FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is sharing caring?
Is sharing caring?
Jump to: Newest in thread
We are a couple together 4 years, live together, are very much in love and have a great sex life together.
We discovered about a year in that we both had a kink for group sex. We've both had threesomes before, and we fantasise and role play having a guy join us for fun. We decided to join fab and are photo verified.
I identify with the stag/vixen label. I enjoy vetting guys who'd I enjoy watching having sex with her and me. I'm bi and it's now the only way I can explore this side of me. I like the relief of not having to be 100% of everything she needs in the bedroom, and I like the idea that I'm demonstrably not possessive by encouraging her to have sex if she wants to.
Just when we'd arranged a date for this week, she surprised me by saying she felt sad that I wanted to share her, that it made her feel less valued. I didn't expect this because from my point of view, I am immensely proud when guys agree with me how stunning she is, and that I'd take the stigma away from having a fling with a guy. She's not 'mine' to share; but arranging for us to meet a guy feels to me like I'm showing everyone how hot she is and how attracted I am to her, how hot it is to see the effect she has on men, and proud knowing im the one she chooses to be with.
But I'm confused because I can't decide whether I am after all being more possessive or controlling by finding men and offering to setup dates for us all in this stag/vixen way, to satisfy my kink, when she would rather it be 'in the moment'.
It's a bit odd to feel disappointed when the love of your life says they want just you! I'm a lucky man. But for me I can't shake the disappointment that things we've done with others we've not done together, especially when we do enjoy it in fantasy. But I respect her and don't want to end up with her going along with it just to please me.
I see there are a lot of experienced couples on here. I'd like to know from the ladies whether you feel more or less valued by your male partner selecting men like this, or is there a better way to arrange and initiate a date? I think she'd like it just to be a spontaneous thing. Trouble is I think I'd be more jealous if she fancied someone on a night out, and it seems very unlikely to 'just happen'.
Any thoughts welcome.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My partner has never 'selected' men for me it's always been agreed between us. Truthfully, I can see why she feels the way she does, there's a lot of what you'd enjoy and 'I' and how disappointed you are. She feels sad, listen and talk |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
|
"My partner has never 'selected' men for me it's always been agreed between us. Truthfully, I can see why she feels the way she does, there's a lot of what you'd enjoy and 'I' and how disappointed you are. She feels sad, listen and talk "
I had written something earlier similar to this, you should like this if what you want. Go talk to her and be 100% with her. But listen to her and give her space to be honest with you without judgement. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ara 2Man 3 weeks ago
Nantwich |
I was honest with her and told her that I'm bi and I'll be happy if you wanted to have sex with a guy or casual we choose
We did the fantasy many times and she wanted but she quit in the last minute. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *WB85Man 3 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
My advice is to slow it down and figure it out between yourselves.
Don't rush into something that could cause long term damage to your marriage.
Also. She needs to be fully involved in choosing people. Its her body, its not all down to your judgement.
Good luck.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Years ago I used to chat with a woman from Leeds. She said if she started to see somebody from Fab she would feel insulted if he wanted to swing as a couple. She said she would wonder why she wasn't good enough. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm half a couple and I wouldn't like my other half to choose who I meet. I want the freedom to choose myself & be very much a part of the selection process.
Perhaps you could take it at her pace and let your partner do the searching?.
Can I ask, are you choosing men you like or ones you think she'd be into?. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks for the responses so far.
Just to be clear, I'm not seeking to foist anyone onto her, and she agreed to go on this date.
It's more that I think while we both find the act itself erotic, she doesn't want to go proactively seeking guys herself. She doesn't check out other guys and is happy in our relationship so I think finds the premeditated part off-putting. So I am doing the screening on fab and showing her a shortlist. I know there are some things that are a 'no' for her so I don't show her people only I like.
Perhaps though this shows that I'm pushing harder than her. For her I think it would be a spark on a night out that felt spontaneous, whereas me finding guys on fab and showing them to her cold isn't sexy...
I suppose I'm just curious how anyone uses fab/apps to find a plus one. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for the responses so far.
Just to be clear, I'm not seeking to foist anyone onto her, and she agreed to go on this date.
It's more that I think while we both find the act itself erotic, she doesn't want to go proactively seeking guys herself. She doesn't check out other guys and is happy in our relationship so I think finds the premeditated part off-putting. So I am doing the screening on fab and showing her a shortlist. I know there are some things that are a 'no' for her so I don't show her people only I like.
Perhaps though this shows that I'm pushing harder than her. For her I think it would be a spark on a night out that felt spontaneous, whereas me finding guys on fab and showing them to her cold isn't sexy...
I suppose I'm just curious how anyone uses fab/apps to find a plus one."
You're using the phrase ' I think ' a lot. You need to talk to her and find out what 'she' thinks not what you assume she thinks. This isn't a criticism of you as such because I notice a lot of people do it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I suppose I'm wondering whether other women on fab feel sad that they are being shared or whether they approach or frame it differently that makes it more positive, so we can learn from their perspective.
We talked again yesterday and we're stuck on wanting to have a threesome and thinking it's hot, but all the searching online makes it seem too orchestrated. Wonder how other couples navigate this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I suppose I'm wondering whether other women on fab feel sad that they are being shared or whether they approach or frame it differently that makes it more positive, so we can learn from their perspective.
We talked again yesterday and we're stuck on wanting to have a threesome and thinking it's hot, but all the searching online makes it seem too orchestrated. Wonder how other couples navigate this."
They go to clubs.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Relationships and interests change and sometimes our experience helps to shape this. As your partner is your primary interest, just take your time to focus on her and be prepared for the future potentially being better than what you've already done. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This how this plays out for us.
I completely adore My Girl, I know how awesome she is and I am so proud to display/show her off and share her. We both find that hot. Admittedly the joy of the feedback I get about her is really hot too and I know how much she likes to make me proud. So I get to enjoy all these aspects.
However when it comes to men she is particularly picky and dependent on where she's at in that time. She is also not backwards at coming forward when it comes to initiating things with men. I know she is my property (as per our dynamic) and I am happy to just give her free rein. If I was to select and invite a man/men for her she would be up for that. And likewise there are times were she will ask me to go and find a man/men. But in general it works best for us just to let her off hunting herself. Again I have veto and if there was a guy I had particular concerns about (especially safety or repect wise) or felt was just not worthy of her I would say no. However she's very picky and I trust her choices.
However to add context we are mainly club swingers and 85% of all our activity is in a club setting. And probably 13% is just out in town or at bars. Only about 2% of finding men is on fab. The real world is a far better place to find people than the online world.
That's how it is for us anyways.
Mr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sam here the lady… Bob vets potential play mates. He doesn’t pick them. We will have a social and I give him a sign to tell him I want to play with the guy.
He also plays separately and I give the ladies the okay if I am there or he tends to go to clubs alone xx 
S&B |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *aandLoCouple 2 weeks ago
Southampton |
I choose the men we play with. Ja's sole criteria for the men is "not a bell end." I wouldn't like him picking them for me at all. But as a bi guy you surely should be choosing them together?
Clearly your partner's feelings are in part from feeling you don't want her if you're prepared to pick someone else for her. She has said this and you have to acknowledge it.
My hubbie and I agreed from the very outset if one of us wasn't happy we would stop; it's just sex and our relationship is more important. Is yours?
Perhaps she also worries it's more about you enjoying your bi side than about the two of you enjoying the dynamic as a couple? Your posts do seem to be primarily about you and what you think/feel.
You need to have an open, honest conversation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
