as well carry a bell around crying out “unclean!” 🔔🔔🔔🔔 they just don’t get it.
"
That's true ☠️.
I just wouldn't want to have something in my past waiting to bite me on the bum |
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