The Totally Wrong and Questionably Effective Guide to Being a Dominant
So you want to be a Dominant, eh? Strap in, junior—because here’s the surefire, 100% terrible advice you should absolutely never follow.
Step 1: Wear a Cape at All Times
Nothing screams authority like a velvet cape. Grocery store? Cape. Parent-teacher conference? Cape. Taking out the trash at 3 a.m.? CAPE. Bonus points if it has sparkles—submissives love sparkles (don’t fact-check that).
Step 2: Master the Art of Dramatic Entrances
Kick doors open. Somersault into rooms. Shout “BEHOLD!” before you even say hello. Your submissive will be impressed, confused, and maybe calling a locksmith.
Step 3: Give Orders in Archaic English
Don’t say, “Please hand me the remote.” Instead thunder, “FETCH THOU THE SCEPTER OF ENTERTAINMENT, PEASANT!” They’ll definitely comply, right before they Google divorce lawyers.
Step 4: Establish Dominance Over Inanimate Objects
Yell at the toaster until it fears you. Intimidate the couch. Stare down your own reflection in the mirror. Once the lamp respects you, your submissive surely will.
Step 5: Overuse the Word “Kneel”
Even when wildly inappropriate. Subway ride? “KNEEL!” Family dinner? “KNEEL!” Airport security? Oh boy…
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The Real Talk (aka: The Only Part That Actually Matters)
All jokes aside, being a Dominant is not about costumes, theatrics, or bossing people around like a discount movie villain. It’s about responsibility, empathy, and deep listening. A submissive offers their trust—something precious that must be honored. Real Dominants take the time to understand their partner’s desires, limits, and emotional needs. And remember this: no matter how strong your “Dom energy,” the submissive always holds the true power—because without their consent, there is no dynamic at all. |
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