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When and how to suggest swinging…..
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The old favourite is to initiate a conversation about fantasies, see what she says and mention whatever it is about the scene you‘d like to explore - FFM, group sex etc.
You could also suggest each picking some porn to watch together and choosing something relating to swinging to see if she shows an interest.
My biggest advice though would be if it lands like a lead balloon, don’t push and nag. Nothing is more off putting than a partner trying to change your mind if something doesn’t appeal. |
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I (mr) suggested we visit a club, wife was intrigued. We went with just the idea of watching others play, which we did. We both enjoyed the night out and things went from there.
Over about 12 months we've pushed more boundaries znd done much more than we ever thought we would.
We would say complete honesty and open communication has been key for us.if one of us doesn't want to do something or decides they dont want to go to a club that night, we dont.
Everything we do within swinging, we do together |
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Build trust and honesty, then develop communication together, so that you can just communicate, without any expectations about where it goes.
Suddenly going from discussing homewares, to swinging gangbangs, could be enough to close the door. Progressive, via honesty and trust building is healthier |
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Show her your profile and verification and tell her you’d like her to be involved. Honestly though swinging is based on trust, communication and honesty so I think you may have a bit of an uphill climb. Good luck |
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Sit down with her one evening when you both have plenty of time and are unlikely to be interrupted. Emphasise throughout the conversation how much you value your relationship and how much she means to you. Explain that you'd like to try swinging (personally I'd leave out that you started without her) and you'd like her to come along on the adventure with you. Listen to what she has to say and take on board her answers. She's probably going to ask you why she isn't enough for you, if you're bored with her, if you don't love her, why you've brought this up now and you're going to have to give answers that are genuine and loving. Be prepared to be emotionally open with her and if she says no, accept it with good grace.
What is your motive for wanting to get her involved now? |
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"I (mr) suggested we visit a club, wife was intrigued. We went with just the idea of watching others play, which we did. We both enjoyed the night out and things went from there.
Over about 12 months we've pushed more boundaries znd done much more than we ever thought we would.
We would say complete honesty and open communication has been key for us.if one of us doesn't want to do something or decides they dont want to go to a club that night, we dont.
Everything we do within swinging, we do together"
Couldn't agree more, we surprised ourselves how much we progressed over the first 12 months or so |
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Ultimately she is your wife and you know her best.
I do know that many women have fantasies too that they may feel uncomfortable to talk about.
I would probably open a conversation around that at the right time and see if you can get her to open up.
That may help guide your way to bringing up swinging.
Don't just use it as an excuse to tell her yours , listen to her and try and encourage her to be open and honest.
Good luck with what you decide to do. |
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"Ultimately she is your wife and you know her best.
I do know that many women have fantasies too that they may feel uncomfortable to talk about.
I would probably open a conversation around that at the right time and see if you can get her to open up.
That may help guide your way to bringing up swinging.
Don't just use it as an excuse to tell her yours , listen to her and try and encourage her to be open and honest.
Good luck with what you decide to do. "
The irony is not lost of the OP asking his wife to be open and honest with him when he's been the exact opposite with her. |
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"Ultimately she is your wife and you know her best.
I do know that many women have fantasies too that they may feel uncomfortable to talk about.
I would probably open a conversation around that at the right time and see if you can get her to open up.
That may help guide your way to bringing up swinging.
Don't just use it as an excuse to tell her yours , listen to her and try and encourage her to be open and honest.
Good luck with what you decide to do.
The irony is not lost of the OP asking his wife to be open and honest with him when he's been the exact opposite with her."
Indeed but it's not my business. |
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If one of us had been on fab, AND had a veri from a meet, without the other knowing anything about it - to then find out or be shown this - then the foundation of trust required to swing together would already be gone (for a long time, maybe for good). Those who recommend showing her your account…. Probably the worst advice you could give.
“Swinging” without your partner being aware is just cheating. Maybe delete this account, and start with rebuilding the trust and connection required for her to open up to you about her desires and fantasies. Without trust, swinging is just accelerating the end of your relationship. |
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By *WB85Man 33 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
We just had a very open conversation regarding it a few years ago.
We both wanted to try it, so headed to a couples and single ladies night at a club.
I think the type of club night you visit first is crucial. The couples night has a much softer relaxed vibe. If we had gone to a more hard-core event with lots of single men.....the journey would have ended the same night. |
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"start watching docs and shows about it with you partner, Open House on channel 4 etc. would start the conversation anyways"
Having watched the Open House series. It was quite interesting there were quite a few of the men who wanted to get their wives into swinging but when push comes to shove they didn't actually like their partners/wives going with other men. |
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By *manteeCouple 33 weeks ago
Manchester |
We talked about fantasies, Em wanted to be watched having sex so I suggested a safe environment would be a newbies night at a club, lets just say that after a nervous start it developed into a lot more than just being watched |
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The old saying has some relevance here. "The best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago. The second best time is today".
If it's what you want, ideally ask as soon as possible as the longer into the relationship you ask the harder it is likely to be.
As for me, I made my being in the lifestyle clear on date number 2. Not everyone is in the position to do so I accept, but it worked out nicely haha |
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"The old favourite is to initiate a conversation about fantasies, see what she says and mention whatever it is about the scene you‘d like to explore - FFM, group sex etc.
You could also suggest each picking some porn to watch together and choosing something relating to swinging to see if she shows an interest.
My biggest advice though would be if it lands like a lead balloon, don’t push and nag. Nothing is more off putting than a partner trying to change your mind if something doesn’t appeal. "
I need to write little here, because this basically.
The only thing I would add is just work with her to open up conversations to complete openness and transparency. Which is something you can take the lead in by showing your openness yourself. Because these conversations can't start until they feel completely safe and free to open up the deepest darkest parts of their desires and also their fears. It'll never work as a couple on this scene unless you have complete transparency and trust in each other.
Mr |
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