FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Struggling to get a meet?
Struggling to get a meet?
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"Anyone seems to be struggling to find the bearings with chat.. obvs being under the radar doesn’t help but surely when you speak with certain people they know you’re genuine like I’ll send picture via dm no problem. " You haven't asked for profile advice so we can't give it....but do YOU think your profile is going to encourage anyone to want to chat or meet? | |||
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"Same club here but I put mine down to age !!" It's not your age that's the problem. | |||
"[Removed by poster at 22/05/26 17:22:46]" For me, swinging is a lifestyle. It is hard and meeting people can be hard. If you’re serious about swinging and meeting couples I think you need to live the life and take it for what it is, the social aspect is just as if not more important than the sex. My advice would be; Get busy on forums, chat to people on there. Go to a social, go to a club. What you put in is what you get out. Treat people like people and not just for the play. Have a normal conversation. That all being said, as I said it is a lifestyle and can be hard on your head even when you’re meeting people. Politics. Rejection. Expectations. Emotions. The list goes on. Like I said, you need to have a think if it’s for you. It’s a lifestyle. Not a game. | |||
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"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it?" Not responding is no more rude than thinking you're entitled to a reply. | |||
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"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it?" So us women/ couples who choose not to spend hours replying to each of 50-100 messages individually is ‘rude’ is it? Men like you just don’t get it do you? | |||
"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it?" No. It's not. | |||
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"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it?" I used to think it was rude to not respond. I would politely decline, but then would get multiple responses questioning why I wasn't interested and sometimes even abusive responses. I now don't reply if the person has put no effort in to their messages or haven't read my profile. | |||
"Oh so its a sense of entitlement ? Sorry my mistake. Lol" You're really not doing yourself any favours here. Your reply in itself reads as though YOU feel entitled to a reply. Even the forum guidelines state non-reply should be interpreted as a no thank you. | |||
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"Oh so its a sense of entitlement ? Sorry my mistake. Lol" Your bio is 5 words long and your photos are set to private. If you put as little effort into your messages as you do your photos, I'm not surprised you're getting no replies. | |||
"It’s purely a numbers game amongst other things. Females get hundreds and hundreds of messages by the hour. There is almost no chance of them even seeing your message unless you have a killer photo of yourself (that catches their eyes as they are scrolling down page by page). My advise is get in the gym, work out and sculpt your body. It’s all about the physical to get your foot in the door not so much the words. There was a time females loved dick pix (tried and proven very successful) and for whatever reason that time has gone and Woman have evolved past the penis photo. They are no longer impressed. In fact whatever you do DO NOT send a photo of your junk. They will hate you. Keep yourself up to date with the trends of what is acceptable or not, guage the room. The ratio of men to women on this website is staggering. My advise to the builders of this matrix would be to make having photos a mandatory condition of having an account. That way you cut out all the men and who can’t be arsed to upload at least five clear photos, and woman for that matter, secondly three sentences on their bio, and thirdly it should list all there verifications to show the commitment to the profile. "I like your idea about mandatory photos. I know there are so many married men on here who fear being found out - but a married regular of ours has a body pic (no face) which works out fine for him, so there’s no excuse not to have one of any kind. I do worry about guys saying women want men who are gym sculpted, tall, rich etc etc… it feels almost like some guys ( not you personally) spinning this rhetoric are straying into incel territory and are getting quite resentful of women not choosing them. It’s also inaccurate. I don’t know any woman who goes for that type. At the end of the day there is often NO formula beyond ‘have pics which aren’t all cocks, write a decent bio’ . I could scroll down 50 attractive guys and just one silly thing will spark a connection which the guy wouldn’t even realise. | |||
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"Tbh, i think its the luck of draw our messages get read, obviously single males are two a penny on here but I always make an effort with messages, never one liners. Then if by chance your message gets read at least they can see you've made an effort never copy and paste messages, always bespoke to that specific couple/ female. It appears to work for me, I consider myself successful on here considering im a single guy and im selective in who I message." I have had 20 messages in the past 2 hours, most were just "Hi" or "what you doing" and had not read my profile | |||
"Tbh, i think its the luck of draw our messages get read, obviously single males are two a penny on here but I always make an effort with messages, never one liners. Then if by chance your message gets read at least they can see you've made an effort never copy and paste messages, always bespoke to that specific couple/ female. It appears to work for me, I consider myself successful on here considering im a single guy and im selective in who I message." Single males are more like ten a penny in here, and probably more besides…. I’ve not had a new meet through Fab this year. Only two meets last year, three the year before. A female friend of mine has met 9 guys this month so far, another woman local to me has met 7 this month. I cannot get a reply to message full stop. I rejoined the other site I use to meet ladies on Monday this week. I’m currently chatting with three ladies, including live phone calls, and I have meets in the planning….😉 I know Fab has its peaks and troughs, but I do wonder why I bother with it these days 🤷♂️ | |||
 ! Lol). Also beards… I don’t think most women actually like beards, but I like mine so it’s staying. There are some hard liners I won’t compromise on. I know it’s mostly about looks because when I was body building I had an unreal amount of message. I was sending low effort messages like “hi”, “what you up to”. They were flocking to me, ready to meet me the same day. | |||
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"Some of it I agree is “luck of the draw” and someone mentioned something “silly” that will stand out and they will click in. Those are exceptions to the rule. If you want replies, even if 90% is rejection, that’s good because you won’t be every one’s cup of tea, you have that 10% to play with that will say yes. However, getting to that point is the trick. I’m not too sure what “incel” is my apologies, however think about sculpting that body, get in gym, clean shaven, no body hair (OMG the effort ! Lol). Also beards… I don’t think most women actually like beards, but I like mine so it’s staying. There are some hard liners I won’t compromise on. I know it’s mostly about looks because when I was body building I had an unreal amount of message. I was sending low effort messages like “hi”, “what you up to”. They were flocking to me, ready to meet me the same day."Love it when a man claims to know what women want better than women themselves 
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"Some of it I agree is “luck of the draw” and someone mentioned something “silly” that will stand out and they will click in. Those are exceptions to the rule. If you want replies, even if 90% is rejection, that’s good because you won’t be every one’s cup of tea, you have that 10% to play with that will say yes. However, getting to that point is the trick. I’m not too sure what “incel” is my apologies, however think about sculpting that body, get in gym, clean shaven, no body hair (OMG the effort ! Lol). Also beards… I don’t think most women actually like beards, but I like mine so it’s staying. There are some hard liners I won’t compromise on. I know it’s mostly about looks because when I was body building I had an unreal amount of message. I was sending low effort messages like “hi”, “what you up to”. They were flocking to me, ready to meet me the same day.
Love it when a man claims to know what women want better than women themselves
"Ikr…. Hopefully he’ll soon stop posting in favour of getting himself off to the gym to make himself all buff. Us shallow, muscle-obsessed women won’t look at anyone without a six pack!!! Read and learn 🤣🤣 | |||
"Same club here but I put mine down to age !!" I’d say profile is a far bigger issue than age | |||
"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it?" It’s far from rude, I think someone who has put as much effort as you have (none) in to their profile and then expecting a reply is rather rude. Why do you think that someone should reply to you when you’ve made zero effort | |||
"It’s purely a numbers game amongst other things. Females get hundreds and hundreds of messages by the hour. There is almost no chance of them even seeing your message unless you have a killer photo of yourself (that catches their eyes as they are scrolling down page by page). My advise is get in the gym, work out and sculpt your body. It’s all about the physical to get your foot in the door not so much the words. There was a time females loved dick pix (tried and proven very successful) and for whatever reason that time has gone and Woman have evolved past the penis photo. They are no longer impressed. In fact whatever you do DO NOT send a photo of your junk. They will hate you. Keep yourself up to date with the trends of what is acceptable or not, guage the room. The ratio of men to women on this website is staggering. My advise to the builders of this matrix would be to make having photos a mandatory condition of having an account. That way you cut out all the men and who can’t be arsed to upload at least five clear photos, and woman for that matter, secondly three sentences on their bio, and thirdly it should list all there verifications to show the commitment to the profile.
I like your idea about mandatory photos. I know there are so many married men on here who fear being found out - but a married regular of ours has a body pic (no face) which works out fine for him, so there’s no excuse not to have one of any kind.
I do worry about guys saying women want men who are gym sculpted, tall, rich etc etc… it feels almost like some guys ( not you personally) spinning this rhetoric are straying into incel territory and are getting quite resentful of women not choosing them.
It’s also inaccurate. I don’t know any woman who goes for that type.
At the end of the day there is often NO formula beyond ‘have pics which aren’t all cocks, write a decent bio’ . I could scroll down 50 attractive guys and just one silly thing will spark a connection which the guy wouldn’t even realise. "Completely agree with everything you said. We don’t look for gym fit blokes, far from it. Also whilst I don’t want to be bombarded with dick pics, having a nice cock is an essential part in our decision to play, so having a couple is essential to us. Men trying to think that women are a one size fits all approach is the issue. We get so many messages and I would say 99% of them have not read our profile, if more guys took the time and effort to read a profile and send a message showing compatibility, whilst having a profile worth reading themselves, then they would be far more successful. | |||
"Tbh, i think its the luck of draw our messages get read, obviously single males are two a penny on here but I always make an effort with messages, never one liners. Then if by chance your message gets read at least they can see you've made an effort never copy and paste messages, always bespoke to that specific couple/ female. It appears to work for me, I consider myself successful on here considering im a single guy and im selective in who I message. I have had 20 messages in the past 2 hours, most were just "Hi" or "what you doing" and had not read my profile " Hi Hi How are you doing Good thanks, you What are you up to Just chilling, you I’m horny, what are you in to Read our profile, all is detailed there No response. I have this conversation about 15 times a day | |||
"Anyone seems to be struggling to find the bearings with chat.. obvs being under the radar doesn’t help but surely when you speak with certain people they know you’re genuine like I’ll send picture via dm no problem. " You don't have a profile. What do you expect?? | |||
"It was always tough to get meets. Now though women don't even respond to your message. I know you'll get lots of messages but its just rude isnt it? It’s far from rude, I think someone who has put as much effort as you have (none) in to their profile and then expecting a reply is rather rude. Why do you think that someone should reply to you when you’ve made zero effort " 
Agree totally. | |||
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"Anyone seems to be struggling to find the bearings with chat.. obvs being under the radar doesn’t help but surely when you speak with certain people they know you’re genuine like I’ll send picture via dm no problem. " Most ladies I know will check a profile before even opening a message, and if there is very little to gauge attraction on why would they engage further when there are other messages in their inbox from guys who have made an effort on their profile? I’m sure when you message someone it’s because you like what you see and read. They are doing the same and with a virtually blank profile you’re not giving them anything to go on. | |||
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"Tbh, i think its the luck of draw our messages get read, obviously single males are two a penny on here but I always make an effort with messages, never one liners. Then if by chance your message gets read at least they can see you've made an effort never copy and paste messages, always bespoke to that specific couple/ female. It appears to work for me, I consider myself successful on here considering im a single guy and im selective in who I message. Single males are more like ten a penny in here, and probably more besides…. I’ve not had a new meet through Fab this year. Only two meets last year, three the year before. A female friend of mine has met 9 guys this month so far, another woman local to me has met 7 this month. I cannot get a reply to message full stop. I rejoined the other site I use to meet ladies on Monday this week. I’m currently chatting with three ladies, including live phone calls, and I have meets in the planning….😉 I know Fab has its peaks and troughs, but I do wonder why I bother with it these days 🤷♂️" To be fair; Fab is THE ONLY contact app of its kind, that single guys can use completely free of charge, at all times. That includes sending, and reading messages. Every other site punishes men financially, although; I don’t mind paying when it gets me the results I’m looking for 😎 | |||
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"Oh so its a sense of entitlement ? Sorry my mistake. Lol Your bio is 5 words long and your photos are set to private. If you put as little effort into your messages as you do your photos, I'm not surprised you're getting no replies." Brutal but at least helpful 😃👍🏼 | |||
"Anyone seems to be struggling to find the bearings with chat.. obvs being under the radar doesn’t help but surely when you speak with certain people they know you’re genuine like I’ll send picture via dm no problem. " I really struggled to understand this message, which might be part of the problem? Work on your communication style perhaps? Also calling yourself 'backshotking' is going to make you extremely unappealing to vast numbers of people. | |||
"Some of it I agree is “luck of the draw” and someone mentioned something “silly” that will stand out and they will click in. Those are exceptions to the rule. If you want replies, even if 90% is rejection, that’s good because you won’t be every one’s cup of tea, you have that 10% to play with that will say yes. However, getting to that point is the trick. I’m not too sure what “incel” is my apologies, however think about sculpting that body, get in gym, clean shaven, no body hair (OMG the effort ! Lol). Also beards… I don’t think most women actually like beards, but I like mine so it’s staying. There are some hard liners I won’t compromise on. I know it’s mostly about looks because when I was body building I had an unreal amount of message. I was sending low effort messages like “hi”, “what you up to”. They were flocking to me, ready to meet me the same day."Incel is “INvoluntary CELibate” an American term for guys who can’t get laid. It’s never their fault, but the conspiracy of all women who are behind it. Rather than working on their social skills, personal hygiene, physical appearance and trying to meet real women, they prefer to lurk on the internet and complain that women don’t turn up on their doorstep and offer to sleep with them. Most are so deluded that if a woman did do that, and she didn’t look like a movie star (or porn actress) but merely a female version of themselves, they would probably reject her. They think they deserve Scarlett Johanson. As for beards, body hair, gym fit or dad bod, everyone is attracted to different types. Be yourself, it’s easier. Go to the gym, get healthy and exercise. But do it for yourself, though if you motivate yourself by believing that you will be more attractive afterwards, be prepared for disappointment. If you struggle attracting women before, a hot body will only help you so much. | |||
"Same club here but I put mine down to age !! I’d say profile is a far bigger issue than age" Nope I personally think it is age 100% | |||
"Same club here but I put mine down to age !! I’d say profile is a far bigger issue than age Nope I personally think it is age 100%" It really isn’t, it’s his profile and approach, I wouldn’t even look at his age before deciding he wasnt for us, due to his profile | |||
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"I don't have the figures but I would assume that single males are the biggest % of accounts. Couples and females probably receive a high number of messages so the odds are stacked against you from the beginning as they can't reply to and meet everyone." 🎯 | |||
"Same club here but I put mine down to age !! I’d say profile is a far bigger issue than age Nope I personally think it is age 100%" We didn't even bother to read the profile, all the photos are just cock. So going along with "profile is a far bigger issue." | |||
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"Ladies, I have a question if any of you’s are happy to answer. So a good well written profile comes a long way, with enough information to grab the viewers attention, enough to tell them who this person is etc.. But from a guys POV how would you consider them to approach a woman who hasn’t written anything on her profile. Yes she has photos of herself but nothing is written. What would be the correct approach?" We wouldn't even bother. We get, as a percentage of the actual messages from each, FAR more rubbish messages from almost blank profiles from single women and couples than we do from guys. In our mind, the same effort ought to be put in by all, but there's SO many women and couples seem to think they don't need to try because everyone is looking for them. | |||
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"Ladies, I have a question if any of you’s are happy to answer. So a good well written profile comes a long way, with enough information to grab the viewers attention, enough to tell them who this person is etc.. But from a guys POV how would you consider them to approach a woman who hasn’t written anything on her profile. Yes she has photos of herself but nothing is written. What would be the correct approach? We wouldn't even bother. We get, as a percentage of the actual messages from each, FAR more rubbish messages from almost blank profiles from single women and couples than we do from guys. In our mind, the same effort ought to be put in by all, but there's SO many women and couples seem to think they don't need to try because everyone is looking for them." Agreed. Don't bother. | |||
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"I don’t think it’s that hard as a single male, probably 9 out of 10 msgs go unanswered but I’ve still had a lot of success here over the last year or so and met a lot of women. I think my profile is average, nothing special . Just be normal, don’t send naked pics and don’t start chatting about sex right away . Don’t act like a 16 year old lad, just treat people with respect and who will have more success " Spot on. However 99% of single men will pay no heed. But that's not our loss | |||
"Based on your profile I wouldn't message, there isn't enough info and people shouldn't have to pull it out of you Be clear about who you are and what you're looking for and you might get some traction " Agreed. I'm not going to ask. If I don't have an idea from the profile, I'm not going to bother. | |||
"Some of it I agree is “luck of the draw” and someone mentioned something “silly” that will stand out and they will click in. Those are exceptions to the rule. If you want replies, even if 90% is rejection, that’s good because you won’t be every one’s cup of tea, you have that 10% to play with that will say yes. However, getting to that point is the trick. I’m not too sure what “incel” is my apologies, however think about sculpting that body, get in gym, clean shaven, no body hair (OMG the effort ! Lol). Also beards… I don’t think most women actually like beards, but I like mine so it’s staying. There are some hard liners I won’t compromise on. I know it’s mostly about looks because when I was body building I had an unreal amount of message. I was sending low effort messages like “hi”, “what you up to”. They were flocking to me, ready to meet me the same day." | |||
"exactly this. Everyone knows what they want. I don't bother myself anymore,i mostly meet away from fab, then when you mixed race thats a minus 50 for you ." 😄💯🎯 | |||
"Hey everyone, ?I’m relatively new here and could really use a bit of perspective from people who already know the ropes. ?I’m trying to figure out the best way to navigate the lifestyle, especially when it comes to breaking the ice and chatting with other members. I’ve already talked to a few experienced users and tweaked my profile based on their feedback, so I think the profile itself is looking pretty decent at this point. ?Despite that, I’m finding it really tough to establish any kind of lasting connection. It feels like conversations just fizzle out, and I’m starting to think I might be doing something wrong—I just can’t quite put my finger on what it is. ?To be clear about my mindset: I’m definitely not desperate, and I’m not trying to force anything. I’m also not here just looking for "free sex" or mindless hookups. My goal is simple—I want to meet cool people, vibe, and genuinely enjoy my time. Since I'm not looking to settle down or get into a committed relationship right now, keeping things fun, respectful, and quality-driven is key for me. ?For those who’ve been doing this for a while: how do you usually approach messaging? What catches your attention in a chat, and what keeps you interested? I’d love to hear your tips or any unwritten rules I might be missing" I find that it’s all down to respect give some compliments but not the “love your tits” open up about yourself and ask about themselfs. Most people fab life is a switch off from real life so as a switch off you need to have some laughs some chemistry and work the room a bit, all women are different but the main thing women want is just respect and an honest conversation to start with. Think of it as chatting up a girl in a bar. I was on this as a couple with my ex and some of the messages were hillarious “hi I’m Dan wanna fuck” honestly if that has ever worked for some1 then fair play! Just need to be respectful complimentative a wee but cheeky and some good banter/chat and then it should just flow and if it doesn’t then there is no connection! It might be a shagging site but for me there has to be a connection and I have to enjoy the person I’m talking to and having a laugh with! Xx | |||
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