FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > married
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"just trying to understand! if people would openly sleep with someone married from here then do they think its ok in real life... and vice versa. " This is real life. I guess if you're willing to meet married people on fab you'll have no scruples off fab | |||
"just trying to understand! if people would openly sleep with someone married from here then do they think its ok in real life... and vice versa. " No shade, but I don't really understand the difference, it's all a question of morals surely? | |||
"just trying to understand! if people would openly sleep with someone married from here then do they think its ok in real life... and vice versa. This is real life. I guess if you're willing to meet married people on fab you'll have no scruples off fab "  | |||
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"I’d recommend to everyone to avoid taken or married men as this will only ever bring bad news " I couldn't disagree more if I tried. Married men who make it very clear they have permission to play have always been far more fun and caused me less hassle. Mrs | |||
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"I do not give one second of concern if you are married or partnered. This is a kink site, not a dating pool. I'm here to indulge in what I need, and if you want what I want, and dont get it at home, so what? We arent friends, we arent dating, I certainly have never been taken to dinner first...so I dont care who you go home to. We connect because of a mutual want, and it would be grossly hypocritical of me to judge your life. I see quite a lot of stones being cast in this thread, and I think, it must be great to be such an upstanding member of society when you feel free to condemn the lives of those who are unfulfilled. TL:DR, I dont judge anyone's home life." Well said 👍 | |||
"I know I will get hate for it... of course there are openly married people on here. (I dont judge) no one fully understands other peoples situations... but would anyone try it with someone married in real life (whos not on here) or is it a complete no go? just curious to see." Ignore the hate … it’s ok to be ok .. and it’s ok not to be ok | |||
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"Wouldn’t actively seek out married women to play with but we are not looking for a relationship with someone we are looking to swing with them, so it’s also not something I would ask about or really care about. People’s life’s are complicated and men or women could be playing away for a multitude of reasons. We are not going on dates with people or wanting to have a relationship with them, so not something we are overly worried about. " Meant to say wouldn’t actively seek out married women or men to play with | |||
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"Let's move the word married from the equation. If unmarried but in relationship (can be 1 month, 1 year or 10 years) would the same principle apply on or off fab? " Cheating is cheating regardless of if they are married, if they have entered into a relationship where their partner believes it to be monogamous then it’s going behind their back. | |||
"Let's move the word married from the equation. If unmarried but in relationship (can be 1 month, 1 year or 10 years) would the same principle apply on or off fab? " I In my opinion yes. Don't do something that would hurt someone you claim to love if they find out about it. Having said that I do think there are rare exceptions to that | |||
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"Wouldn’t actively seek out married women to play with but we are not looking for a relationship with someone we are looking to swing with them, so it’s also not something I would ask about or really care about. People’s life’s are complicated and men or women could be playing away for a multitude of reasons. We are not going on dates with people or wanting to have a relationship with them, so not something we are overly worried about. " Hallelujah! Thank you. I am absolutely stuck in my situation and have no clear way of doing much about it. I don't want nor can afford a divorce, nor would she ever consent to play away. So I look out for those who understand my specific situation. Frustrating doesn't begin to cover it. | |||
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"As a cuckold couple we probably have a different view than others. She has had a number of married lovers over the years that she has cuckolded me with, generally just about the sex and mutual pleasure and very little drama. Single guys can get possessive and just become a nuisance with their demands and wants, as a cuckold couple she doesn’t need another husband just a lover. Thats just our view and might not agree with many others on here. " Omg yes! We completely agree. Happily married men who don’t want drama and just something nsa are absolutely the easiest guys to deal with. There’s no drama, and because they don’t want a relationship, no emotions are involved and it doesn’t get complicated. | |||
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"So putting morals to one side I just look at it from a logical point of view. So from our point of view we'd rather not facilitate others who engage in non-consensual sex. But I am sure it has occurred as in a club you don't tend to get a full background check." Very valid points raised. | |||
"So putting morals to one side I just look at it from a logical point of view. First of all there is limited responsibility on the non-cheating party, it's not their responsibility to check others situations. However, if you know they are cheating then I'd say you at least have a choice of not a responsibility. From the other side the cheaters side if you like, then this is where the responsibility lands and in a day and age when consent is deemed important then if they still have an intimate relationship with their marriage then I'd say it's borderline nonconsensual. In a marriage the general understanding would be that your sex life is part of the marriage agreement therefore it is reasonable for the other party to know who you are having sex with so they can consent to having sex with you. Let's say the cheater picks up a sti. Is it fair on the unaware party to the marriage to have sex with them, or is consent only given on the understanding that they have a reasonable expectation of the other party being faithful. There are lots of legal cases now where consent can not be deemed to be given, if the other party has hidden something. Eg another party being present, filming of the encounter, the other party being of a different biological sex, the other party not declaring know diseases and so on. Therefore, if your married partner is fucking others without your knowledge then they are exposing you to risks you can't consent to in full and so that for me is the issue. It's about consent. So from our point of view we'd rather not facilitate others who engage in non-consensual sex. But I am sure it has occurred as in a club you don't tend to get a full background check." Your point about your sex life being part of a marriage agreement raises some interesting arguments though | |||
"So putting morals to one side I just look at it from a logical point of view. First of all there is limited responsibility on the non-cheating party, it's not their responsibility to check others situations. However, if you know they are cheating then I'd say you at least have a choice of not a responsibility. From the other side the cheaters side if you like, then this is where the responsibility lands and in a day and age when consent is deemed important then if they still have an intimate relationship with their marriage then I'd say it's borderline nonconsensual. In a marriage the general understanding would be that your sex life is part of the marriage agreement therefore it is reasonable for the other party to know who you are having sex with so they can consent to having sex with you. Let's say the cheater picks up a sti. Is it fair on the unaware party to the marriage to have sex with them, or is consent only given on the understanding that they have a reasonable expectation of the other party being faithful. There are lots of legal cases now where consent can not be deemed to be given, if the other party has hidden something. Eg another party being present, filming of the encounter, the other party being of a different biological sex, the other party not declaring know diseases and so on. Therefore, if your married partner is fucking others without your knowledge then they are exposing you to risks you can't consent to in full and so that for me is the issue. It's about consent. So from our point of view we'd rather not facilitate others who engage in non-consensual sex. But I am sure it has occurred as in a club you don't tend to get a full background check. Your point about your sex life being part of a marriage agreement raises some interesting arguments though " Yep and I get that is if you like the standard arrangement that you will not fuck others, otherwise the arrangement is null and void. But other arrangements do exist which is why I say it's on those in the arrangement not those meeting them to have responsibility. We cant know if married people are playing with or with such an arrangement. | |||
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"^^ no you can't but it also begs the question that if sex is part of the marriage agreement where does that agreement stand when one party withdraws from the sex part? " I don't think sex can be mandatory that would probably come under ensl avement. But expecting sexual exclusivity unless stated otherwise tends to be the expected norm. Indeed it used to be part of the vows, something like forsaking all others. As with any contract the terms can be amended by voluntary agreement on both sides. I'm not a lawyer but weather the total withdrawal of sex is reasonable grounds for divorce I'm not sure. But if sex has been withdrawn then cheating does not carry the consent issue as you are not going to be putting the other party at risk of an sti as they no longer fuck. If they wanted to re-engage sexually. Then a sti check with the all clear probably lifts the risk and therefore puts you back on a consensual footing from a health perspective if not a moral one. But I was putting morals to one side.  | |||
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"^^ I think it's all a horribly grey area. I don't think sex should be mandatory either but it is the other side of the marriage agreement coin. Also didn't the marriage vows have something about 'with my body I thee worship', we can't be insisting on adherence to one vow but not another really. I'm playing devil's advocate a bit here because there isn't an easy answer" True but I would argue that if sex is that important there is nothing preventing leave the arrangement on that basis. Continuing the arrangement but under different rules that the other party is not aware of especially when that brings in risk is the issue. For example going into a haunted house where actors scare you whilst not explicitly stated would not lead to any serious harm. Going into a haunted house where they use live ammo would bring real risk and therefore should be declared before undertaking the activity. It's the relative risk of the action. | |||
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"^^ I think it's all a horribly grey area. I don't think sex should be mandatory either but it is the other side of the marriage agreement coin. Also didn't the marriage vows have something about 'with my body I thee worship', we can't be insisting on adherence to one vow but not another really. I'm playing devil's advocate a bit here because there isn't an easy answer True but I would argue that if sex is that important there is nothing preventing leave the arrangement on that basis. Continuing the arrangement but under different rules that the other party is not aware of especially when that brings in risk is the issue. For example going into a haunted house where actors scare you whilst not explicitly stated would not lead to any serious harm. Going into a haunted house where they use live ammo would bring real risk and therefore should be declared before undertaking the activity. It's the relative risk of the action. " All I know is that relationships are complicated and people will stay if they're happy 'enough' and do what they think they need because the alternative is difficult to contemplate or would result in a life that's less comfortable. | |||
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"To each their own. I personally will only meet married men who are part of couples I meet together, or where I know 100% the wife/partner is ok with it. I do have an issue where people are dishonest and claim to be single when they are not. Be honest, then people can make an informed decision whether they want to get involved. " Agreed 👍 | |||
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"Wouldn’t actively seek out married women to play with but we are not looking for a relationship with someone we are looking to swing with them, so it’s also not something I would ask about or really care about. People’s life’s are complicated and men or women could be playing away for a multitude of reasons. We are not going on dates with people or wanting to have a relationship with them, so not something we are overly worried about. Hallelujah! Thank you. I am absolutely stuck in my situation and have no clear way of doing much about it. I don't want nor can afford a divorce, nor would she ever consent to play away. So I look out for those who understand my specific situation. Frustrating doesn't begin to cover it." You also don’t need to explain yourself, your situation is your situation | |||
"No, never. And those who are complicit, are just as bad as those cheating. Zero moral compass." We don’t get the chance to background check everyone we play with, nor would we want to. Like I said we don’t actively seek out married men but I’m sure but the law of averages we have played with some. This isn’t a relationship, it’s swinging and anonymous sex is part of the thrill isn’t it? So I’m not sure where a moral compass comes in to it. | |||
"No, never. And those who are complicit, are just as bad as those cheating. Zero moral compass. We don’t get the chance to background check everyone we play with, nor would we want to. Like I said we don’t actively seek out married men but I’m sure but the law of averages we have played with some. This isn’t a relationship, it’s swinging and anonymous sex is part of the thrill isn’t it? So I’m not sure where a moral compass comes in to it. " I'm referring to those who knowingly cheat, or knowingly get involved with someone who is cheating. What is 'anonymous sex'? I want to know the person i am having sex with, even though i am by no means a swinger. That would be no thrill for me, exactly the opposite in fact. | |||
"No, never. And those who are complicit, are just as bad as those cheating. Zero moral compass. We don’t get the chance to background check everyone we play with, nor would we want to. Like I said we don’t actively seek out married men but I’m sure but the law of averages we have played with some. This isn’t a relationship, it’s swinging and anonymous sex is part of the thrill isn’t it? So I’m not sure where a moral compass comes in to it. I'm referring to those who knowingly cheat, or knowingly get involved with someone who is cheating. What is 'anonymous sex'? I want to know the person i am having sex with, even though i am by no means a swinger. That would be no thrill for me, exactly the opposite in fact." And that’s fine that your approach, we have very little interest in getting to know a guy in a club. Different strokes for different folks but I wouldn’t know or care if people we played with are in a relationship or not. They put themselves in that situation, no one else did | |||
"No, never. And those who are complicit, are just as bad as those cheating. Zero moral compass. We don’t get the chance to background check everyone we play with, nor would we want to. Like I said we don’t actively seek out married men but I’m sure but the law of averages we have played with some. This isn’t a relationship, it’s swinging and anonymous sex is part of the thrill isn’t it? So I’m not sure where a moral compass comes in to it. I'm referring to those who knowingly cheat, or knowingly get involved with someone who is cheating. What is 'anonymous sex'? I want to know the person i am having sex with, even though i am by no means a swinger. That would be no thrill for me, exactly the opposite in fact. And that’s fine that your approach, we have very little interest in getting to know a guy in a club. Different strokes for different folks but I wouldn’t know or care if people we played with are in a relationship or not. They put themselves in that situation, no one else did" I dont go to clubs ever, and i guess you can never 100% know if someone is single or not in a club setting. But i would never want to be a part of causing someone's hurt and therefore would never knowingly be involved with someone who wasnt single. My feelings of those that do as said before, have very little moral compass, empathy or anything else relating to admirable qualities. | |||
"No, never. And those who are complicit, are just as bad as those cheating. Zero moral compass. We don’t get the chance to background check everyone we play with, nor would we want to. Like I said we don’t actively seek out married men but I’m sure but the law of averages we have played with some. This isn’t a relationship, it’s swinging and anonymous sex is part of the thrill isn’t it? So I’m not sure where a moral compass comes in to it. I'm referring to those who knowingly cheat, or knowingly get involved with someone who is cheating. What is 'anonymous sex'? I want to know the person i am having sex with, even though i am by no means a swinger. That would be no thrill for me, exactly the opposite in fact. And that’s fine that your approach, we have very little interest in getting to know a guy in a club. Different strokes for different folks but I wouldn’t know or care if people we played with are in a relationship or not. They put themselves in that situation, no one else did I dont go to clubs ever, and i guess you can never 100% know if someone is single or not in a club setting. But i would never want to be a part of causing someone's hurt and therefore would never knowingly be involved with someone who wasnt single. My feelings of those that do as said before, have very little moral compass, empathy or anything else relating to admirable qualities." I agree we wouldn't actively seek out someone in a relationship, but I’m. It going to ask them about it either and I wouldn’t believe them if they told me they were Single anyway | |||
