FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > sexless relationship
sexless relationship
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"i"ve been living with my girlfriend for 10 years, and for the last 3 years she has lost all interest in sex, in fact she hates the thought of it, its now got to the stage whenever a sex scene appears on the tele i have to quickly change the channel, i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. but i do watch porn, as its the only way i get to relieve myself, and i do feel terribly guilty about if afterwards, and i have had a couple of meetings on here dressed up as rose, although i have never had sex with anyone, my girlfriend does know that i dress up so thats not an issue, i did post a message similar to this a long time a go and some people asked me to keep them informed,i do love my girlfriend and wont ever leave her, i just have to hope she comes through this, she is 60 and i am 56. i really would like to meet someone on here for just a bit of comfort sex, and just get it out of my system, the more she turns me away the more i want sex with somebody else." About the commit fabicide here but here goes, I had a similar problem once and I told them straight "if you won't fuck me then I'll find someone that will". I ain't trying to diss your girl but she sounds selfish frankly. It's the porn comment that makes me say that. Why does she give a crap if you need to toss your salad. She should thank you for shaving her a chore she obviously doesn't want. Don't be made to feel like some deviant for having human needs. | |||
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"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. " Sorry mate but that's rubbish. | |||
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"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. Sorry mate but that's rubbish. " Agree I talked with my ex till my head hurt Talking does not solve all problems some relationship are past saving | |||
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"A relationship isn't about sex.... Hahahaha" Sex can be with anyone even those already in a relation ship a relationship is everything else in your life culminating together | |||
"I'd say leave her or stay faithful. Explain your exact feelings and what you would possibly do if things improved between you both, or if they don't etc. Communication is king." Yes I agree | |||
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"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. Sorry mate but that's rubbish. Agree I talked with my ex till my head hurt Talking does not solve all problems some relationship are past saving " True it doesn't solve all but if everything else is great and its just the sex that's the problem then there us an issue you should find out | |||
"A relationship isn't about sex.... Hahahaha" It's not just about sex but sex is a big part If you have one half who wants sex and one that does not I personally see how that relationship will work unless cheating in involved, other wise it will just create bitterness I was in a sexless marriage and it is hard to spend your life feeling unattractive and unwanted | |||
"i"ve been living with my girlfriend for 10 years, and for the last 3 years she has lost all interest in sex, in fact she hates the thought of it, its now got to the stage whenever a sex scene appears on the tele i have to quickly change the channel, i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. but i do watch porn, as its the only way i get to relieve myself, and i do feel terribly guilty about if afterwards, and i have had a couple of meetings on here dressed up as rose, although i have never had sex with anyone, my girlfriend does know that i dress up so thats not an issue, i did post a message similar to this a long time a go and some people asked me to keep them informed,i do love my girlfriend and wont ever leave her, i just have to hope she comes through this, she is 60 and i am 56. i really would like to meet someone on here for just a bit of comfort sex, and just get it out of my system, the more she turns me away the more i want sex with somebody else." So when I stopped wanting sex with my ex, it's because I was desperately unhappy. It took a while to realise, but when I did,I left. It would have been selfish of me to stay-I would be depriving him (& me) of the opportunity of meeting someone who could make each of us happy. There's always a reason why the sex stuff suffers, you just have to find out what it is. Good luck. | |||
"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. " It didn't read like that to me. People go off sex and can be selfish and inconsiderate of their partner's needs. | |||
"i"ve been living with my girlfriend for 10 years, and for the last 3 years she has lost all interest in sex, in fact she hates the thought of it, its now got to the stage whenever a sex scene appears on the tele i have to quickly change the channel, i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. but i do watch porn, as its the only way i get to relieve myself, and i do feel terribly guilty about if afterwards, and i have had a couple of meetings on here dressed up as rose, although i have never had sex with anyone, my girlfriend does know that i dress up so thats not an issue, i did post a message similar to this a long time a go and some people asked me to keep them informed,i do love my girlfriend and wont ever leave her, i just have to hope she comes through this, she is 60 and i am 56. i really would like to meet someone on here for just a bit of comfort sex, and just get it out of my system, the more she turns me away the more i want sex with somebody else. So when I stopped wanting sex with my ex, it's because I was desperately unhappy. It took a while to realise, but when I did,I left. It would have been selfish of me to stay-I would be depriving him (& me) of the opportunity of meeting someone who could make each of us happy. There's always a reason why the sex stuff suffers, you just have to find out what it is. Good luck. " I actually thought it was just me thinking this way nearly thought I was wrong. Thank you for your opinion and support | |||
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"Could be something simple she could be going through or gone through the change. Some women do go off sex" Going off sex is one thing though, not allowing him to watch porn or have a wank just seems a little odd to me If she don't want sex that's fair enough but what's it hurting if he relieves himself in other ways | |||
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"Could be something simple she could be going through or gone through the change. Some women do go off sex Going off sex is one thing though, not allowing him to watch porn or have a wank just seems a little odd to me If she don't want sex that's fair enough but what's it hurting if he relieves himself in other ways " Spot on | |||
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"A relationship isn't about sex.... Hahahaha" Agreed .... If it's a relationship with family , friends etc... But with your husband / wife / partner , it's a major factor . Maybe not all , but without it what have you got ? | |||
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"thanks everyone for all your comments, i cant reply privately to all of you because of various filters, but let me answer some of your questions, question1, do we talk...yes we do, communication is not the problem, question2, has anything in the past hurt her....yes, she was beaten up and raped as a teenager, and had all her teeth punched out, question3, when we first met what was the sex like...it was very good and we had a normal healthy sexy relationship, question4 what am i doing on a site like this if i claim to love her....i guess i"m just finding out whats out there question5, masturbation is not cheating.....in her eyes it is, masturbation, sex on the tele, cheating with real people are all the same crime and deserve the same punishment. question6, will i cheat on her...i dont know until i get the opportunity, the way i feel at the moment which is incredibly frustrated the answer is yes " I think her not wanting you to have a wank or watch porn is selfish really. We all as humans have individual needs and appetites when it comes to sex. I'm no professional but it seems almost as if something from her past is making her feel horrible about sex. The fact that she went through such a traumatic ordeal could be one of the main factors as to why your sex life has took a hit especially with you saying you have to turn certain things off the tv if it arises. She may feel that sex is something dirty or something during sex might trigger her to go back to a time when she was in a dark place. It's really hard to say. The important thing in all of this is that you find out what's causing it without causing an argument. Ask her if it's the past that had put her off sec and if it has be there to support her while she lets it all out. Has she ever gone through councelling or any type of therapy for what happened to her. This to me seems to be the underlining issue. Dunno what everyone else thinks but that's my opinion. Good luck rose x | |||
"i"ve been living with my girlfriend for 10 years, and for the last 3 years she has lost all interest in sex, in fact she hates the thought of it, its now got to the stage whenever a sex scene appears on the tele i have to quickly change the channel, i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. but i do watch porn, as its the only way i get to relieve myself, and i do feel terribly guilty about if afterwards, and i have had a couple of meetings on here dressed up as rose, although i have never had sex with anyone, my girlfriend does know that i dress up so thats not an issue, i did post a message similar to this a long time a go and some people asked me to keep them informed,i do love my girlfriend and wont ever leave her, i just have to hope she comes through this, she is 60 and i am 56. i really would like to meet someone on here for just a bit of comfort sex, and just get it out of my system, the more she turns me away the more i want sex with somebody else. About the commit fabicide here but here goes, I had a similar problem once and I told them straight "if you won't fuck me then I'll find someone that will". I ain't trying to diss your girl but she sounds selfish frankly. It's the porn comment that makes me say that. Why does she give a crap if you need to toss your salad. She should thank you for shaving her a chore she obviously doesn't want. Don't be made to feel like some deviant for having human needs. " This! | |||
"If things are bad bad in the bedroom you can be sure they are likely bad in the living room too. " This! | |||
"i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk." This is the part that concerns me. This is a form of control, and this level of control is actually abuse. This is an unhealthy relationship. Her feelings about sex are quite extreme so she may need some professional help with that. That could make all the difference  | |||
"I went off sex with my ex...frankly our relationship was over and I did not fancy or like him anymore" Exactly the same here with my ex (mrs) | |||
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"I am in and have been in a sexless marriage for over 20yrs. Like you I am expected to give up all sexual activity. I wish to remain married but not be a nun. Do what you have to and don't listento anyone else."  | |||
"I am in and have been in a sexless marriage for over 20yrs. Like you I am expected to give up all sexual activity. I wish to remain married but not be a nun. Do what you have to and don't listento anyone else." Most men posting this would be ripped apart on here  | |||
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"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. " Complete bollocks | |||
"I am in and have been in a sexless marriage for over 20yrs. Like you I am expected to give up all sexual activity. I wish to remain married but not be a nun. Do what you have to and don't listento anyone else." Do what you have to do and don't listen to anyone else... I don't wish to be a monk | |||
"I am in and have been in a sexless marriage for over 20yrs. Like you I am expected to give up all sexual activity. I wish to remain married but not be a nun. Do what you have to and don't listento anyone else. Do what you have to do and don't listen to anyone else... I don't wish to be a monk " So carry on fucking other people then just accept some people won't like you for it. I think that was the point she was making | |||
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"Is your relationship fulfilling in other ways, is the lack sexual intimacy the only problem? I ask this because, given her age, there may be a simple reason why her interest in sex has waned. Sex in relationships can be very complicated for women, if all's not well in the relationship in terms of how you're getting on with each other, how close you are etc then it's likely to have an effect on sexual intimacy for her. Not knowing you or your partner, it's difficult to determine what the cause for the change might be, but it's worth bearing in mind that loss of libido can be symptomatic of something medical, like depression or the menopause for example. Is she concerned about her lack of interest in sex herself? Was she a very sexual person when you met, and if so, what's changed in the time you've been together that might have had an effect on how she feels? I honestly feel that when something doesn't feel right in relationship, you need to talk to each other and try and find a way forward together ~ communication is so important in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Good luck, I hope you can find a way forward which makes you both happy. V x" Totally agree | |||
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"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. Complete bollocks" Complete pile of crock, totally agree with the bollocks sentiment. Sounds like advice from a young guy desperately trying to look cool so he can get his hole... giving advice is always easy. Bth sounds like you have never been in the situation to give flowery pish like that as advice | |||
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"I'm in a similar situation although I'm only 28. My partner is 37 and we've been together 5 years and own our home. He hasn't shown any interest in fucking me for a good couple of years now,although he is affectionate with kisses, cuddles and generally looking after me. I've lost count of how many times we've had a conversation about it and he's told me he does fancy me and want to have sex with me but just has a low sex drive and confidence. It's almost impossible to put into words how shit it makes you feel as a woman to not be desired and appreciated. I've tolerated it for a very long time but this year have had sex with a couple of people and felt a bit guilty as I know it's wrong. I constantly ask myself should I end it but I'm not sure if that's what I want. Fair to say I've spent a long time feeling miserable. X" A lot of men suffer from a low sex drive due to depression and it often occurs in men around the time that's commonly known as the mid life crisis, have you tried going down the professional/medical route to help get you both back on track. It would save you a whole lot of guilt from cheating | |||
"Honestly op I feel really sorry for you you obviously love ur girlfriend very much and it's hard to keep the love when u feel like ure flogging a dead horse. It sounds to me from ur discription that she doesn't feel comfortable in her own skin therefore sees you ranking to porn sites as u attracted to other women because they have something she feels she hasn't got. That combined with the age factor cld mean that she's going through the change which does lead a lot of women to loose their labido. I Wld suggest u try and convince her to see a doctor to get her on hormone replacement if that's the case which I've heard a lot of women say it's changed their lives. Problem cld be that she sees the issue but relates it to her history rather than a medical issue. While sex is not a major part of a relationship it is how we show each other that we care that we admire and that we love. So a sexless relationship is just a friendship. If you cheat on her that's just going to add another scar to an already torn heart which cld finish her. If you can't support her and can't see a way forward then it's much more humane to end the relationship and support each other as friends. I wish u good luck No one deserves to be made to feel like they are awful for wanting to fulfill basic needs xx" | |||
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"A relationship isn't about sex.... Hahahaha It's not just about sex but sex is a big part If you have one half who wants sex and one that does not I personally see how that relationship will work unless cheating in involved, other wise it will just create bitterness I was in a sexless marriage and it is hard to spend your life feeling unattractive and unwanted " I hear you ! I studied psychology and human mind and personality disorders for long time to know when something is not right . Sex is a big part of a relationship . In the past I thought I can carry on with a sexless relationship for years and I did and I was 100% loyal . It doesn't work ! Feeling unwanted , undesired and simply not feeling like a woman should feel is the worst ever. It made me lose all my confidence , I thought I was boring , fat , ugly .It left me mentally scared for all these years . Rejection is bad feeling . I worked so hard to build my confidence about my body but still I have mental block thanks to a man I was with years ago . Since then I was single as I don't want ever again sexless relationship . Life is to short . Speak to your partner Rose and express your emotions and feelings too . If she loves you dearly then compromises are a must for both of you . | |||
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" But with your husband / wife / partner , it's a major factor . Maybe not all , but without it what have you got ? " Friendship. Companionship. Intellectual stimulation. Emotional attachment. Experiences. Excitement. Plenty of people manage to have great relationships without sex. | |||
"I'm in a similar situation although I'm only 28. My partner is 37 and we've been together 5 years and own our home. He hasn't shown any interest in fucking me for a good couple of years now,although he is affectionate with kisses, cuddles and generally looking after me. I've lost count of how many times we've had a conversation about it and he's told me he does fancy me and want to have sex with me but just has a low sex drive and confidence. It's almost impossible to put into words how shit it makes you feel as a woman to not be desired and appreciated. I've tolerated it for a very long time but this year have had sex with a couple of people and felt a bit guilty as I know it's wrong. I constantly ask myself should I end it but I'm not sure if that's what I want. Fair to say I've spent a long time feeling miserable. X" U only live one life and this one atm won't be making u or him happy. Maybe splitting up will make him see what he is going to lose and properly look at ur whole relationship. Without sex u are just friends. Ur too young to waste ur life feeling like u have no option but to cheat. And if his confidence is low now... finding out ur cheating will make it a million times worse. | |||
" Maybe splitting up will make him see what he is going to lose and properly look at ur whole relationship. " Ah yes. Blackmailing someone into sex. That's really sexy and consensual. | |||
" But with your husband / wife / partner , it's a major factor . Maybe not all , but without it what have you got ? Friendship. Companionship. Intellectual stimulation. Emotional attachment. Experiences. Excitement. Plenty of people manage to have great relationships without sex." When you say "plenty of people" - what % are you talking? Sure a minority of relationships overall? | |||
" But with your husband / wife / partner , it's a major factor . Maybe not all , but without it what have you got ? Friendship. Companionship. Intellectual stimulation. Emotional attachment. Experiences. Excitement. Plenty of people manage to have great relationships without sex. When you say "plenty of people" - what % are you talking? Sure a minority of relationships overall? " I don't know, do you think they've ever done official government statistics on such things? I've had three or four relationships without sex quite happily. I have several asexual friends who don't have sex in their relationships quite happily, and I have several other friends who are in relationships quite happily with asexuals. I think that sometimes on swingers sites, which are focussed on sex, we forget that there are other ways of living our lives, and that other people place importance on different aspects of relationships. | |||
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" But with your husband / wife / partner , it's a major factor . Maybe not all , but without it what have you got ? Friendship. Companionship. Intellectual stimulation. Emotional attachment. Experiences. Excitement. Plenty of people manage to have great relationships without sex. When you say "plenty of people" - what % are you talking? Sure a minority of relationships overall? I don't know, do you think they've ever done official government statistics on such things? I've had three or four relationships without sex quite happily. I have several asexual friends who don't have sex in their relationships quite happily, and I have several other friends who are in relationships quite happily with asexuals. I think that sometimes on swingers sites, which are focussed on sex, we forget that there are other ways of living our lives, and that other people place importance on different aspects of relationships." Well there are statistics on people that don't want sex at all, people that can live comfortably with celibacy, people with low sex drives vrs high and rates of infedelity. Based on randoly muddling those together in my head, i'd estimate up to 20% of relationships have the potential to be "great" even without sex. | |||
"I may be wrong but this seems like a post a young guy would put on here to get away with cheating. There are no problems just someone not seeing what their partner really needs and being there for them. I know this is a sex site but a relationship is not about sex but your life. Sort the problems at heart and the love and sex will flow. Sorry mate but that's rubbish. " | |||
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"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff." So the intimacy has faded, there's often not a great deal you can do regarding that. I know it's been asked but is she turned off by the CD side of things? I know my wife would be turned off by that but she has no problem with my bi side, even to the point of watching me with other men but the CD would be a step too far for her. | |||
"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff." People have differening levels of sexual needs at different times due to all sorts of factors. Could you just talk straight to your wife? Or maybe even show her this thread? If everything else in your relationship is great maybe she would accept you finding gratification elsewhere and you could reassure her your love is only for her. | |||
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"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff." Putting her hand on your man bits and grabbing at her boobs will not get her in the mood. You need to woo her all over again--- take her out for dinner, compliment her, buy her flowers--- make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Once she has reconnected with you emotionally she may reconnect sexually. Good luck xxxxx | |||
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" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like." I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me | |||
"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff." And DON'T do stuff like that! She won't appreciate it, she'll probably feel like you're pushing the issue and she might resent you for it. | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me" Wankers of the world - UNITE!! | |||
"Could be something simple she could be going through or gone through the change. Some women do go off sex Going off sex is one thing though, not allowing him to watch porn or have a wank just seems a little odd to me If she don't want sex that's fair enough but what's it hurting if he relieves himself in other ways " I agree with this | |||
"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff. Putting her hand on your man bits and grabbing at her boobs will not get her in the mood. You need to woo her all over again--- take her out for dinner, compliment her, buy her flowers--- make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Once she has reconnected with you emotionally she may reconnect sexually. Good luck xxxxx" Euh that sounds like hard work | |||
"thanks for your message, there is really no interest at all, if were sat together i can put her hand on my man bits but she soon removes it, or i do sometimes walk up behind her and grab her boobs, but she just says get off, everything in our relationship is great apart from the sexy stuff. And DON'T do stuff like that! She won't appreciate it, she'll probably feel like you're pushing the issue and she might resent you for it." I second ruby's point! The only time mr gets told to get off or if I take my hand away from him is if it's inappropriate for me or I'm not in a good mood. Before getting pregnant this time round mr and I had been going through periods where sex just wasn't on the cards for us, be it because I said no or didn't take on his advantages or vice versa, lots go on that puts me off sex for a while and he understands if I say no, not to push it. | |||
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"Moral of this thread.... Don't get married " | |||
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"Moral of this thread.... Don't get married "Noted | |||
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"it seems to me that quite a few people on here have not read all my messages, so i will say again, we do talk about it, we have tried councilling, i have taken her out for romantic meals and bought her flowers, even broke the man code by saying i love her, and when i say she removes my hand or i grab her boobs, thats not exactly a regular occurrance,maybe once a month. and me dressing up is not an issue, she thinks its quite funny. thanks for all your comments, they are very diverse and interesting." Try it again with the councilling idea though. I've had councilling before with different therapists, it worked with one but not with another. Has she had one to one therapy or just therapy for the both of you? Try talking to her, or encourage her to undertake a form of creative therapy, such as writing, painting, adult colouring... they help. | |||
"i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. This is the part that concerns me. This is a form of control, and this level of control is actually abuse. This is an unhealthy relationship. Her feelings about sex are quite extreme so she may need some professional help with that. That could make all the difference "I agree. Whilst I am hugely sympathetic for her terrible ordeal as a teenager, you say that in the early days of your relationship your sex life was fine but in recent years she appears to have developed an almost phobic response to anything sexual. Did anything happen in more recent years or had she suppressed her grief for the rape she suffered and it is emerging now? Whichever is the case, I doubt that she intends to cause you distress but she is unable to deal with the subject of sex in any form and even the thought of you masterbating upsets her. So I agree with others that she really needs specialist help. I also feel you would benefit from talking this through with a professional as you clearly love her very much but it is affecting the intimacy of your relationship and clearly distresses you. Personally I think you need to be really sure that having sex with someone else behind her back is something you can deal with because once you have gone down that road, i think it's difficult to look back. It's like opening Pandoras box. Some feel no guilt whatsoever but I suspect you might fee differently. I would talk to someone first. I say this with no judgement at all as I imagine it is a very difficult situation for you. Good luck x | |||
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" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me" I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules? | |||
"it seems to me that quite a few people on here have not read all my messages, so i will say again, we do talk about it, we have tried councilling, i have taken her out for romantic meals and bought her flowers, even broke the man code by saying i love her, and when i say she removes my hand or i grab her boobs, thats not exactly a regular occurrance,maybe once a month. and me dressing up is not an issue, she thinks its quite funny. thanks for all your comments, they are very diverse and interesting." If my partners just walked up to me and grabbed my boobs I'd proberbly just shove them off too. There's nothing sexy about that. | |||
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"if you think you can explore your sexuality outside your relationship without being found out then go for it. It sounds like the only thing that has a chance of keeping your otherwise loving relationship going. I can see several possible outcomes: 1. You enjoy sex outside the relationship and it makes you a more loving person at home because it removes the resentment from you and pressure on her. 2. You meet some else who you prefer and leave your partner. 3. Your partner finds out and accepts it. 4. As your confidence develops whilst you play away you develop a contempt for your partner and the relationship deteriorates. 5. Your partner finds out and the relationship is over. 1,2 and 3 are a good outcome, 4 and 5 not so good but possibly the same end result as doing nothing. You need to put probabilities on the the possible outcomes and the key question is will you get caught. Not speaking from experience so feel free to ignore this. " From experience, 1 didn't work for me and 2 happens. | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules?" i'm glad im single
i dont know i think asking your partner not to touch somebody elses cock is acceptable, if you partner isnt into sharing then that would be cheating
being asked not to touch your own cock is just ludicrous to me
i just cant get my head round why anybody would think this is an acceptable thing to ask | |||
"it seems to me that quite a few people on here have not read all my messages, so i will say again, we do talk about it, we have tried councilling, i have taken her out for romantic meals and bought her flowers, even broke the man code by saying i love her, and when i say she removes my hand or i grab her boobs, thats not exactly a regular occurrance,maybe once a month. and me dressing up is not an issue, she thinks its quite funny. thanks for all your comments, they are very diverse and interesting." What strikes me from what I read is that although you've talked and tried counselling neither of you seem any further forward in understanding each other. Either you didn't talk honestly to each other or you did but came to no acceptable compromise. Where did counselling leave you? It hasn't helped. What's being asked of you is unfair based on the information you've given us I'd need to hear the other side of the story to say for sure though. I think you should go to see your gp together, ask for more counselling and if it isn't helping ask for another counsellor or go to Relate. This needs both of you involved not just one of you asking strangers who don't know both sides. | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules? i'm glad im single
i dont know i think asking your partner not to touch somebody elses cock is acceptable, if you partner isnt into sharing then that would be cheating
being asked not to touch your own cock is just ludicrous to me
i just cant get my head round why anybody would think this is an acceptable thing to ask " I find it difficult to understand the mentality of it all. To deny a partner sexual pleasure through masturbation is quite harsh and deep down I would expect that it would only lead to frustration. | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules? i'm glad im single
i dont know i think asking your partner not to touch somebody elses cock is acceptable, if you partner isnt into sharing then that would be cheating
being asked not to touch your own cock is just ludicrous to me
i just cant get my head round why anybody would think this is an acceptable thing to ask
I find it difficult to understand the mentality of it all. To deny a partner sexual pleasure through masturbation is quite harsh and deep down I would expect that it would only lead to frustration."I know two other women who think men shouldn't wank. Although to be fair, one of them says "my husband should fuck me when he's horny, not his hand". | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules? i'm glad im single
i dont know i think asking your partner not to touch somebody elses cock is acceptable, if you partner isnt into sharing then that would be cheating
being asked not to touch your own cock is just ludicrous to me
i just cant get my head round why anybody would think this is an acceptable thing to ask
I find it difficult to understand the mentality of it all. To deny a partner sexual pleasure through masturbation is quite harsh and deep down I would expect that it would only lead to frustration.
I know two other women who think men shouldn't wank. Although to be fair, one of them says "my husband should fuck me when he's horny, not his hand". "My marriage was sexless for the last eight years, we didnt even share the same bedroom, he didnt like me masterbating, he had nothing against sex and wanking just not me, didnt stop me though | |||
" 5. Remember why you moved in with your partner in the first place, and just fucking suck it up. If she doesn't want you to do something, then don't do it. I'm sure that she doesn't do things that you don't like. I can't agree with this one Nobody but nobody has the right to tell you what you can do with your own body My body belongs to me and nobody else And if I want a wank I'll bloody hell have one To not want sex is one thing but to tell somebody they don't want them wanking is totally out of order to me I wouldn't be in a relationship where I had to compromise either. But almost everyone on this site says that apparently you need to compromise in relationships. I mean, swingers compromise all the time. "Don't fuck women", "don't fall in love", "don't do anal". Why is "don't wank" so surprising, when swingers relationships are generally built on rules? i'm glad im single
i dont know i think asking your partner not to touch somebody elses cock is acceptable, if you partner isnt into sharing then that would be cheating
being asked not to touch your own cock is just ludicrous to me
i just cant get my head round why anybody would think this is an acceptable thing to ask
I find it difficult to understand the mentality of it all. To deny a partner sexual pleasure through masturbation is quite harsh and deep down I would expect that it would only lead to frustration.
I know two other women who think men shouldn't wank. Although to be fair, one of them says "my husband should fuck me when he's horny, not his hand".
My marriage was sexless for the last eight years, we didnt even share the same bedroom, he didnt like me masterbating, he had nothing against sex and wanking just not me, didnt stop me though "Nothing like a wank of defiance | |||
"Is your relationship fulfilling in other ways, is the lack sexual intimacy the only problem? I ask this because, given her age, there may be a simple reason why her interest in sex has waned. Sex in relationships can be very complicated for women, if all's not well in the relationship in terms of how you're getting on with each other, how close you are etc then it's likely to have an effect on sexual intimacy for her. Not knowing you or your partner, it's difficult to determine what the cause for the change might be, but it's worth bearing in mind that loss of libido can be symptomatic of something medical, like depression or the menopause for example. Is she concerned about her lack of interest in sex herself? Was she a very sexual person when you met, and if so, what's changed in the time you've been together that might have had an effect on how she feels? I honestly feel that when something doesn't feel right in relationship, you need to talk to each other and try and find a way forward together ~ communication is so important in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Good luck, I hope you can find a way forward which makes you both happy. V x" Lovely, caring words Ravensong. A lot of wisdom there. I really feel for this couple, especially rhe girlfriend. It's such a sad but all too common situation. I went off sex myself for ages but good old HRT has worked for me. It's not a cure-all but it certainly helps. But us girls have to work so much harder at sex. Hormones and emotions have a lot to answer for. Men have it so much easier! | |||
"Is your relationship fulfilling in other ways, is the lack sexual intimacy the only problem? I ask this because, given her age, there may be a simple reason why her interest in sex has waned. Sex in relationships can be very complicated for women, if all's not well in the relationship in terms of how you're getting on with each other, how close you are etc then it's likely to have an effect on sexual intimacy for her. Not knowing you or your partner, it's difficult to determine what the cause for the change might be, but it's worth bearing in mind that loss of libido can be symptomatic of something medical, like depression or the menopause for example. Is she concerned about her lack of interest in sex herself? Was she a very sexual person when you met, and if so, what's changed in the time you've been together that might have had an effect on how she feels? I honestly feel that when something doesn't feel right in relationship, you need to talk to each other and try and find a way forward together ~ communication is so important in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Good luck, I hope you can find a way forward which makes you both happy. V x Lovely, caring words Ravensong. A lot of wisdom there. I really feel for this couple, especially rhe girlfriend. It's such a sad but all too common situation. I went off sex myself for ages but good old HRT has worked for me. It's not a cure-all but it certainly helps. But us girls have to work so much harder at sex. Hormones and emotions have a lot to answer for. Men have it so much easier! " Thank you Crystal Tips. Sometimes, people are too quick to apportion blame when a relationship hits a rough spot. I believe that if you truly love someone, you'll work hard and do whatever it takes to navigate the more difficult times without tearing each other to pieces in the process...that's what makes the good times together so much better, the strength and trust you build when you're up against it. Life can throw all sorts at us to deal with, and often (especially for women), that can affect your libido but with good communication, love and support, most problems can be overcome. V x | |||
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"The word "cuckold," springs to mind. " It's the opposite of cuckold. She isn't interested in sex, a cuckoldress on the other hand.... | |||
"i"ve been living with my girlfriend for 10 years, and for the last 3 years she has lost all interest in sex, in fact she hates the thought of it, its now got to the stage whenever a sex scene appears on the tele i have to quickly change the channel, i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. but i do watch porn, as its the only way i get to relieve myself, and i do feel terribly guilty about if afterwards, and i have had a couple of meetings on here dressed up as rose, although i have never had sex with anyone, my girlfriend does know that i dress up so thats not an issue, i did post a message similar to this a long time a go and some people asked me to keep them informed,i do love my girlfriend and wont ever leave her, i just have to hope she comes through this, she is 60 and i am 56. i really would like to meet someone on here for just a bit of comfort sex, and just get it out of my system, the more she turns me away the more i want sex with somebody else." Have you spoke to her why she feels like this? I mean why does she not want you to have sex with her but equally not watch porn? Do you think your dressing could be the issue i know for a lot of women the hitn a guy is bi let along a cross dresser kills any sexual attraction for them | |||
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"it seems to me that quite a few people on here have not read all my messages, so i will say again, we do talk about it, we have tried councilling, i have taken her out for romantic meals and bought her flowers, even broke the man code by saying i love her, and when i say she removes my hand or i grab her boobs, thats not exactly a regular occurrance,maybe once a month. and me dressing up is not an issue, she thinks its quite funny. thanks for all your comments, they are very diverse and interesting." I cant get my head around the fact that you are not allowed to self pleasure, but......Do you have intimacy together without any threat of it being sexual? I.e. if you were 'loving' towards her with cuddles, touching and kisses, has this been in the past a prelude to sex or does it exist on its own without any expectation? | |||
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"in response to the last 2 messages, yes we do kiss and cuddle, and she found out about rose because i told her, another person asked if i love her so much why am i on a site like this, well i found other crossdressers on here who do not meet up just for sex, and because its free, why do i suddenly feel i"m defending myself." Did your partner know you were Rose from the start of your relationship ? | |||
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"she found out about rose 2 years in to the relationship, she thought it was funny, and shes even helped me with painting toenails" She must love you ........ You need to sit down and have a chat ... get things out in the open about how you feel inside .. its helps. Good luck and life is to short not to be happy and sex is not everything its just one thing. x | |||
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"I was in a sexless relationship for several years. Yes it was difficult to start with but I loved him so we worked through it... Well until I found out he was happy to sleep with an old friend! End of relationship... Communication is the most important piece of advice I would give. Make sure that at all times you are both happy and contented with the way things are, as things do and will escalate very quickly if you don't talk!!" Mine and my wife's relationship is technically sexless in that we don't have intercourse together but we love each other dearly and it's a choice we made togther. We discovered we prefer other ways of pleasuring each other over actual intercourse so we focus on that as a couple. She has the option of finding other men to fill that void which works for the two of us but it all boils down to communication and trust, without it the relationship is doomed. | |||
"she found out about rose 2 years in to the relationship, she thought it was funny, and shes even helped me with painting toenails" So being Rose isn't a shock to her
Could she maybe going through the change of life :-/ | |||
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"i now watch dramas with my finger on the remote control which really spoils the viewing because these scenes really upset her,she"s also asked me not to watch any porn or do anything to do with sex behind her back, so she really wants me to live as monk. This is the part that concerns me. This is a form of control, and this level of control is actually abuse. This is an unhealthy relationship. Her feelings about sex are quite extreme so she may need some professional help with that. That could make all the difference "yeah control and ownership is not the same as someone going off of sex, wanking is not cheating and if she doesnt want to relieve you in anyway then that is serious manipulation..sure you arent being used as a pawn in some punishment game? | |||
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"I am in the same situation. No sex with my wife for 15 years (she has no feelings for it , probably a menopause issue). I discussed it with her - she would be unhappy if I went off with another woman, but is happier that I play with men. It took me a while, but I now consider myself gay, really enjoy the sex, and still have a happy married life." Wow, that is commitment and hats off to you. We share a similar thing though in that I am allowed to play but only with men. It wasn't a hard decision for me though as I enjoy receiving anal from men anyway so it just allows me to explore that side of myself while not jeopardising the relationship we have. From what I read you had to become accustomed to it? How did that work for you as being bi from puberty I found it easy. | |||
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"I guess I was always a bit bi as a teenager, and played a little. I always liked anal play then (the usual bits and pieces up the anus), and now have a very good understanding of who I am. It has taken me a few years of experience to get really comfortable with being gay, but I've had some glorious sexual moments that equal or surpass anything I had with my wife (except making babies - that is a real turn on - I did this three times so clearly wasn't put off by them !) I do indulge in most gay sexual activities and enjoy kissing men, which I never thought I would. I guess a lot of this is inherent in our make up anyway, and I think most men like anal play, but many do not get the chance - oh to be a wealthy Roman or Greek 2000 years ago !" I'd agree with that sentiment as some of the best sex I've experienced was through receiving anal sex with a man. Hats off that you've found something that works for you as a couple, there's are many couples out there that would benefit from your way of thinking. | |||
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