FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Biphobia in MF couples
Biphobia in MF couples
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I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts? |
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By *olo_89Couple 29 weeks ago
Kettering |
"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
W here and I have seen it before and seen events remove people after similar comments made in the chats, not sure what its about though. Surely you just have a conversation discussing expectations/boundaries beforehand for all involved beforehand and that's it same as with a straight guy. |
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"W here and I have seen it before and seen events remove people after similar comments made in the chats, not sure what its about though. Surely you just have a conversation discussing expectations/boundaries beforehand for all involved beforehand and that's it same as with a straight guy."
Exactly, it's like people are unwilling to even talk about it ahah |
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It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
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By *olo_89Couple 29 weeks ago
Kettering |
"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
"
I get the end paragraph, but the more likely to have an STI comment is a bit strange, do you think guys that get together do it u protected and condoms are just for straight people? |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
My thoughts are that it seems that you sound a little entitled as you are inferring that people’s sexual preferences are homophobic.
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"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
I get the end paragraph, but the more likely to have an STI comment is a bit strange, do you think guys that get together do it u protected and condoms are just for straight people? "
But they are more likely to have an STI. That's just a statistical fact. |
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By *olo_89Couple 29 weeks ago
Kettering |
"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
I get the end paragraph, but the more likely to have an STI comment is a bit strange, do you think guys that get together do it u protected and condoms are just for straight people?
But they are more likely to have an STI. That's just a statistical fact."
Just googled and you are correct. Did not know that fair enough and valid |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
Erm excuse me what?? Makes you uncomfortable does it. How do you think I feel knowing I could be accused of being phobic.
So im half of a couple and I wont meet bi men. So now im phobic something or other.? How preposterous.
I wont meet bi guys for sex because simply I dont find it appealing in the slightest, infact its a huge turn off. But believe me Im Far from phobic so stop throwing that blooming word round. Its not fair that people cant have a preference without fear of being accused of something these days. Im sorry if ive upset anyone with my comment. I genuinly dont mean too, it just really upsets me. |
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By *AYENCouple 29 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
Unfortunately, many don't even understand the word bi - a lot of men on here will have gay sex but fervently deny they're gay aswell as straight (bisexual).
With such prolific confusion, denial and/or dishonesty, you can't really blame people for mitigating risk - there have been many a horror story on here of boundaries not just being pushed but totally ignored.
People like yourself that shout prejudice and homophobia when it's just a preference are also part of the problem. |
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Other peoples sexual preferences are exactly that. A preference everyone is entitled to them.
I meet bi and straight men it doesn't bother me in the slightest I am bi myself so would be a little hypocritical I think.
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I'd rather people were honest about their preferences.
No I don't think there is such a thing as Bi phobic.
You are either Bi or not Bi and if someone says they are straight, respect that and glad I have made it clear to them I am not straight. There are plenty of others to choose from with similar needs in my opinion. |
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By *kibirdWoman 29 weeks ago
Gillingham ( Dorset, not Kent) |
I think it’s a shame, you do see lots of anti bi sentiment against men but very little against women. I know many people will cite “preference” but I find it difficult to understand how you can have a preference for something has in reality has no impact. If a bi man is happy and willing to only play with one or the other why should it matter? The obvious answer is that people find the idea “icky” or somehow distasteful even if they’re not involved in that side of it. I think it hard to argue that it’s anything other than prejudice but I know people will do so. The upshot of it of course is that bi men in particular are encouraged to hide the fact and the whole idea of “fab straight” arises and bi men are accused of hiding their sexuality. Of course that’s going to happen. It’s just all seems a tad unfair to me. Who cares what you do with others when you’re not there as long as you can have fun when you’re together ? |
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"I think it’s a shame, you do see lots of anti bi sentiment against men but very little against women. I know many people will cite “preference” but I find it difficult to understand how you can have a preference for something has in reality has no impact. If a bi man is happy and willing to only play with one or the other why should it matter? The obvious answer is that people find the idea “icky” or somehow distasteful even if they’re not involved in that side of it. I think it hard to argue that it’s anything other than prejudice but I know people will do so. The upshot of it of course is that bi men in particular are encouraged to hide the fact and the whole idea of “fab straight” arises and bi men are accused of hiding their sexuality. Of course that’s going to happen. It’s just all seems a tad unfair to me. Who cares what you do with others when you’re not there as long as you can have fun when you’re together ? "
Love this answer. I've always thought it more understandable that a straight couple where both are straight would not want to meet a bi man or straight singles.
However, personally i find it harder to understand when a bi woman won't meet a bi man |
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By *s-two-75Couple 29 weeks ago
no clubs, no meet! |
"Statisticly sexual diseases are more prevalent in promiscuous men who engage in homosexual sex with multiple partners."
I’m not denying that stat but one thing I will say in defence is many gay and bi men I know are more likely tested more often.than the average man on here who doesn’t test because his wife might find out.
We qualify and many are on prep so are tested every 12 weeks to get it, and now with the push on gonerhea jabs and doxy pep many gay bi men are taking a lot more precautions than your average straight guy who assumes he’s clean but never tests (
( also many ‘:str8’ here may I add can be found crusing gay haunts or a profile on fabguy fact) |
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By *aandLoCouple 29 weeks ago
Southampton |
I'm going to look at it from our angle: both J and I are straight. We are looking for a couple for full swap, but we've had couples not want to meet us because the lady is Bi and I am not.
We've even had couples tell us "sexuality is fluid, you need to be open to that" or that I need to "push my boundaries."
Are those couples straight phobic? Or is it their right to choose their partners based on their preferences?
You cannot force sexual preferences on people by claiming they are '...phobic' if they are not open to the experience you want them to have. |
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By *s-two-75Couple 29 weeks ago
no clubs, no meet! |
"I'm going to look at it from our angle: both J and I are straight. We are looking for a couple for full swap, but we've had couples not want to meet us because the lady is Bi and I am not.
We've even had couples tell us "sexuality is fluid, you need to be open to that" or that I need to "push my boundaries."
Are those couples straight phobic? Or is it their right to choose their partners based on their preferences?
You cannot force sexual preferences on people by claiming they are '...phobic' if they are not open to the experience you want them to have."
👍👍
At the end of the day everyone’s entitled to their preferences, many say won’t play with bi however we won’t play with straight guys.
If the profiles not for you then move on.. simples  |
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Tbf most people in the lifestyle class themselves as fluid.
Fab puts labels on .
Always find it amusing that people that are not into fluid men are more than happy for their female partners to be fluid.
There are different people at different stages of their exploration...some swim in the shallow water some go into the deep. ..
Have a wonderful weekend x |
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Ridiculous. Not wanting bi people involved is not "phobic" it is preference and requirement.
I don't want to be involved with bi males and that is my choice.
Labelling this requirement and preference as "phobic" is nonsense and rather pathetic.
We all have a right to choose who we interact with and labelling a preference as some sort of phobia is blatantly stupid. |
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And yes to answer the private messages someone sent about me being old..
I have a wealth of experience in the club scene and just sharing my decades worth of experience.
Have a good weekend.
James x
I'll catch up with you all in the clubs away from the keyboards  |
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"Tbf most people in the lifestyle class themselves as fluid.
Fab puts labels on .
Always find it amusing that people that are not into fluid men are more than happy for their female partners to be fluid.
There are different people at different stages of their exploration...some swim in the shallow water some go into the deep. ..
Have a wonderful weekend x"
Do most people in this lifestyle really class themselves as fluid? Not in our experience, and why should they? We mostly socialise with gay men and they certainly aren’t fluid but have industrial amounts of sex compared to most swingers. I am pretty sure thinking gay people just need to be a bit more open minded to heterosexual experiences as they might enjoy them fell out of favour in the 1980s so why are straight people thought of negatively for not being open to same sex experiences? In my experience most people are not looking to explore their sexuality by going deeper as you put it. They know their sexuality and so there is literally nothing to explore. |
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It's a very interesting subject and I fully understand the OPs perspective.
People in their 20s are more into personality than sexuality.
They are much more open ...not saying we are not...I mean look where we are |
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"Tbf most people in the lifestyle class themselves as fluid.
Fab puts labels on .
Always find it amusing that people that are not into fluid men are more than happy for their female partners to be fluid.
There are different people at different stages of their exploration...some swim in the shallow water some go into the deep. ..
Have a wonderful weekend x Do most people in this lifestyle really class themselves as fluid? Not in our experience, and why should they? We mostly socialise with gay men and they certainly aren’t fluid but have industrial amounts of sex compared to most swingers. I am pretty sure thinking gay people just need to be a bit more open minded to heterosexual experiences as they might enjoy them fell out of favour in the 1980s so why are straight people thought of negatively for not being open to same sex experiences? In my experience most people are not looking to explore their sexuality by going deeper as you put it. They know their sexuality and so there is literally nothing to explore."
Fully appreciate your view.
My data comes from being host to a large Bi event in the UK held monthly.
As host my role was to engage with guests and we would often discuss this very subject.
From 100s of conversations the feedback was they didn't like labels..People change and that's why they enjoyed the scene..
Interesting we saw an increase is single women attending which is another conversation for another day .
Ratio at the events were 75% couples and equal split sinhle women and single men.
Average attendance was 150 to 250 guests. |
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So when you say that most people in the lifestyle have a fluid sexuality, you're basing that on talking to people at a Bi event???
Do you not see the glaring problem there?
Personally we were always quite happy to play with bi guys, but I don't think it's unreasonable for people to prefer having sex with people who share their tastes. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic."
I agree, but on the other hand - tough shit, stop whingeing. It won't achieve anything and it makes you sound like an insufferable pussy. |
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"So when you say that most people in the lifestyle have a fluid sexuality, you're basing that on talking to people at a Bi event???
Do you not see the glaring problem there?
Personally we were always quite happy to play with bi guys, but I don't think it's unreasonable for people to prefer having sex with people who share their tastes. "
Yes fully agree...and what I have written is solely my view point from the LGBTQ community which is all about inclusion...
Everyone has the right to choose what they like a don't that is what inclusion is about....no judgement.
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Here is a insight that you may like.
From experience and I'm sure many guys in the LGBTQ community will testify as true.
80% of bi (man on man) hook ups on fab are with "straight: married guys..usually daytime meets for obvious reasons
Go figure... |
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I describe myself as fluid, because I prefer not to box myself into strict labels. I’ve had same-sex experiences in the past and I’m comfortable with that part of me, but over time I’ve realised my preference is for women and more hetero-leaning connections. That said, I’m open-minded and don’t exclude the idea of another guy being part of an experience if the chemistry feels right. For me, fluidity just means freedom — not having to define attraction in rigid terms.
Unfortunately fab doesn't have that as a box right now... |
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"Here is a insight that you may like.
From experience and I'm sure many guys in the LGBTQ community will testify as true.
80% of bi (man on man) hook ups on fab are with "straight: married guys..usually daytime meets for obvious reasons
Go figure... "
Yeah, there is no denying many men SAY they are straight and married, hoping to attract attention from the gay/bi/bi-curious/TV members. And it works. I often look at the local updates and many of 'straight' men getting verified are bring verified by meeting other 'straight' men for sex. Do I believe they are straight? Certainly not.
It's a frequent occurrence since the introduction of Fabguys.com. I don't know how many gay men deleted their Fabswingers account when they signed up to Fabguys, but I am guessing it wasn't many. They know that the elusive straight married workie who is so horny he is willing to slip his cock into any hole isn't going to log into Fabguys to meet a gay guy. That would be just 'too gay'. Do they loiter in Fab, pretending they're straight and married. It's harmless, but quite sad. |
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By *ancambCouple (MM) 27 weeks ago
Dartmouth |
I mean this as kindly as possible - but your own attitude, as you've described it here, is bi-phobic. No, it's not nice to be called phobic, but sonetimes it's not just 'a preference', it's prejudice. If you're turned off by the thought of sex with a bi man, can you pinpoint exactly what it is that turns you off? If you enjoed having sex with a man who you subsequently found out was bi, what would that mean to you? The problem isn't the man - it's what you think about bi-identity. |
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"I mean this as kindly as possible - but your own attitude, as you've described it here, is bi-phobic. No, it's not nice to be called phobic, but sonetimes it's not just 'a preference', it's prejudice. If you're turned off by the thought of sex with a bi man, can you pinpoint exactly what it is that turns you off? "
It's not clear who you're responding to...
Your last question is a bit like asking "Can you pinpoint exactly what it is that turns you off about having sex with a chocolate muffin?".
For most people, almost everything in the world doesn't turn them on. They don't need to justify it.
I've tried sex with guys a couple of times. There wasn't anything unpleasant about it, but it also wasn't sexy in any way. Fortunately in both cases there was a woman present, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Haven't you considered that constantly asking straight people to justify their choice of sexual partners is a bit of a turn-off? You do come across as a bit hetro-phobic. |
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"I mean this as kindly as possible - but your own attitude, as you've described it here, is bi-phobic. No, it's not nice to be called phobic, but sonetimes it's not just 'a preference', it's prejudice. If you're turned off by the thought of sex with a bi man, can you pinpoint exactly what it is that turns you off?
It's not clear who you're responding to...
Your last question is a bit like asking "Can you pinpoint exactly what it is that turns you off about having sex with a chocolate muffin?".
For most people, almost everything in the world doesn't turn them on. They don't need to justify it.
I've tried sex with guys a couple of times. There wasn't anything unpleasant about it, but it also wasn't sexy in any way. Fortunately in both cases there was a woman present, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Haven't you considered that constantly asking straight people to justify their choice of sexual partners is a bit of a turn-off? You do come across as a bit hetro-phobic. "
Well put  |
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As a bi man in a couple with a straight wife, I wouldn't assume its a phobia as its likely just a preference, and everyone is entitled to them. Some here don't want to meet bald men, some dont want black men and some don't want men at all...it's just a case of what people are after and that's ok. Most of the time we don't want straight men (although its funny how many straight men on here are more bi curious than they would have you believe when push comes to shove).
Best advice from experience is if you are bi then stand by your preference and only seek those who are happy to play with bi men. Of course we play with bi couples, straight couples, straight men...I always play within boundaries and never had an issue. In fact I think in many cases, my straight forward honesty and approach with my sexuality tends to be a good ice breaker and puts a lot of people's minds at ease. |
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"As a bi man in a couple with a straight wife, I wouldn't assume its a phobia as its likely just a preference, and everyone is entitled to them. Some here don't want to meet bald men, some dont want black men and some don't want men at all...it's just a case of what people are after and that's ok. Most of the time we don't want straight men (although its funny how many straight men on here are more bi curious than they would have you believe when push comes to shove).
Best advice from experience is if you are bi then stand by your preference and only seek those who are happy to play with bi men. Of course we play with bi couples, straight couples, straight men...I always play within boundaries and never had an issue. In fact I think in many cases, my straight forward honesty and approach with my sexuality tends to be a good ice breaker and puts a lot of people's minds at ease. "
This is one of the best posts i have seen on this subject its so nice to see someone having a bit of common sense, this is all we have been trying so say.
T
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By *host63Man 27 weeks ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
It's called preference. They are not bi or the man isn't. So why would they be interested in you? |
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We're both bi but play straight often depending on partners orientations. Plus, being bi doesn't mean we even fancy the same sex partner whether they're bi or not. It's an optional extra, not a threat and not a guarantee either.
Never thought the idea of bisexuality itself would be such a turn off to some but yeah, it is. Fair enough though, when it's stated on profiles, that makes matchmaking easier. We have each other, we don't need to hide to get the ride.  |
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Marie is Bi, I’m straight but we’ve had threesomes with guys who are bi. I’m comfortable with DVP with a bi guy and being appreciated and complemented but I don’t engage as it’s not my thing. Never been with a bi guy who didn’t respect that. |
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By *luefire2Couple 27 weeks ago
just somewhere around here |
I genuinely dont understand the anti bi guy sentiments I'm bi and we favour a single guy if he's bi then result !! But if he's straight then I will play straight and will not even attempt to try and play that way |
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By *andb69Couple 27 weeks ago
leeds |
Wasn't your last thread on the same subject enough for you, OP, or did you just not get the answer you wanted.
As I said on that thread there is no biphobia, just preference. Our preference is not to play with bi guys any more because so many that have promised to play straight have then made a grab for my husband's cock in the misguided belief, apparently common amongst bi men, that all men "are a bit bi". As guy on guy is a total turn off for both of us why should we put up with that? |
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By *CBoyTV/TS 26 weeks ago
Rhondda Fawr |
In my experience there is a bias against bi guys from straight couples. Many of the reasons have already been mentioned in this thread. Its always been quite frustrating for me as a bi guy who enjoys straight mfm fun but you just have to accept other peoples preferences and not slag them off because their likes are different to yours. My advice to bi guys on this site who want straight fun is to set up a separare straight profile as well. I know many will berate me but 'cheating' is a big part of swinging so just accept that not everything on peoples profiles is 100% true. |
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"Wasn't your last thread on the same subject enough for you, OP, or did you just not get the answer you wanted.
As I said on that thread there is no biphobia, just preference. Our preference is not to play with bi guys any more because so many that have promised to play straight have then made a grab for my husband's cock in the misguided belief, apparently common amongst bi men, that all men "are a bit bi". As guy on guy is a total turn off for both of us why should we put up with that? "
Sadly this has been our experience too even after clearly stating that we weren't interested in any same sex play. |
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" My advice to bi guys on this site who want straight fun is to set up a separare straight profile as well. I know many will berate me but 'cheating' is a big part of swinging so just accept that not everything on peoples profiles is 100% true. "
Possibly the worst advice I've seen as cheating plays no part in the swinging scene. Do people cheat, yes are they swingers, no. |
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By *ev_1Couple 26 weeks ago
Bickliegh |
OP it's not about having biphobia it's about having a freedom of choice which we are all entitled to have you and many other fabbers have a freedom of choice to put requirements on yours and there's profiles for what and who they are looking for or interested in |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
You are being fantastically over defensive and pretty tone deaf. Not everything is a phobia. Preferences are allowed. |
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By *kibirdWoman 26 weeks ago
Gillingham ( Dorset, not Kent) |
"You are being fantastically over defensive and pretty tone deaf. Not everything is a phobia. Preferences are allowed. "
I think the thing I struggle with in this context is how you can have a preference for something that would be otherwise invisible unless someone declared it.
A preference for a visual aspect or a something such as intelligence is pretty clear as those aspects would be displayed but if a bi man acted straight and somehow appeared straight (although I don’t know what that would look like) how would that affect someone’s interactions with them or attraction to them?
I know it’s a triggering word but by definition isn’t that prejudging them and therefore an example of prejudice? I’m sure there’s something I’m missing but I can’t see it |
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"I’m sure there’s something I’m missing but I can’t see it "
Your totally right. There is something that you're missing. 
Most of the couples who have this on their profile say that they have had the experience of a bi guy who didn't respect their boundaries. That must be a pretty bad experience, so given there is an oversupply of single guys to play with it's not surprising that they've decided to give the whole group.
Personally I don't greatly care if a guy wants to have a fiddle with my wedding tackle, though he may find my lack of response disappointing. But I can understand why others might feel differently - it's called empathy... |
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By *kibirdWoman 26 weeks ago
Gillingham ( Dorset, not Kent) |
"I’m sure there’s something I’m missing but I can’t see it
Your totally right. There is something that you're missing.
Most of the couples who have this on their profile say that they have had the experience of a bi guy who didn't respect their boundaries. That must be a pretty bad experience, so given there is an oversupply of single guys to play with it's not surprising that they've decided to give the whole group.
Personally I don't greatly care if a guy wants to have a fiddle with my wedding tackle, though he may find my lack of response disappointing. But I can understand why others might feel differently - it's called empathy... "
That’s understandable and thank you for sharing your experience, I’m sorry that happened. I always like to learn and conscious of things that I lack knowledge in |
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There are plenty of guys on here who play bi even if their profile says otherwise. Why would that be... because it means they get a chance with couples not into bi guys.
Everyone is entitled to their preferences, we all have them but folk can't be relied upon to be totally honest.
I'm bi I'm tested every 3 months, on PrEP & have all available vaccines, I'd be more looking at somebody's attitude to testing than what sexuality they declare when a sex meet is available. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
It's ot biphobia it's a preference my partners straight we only ever met bi fem straight male profiles |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?
It's ot biphobia it's a preference my partners straight we only ever met bi fem straight male profiles "
One of your verifications is from a bi male |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?
It's ot biphobia it's a preference my partners straight we only ever met bi fem straight male profiles
One of your verifications is from a bi male "
I never said I don't meet bi men I said my partner and I don't  |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?
It's ot biphobia it's a preference my partners straight we only ever met bi fem straight male profiles
One of your verifications is from a bi male
I never said I don't meet bi men I said my partner and I don't "
Ok |
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Since when did making a choice about sexual preferences become a phobia?
Phobia = an irrational, unrealistic, persistent and excessive fear of an object, person or situation.
Some people only want sex with black people, some people only want sex with white people, some people only want sex with those who can sing the Alleluia chorus whilst climaxing.
The weird bit is those who are not the preference of others feeling the need to be included. Sex is not an inclusion sport, indeed its very much an exclusionary activity. People are making judgements and choices all the time. If they choose to put it on their profile who is excluded then they should be congratulated as they are making your life and their life far better by making the decision making process more open and honest and efficient.
How annoying would it be to spend time and energy only to find out that it was never going to happen as you don't meet their desires and needs from something that can be sorted before any contact is made.
Well done to those who state on their profile who they won't meet as it just makes life simpler for everyone else and makes matching with someone who is interested in you far more likely. |
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By (user no longer on site) 26 weeks ago
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I think all the angles have been covered by previous posts.
As swingers we acknowledge that we place ourselves at a slightly increased risk compared to a monogamous couple but probably less than someone who goes out, gets pissed and has one night stands. No reliable data so we have to just think about mechanisms of hazard instead.
As a bi guy I know I am exposing myself to greater risk. That's a fact. The mechanism of difference for that fact hasn't been explored sufficiently. Has the data been skewed by cottaging and a recorded prevalence of casual sex and drug use in young gay males? Does avoiding a certain culture group or act within LGBT+ mean that the risk is less? We don't know but we have to respect when someone chooses to not engage.
For example I know a hot guy who I would normally (based on looks) play with but he takes drugs and fucks a lot of guys, some bareback (he's on Prep). I don't judge him, we are mates, but I wouldn't fuck him either. That's my choice.
If a couple rejects me because I'm bi, either because I am not their flavour or they feel I'm not safe enough for them I respect their agency. I'm not going to guess about any judgement they may have based on their decisions, only on their behaviour towards me.
I'm not entitled to their time or their attention. |
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Straight male couple, no problem playing with bi men. We take people as we find them as an individual not a member of a group. Our playing with anyone depends on our judgement of if they're likely to respect or boundaries regardlessof their sexuality. I'm secure in my sexual and it's no big deal if I simply have to tell a guy no or that's not for me. I don't get upset or take offence. Its OK to desire something, it's OK to ask as long as you respect the answer. Of which I've never had a problem with a boundary being respected by a bi guy once being established.
Mr |
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straight, bi, gay all socially constructed labels created when the church sought to regulate human beings sexuality. Before they church, they didn't exist and nor did the bigotry.
people are people. they have sex. the rest is just social conditioning. some people prefer blonds. others brunettes. if you would never contemplate acting on your attraction to another because of your predetermined "preferences", then that is your insecurity and your loss in my opinion. |
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Do you really know who you are having sex with at the end of the day? If someone has a proven clean bill of health, that's the only way to really ratify that they are safe.
A man could be bisexual, be on Fab Guys and meet loads of men. But on Fab, presents himself as straight. No one would ever know. You could apply this to couples, who knows if the guys have always played 'straight'?
So therefore we think honesty, respect and clear communication counts for way more than someone's orientations.
If people dont want to meet you, that's their prerogative. At least you've been honest and true to who you are rather than try to get a leg over!
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
I don’t believe it helps trying to appeal to a demographic or market that isn’t yours. There are a fair number of couples (especially if you are prepared to travel or live in the Midlands) that play with bi males. It may be more productive going with those who actually want you and making the experience with them memorable? |
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We mostly meet bi guys because that’s the fun we like. And we find open bi guys so much more honest than the straight guys that want to meet us.
You can never know who you are meeting. So we have steps in place to eliminate risks.
We also don’t care if people don’t want to meet us because we are bi. It’s their choice. But we do hate hypocrisy on these threads of those saying they don’t meet bi males ever when they have variations of people saying they are bi. |
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By *eyeYCouple 25 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
Their choice entirely, D is quite able to play entirely straight and that has constituted the majority of our play/veri's.
This was by no means a case of omission, just an evolved interest.
We will add there's a number of those who've been happy to (very we feel) but now seem less inclined to engage with us on the development.
And a perception of us now being less discriminate, more likely to cross boundaries, carrying a greater std risk is utter bollocks here..
But each to their own 😊😘 |
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Maybe these couples just don’t want to speak to you…we certainly don’t as you sound entitled and easily offended when no offence is present. Life is generally hard enough, stop trying to make it harder for yourself and everyone else with this nonsense. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
It is their prerogative to feel like that, but, if they do, as a bi man would you want to meet them? There are other couples who are not prejudiced in any way. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
Hey OP.
As you probably have sust is that there is a bit of a marmite reaction to your observations.
However do take into consideration you are of a different generation to the majority of swingers who tend to be 40+ ,myself included.
Your generation is blessed with a very open mind to sexuality which is a good thing.
Don't try to understand why people have this alien reaction but understand the crowd you are engaging with.
There are many people of older generations that have an open mind...
Carry on being open and honest with who you are ...x
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From my experiences women are very seldom interested in bi males. They will possibly meet a tv but that’s usually being pushed by the husband, who let’s face it, despite his profile saying straight he’s definitely bi lol. As are most guys who have straight as a profile on here |
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"From my experiences women are very seldom interested in bi males. They will possibly meet a tv but that’s usually being pushed by the husband, who let’s face it, despite his profile saying straight he’s definitely bi lol. As are most guys who have straight as a profile on here "
Lol...yeah you know...
Straight married and get post nut guilt and run when the deed is done..
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"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
"
This |
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By *arknatCouple 25 weeks ago
New forest |
"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
"
First paragraph is nonsense, direct quote
In recent years, new diagnoses among heterosexual individuals have overtaken those in gay and bisexual men in some parts of the UK, according to Terrence Higgins Trust |
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True..
The only reason stds were higher among the queer community is they were tested more or let's say they tested more as wanted to be safe.
Heterosexual people may feel less at risk, so testing might be lower (so infections may go undetected for longer). For example, the 2022 report noted a 26% increase in HIV diagnoses among heterosexual women and many were being diagnosed late.
There was a larger proportional increase in syphilis diagnoses among heterosexual men and women than among GBMSM.
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"Hey OP.
As you probably have sust is that there is a bit of a marmite reaction to your observations.
However do take into consideration you are of a different generation to the majority of swingers who tend to be 40+ ,myself included.
Your generation is blessed with a very open mind to sexuality which is a good thing.
Don't try to understand why people have this alien reaction but understand the crowd you are engaging with.
There are many people of older generations that have an open mind...
Carry on being open and honest with who you are ...x"
Don't worry, I know that all too well. I'll never try to force anyone to change their mind or to share my opinion for the sake of it. Glad I've opened the discussion though, people having opinions on the subject and expressing them is the first step to understanding eachother and reaching a common ground. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?"
My thoughts are its choice. If they don’t want to meet bi men it’s their choice. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it bi phobic. |
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"True..
The only reason stds were higher among the queer community is they were tested more or let's say they tested more as wanted to be safe.
Heterosexual people may feel less at risk, so testing might be lower (so infections may go undetected for longer). For example, the 2022 report noted a 26% increase in HIV diagnoses among heterosexual women and many were being diagnosed late.
There was a larger proportional increase in syphilis diagnoses among heterosexual men and women than among GBMSM.
"
You don't understand how statistics work or you a deliberately misinterpreting the data. Yes there has been large increase of hiv amongst heterosexual men and women. But that is a 26% increase on a much much smaller number. Also a large proportion of the recent uptick in positive cases both in gay and straight people, is people that acquired there hiv infection before they immigrated to the UK. |
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"I'm a bi man and I sometimes come across MF couples who say that they don't meet bi men. I don't understand this and it feels biphobic. It's as if they're assuming that bi men will try it on with the man in a couple even if that man is straight and not interested. It always reads to me as a pre-emptive expectation of assault from bi men. An assumption that, because I'm bi, I will try it on with every man I'm around and never respect their sexuality.
It makes me very uncomfortable and feels like prejudice hiding behind the veil of preference.
What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are its choice. If they don’t want to meet bi men it’s their choice. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t make it bi phobic. "
My thoughts too.
If we all had to explain our thought process for preferences we'd be on all day.
We have our preferences before a meet, then at an initial social we make a decision to take it further or not.
We tell everyone we meet we don't do post mortems after meets. We either want to take it further or not, the same applies to you.
If you think its some kind of phobia, that's your problem, not ours.
Think you need to grow up a tad. |
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"It may not be biphobia it could be a risk mitigation strategy being unaware of “fab straight”. Bi and gay men are more likely to have STIs and those who enjoy oral might perceive this as higher risk. (I am fully aware that Ff also can have this as well as anyone who engaged with unprotected oral).
There is also an element of preference declaration, no bi is no different from no (race/weight/tories/liberals/defining attribute). It doesn’t mean a phobia, merely a preference and that is okay and makes it easier in terms of selection/segmenting.
Xx
I get the end paragraph, but the more likely to have an STI comment is a bit strange, do you think guys that get together do it u protected and condoms are just for straight people?
But they are more likely to have an STI. That's just a statistical fact."
They are more likely yes than the average population . But also swingers are more likely than most people. And so are younger straight black men. So are young women who meet several partners whilst at uni . There are lots of higher risks in anyone that has multiple partners. So stats are great but also not realistic in this environment. We know we both get tested regular. But we have zero clue about anyone else in reality. Even if you ask for their test results it’s no guarantee they haven’t caught something bad the morning before you’ve met them. |
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By *eyeYCouple 25 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
The stigma unfortunately remains regardless of any counter arguments.
There is a nonchalant attitude to testing among some 'dynamics' and a pragmatic approach amongst others.
For us we'd easily name at least a dozen profiles who hide their true natures because of the exact same thing we found in terms of marked retraction of interest here.
Ironically some verifications they have are from those pronouncing how they'd be utterly uninterested in bi guys..
Absolutely each to their own and we respect that, but do smile occasionally 😉😘
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