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(In)ability to just chat
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
Are we expecting too much simply wanting to chat a bit to find out something about people? There's so many who can't seem to say anything about themselves - except sexual stuff - and invariably resort to inane "how's your day been?" questions.
Sorry this sounds like a moan - but it's a genuine question: is it too much to expect an actual conversation? Something that shows personality, humour and whatnot? |
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We feel this too. We like to chat and get to know people before anything else happens. It's also nice to have social meets as well.
As you say people can be too quick to make it sexual....and that can be off putting.
Mr. |
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No one really cares how someone's day has been. We once challenged someone on why their first message was Hi. Reply came, because I'm rubbish at introductions. And that's the sort of people you get on fab sometimes. We chat, and invariably when a single man types hehe or wot the conversation will turn smutty quickly. It's all there in the signals |
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I think sometimes that the text chat doesn't help because you can't infer tone from simple text. So it's hard to make a conversation flow like a face to face chat. However, I agree there are a lot of people where it is very clear that they don't want to get to know the people behind the username. |
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By *oufouCouple 2 weeks ago
Somerset |
For me, there needs to be a connection. This is distinct from attraction, or chemistry. A sharp wit will definitely help, but unless a guy can hold my attention in conversation, he isn’t going to be holding anything else! lol
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There's huge diversity of people here, including what they are looking for. What they want may not be what they say they want.
But, most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. With such great diversity of people here, including many just wanting to talk fantasy, it's potentially a massive job trying to sort the wheat from the chaff.
Even with fairly similar people, it's possibly a gargantuan job.
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"We feel this too. We like to chat and get to know people before anything else happens. It's also nice to have social meets as well.
As you say people can be too quick to make it sexual....and that can be off putting.
Mr. "
Yeah, you ask someone to tell you a bit about themselves and it's instantly about their sexual fantasies 
Sure, ultimately this site is about sex, but you do want actual humans with personality! |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"No one really cares how someone's day has been. We once challenged someone on why their first message was Hi. Reply came, because I'm rubbish at introductions. And that's the sort of people you get on fab sometimes. We chat, and invariably when a single man types hehe or wot the conversation will turn smutty quickly. It's all there in the signals"
It seems to be simple laziness - a quick Hi costs nothing while a proper message takes a bit of effort (and brain) |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"If you're chatting to ascertain compatibility at least you're finding out asap. It's a case of mismatched expectations and requirements rather than a failure on anyone's part I think "
Sadly true  |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"I think sometimes that the text chat doesn't help because you can't infer tone from simple text. So it's hard to make a conversation flow like a face to face chat. However, I agree there are a lot of people where it is very clear that they don't want to get to know the people behind the username."
Yes, texting isn't the best for nuance, but this seems more laziness and numptiness! |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"For me, there needs to be a connection. This is distinct from attraction, or chemistry. A sharp wit will definitely help, but unless a guy can hold my attention in conversation, he isn’t going to be holding anything else! lol
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Haha! Yes - "Hi" or simmilar isn't quick witted or attention keeping |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"There's huge diversity of people here, including what they are looking for. What they want may not be what they say they want.
But, most people are not mutually compatible with most other people. With such great diversity of people here, including many just wanting to talk fantasy, it's potentially a massive job trying to sort the wheat from the chaff.
Even with fairly similar people, it's possibly a gargantuan job.
"
Not sure if there's much diversity really - you can categorise most people on here fairly quickly. For example, the huge group of mainly single blokes who send "hi" type messages  |
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Unfortunately we have very boring day to day lives and really don't have much interesting to say, so we hate it when people want to chat for weeks before thinking about a meet. We also don't have the time to keep loads of chats going in the hope that something might lead to more.
We like to see that we find the person attractive, have a few messages to just see what their situation is and how they play, then like to do the "chat" face to face. Although we also understand people's insistence on a social, we always say that we're happy to play on a first meet if everyone is happy.
Maybe we're unusual and maybe we're losing meets because of it. |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Unfortunately we have very boring day to day lives and really don't have much interesting to say, so we hate it when people want to chat for weeks before thinking about a meet. We also don't have the time to keep loads of chats going in the hope that something might lead to more.
We like to see that we find the person attractive, have a few messages to just see what their situation is and how they play, then like to do the "chat" face to face. Although we also understand people's insistence on a social, we always say that we're happy to play on a first meet if everyone is happy.
Maybe we're unusual and maybe we're losing meets because of it."
You're right that you don't want conversations to go on for weeks - it's more about the initial few messages. You get one that seems okay, put an effort in replying, then get the lazy "howz ur day been?" kind of response |
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"We find that chatting on here, as a couple, is quite difficult.
Much better to chat on WhatsApp where we can all chat and everyone knows who is saying what  "
Totally agree with this.
People rarely sign off a message on here with who its from....makes it difficult to navigate it.
We find couples so much harder....we've had great times with them, but its no longer our main preference.
Mr. |
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"We feel this too. We like to chat and get to know people before anything else happens. It's also nice to have social meets as well.
As you say people can be too quick to make it sexual....and that can be off putting.
Mr. "
It seems a reasonable expectation to me - though exchanging monologues on here isn’t conducive to ‘chat’ so I like to switch to Telegram, Kik, or maybe WhatsApp pretty quickly.
Just been chatting to someone I haven’t met (yet) about our respective weekends - theatre, cinema, gig, family meals… nothing sexual. All very natural. At the same time, we both know what we want when we finally get a chance to meet (and we have discussed some of that in earlier conversations).
Good chat is important in any meet, it’s good to share common interests beyond the physical… |
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It’s a bit of a tightrope, between generic pleasantries and interrogation
I want to chat, but sometimes it feels like I’m a stalker, asking questions about the other person.
It would probably be fine, and flow nicely if it were a face to face conversation (with facial expressions and tone of voice) but when stripped down to bare text, it can be awkward
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By *aandLoCouple 2 weeks ago
Southampton |
We've moved on from many a cute guy due to their inability to hold an actual conversation beyond bland pleasantries.
We'd absolutely be open to someone after a few half decent exchanges, telling us they struggle keeping up online chats and would like to meet. But endless banal "how was your weekend?" "what you doing today," and we just bow out.
The successful chats have naturally moved from polite, to flirty, to filthy. And there are guys who can do that well, so we've held on for them.
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By *imMcSilverMan 2 weeks ago
Edinburgh, Lothians and Fife |
Its an interesting topic, I really love to chat about all manner of things but what I have found interesting and surprising though is that most interactions stem from the generic rather the thought out, drafted intro. I tend to think perhaps there is more a element of timing to this, catch someone whilst they are online and looking, even with a generic one liner, as apposed to a well thought out message being lost in the inbox.
Either way, you always hope that it leads to a conversation. |
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A good conversation is always important in my book and it shouldn't be all about sex, currently talking to a beautiful lady from here and we been having some good chat and planned for a social.
Haveing someone who want a normal talk feels more natural and both party feels at ease |
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Going to throw it out there but we don't like to chat much before a meet. Yes exchange a few messages to get a taste of vibe and mutual attraction of course. But beyond that no. If there is enough established intrest to meet then we like to just arrange a date and put the chat on the back burner till we meet for real. You never really know if that chemistry is there or not till you meet face to face. So just seems alot to invest in all that chat just to find the chemistry isn't there when you meet in person. |
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"We feel this too. We like to chat and get to know people before anything else happens. It's also nice to have social meets as well.
As you say people can be too quick to make it sexual....and that can be off putting.
Mr. "
Well. A single guy, I know ,I know. But chatting doesn't matter does it?. Its not like I would tear open that body stocking like a bunch of oranges from tescos.
But come on , really?. Living in Bakewell and how can you not chat about tarts?. Ill chat about tarts all day without once mentioning creamy centers. Or those fantastic crumbly walls that crumble and fall like self imposed limits that fall at the slightest touch. Let yourself go a bit and fill your mouth. Experiment with slightly older tarts that have set a little and not so runny when bitten into, those tarts know how to put the owners pleasure first. come on its only chat about tarts |
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I do like a chat
But the one word answer’s are hard work
If we did ask” how’s your day”
It’s a conversion starter
And hopefully this will lead into a good discussion
I lose interest quickly if all I get back is
Yes / No/Ok responses
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"Going to throw it out there but we don't like to chat much before a meet. Yes exchange a few messages to get a taste of vibe and mutual attraction of course. But beyond that no. If there is enough established intrest to meet then we like to just arrange a date and put the chat on the back burner till we meet for real. You never really know if that chemistry is there or not till you meet face to face. So just seems alot to invest in all that chat just to find the chemistry isn't there when you meet in person."
I tend to agree - we all know why we’re here, so I have no problem exchanging chat re. sexual compatibility and I do like to discover a little bit about a potential partner’s background and interests - but then I like to meet. I’m not here looking for penpals.
But sometimes conversation develops, sometimes it isn’t easy to find a mutually agreeable time to meet and so sometimes chat continues longer than planned. |
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I have been trying to have conversations with people for the majority of the time I have been on here to very little success. I have tried informative conversations, sexual conversations and entertainment ones, but still struggling with people. |
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By *eyeYCouple 2 weeks ago
Nr Leicester |
"We find that chatting on here, as a couple, is quite difficult.
Much better to chat on WhatsApp where we can all chat and everyone knows who is saying what "
Entirely! Though we use Telegram too if folk are not keen on sharing phone numbers.
Although we do feel the reluctance to do so can indicate a similar reservation elsewhere and frankly we want to ascertain attraction and compatibility early, saves sooo much time 🤷😘 |
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By *umi2 OP Couple 2 weeks ago
Wild West |
"Going to throw it out there but we don't like to chat much before a meet. Yes exchange a few messages to get a taste of vibe and mutual attraction of course. But beyond that no. If there is enough established intrest to meet then we like to just arrange a date and put the chat on the back burner till we meet for real. You never really know if that chemistry is there or not till you meet face to face. So just seems alot to invest in all that chat just to find the chemistry isn't there when you meet in person."
Totally agree that it's best to meet up in real life quickly for the reasons you suggest  It's just that so many people - usually but not always single blokes - don't seem able to chat in the initial few messages  |
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I love a good conversation but when they turn it sexual straight away, I switch off off, I just can’t.
I’ve kind of give up with expecting a normal conversation now, although there are the odd few who I speak to regularly |
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Lots of people seem to want to chat, but i guess i am only interested in chatting once I've established we might be compatable and could meet, location, schedules etc. Nice to have a bit of chat to establish manners and wavelength. I'm not looking to spend a lot of time chatting to someone. If I wanted to chat I have friends to chat to. |
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im not one for long drawn out chats however i wont meet until ive at least git a measure of the guy..
yes far to many men just dont want any chat they just want action / or sex talk and i block every single one that shows that trait
another problem men some men have is they think all couples and women are the same when every single one of us is different in how we get our meets |
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"Lots of people seem to want to chat, but i guess i am only interested in chatting once I've established we might be compatable and could meet, location, schedules etc. Nice to have a bit of chat to establish manners and wavelength. I'm not looking to spend a lot of time chatting to someone. If I wanted to chat I have friends to chat to."
This. I get so many messages I only reply if I like the photos on their profile and they are close enough to make meeting possible, even then I don't like to chat much beyond trying to see if we are going to click. I chat more after sex, chilling out, than before
Of course we are all different and we all have different needs... |
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"Are we expecting too much simply wanting to chat a bit to find out something about people? There's so many who can't seem to say anything about themselves - except sexual stuff - and invariably resort to inane "how's your day been?" questions.
Sorry this sounds like a moan - but it's a genuine question: is it too much to expect an actual conversation? Something that shows personality, humour and whatnot?"
We feel the same way, getting a bit bored of it now. Just a few weekes ago we had a couple message us asking to chat. We read through their profile, all good and seemed to match, so entered into a chat. their first message was we are sick of the time wasters, that was it for their first message, yes one sentence. We sent back a good paragraph of who and what we are about. Their second message again one line 'Thats good' So we tried again a carefully constructed message referencing what they said on their profile. That message went unread for a day or two. Again messaged back with one sentence. WE messaged back again feeling a bit of is this really a chat, but as it goes on here, they didn't read it and ghosted us. 3 weeks on and they still haven't read our well constructed message. Our next thing, probably after this post, is hitting that well used block button as we roll our eyes once again |
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I (female) find this difficult. Too much chat when you haven't met in person can often become either boring or mundane or sexual where you run the risk of the sexual spark not being there in person. We're always happy for a little chat but ideally want to save most of the chat for a social. Xx |
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"I (female) find this difficult. Too much chat when you haven't met in person can often become either boring or mundane or sexual where you run the risk of the sexual spark not being there in person. We're always happy for a little chat but ideally want to save most of the chat for a social. Xx"
Couldn't agree more. A bit of chat finding out who people are and if you click here, then in person. We never engage in sex chat before we meet in person   |
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We delete, after our reply, about 90% of people who contact us, they don't read our profile in full, its that simple.
If you look at our profile it actually asks you in the first few lines.
We use it as a filter, seems to work.
If they can't be bothered to read a profile what else can't they be bothered doing.
Group socials are a great way to sort out the wheat from the chaff and to move from Fab to some of the WhatsApp groups for genuine people meeting on holidays etc.
Its a minefield on here but with a bit of effort and experience the clues are there. |
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By *DW1983Man 4 days ago
Blackpool, Aberdeen or Sheffield |
I've had messahes that just say "hi". Sometimes I ignore them. Sometimes I try saying "hi" in reply, which nearly always goes unanswered.
Other times I've sent messages (that is, interesting, conversational messages) to try and open a conversation, maybe asking a question and showing interest, and had a reply like "yes". It's barely worth writing a reply at all. Frustrating, but a good indicator - if someone can't be bothered to make at least a small effort... |
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I'm very chatty and have great banter but it tends to mostly appear when I'm comfortable. If I have never spoken to someone before a seemingly dull Q about how life is that day/week/weekend etc is going is only dull if the reply is dull.
"I am buzzing from a trip to Spain to do underwater cave diving" would definitely inspire a higher quality response. 'Meh, same old same old' on the other hand is harder to work with but I can still turn it round into something amusing. In general terms, if you meet a complete stranger face to face for the first time, asking them if life's treating them well or badly usually elicits a positive response - most people are actually glad you asked, and it builds rapport, as well as enables you to dial in the tone of subsequent messages (eg if their dog died the day before obviously that might well change my whole tone and approach). So I'm not sure quite why so many people feel it's a bad way to ease into a conversation via message. I'd argue its how the conversation is conducted after the initial pleasantries that will give you a real idea of personality - did they pay attention and reply with something pertinent, or did they basically ignore everything and start trying to seduce you despite the deceased hound?
I feel like you need at least two or three replies in each direction to start getting the measure of someone's personality, intellect, sense of humour/lack thereof etc etc.
Obviously if every single message continues the tame and dull small talk vibe, then fair enough, but I feel like basic pleasantries and adhering to a more verbal conversational protocol in the first instance might not guarantee a reply but it usually leads to longer and better conversations. |
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I don't mind chatting and have chatted to lots of couples but chatting for so long they start to feel more like friends. Which then feels a bit strange meeting. I have actually made some good friends off here.
I do prefer to set up a group WhatsApp with all members of the couples chatting instead of one profile. You can then get a feel for if both of the couple want to meet or if one is doing it more for the other
(Mrs) |
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We unfortunately have found exactly the same , a lot of first messages simply a “hi “ we try to reply to most messages but usually it’s K ( female ) that replies, we love to chat to people and get to know things about them |
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