FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > My partner isn't interested in swinging
My partner isn't interested in swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP 44 weeks ago
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So swinging is something I've always really wanted to do and honestly I find it hard to imagine only having sex with 1 person for the rest of my life pretty hard but my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. I really love my partner and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her but this is something that really gets to me and it might lead somewhere i don't want it to. So I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice |
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Where might it lead that you don't want it to?
There are loads of men on here who have partners who aren't interested in swinging. They do one of several things, accept it, do it behind their backs or try to persuade them. Some of them think it's a good idea to set up meets without them knowing or to bombard them with porn.
I think you have to work out what's more important to you, your relationship or swinging and make choices accordingly |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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"So swinging is something I've always really wanted to do and honestly I find it hard to imagine only having sex with 1 person for the rest of my life pretty hard but my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. I really love my partner and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her but this is something that really gets to me and it might lead somewhere i don't want it to. So I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice "
Does your partner know you’re bisexual or is that a secret too? |
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Your obviously more emotionally connected to her than you are physically and that in itself means you'll likely go behind her back at some point if you stay with her .....
I think you need to search your inner self and decide whether it's right to continue your relationship or risk it ending further down the line ...
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This was us a few years back. Right before our wedding I panicked - I hadn’t explored my bi side, I hadn’t had many sexual experiences other than him, I had always wanted to swing. He didn’t want to, he wanted monogamy. I had to make a decision.
I chose him and an agreement that if I ever felt I was going to stray, I would be honest and end it with him because he never wanted to be cheated on (a lot of cheating gf in his younger days). I promised to be monogamous with him. I didn’t bring it up again after he begged me never to.
We’ve just had our third wedding anniversary and started swinging a few months ago - after he suggested it!
Don’t depend on this happy ending because I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone. But to be with him - the best man in my life - I accepted his terms, but eh eventually met me there anyway. And we have never been closer! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 44 weeks ago
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"Your obviously more emotionally connected to her than you are physically and that in itself means you'll likely go behind her back at some point if you stay with her .....
I think you need to search your inner self and decide whether it's right to continue your relationship or risk it ending further down the line ...
"
The thing is I do find her very attractive and I do enjoy sex with her but I can't imagine only having sex with her |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 44 weeks ago
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"This was us a few years back. Right before our wedding I panicked - I hadn’t explored my bi side, I hadn’t had many sexual experiences other than him, I had always wanted to swing. He didn’t want to, he wanted monogamy. I had to make a decision.
I chose him and an agreement that if I ever felt I was going to stray, I would be honest and end it with him because he never wanted to be cheated on (a lot of cheating gf in his younger days). I promised to be monogamous with him. I didn’t bring it up again after he begged me never to.
We’ve just had our third wedding anniversary and started swinging a few months ago - after he suggested it!
Don’t depend on this happy ending because I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone. But to be with him - the best man in my life - I accepted his terms, but eh eventually met me there anyway. And we have never been closer! "
Could you dm me? |
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"Your obviously more emotionally connected to her than you are physically and that in itself means you'll likely go behind her back at some point if you stay with her .....
I think you need to search your inner self and decide whether it's right to continue your relationship or risk it ending further down the line ...
"
That’s a weird take on it on a swingers site?!! I find my husband incredibly attractive, emotionally connected, sexually satisfied and everyone I need. Doesn’t mean it’s not fun AF to also play with others of everyone consents! |
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"Your obviously more emotionally connected to her than you are physically and that in itself means you'll likely go behind her back at some point if you stay with her .....
I think you need to search your inner self and decide whether it's right to continue your relationship or risk it ending further down the line ...
The thing is I do find her very attractive and I do enjoy sex with her but I can't imagine only having sex with her "
I'd suggest that you shouldn't commit to a long term relationship where only one of you wants monogamy |
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By *uvs2snogMan 44 weeks ago
Now living in Spain |
I would say don’t do anything drastic and certainly try not to pressure her
My Mrs has always said she couldn’t share me whenever the topic of 3sums ( my fantasy) has come up
However over the last couple of years during sex she has on multiple occasions brought another female ( normally someone we know ) into the role play. I would then respond saying watching the two of them go down on each other or ‘imagine it’s her fingers not mine doing this’ etc - this would make her orgasm quickly as she finds it very horny
Now I appreciate this is fantasy role play but it does indicate her feelings towards another woman ( not always the same friend ) getting involved
We now live in Spain and visit a nudist beach at least once a week ( something we wouldn’t have dreamed of doing in the uk ). Late in the day when it’s quieter we have seen couples play with each other occasionally - something that turns her on big time and something she has said she wants to do - especially if close to another couple and something she now uses in our sex role play
So again not swinging but two couples playing separately in front of each other -
Baby steps
So I wouldn’t say your situation is much different to what ours was a couple of years ago but over time may change |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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"So swinging is something I've always really wanted to do and honestly I find it hard to imagine only having sex with 1 person for the rest of my life pretty hard but my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. I really love my partner and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her but this is something that really gets to me and it might lead somewhere i don't want it to. So I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice "
Yes, loads have been in your situation, your young and should not nail yourself down so early until you have tried this lifestyle |
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I'm guessing you've been on here a good few years, as your bio says 25, yet you've written 20.
I haven't been in this position, when I wanted to have casual meets, I stayed single.
When I met my partner, it was here & we have a joint profile.
You need decide what's more important to you, swinging or your partner op. It seems you can't have both. |
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I was in this situation years ago,as I loved her and after trying for yonks.i eventually put it out of my mind.
On a lads night out and unexpectedly I ended up cheating on her & it tore me to shreds.so much so that I confessed.we did get over it,but it was never the same after that.eventually unrelated we split up after 19 years together.after her I have always been honest about swinging & never fallen for anyone else so far.just think long and hard about any action you might take.axtion have consequences |
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"This was us a few years back. Right before our wedding I panicked - I hadn’t explored my bi side, I hadn’t had many sexual experiences other than him, I had always wanted to swing. He didn’t want to, he wanted monogamy. I had to make a decision.
I chose him and an agreement that if I ever felt I was going to stray, I would be honest and end it with him because he never wanted to be cheated on (a lot of cheating gf in his younger days). I promised to be monogamous with him. I didn’t bring it up again after he begged me never to.
We’ve just had our third wedding anniversary and started swinging a few months ago - after he suggested it!
Don’t depend on this happy ending because I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone. But to be with him - the best man in my life - I accepted his terms, but eh eventually met me there anyway. And we have never been closer! "
Great story guys. Happy for you both. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻 |
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By *bi HaiveMan 44 weeks ago
Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Your obviously more emotionally connected to her than you are physically and that in itself means you'll likely go behind her back at some point if you stay with her .....
I think you need to search your inner self and decide whether it's right to continue your relationship or risk it ending further down the line ...
The thing is I do find her very attractive and I do enjoy sex with her but I can't imagine only having sex with her "
Swinging and monogamy aren't mutually compatible. Even if, and it's a huge if, one partner didn’t want to swing but accepted the other did, it's highly probable that resentment and negativity would eventually set in, especially if relatively young and wanting to eventually settle down and potentially do the whole marriage/kids thing.
I'd say youre going to have to choose one or the other. 🤷♂️
And definitely before you move on from just having a profile to actually meeting. Once that line has been crossed there's no going back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 44 weeks ago
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"Just for clarification I would never cheat on her that is not in my mind at all
But your on a swingers site looking to meet….. "
This is an old profile I've not used in years |
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We met on the scene and became a couple and are due to marry in a little under 2 months. I (K) no longer have the desire to sleep with other men but i’m happy to stay on the scene as i enjoy watching A with other women. We have both said that we would leave the scene if it got to the point where i wasn’t happy with it anymore.
Who knows what will happen in the future and if i will want to again but you should be honest with her and if you love her, walk away from swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site) 44 weeks ago
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every guy we met have said their "ex" or "wife" was not interested. However, just like my experience when we started out at/about the age of 25/26 no over the age of 60 - mrs was shy and we did not have the interent and she would say no - she agreed to a massage wearing her knickers and bra - i thing we did private contact via Gum tree, it was slow contact and we both worked at the time - first massageold mak about 50 - mrs went all the way and we never looked back until she cheated in her late 40's
The other guys we have met have all said mrs was saying no but often shy and worried what hubby may think about them afterwards
To be clear its not for everyone but a happy marriage helps and possibly start off visiting a nudist beach if you both agree and or a massage - works for most people
To my Surprise when i jokingly asked if she'd like to be left with 2 guys she mush have been nearing 30 - she agreed a few months later i left her with two guy both about 40 and she enjoyed her time but i got a bit jelaous and said no more and she agreed not to meet more than one guy and not to meet the same guy more than twice max - but she still cheated but thanfully we got over that but she did blame me for making her want "different adventures." |
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"every guy we met have said their "ex" or "wife" was not interested. However, just like my experience when we started out at/about the age of 25/26 no over the age of 60 - mrs was shy and we did not have the interent and she would say no - she agreed to a massage wearing her knickers and bra - i thing we did private contact via Gum tree, it was slow contact and we both worked at the time - first massageold mak about 50 - mrs went all the way and we never looked back until she cheated in her late 40's
The other guys we have met have all said mrs was saying no but often shy and worried what hubby may think about them afterwards
To be clear its not for everyone but a happy marriage helps and possibly start off visiting a nudist beach if you both agree and or a massage - works for most people
To my Surprise when i jokingly asked if she'd like to be left with 2 guys she mush have been nearing 30 - she agreed a few months later i left her with two guy both about 40 and she enjoyed her time but i got a bit jelaous and said no more and she agreed not to meet more than one guy and not to meet the same guy more than twice max - but she still cheated but thanfully we got over that but she did blame me for making her want "different adventures.""
His wife has already said she doesn't want to swing. He should just believe her |
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"His wife has already said she doesn't want to swing. He should just believe her"
There are people who will never get into swinging, and there are people who could get into swinging and greatly enjoy it if they felt secure enough about it.
With respect, you don't know which category his partner falls into. |
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"So swinging is something I've always really wanted to do and honestly I find it hard to imagine only having sex with 1 person for the rest of my life pretty hard but my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. I really love my partner and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her but this is something that really gets to me and it might lead somewhere i don't want it to. So I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice "
Well,that's the end of that then.
Either respect her decision or do it behind her back.
Your choice. |
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"His wife has already said she doesn't want to swing. He should just believe her
There are people who will never get into swinging, and there are people who could get into swinging and greatly enjoy it if they felt secure enough about it.
With respect, you don't know which category his partner falls into."
I think this quote from the op gives a pretty good idea
'my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. '
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"This was us a few years back. Right before our wedding I panicked - I hadn’t explored my bi side, I hadn’t had many sexual experiences other than him, I had always wanted to swing. He didn’t want to, he wanted monogamy. I had to make a decision.
I chose him and an agreement that if I ever felt I was going to stray, I would be honest and end it with him because he never wanted to be cheated on (a lot of cheating gf in his younger days). I promised to be monogamous with him. I didn’t bring it up again after he begged me never to.
We’ve just had our third wedding anniversary and started swinging a few months ago - after he suggested it!
Don’t depend on this happy ending because I’m sure it doesn’t happen for everyone. But to be with him - the best man in my life - I accepted his terms, but eh eventually met me there anyway. And we have never been closer! "
Ahh. That’s a lovely story. Good luck guys.  |
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By *K DriverMan 43 weeks ago
Weston super Mare |
When I met my misses I told her from the off that I was a swinger and bi and she was a bit shocked to start with but then we started to swing. But after one or two not so good meets things changed and now the misses doesnt want to swing anymore, the problem is that Im very much hungry to swing and even what to try playing with a T lass. I cant change who I am but I have caged myself as not to destroy our relationship so its now got to the point of a ticking time bom and only a matter of time till I go off and stray. |
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By (user no longer on site) 43 weeks ago
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Generally, it is men who are more eager to swing. in my case its a Cuk.
I beleive my mrs is alwsy hesitant, shy going us going to meet a bloke or invite one home but once the massage starts she enjoys it 101% and depnding on how nice the man is she allows him more than a massage.
I found being happy generally and more so the days leading up to the meet really help
however, we are all different and pestering anyone never helps. |
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"Generally, it is men who are more eager to swing. in my case its a Cuk.
I beleive my mrs is alwsy hesitant, shy going us going to meet a bloke or invite one home but once the massage starts she enjoys it 101% and depnding on how nice the man is she allows him more than a massage.
I found being happy generally and more so the days leading up to the meet really help
however, we are all different and pestering anyone never helps."
Are you aware you had quite a selfish attitude to your wife |
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Being in love and loving someone sometimes isn't enough.
You are bi
You've been here a while anyway by the mismatch of ages on your profile
Ultimately only you can decide what you need
What life is worth
If you get into a long-term monogamous relationship with a person and then chest (to be true to yourself) and they find out can you handle the pain you caused
If you are in a relationship can you shut away the bi side/feeling of needing more...or will that ruin your true self
Don't ever force a partner into something they are not interested in
But also decide how you are dealing with stuff
What are you willing to give up/ what do you need
Only you have the answer |
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This is a difficult one. The trouble is a lot of people enter relationships not being truly open and honest about their desires and wants. Which to some extent is not entirely their fault because people often don't understand themselves or how to be comfortable in their own skin when they're younger. Self realisation often comes with age and experience.
So as it currently stands you have a relationship based on a current monogamous deal. You potentially want to rearrange that deal but pretty much know she doesn't.
Sorry, no easy answers. This is where you need to dig deep and work out what is more important to you in life because chances are you can't have it all within this relationship.
You could just decide to put it to one side and deny yourself it. After all that's what monogamy is. Which sucks if you realise you're not monogamous.
You could cheat, but I don't recommend it. Its toxic for everyone including yourself.
Or you could be open and honest about your feelings and desires to your partner. Which I get is an incredibly hard thing to to do and would probably be the end of the relationship. However surely a good and healthy relationship for you is one where you can openly express yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. And sometimes partners do understand their partners needs and desires even when not shared. There are people on here (both sexes) who are on here witn permission from a partner who doesn't swing. Sometimes partners get it and are OK with it.
At the end of the day it's your thing to work out how you go forward. However if you do risk it for swinging and chasing your desires I hope its worth it because it's difficult out here as a single guy.
And don't take too long figuring it out. I get being on here and exploring what's out there. But the longer you're on here the more risk of your partner finding out in the most devastating way.
Mr |
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By *erra86Man 43 weeks ago
Salisbury |
"So swinging is something I've always really wanted to do and honestly I find it hard to imagine only having sex with 1 person for the rest of my life pretty hard but my partner has expressed that she has no interest in anything sexual with other people or me doing anything with anyone else. I really love my partner and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her but this is something that really gets to me and it might lead somewhere i don't want it to. So I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice "
Missus and I have an agreement whereby I’m allowed to play in a don’t ask don’t tell arrangement.
I know her boundaries, and as far as I can I push her beyond them. But sex with other people or swinging is not in her cords.
Bi here as well |
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