FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > almost ready to give up on sex with wifee
almost ready to give up on sex with wifee
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"I was like this with my ex. We were very lovey dovey, but as he didn't fulfil me in other ways, I didn't want sex with him. So maybe it's sex with *you* she's gone off, rather than sex itself? Maybe she'd be cool with you having sex elsewhere if she could too? " Maybe you are right but she doesn't seem to display any evidence of wanting sex with anyone. She is extremely attractive but doesn't even notice guys flirting with her. Perhaps it's hormonal or stress etc but I can't see her being happy eith me sleeping around. Id love it if someone awoke her sexuality again but what can a guy do without causing a rift? | |||
"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. " Also, you're probably going to get harshly judged no matter what. But people who have been in your situation, especially if they've got a high libido (testosterone's a bitch), will understand. Hope you get it sorted mate | |||
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"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. Also, you're probably going to get harshly judged no matter what. But people who have been in your situation, especially if they've got a high libido (testosterone's a bitch), will understand. Hope you get it sorted mate " 
Thanks. I know I'll get judged but its difficult. We havr been married 2 decades, sex has been an issue for the last 8 years. It's not like im fucking about at the drop of a hat... | |||
"This is a real tricky one as she probably gives you most of all the other things you need. But I know first hand from previous relationships that if the sex isn't there, it's a really big deal. You've probably explored this already, but is there something going on in her world that she needs help with? Physically, emotionally or intellectually? Not to patronise you - as I'm sure you've already tried to get to the bottom of it (no pun intended), but maybe it's solved with some counselling or TLC. Honestly, if you've tried talking to her about it, and your needs, and if you don't feel she'd consider letting you get what you need elsewhere, I'd have an affair. The caveat is that you risk losing your marriage as well as all the other stuff that men tend to lose in a divorce. So if it were me, and I knew I'd probably get caught, then I'd have to think very carefully about a separation. Failing that, there are massage parlours all over the place. Many a frustrated man has had his troubles rubbed away for an hour after work. Wink wink, nudge nudge. " | |||
"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. " try relate  | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? | |||
"Sex with your wife is not your "right", she doesn't have to have sex with you!! It's not ok to cheat on her but you already know that. Have you actually talked to her about this? " Given your first two statements, do you think it's ok for a wife to deprive a husband of a reasonable amount of sex? | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? " Well id have not been thinking 20 years ahead thats for sure but I'd have thought its obvious that some love life of some description would be helpful to keep us together strongly, other wise we are just exlovers and friends living together. | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? Well id have not been thinking 20 years ahead thats for sure but I'd have thought its obvious that some love life of some description would be helpful to keep us together strongly, other wise we are just exlovers and friends living together." So none then. Do you see now that it wasn't obvious? | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " 1) Sex is great when done right. 2) If your wife doesn't want sex there must be a reason. Please read number 1 again. | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... 1) Sex is great when done right. 2) If your wife doesn't want sex there must be a reason. Please read number 1 again. " But it doesn't necessarily follow that the reason is within his sphere of influence | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? Well id have not been thinking 20 years ahead thats for sure but I'd have thought its obvious that some love life of some description would be helpful to keep us together strongly, other wise we are just exlovers and friends living together. So none then. Do you see now that it wasn't obvious? " That what wasn't obvious? | |||
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"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? Well id have not been thinking 20 years ahead thats for sure but I'd have thought its obvious that some love life of some description would be helpful to keep us together strongly, other wise we are just exlovers and friends living together. So none then. Do you see now that it wasn't obvious? " I imagine he understands predicting the future is impossible. | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... What expectations did you set with your now wife before you got married? Well id have not been thinking 20 years ahead thats for sure but I'd have thought its obvious that some love life of some description would be helpful to keep us together strongly, other wise we are just exlovers and friends living together. So none then. Do you see now that it wasn't obvious? I imagine he understands predicting the future is impossible." No predicting the future is not impossible! In any event, the future either will or won't contain a healthy sex life with his wife and he prepared for only one of those possibilities. | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " No, it's not OK for you to have to be "begging for scraps". | |||
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"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. " I.hope you don't "hassle her for it" that's disgraceful and there may be a genuine reason she's lost her sexual appetite, try couple counselling | |||
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"It seems people like to judge pretty harshly. I dont blame anyone for their views as I dont know them, they don't know me. My wife is aware I use this site. She seems to ignore it. Basically I used to use it for for sexual gratification, fantasy if you will, like many otger described as a time waster if I had wasted anyone's time (I didnt). However I dont want to lead a sex free life as for me that is painful. Im aware the same thing happened to her mother who died alone and lonely. I want to stay married and happy but Jesus Im horny! Some of you will assume Im a cheating bastard and thats a very easy conclusion to jump to, but its this has been going on since the beginning of time. " Actually many women go off sex and will gladly turn a blind off to infidelity as long as you allow them to save face by being discreet about it. You will no doubt get many replies saying you need to talk more to her, do romantic gestures or jump through other such hoops. My guess is you already have or they wouldn't work if you did. I had an ex who didn't so much not want sex but it had to be on her terms and it was infrequent due to the nature of how often we saw each other. I simply said to her in a dispassionate tone: "if you won't fuck me, i'll find someone that will". Nothing changed so i did. I feel no guilt about it. As i say, she's an ex but now i have my wonderful wife and although i have 99 other problems, my bitch ain't one. | |||
"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. I.hope you don't "hassle her for it" that's disgraceful and there may be a genuine reason she's lost her sexual appetite, try couple counselling " No I dont do that. Some things get lost in translation between written and spoken conversation. | |||
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"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? " He already said she's aware. And he can only get appropriate help if his wife sees it a second problem, which we can imagine she doesn't as the appropriate help hasn't been found in 8 years. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? " It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. | |||
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"I was in the same position with my partner so left. A sexless relationship is soul destroying and i ended up resenting him for making me feel bad about myself." This. | |||
"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. I.hope you don't "hassle her for it" that's disgraceful and there may be a genuine reason she's lost her sexual appetite, try couple counselling No I dont do that. Some things get lost in translation between written and spoken conversation. " I hassled my husband for it. I deserved sex, so I tried whatever is could. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself." Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you...  | |||
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"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? " It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. | |||
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"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you... "How can you assume I havent spent a decade being honest, thoughtful, tender, helpful, cooking etc? You are saying more about yourself than me. Perhaps you are damaged goods. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you...
How can you assume I havent spent a decade being honest, thoughtful, tender, helpful, cooking etc? You are saying more about yourself than me. Perhaps you are damaged goods. "Your on a swinging site, presumably behind her back??.. Being honest??? | |||
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"I was like this with my ex. We were very lovey dovey, but as he didn't fulfil me in other ways, I didn't want sex with him. So maybe it's sex with *you* she's gone off, rather than sex itself? Maybe she'd be cool with you having sex elsewhere if she could too? " On a side issue you really look like Louise Redknapp | |||
"Talk to your wife, more importantly listen to what your wife is saying! Why would she give you any attention if you're happy to get attention elsewhere and give your attention to other women?! Sooner or later she will accept the attention from other blokes and give them her attention, by that point the marriage is well and truly over, you will wish you had talked to her about it sooner and listened to what she was saying. Don't make the mistake of falling into a routine. There is a possibility she's laid in bed at night waiting for you to make a move, show interest in her, be sensitive and sensual, keep the romance alive, be patient and don't expect immediate results, go out of your way to woo her, fall in love with each other again. Make time for each other, do things together. If you want your marriage to work then you need to keep working at it... together. You won't realise what you had until you lost it." Again, I can't help but feel that in the 8 years the op has experienced the problem they will have tried the things you've mentioned. And that if She was lay there wanting him, she wouldn't have held it in for almost a decade. | |||
"Talk to your wife, more importantly listen to what your wife is saying! Why would she give you any attention if you're happy to get attention elsewhere and give your attention to other women?! Sooner or later she will accept the attention from other blokes and give them her attention, by that point the marriage is well and truly over, you will wish you had talked to her about it sooner and listened to what she was saying. Don't make the mistake of falling into a routine. There is a possibility she's laid in bed at night waiting for you to make a move, show interest in her, be sensitive and sensual, keep the romance alive, be patient and don't expect immediate results, go out of your way to woo her, fall in love with each other again. Make time for each other, do things together. If you want your marriage to work then you need to keep working at it... together. You won't realise what you had until you lost it." Miles off the mark in afraid! I am frequently making a move. Maybe I need to stop and she might worry and come looking for some lol. I doubt it though, months would pass and she wouldn't notice. | |||
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"Hmmm I feel I need something more real than a massage parlour. I like lusty sex with a willing partner and dont think I would get that from a prostitute, nor would I enjoy it. Thanks for not being judgemental though, it's not what i need, Im harsh enough on myself. This is a real tricky one as she probably gives you most of all the other things you need. But I know first hand from previous relationships that if the sex isn't there, it's a really big deal. You've probably explored this already, but is there something going on in her world that she needs help with? Physically, emotionally or intellectually? Not to patronise you - as I'm sure you've already tried to get to the bottom of it (no pun intended), but maybe it's solved with some counselling or TLC. Honestly, if you've tried talking to her about it, and your needs, and if you don't feel she'd consider letting you get what you need elsewhere, I'd have an affair. The caveat is that you risk losing your marriage as well as all the other stuff that men tend to lose in a divorce. So if it were me, and I knew I'd probably get caught, then I'd have to think very carefully about a separation. Failing that, there are massage parlours all over the place. Many a frustrated man has had his troubles rubbed away for an hour after work. Wink wink, nudge nudge. " Don't think or don't know? I'd try a massage or prostitute tonight if i were you. If nothing else you'll see if you feel guilty or not after. It's a waste of time going to all the effort to find a FWB only to realise you can't go through with it. | |||
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"Dude you guys need to talk. Be open and honest. Who knws she may swing with you. It is a tricky one...im being honest here...u sure she is not seeing someone else or maybe she thinks you are. Ask her what she thinks of swinging out of curiosity..." Definately not seeing anyone. I wish she would! Its worse thinking I have a non sexual wife than an unfaithful one... | |||
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"You can be on a swinging site and not be seeking sex just reading the stories and browsing the chat rooms to pleasure yourself. It's also a good place to talk about sex with adults and maybe find a solution to a problem. " Agreed  | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck. "2 everytime. The marriage is otherwise good so 3 is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 1 is not an option for a man. | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck. "Cant fuck her off, she is great. Apart from the sex. Kids complicate things too... | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck.
2 everytime. The marriage is otherwise good so 3 is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 1 is not an option for a man. "Lol I'm trying at 1, the talking that is. Im so used to being able to sort shit out with lateral thinking and am used to succeeding. Sadly females are unfathomable so I'm in the dark! | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck.
2 everytime. The marriage is otherwise good so 3 is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 1 is not an option for a man.
Lol I'm trying at 1, the talking that is. Im so used to being able to sort shit out with lateral thinking and am used to succeeding. Sadly females are unfathomable so I'm in the dark!
"1 is pathetic, i'm sorry but it is. If a woman respects her husband then she won't humiliate him by making him grovel for sex. It's neglect or a power play, both are bad. Realistically you need to look at whether you've got the budget for a mistress, scratch the itch with a prostitute or invest huge amounts of time to find a FWB. There are actually holidays that supply you with girlfriends for the duration too. | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck.
2 everytime. The marriage is otherwise good so 3 is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 1 is not an option for a man.
Lol I'm trying at 1, the talking that is. Im so used to being able to sort shit out with lateral thinking and am used to succeeding. Sadly females are unfathomable so I'm in the dark!
1 is pathetic, i'm sorry but it is. If a woman respects her husband then she won't humiliate him by making him grovel for sex. It's neglect or a power play, both are bad.
Realistically you need to look at whether you've got the budget for a mistress, scratch the itch with a prostitute or invest huge amounts of time to find a FWB. There are actually holidays that supply you with girlfriends for the duration too. "My word, I've never thought of a budget and sex in the same sentence. I am reasonably wealthy but its the tenderness of orgasmic with someone that I miss. I've always relied upon a cheeky smile and personality to get me laid not my amex... | |||
"Buddy you do what you can live with ..no one is going to go thro it ,but you in your head...you "know your wife" .. Three choices. . 1...leave it as it is...talk try sort it.. 2...find a fb who gives u what u lack.. 3...fuck her off out of it ..and crack on with life ..no looking over shoulder... .what ever u decide. ..good luck.
2 everytime. The marriage is otherwise good so 3 is just throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 1 is not an option for a man.
Lol I'm trying at 1, the talking that is. Im so used to being able to sort shit out with lateral thinking and am used to succeeding. Sadly females are unfathomable so I'm in the dark!
1 is pathetic, i'm sorry but it is. If a woman respects her husband then she won't humiliate him by making him grovel for sex. It's neglect or a power play, both are bad.
Realistically you need to look at whether you've got the budget for a mistress, scratch the itch with a prostitute or invest huge amounts of time to find a FWB. There are actually holidays that supply you with girlfriends for the duration too.
My word, I've never thought of a budget and sex in the same sentence. I am reasonably wealthy but its the tenderness of orgasmic with someone that I miss. I've always relied upon a cheeky smile and personality to get me laid not my amex..."Just laying out the options for you. You're entering a market massively skewed against you. You can't offer most women what they want (i.e. commitment) so that rules out a big proportion anyway. Good luck with your search but be prepared for the long haul. | |||
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"Dude you guys need to talk. Be open and honest. Who knws she may swing with you. It is a tricky one...im being honest here...u sure she is not seeing someone else or maybe she thinks you are. Ask her what she thinks of swinging out of curiosity... Definately not seeing anyone. I wish she would! Its worse thinking I have a non sexual wife than an unfaithful one..." You're one of the unlucky ones whose wife didn't swing so you can have a sex life. | |||
"Dude you guys need to talk. Be open and honest. Who knws she may swing with you. It is a tricky one...im being honest here...u sure she is not seeing someone else or maybe she thinks you are. Ask her what she thinks of swinging out of curiosity... Definately not seeing anyone. I wish she would! Its worse thinking I have a non sexual wife than an unfaithful one... You're one of the unlucky ones whose wife didn't swing so you can have a sex life. " I dont want her to do anything she doesn't feel she wants too. I would love to feel wanted and desired again. I feel wanted. Hence paying for sex is off. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? He already said she's aware. And he can only get appropriate help if his wife sees it a second problem, which we can imagine she doesn't as the appropriate help hasn't been found in 8 years. " If his wife actually knows he's on here, then she may already be "turning a blind eye" - so surely it would be an easy conversation to have? "Honey I love you and our life together, but I can't live happily with so little sex - if you're not interested in sex, how would you feel about me engaging in some nsa sex?' Mrs Fusion  | |||
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"My ex wife went off sex the day after our wedding day! Hence the ex part. Plus she was a raging nut job. I really do choose poorly. Who's next for me I wonder? Glen Close?! " it's probably me.
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"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " Show her this profile and you'll never have it again. | |||
"I might also add she has just no interest in sex. Ive had lots of private messages saying she must be playing away or I should give her more attention. We look like the perfect coupke from outside and 95% of the time we are. But the sex is missing and for me thats torture. " People can go off sex so that's not unusual and probably not your fault. No idea what you do really, been lucky enough not to be in your situation or the one realtionship i was i was happy to compromise coz everything else was satisfying. | |||
"I am in a similar situation except my wife has M E which is a sod. Tired and hurts all the time. I have been criticised for wanting sex!" If she feels anything like I do then I'm afraid sex will be the last item on her agenda. PTU xxx | |||
"There's been some good advice on this thread - maybe do more research yourself before approaching your wife, you need to be at the top of your game as you don't want to look back if you decide or need to leave! Men and women approach sex from opposite ends, so to speak: Women need to feel loved to have sex whilst men want sex to feel loved. A very basic statement but look into the whole thought pattern first and then approach your wife, maybe consider couple counselling and anything else that may help - think outside the box! Pardon the pun "Good advice again. One thing for sure is I love her to bits but feel kind of trapped in a sexless environment. Im not obsessed with sex but the longer I dont have it the bigger an issue it becomes. I am a "man" and as such my cock does quite a bit of my thinking for me. It's not an excuse its a fact. If i see a sexy lady walk by its almost painful the level of desire to have sex with her. Bloody testosterone. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself."
PTU xxx | |||
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"PTU ?" Pretty tied up. It's her pseudonym | |||
"There's been some good advice on this thread - maybe do more research yourself before approaching your wife, you need to be at the top of your game as you don't want to look back if you decide or need to leave! Men and women approach sex from opposite ends, so to speak: Women need to feel loved to have sex whilst men want sex to feel loved. A very basic statement but look into the whole thought pattern first and then approach your wife, maybe consider couple counselling and anything else that may help - think outside the box! Pardon the pun
Good advice again. One thing for sure is I love her to bits but feel kind of trapped in a sexless environment. Im not obsessed with sex but the longer I dont have it the bigger an issue it becomes. I am a "man" and as such my cock does quite a bit of my thinking for me. It's not an excuse its a fact. If i see a sexy lady walk by its almost painful the level of desire to have sex with her. Bloody testosterone."Scary. Poor 'sexy lady' . | |||
"PTU ? Pretty tied up. It's her pseudonym " Thank you. X | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? " Take it you havnt been reading the gentlmans messages and who are you to tell him to get off this site!! You stuck up pricks | |||
"I was like this with my ex. We were very lovey dovey, but as he didn't fulfil me in other ways, I didn't want sex with him. So maybe it's sex with *you* she's gone off, rather than sex itself? Maybe she'd be cool with you having sex elsewhere if she could too? " Agree with this
It's the reason I'm here.... | |||
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"Sex with your wife is not your "right", she doesn't have to have sex with you!! It's not ok to cheat on her but you already know that. Have you actually talked to her about this? " this! | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? Take it you havnt been reading the gentlmans messages and who are you to tell him to get off this site!! You stuck up pricks " Oops my bad i do apolagise,  | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? Take it you havnt been reading the gentlmans messages and who are you to tell him to get off this site!! You stuck up pricks Oops my bad i do apolagise, "Perhaps that is why you are supposedly single ???   | |||
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"Hmmm I feel I need something more real than a massage parlour. I like lusty sex with a willing partner and dont think I would get that from a prostitute, nor would I enjoy it. Thanks for not being judgemental though, it's not what i need, Im harsh enough on myself. This is a real tricky one as she probably gives you most of all the other things you need. But I know first hand from previous relationships that if the sex isn't there, it's a really big deal. You've probably explored this already, but is there something going on in her world that she needs help with? Physically, emotionally or intellectually? Not to patronise you - as I'm sure you've already tried to get to the bottom of it (no pun intended), but maybe it's solved with some counselling or TLC. Honestly, if you've tried talking to her about it, and your needs, and if you don't feel she'd consider letting you get what you need elsewhere, I'd have an affair. The caveat is that you risk losing your marriage as well as all the other stuff that men tend to lose in a divorce. So if it were me, and I knew I'd probably get caught, then I'd have to think very carefully about a separation. Failing that, there are massage parlours all over the place. Many a frustrated man has had his troubles rubbed away for an hour after work. Wink wink, nudge nudge. " I really feel for you We can all be quick to judge but that isn't an easy situation is it .. I personally think ... that it is selfish of a partner to expect their partner to sIrvine without ..surely if your not that sexual you'd still want to please your man ? Look after him ? I know I would ... In these cases there's no surprise men stray ..... Whatever you do ..I wish you all the best . If only there was a magic fix .. I hope one day it could be fixed for you both x | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you... "Oh have a day off will you ...... who says he treats her badly ? I don't think you have read the same thread as us .. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? Take it you havnt been reading the gentlmans messages and who are you to tell him to get off this site!! You stuck up pricks Oops my bad i do apolagise,
Perhaps that is why you are supposedly single ??? "What does that mean"supposedly" you know what i take it back you stuck up pair of pricks, i was widowed in 2003 when my wife was involved in a road accident and i was left with two kids,supposedly you wankers | |||
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"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you...
Oh have a day off will you ...... who says he treats her badly ? I don't think you have read the same thread as us .." | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " Well if youre going to start cheating with strangers yes it probbaly best for her health that you stop sexual contact with her. | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you...
Oh have a day off will you ...... who says he treats her badly ? I don't think you have read the same thread as us .."To be fair most people would say actively pursuing an affair is treating your partner badly.  | |||
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"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? Take it you havnt been reading the gentlmans messages and who are you to tell him to get off this site!! You stuck up pricks Oops my bad i do apolagise,
Perhaps that is why you are supposedly single ???
What does that mean"supposedly" you know what i take it back you stuck up pair of pricks, i was widowed in 2003 when my wife was involved in a road accident and i was left with two kids,supposedly you wankers "And that is why you shouldn't make assumptions ... Sorry to hear that dude xx | |||
"If your on here looking for sex then you are clearly not committed to repairing your marriage. Get off the site.. Commit to your marriage and get appropriate help. If your wife knew you were on here would it help the problems your marriage already has? It must be exhausting knowing everything and being so self righteous and judgemental. Try and keep your monumental assumptions and lectures to yourself. Don't ask for opinions then. If you know all the answers.... Treat your wife badly.. I think being honest and thoughtful is a better way forward. I'm starting to understand why she doesn't want sex with you...
Oh have a day off will you ...... who says he treats her badly ? I don't think you have read the same thread as us ..
To be fair most people would say actively pursuing an affair is treating your partner badly. "She knows he is on here He could treat her like a queen ? He has said he joined for fantasy ... to masturbate. . To get the kinks he isn't getting ..she knows he's here ? | |||
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"Sex with your wife is not your "right", she doesn't have to have sex with you!! It's not ok to cheat on her but you already know that. Have you actually talked to her about this? Given your first two statements, do you think it's ok for a wife to deprive a husband of a reasonable amount of sex? " So if she really isn't interested in sex with him for what ever the reason what you saying is she should still have sex with him as not to deprive him of it. Really didnt know a women in a relationship had to put out just to keep the man happy. It's seems so easy for the female to get the blame we only ever hear one side of the story on here. How about trying to sort it out, have a wank or if the sex is all you think a relationship is a about move on and find someone who will have sex when ever you want it. | |||
"What gets me about these situations is that people want to have it both ways. Fine you are not interested in sex. That's your prerogative. It would be completely wrong for anyone to try to force you to do something you don't want to do. However, if your partner does want sex and you are not willing to have sex with them, you really have no right to get outraged if they have sex with someone else. That's rather a dog in a Manger attitude. So, I would say to the op: talk to your wife. Tell her that you need sex to be happy and that if she does not want sex with you, you will look elsewhere. If she will not agree to that, it seems to me you are incompatible and it would probably be best for all concerned if you separate amicably. " Now if it was like this it's not a problem. The problem is when people are on here behind someone's back. If someone doesn't want sex it's due to some medical/ mental reason as you said be honest and upfront not play away behind someone's back where in the end it's only going to cause people getting hurt that's not respect or love | |||
"I was like this with my ex. We were very lovey dovey, but as he didn't fulfil me in other ways, I didn't want sex with him. So maybe it's sex with *you* she's gone off, rather than sex itself? Maybe she'd be cool with you having sex elsewhere if she could too? Maybe you are right but she doesn't seem to display any evidence of wanting sex with anyone. She is extremely attractive but doesn't even notice guys flirting with her. Perhaps it's hormonal or stress etc but I can't see her being happy eith me sleeping around. Id love it if someone awoke her sexuality again but what can a guy do without causing a rift? " Invite a message therapist for a professional massage. As a prsent for her. Of course, with her consent. Before any one blast me... | |||
"Hmmm. At no point did I say I demanded sex, merely that our drives were very different ie she doesn't have one. Yes I've talked to her about it. She loves a cuddle and sex is ok when it happens but if I didn't hassle her for it then it would be twice a year or not at all. Please don't judge me harshly, I'm not ready to give up on a lively marriage, but the lack of sex makes me very sad and I fulfilled. " You day here you hassle her for sex .....same as demanding | |||
"I was like this with my ex. We were very lovey dovey, but as he didn't fulfil me in other ways, I didn't want sex with him. So maybe it's sex with *you* she's gone off, rather than sex itself? Maybe she'd be cool with you having sex elsewhere if she could too? " I agree this happened to me lol i actually wanted him to get it elsewhere he did'nt believe me nor did he do it . Not that i know of anyway but i ended up straying at the end he did'nt meet my sexual needs . Sad but true  | |||
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"Threads like this are testimony to the painful soul torture people go through when they realise monogamy doesn't work yet all of society is set against them if they break from it. It has taken me a while but I'm starting to realise that infidelity is just an essential part of any successful marriage. It helps maintain the illusion that monogamy works. My advice? Tell her monogamy is a pile of crock, that you love her sincerely and don't want to leave her, but that monogamy no longer has any hold over you as a concept so you're going to start having sex with others. Tell her she only need ask and you'll tell her everything. But if she'd rather not know then she shouldn't ask. Agree between yourselves that you're going to do this but it isn't cheating. It's just living life outside the fallacy of monogamy. It goes without saying that you should give her the freedom to do the same. You never know... some naughty adventures away may be just the tonic you need to rekindle the fire between you. Good luck "You're my kind of people. Very refreshing to know. | |||
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"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " Be honest with her talk about swinging as a couple she could be going through menapause. Talk to her cheating is wrong I know how you feel I am 66 and my cock thinks it's 19 so I have younger partners. But then I'm single. Best thing be honest | |||
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"Sex with your wife is not your "right", she doesn't have to have sex with you!! It's not ok to cheat on her but you already know that. Have you actually talked to her about this? " This is always a complicated issue, especially as we're only hearing your side. However let's face facts and get down to brass tacks. Marriages & Sexual relationships are mostly built on sexual attraction, fact. Buuut, what causes that sexual attraction from both parties isn't always going to stick around. So we know you're not feeling wanted and attractive, and you're feeling like you want to go elsewhere. Let's ask a few questions before you do that though. Have you kept yourself in good shape in your marriage? Have you changed your style? Has your attitude towards her changed, do you still spend time just talking to her about what she wants, do you do all the things that got you laid before, or are you assuming the wooing is over because she's your wife? Would she agree with your answer to all of the above? | |||
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"I've personally never been in this situation, but I'm not going to patronise the OP by telling him to 'talk to his wife', because I'm sure he has already done that. And although I haven't experienced this type of marital problem, I'm certainly not naiive enough to believe that 'talking to her' is necessarily going to resolve the problem. People in sexless marriages have 3 choices (once they exhausted all efforts to try and resolve with their spouse). Leave and find sex elsewhere, stay and find sex elsewhere (with or without permission depending on how understanding their spouse is), stay and be celebate. These are very very tough choices. But it's interesting how it is the person who is denied sex who is always in the wrong. I do find today's society has become incredibly puritanical (which is ironical because people are in many way so much more liberated and sexually aware these days). But there have been times in history when it was perfectly normal for a husband to take a mistress after she had had children and no longer desired sex. Some women no doubt would have been relieved that they no longer had to 'service' their husband. As long as he was discrete and provided for his family. The same applies to married women dealing love interests elsewhere. I personally have never been so arrogant or naiive as to think I can hold onto a man if I am not meeting at least some of his sexual needs. It takes 2 to tango in a marriage, and I certainly believe that if I'm not having sex with my husband then somebody else will be. Mrs" I think the issue is that the basic sinfulness of sex is deeply imbedded in Western culture and essentially goes back to the foundation of Christianity. St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine promulgated by state and church until virtually yesterday and it still has a massive (if often unconscious) influence on people. Hence someone who can do without sex is often viewed as morally superior and less in chain to animalistic desires than someone who can't. Hence official morality still by and large says that anyone stuck in a sex less marriage should just suck it up. It's a very interesting question as to why Christianity has been so anti sex. A cynical explanation might be that it's the need for people who live mainly in the mind to control the desires of the less intellectually inclined. But that begs the question as to why the latter let themselves be so controlled. It's a fascinating subject. | |||
"I've personally never been in this situation, but I'm not going to patronise the OP by telling him to 'talk to his wife', because I'm sure he has already done that. And although I haven't experienced this type of marital problem, I'm certainly not naiive enough to believe that 'talking to her' is necessarily going to resolve the problem. People in sexless marriages have 3 choices (once they exhausted all efforts to try and resolve with their spouse). Leave and find sex elsewhere, stay and find sex elsewhere (with or without permission depending on how understanding their spouse is), stay and be celebate. These are very very tough choices. But it's interesting how it is the person who is denied sex who is always in the wrong. I do find today's society has become incredibly puritanical (which is ironical because people are in many way so much more liberated and sexually aware these days). But there have been times in history when it was perfectly normal for a husband to take a mistress after she had had children and no longer desired sex. Some women no doubt would have been relieved that they no longer had to 'service' their husband. As long as he was discrete and provided for his family. The same applies to married women dealing love interests elsewhere. I personally have never been so arrogant or naiive as to think I can hold onto a man if I am not meeting at least some of his sexual needs. It takes 2 to tango in a marriage, and I certainly believe that if I'm not having sex with my husband then somebody else will be. Mrs I think the issue is that the basic sinfulness of sex is deeply imbedded in Western culture and essentially goes back to the foundation of Christianity. St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine promulgated by state and church until virtually yesterday and it still has a massive (if often unconscious) influence on people. Hence someone who can do without sex is often viewed as morally superior and less in chain to animalistic desires than someone who can't. Hence official morality still by and large says that anyone stuck in a sex less marriage should just suck it up. It's a very interesting question as to why Christianity has been so anti sex. A cynical explanation might be that it's the need for people who live mainly in the mind to control the desires of the less intellectually inclined. But that begs the question as to why the latter let themselves be so controlled. It's a fascinating subject. " It is indeed a fascinated subject. However I think as society becomes less religious and more sexually open, ironically society has become more intolerant of infidelity. I don't claim to be particularly knowledgeable on history so forgive me if there are inaccuracies. But in certain periods of history where the church was considered important, it was also quite normal for married men to take mistresses, especially amongst royalty and aristocracy. Georgian and Edwardian England i believe is an example of a time of high promiscuity as was Tudor England. It seems in more recent decades society is getting 'religion' on fidelity at a time when society is becoming less religious. It would be nice to be able to live in a society where one is not expected to either get divorced or suck it up just because a partner loses interest in sex. Mrs | |||
"I've personally never been in this situation, but I'm not going to patronise the OP by telling him to 'talk to his wife', because I'm sure he has already done that. And although I haven't experienced this type of marital problem, I'm certainly not naiive enough to believe that 'talking to her' is necessarily going to resolve the problem. People in sexless marriages have 3 choices (once they exhausted all efforts to try and resolve with their spouse). Leave and find sex elsewhere, stay and find sex elsewhere (with or without permission depending on how understanding their spouse is), stay and be celebate. These are very very tough choices. But it's interesting how it is the person who is denied sex who is always in the wrong. I do find today's society has become incredibly puritanical (which is ironical because people are in many way so much more liberated and sexually aware these days). But there have been times in history when it was perfectly normal for a husband to take a mistress after she had had children and no longer desired sex. Some women no doubt would have been relieved that they no longer had to 'service' their husband. As long as he was discrete and provided for his family. The same applies to married women dealing love interests elsewhere. I personally have never been so arrogant or naiive as to think I can hold onto a man if I am not meeting at least some of his sexual needs. It takes 2 to tango in a marriage, and I certainly believe that if I'm not having sex with my husband then somebody else will be. Mrs I think the issue is that the basic sinfulness of sex is deeply imbedded in Western culture and essentially goes back to the foundation of Christianity. St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine promulgated by state and church until virtually yesterday and it still has a massive (if often unconscious) influence on people. Hence someone who can do without sex is often viewed as morally superior and less in chain to animalistic desires than someone who can't. Hence official morality still by and large says that anyone stuck in a sex less marriage should just suck it up. It's a very interesting question as to why Christianity has been so anti sex. A cynical explanation might be that it's the need for people who live mainly in the mind to control the desires of the less intellectually inclined. But that begs the question as to why the latter let themselves be so controlled. It's a fascinating subject. It is indeed a fascinated subject. However I think as society becomes less religious and more sexually open, ironically society has become more intolerant of infidelity. I don't claim to be particularly knowledgeable on history so forgive me if there are inaccuracies. But in certain periods of history where the church was considered important, it was also quite normal for married men to take mistresses, especially amongst royalty and aristocracy. Georgian and Edwardian England i believe is an example of a time of high promiscuity as was Tudor England. It seems in more recent decades society is getting 'religion' on fidelity at a time when society is becoming less religious. It would be nice to be able to live in a society where one is not expected to either get divorced or suck it up just because a partner loses interest in sex. Mrs" It's true that in the periods you mentioned it was quite common for people to pay only lip service to official doctrines of marital monogamy and to conduct extra marital affairs. However that was generally a privilege of aristocratic men. Aristocratic women faced dire consequences if they were found to have sex outside marriage. Henry visited killed two of his wives for alleged infidelity and George Imprisoned his wife for life when she had an affair (despite he himself cheerfully having a number of mistresses). Edward VII did indeed shag around but there is no indication his wife ever did. So basically sexual freedom in ages past was definitely largely a male phenomenon. I think the rise of feminism put an end to that. Quite reasonably a demand was made for the ending of this double standard and an adherence to official morally on the part of men. As women are, on the whole, less inclined to non monogamy that meant that discrete male non monogamy ceased to be tacitly socially sanctioned. | |||
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"Boot on other foot here. I was the woman stuck in a boring sexless relationship. I never looked for it elsewhere, settled for 10yrs of near celebacy - and it drove me mad! Totally lost my confidence, felt ugly & was miserable, and as a result 'let myself go' Huge weight gain, dressed like someone double my age. Finally ended things, decided to get my life back, lost the weight, found out sex was way better than I'd ever remembered & now very happy with a great partner. Looking back now, I honestly wish I'd had an affair or at least found a regular FB. My children would still have a family, and not been dragged through years of upheaval " Absolutely spot on!
Whilst true that one has to work on their marriage and everyone can go through different periods where with help and patience things can improve etc. Also morality and duty to spouse and children are paramount, at the end of the day there has to be a cut off point where you realise that you don't have an eternity to deal with all problems of others and have to look after yourself!
OP, you are a grown up man. Don't listen to those on here who bash you as a cheater because you already have a profile on here.
I'd suggest that you talk to your wife, tell her you are fully supportive of her and will do anything but you have to know what's going on in order to help. Mind you, it could be that she was ra.p.ed, God forbid, and gone off sex since...
So be fully supportive and understanding but if it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere, lovingly tell her that you suffer beyond what you can bear and for the well being of both it's better to separate.
Alternative is if she wouldn't mind you having sex with other women. A question that requires her approval, so she knows she decides and you won't cheat on her.
But don't put it across as an ultimatum.
All the best!
PS. As I said, invite a masseur. He may awake her libido again. I know it works, I've done it. | |||
"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine " Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. | |||
"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. " I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. | |||
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"This is a real tricky one as she probably gives you most of all the other things you need. But I know first hand from previous relationships that if the sex isn't there, it's a really big deal. You've probably explored this already, but is there something going on in her world that she needs help with? Physically, emotionally or intellectually? Not to patronise you - as I'm sure you've already tried to get to the bottom of it (no pun intended), but maybe it's solved with some counselling or TLC. Honestly, if you've tried talking to her about it, and your needs, and if you don't feel she'd consider letting you get what you need elsewhere, I'd have an affair. The caveat is that you risk losing your marriage as well as all the other stuff that men tend to lose in a divorce. So if it were me, and I knew I'd probably get caught, then I'd have to think very carefully about a separation. Failing that, there are massage parlours all over the place. Many a frustrated man has had his troubles rubbed away for an hour after work. Wink wink, nudge nudge. " That's still physical cheating  | |||
"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. " I'm sorry to say but you have it wrong. What churches do has often very little to do with what Christianity teaches. I understand why people are confusing one with the other. We are kind of hijacking a thread here but very briefly : God Himself ordained the family unit. And he blessed them. And basically told them to shag all they want and multiply...  See the book of Genesis .
Celibacy is a man made doctrine that has nothing to do with Jesus' teachings. He was celibate, but wouldn't you too if you knew that you'd be dead by 33 yo and having come to the Earth for a very different purpose than to procreate and enjoy life?Countless of examples in the Bible where not having a child was considered a punishment from God. The opposite - a blessing when one had a lot children.
Read the Book of Song of Songs - it's as erotic as a book in the Holy Bible can be. Glorifying intimacy between Lovers..
Jesus indeed said that one should be ready to even leave their families to follow him, but this doesn't mean than one have to do so. Many whole families followed Jesus . Paul talks about what to do if someone is married to an unbeliever and the advice isn't to leave them, but to be long suffering etc so hopefully the family stays together and are saved when Jesus returns...
The Bible is all pro family and never against it. Don't listen to what Catholics preach and other cults. This isn't true Christianity.
Blessings!
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"Boot on other foot here. I was the woman stuck in a boring sexless relationship. I never looked for it elsewhere, settled for 10yrs of near celebacy - and it drove me mad! Totally lost my confidence, felt ugly & was miserable, and as a result 'let myself go' Huge weight gain, dressed like someone double my age. Finally ended things, decided to get my life back, lost the weight, found out sex was way better than I'd ever remembered & now very happy with a great partner. Looking back now, I honestly wish I'd had an affair or at least found a regular FB. My children would still have a family, and not been dragged through years of upheaval Absolutely spot on!
Whilst true that one has to work on their marriage and everyone can go through different periods where with help and patience things can improve etc. Also morality and duty to spouse and children are paramount, at the end of the day there has to be a cut off point where you realise that you don't have an eternity to deal with all problems of others and have to look after yourself!
OP, you are a grown up man. Don't listen to those on here who bash you as a cheater because you already have a profile on here.
I'd suggest that you talk to your wife, tell her you are fully supportive of her and will do anything but you have to know what's going on in order to help. Mind you, it could be that she was ra.p.ed, God forbid, and gone off sex since...
So be fully supportive and understanding but if it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere, lovingly tell her that you suffer beyond what you can bear and for the well being of both it's better to separate.
Alternative is if she wouldn't mind you having sex with other women. A question that requires her approval, so she knows she decides and you won't cheat on her.
But don't put it across as an ultimatum.
All the best!
PS. As I said, invite a masseur. He may awake her libido again. I know it works, I've done it. "Or she might've cheated on you and overpowered with guilt cannot bring herself to have sex with you.
Tell her, whatever it may be, even she cheated on you, you are there to help her and will not judge or condemn her. | |||
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"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. I'm sorry to say but you have it wrong. What churches do has often very little to do with what Christianity teaches. I understand why people are confusing one with the other. We are kind of hijacking a thread here but very briefly : God Himself ordained the family unit. And he blessed them. And basically told them to shag all they want and multiply... See the book of Genesis .
Celibacy is a man made doctrine that has nothing to do with Jesus' teachings. He was celibate, but wouldn't you too if you knew that you'd be dead by 33 yo and having come to the Earth for a very different purpose than to procreate and enjoy life?Countless of examples in the Bible where not having a child was considered a punishment from God. The opposite - a blessing when one had a lot children.
Read the Book of Song of Songs - it's as erotic as a book in the Holy Bible can be. Glorifying intimacy between Lovers..
Jesus indeed said that one should be ready to even leave their families to follow him, but this doesn't mean than one have to do so. Many whole families followed Jesus . Paul talks about what to do if someone is married to an unbeliever and the advice isn't to leave them, but to be long suffering etc so hopefully the family stays together and are saved when Jesus returns...
The Bible is all pro family and never against it. Don't listen to what Catholics preach and other cults. This isn't true Christianity.
Blessings!
"Hang on.. what's this? Yet another person flapping their gums about God.. telling me how others are wrong and what I should believe? Shocking. | |||
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"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. I'm sorry to say but you have it wrong. What churches do has often very little to do with what Christianity teaches. I understand why people are confusing one with the other. We are kind of hijacking a thread here but very briefly : God Himself ordained the family unit. And he blessed them. And basically told them to shag all they want and multiply... See the book of Genesis .
Celibacy is a man made doctrine that has nothing to do with Jesus' teachings. He was celibate, but wouldn't you too if you knew that you'd be dead by 33 yo and having come to the Earth for a very different purpose than to procreate and enjoy life?Countless of examples in the Bible where not having a child was considered a punishment from God. The opposite - a blessing when one had a lot children.
Read the Book of Song of Songs - it's as erotic as a book in the Holy Bible can be. Glorifying intimacy between Lovers..
Jesus indeed said that one should be ready to even leave their families to follow him, but this doesn't mean than one have to do so. Many whole families followed Jesus . Paul talks about what to do if someone is married to an unbeliever and the advice isn't to leave them, but to be long suffering etc so hopefully the family stays together and are saved when Jesus returns...
The Bible is all pro family and never against it. Don't listen to what Catholics preach and other cults. This isn't true Christianity.
Blessings!
Hang on.. what's this? Yet another person flapping their gums about God.. telling me how others are wrong and what I should believe?
Y
Shocking."Don't be shocked! No one is telling you what you should believe. To the contrary - believe what you will. It was a direct conversation with a specific member within the OP's thread. Carry on OP. Sorry for digressing... | |||
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"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. I'm sorry to say but you have it wrong. What churches do has often very little to do with what Christianity teaches. I understand why people are confusing one with the other. We are kind of hijacking a thread here but very briefly : God Himself ordained the family unit. And he blessed them. And basically told them to shag all they want and multiply... See the book of Genesis .
Celibacy is a man made doctrine that has nothing to do with Jesus' teachings. He was celibate, but wouldn't you too if you knew that you'd be dead by 33 yo and having come to the Earth for a very different purpose than to procreate and enjoy life?Countless of examples in the Bible where not having a child was considered a punishment from God. The opposite - a blessing when one had a lot children.
Read the Book of Song of Songs - it's as erotic as a book in the Holy Bible can be. Glorifying intimacy between Lovers..
Jesus indeed said that one should be ready to even leave their families to follow him, but this doesn't mean than one have to do so. Many whole families followed Jesus . Paul talks about what to do if someone is married to an unbeliever and the advice isn't to leave them, but to be long suffering etc so hopefully the family stays together and are saved when Jesus returns...
The Bible is all pro family and never against it. Don't listen to what Catholics preach and other cults. This isn't true Christianity.
Blessings!
"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. Essentially what you are saying is that what you believe is true Christianity and that all other people who call themselves Christians and take a different view are not real Christians. It's rather gobsmacking that you assert that the largest Christian denomination in the world is not Christian! I am afraid that the only reasonable way you can judge the effects of Christianity on the world is by considering what people and institutions that called themselves Christian actually did. The fact that you consider them "not true Christians" is neither here nor there. Your argument reminds me of latter day communists who assert that you can't blame communism for the sins of Mao and Stalin as they were not true communists. By their fruit ye shall know them as someone once said. | |||
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"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy." I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree | |||
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"... St Paul was very clearly of the view that the most virtuous state was celibacy, with monogamous marriage a poor second and any other form of sexual activity giving one a one way ticket to hell. That was the official doctrine Paul makes it very clear that that was his personal view. It wasn't an inspiration from God. Christianity does not proclaim celibacy. To the contrary - family between a man and a woman is the ordained order of normal living. With all needs met within this unit, including intimacy. I don't think you can quite airbrush 2000 years of Christianity seeing celibacy as a more holy state than matrimony like that. Whatever the precise theological connotations of what Paul said we also have Jesus saying people should leave their families to follow him. Luke 14 25-27. Official Christian doctrine has always been until just about yesterday that marriage was basically something God instituted for those too weak to control their carnal lusts. If you could control them, so much the better. Hence priestly celibacy, the cult of the Virgin and the general idea that it is blasphemous to suggest Jesus had any kind of sex life. I'm sorry to say but you have it wrong. What churches do has often very little to do with what Christianity teaches. I understand why people are confusing one with the other. We are kind of hijacking a thread here but very briefly : God Himself ordained the family unit. And he blessed them. And basically told them to shag all they want and multiply... See the book of Genesis .
Celibacy is a man made doctrine that has nothing to do with Jesus' teachings. He was celibate, but wouldn't you too if you knew that you'd be dead by 33 yo and having come to the Earth for a very different purpose than to procreate and enjoy life?Countless of examples in the Bible where not having a child was considered a punishment from God. The opposite - a blessing when one had a lot children.
Read the Book of Song of Songs - it's as erotic as a book in the Holy Bible can be. Glorifying intimacy between Lovers..
Jesus indeed said that one should be ready to even leave their families to follow him, but this doesn't mean than one have to do so. Many whole families followed Jesus . Paul talks about what to do if someone is married to an unbeliever and the advice isn't to leave them, but to be long suffering etc so hopefully the family stays together and are saved when Jesus returns...
The Bible is all pro family and never against it. Don't listen to what Catholics preach and other cults. This isn't true Christianity.
Blessings!
You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. Essentially what you are saying is that what you believe is true Christianity and that all other people who call themselves Christians and take a different view are not real Christians. It's rather gobsmacking that you assert that the largest Christian denomination in the world is not Christian!
I am afraid that the only reasonable way you can judge the effects of Christianity on the world is by considering what people and institutions that called themselves Christian actually did. The fact that you consider them "not true Christians" is neither here nor there.
Your argument reminds me of latter day communists who assert that you can't blame communism for the sins of Mao and Stalin as they were not true communists.
By their fruit ye shall know them as someone once said.
"Your last sentence - spot on. Jesus Christ said it. And you are very right n your analysis - Catholic Church isn't a true Christian church. Their fruits testify against them. In fact, there is a prophecy about them in the Bible. Called the Babylon whore... Harsh words but believe what you will. Everyone has the right to believe and express opinion freely. I may not agree with your opinion but I'll be the first one to defend your right to express it.  | |||
"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree " And this the very reason why there are so many different Christian denominations all based supposedly on the same teaching. A Christian is some who lives the kind of life that Christ lived. Read and decide for yourself. No need to rely on pastors and priests to tell you what it is, however large or powerful and well accepted a denomination may be. | |||
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"Can someone please close this fucking thread as its gone wrong. Answer is communication. Thanks " A post such as yours will evoke opinions. You expected something else? | |||
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"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree " Google "no true Scotsman". It's a well known logical fallacy involving circular reasoning. | |||
"As the forum health and safety officer I'd like you all to get down off your high horses and soapboxes perched up on a high pedestal OP, you were never going to get a good response to this, sorry to hear about your situation. I'd suggest seeking professional help, marriage councillors etc. People who know fuck all about your situation and are quick to judge are not going to help. Best of luck "Agreed | |||
" That is another inane tiresome comment. Well done." You clearly didnt expect opinions. One wonders what you DID expect? | |||
" That is another inane tiresome comment. Well done." Scroll back OP. To the bit where you ask " what are your thoughts?" The first line of your address, I do believe. You asked for folk's thoughts. You got 'em my lovely | |||
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"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... Im guessing in all other aspects life is good? If sex with others is what you need to keep you married to a woman you love then no one has the right to say its wrong or to judge you. Im lucky in that my hubby knows about fab. Im in the same situtation as you. In tje beginning he didn't know but i can hand on heart say fab saved our marriage and its what now keeps hin married " | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " Can I try to help her? | |||
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"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree Google "no true Scotsman". It's a well known logical fallacy involving circular reasoning" Yes I know. I called you out on it because I think you're wrong to appeal to it. There are clear and simple rules that define what a scotsman is. There are none that define what a Christian is. You asserted that a particular reading of Christianity is true. The poster replied that they felt you were misreading it and that they're reading was true. You then appealed to the true scotsman fallacy in order to support your assertion that a true Christian should read the Bible your way. In short you both made the true scotsman fallacy so you don't get to win the argument by appealing to it. What's more, there really isn't such a thing as a true Christian. Even Jesus was a Jew. At least a scotsman lives in Scotland or has Scottish ancestry. Thus, in the phrase "true scotsman" at least one of those words is quite clearly defined. The phrase "true Christian" however is nonsense. | |||
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"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree Google "no true Scotsman". It's a well known logical fallacy involving circular reasoning Yes I know. I called you out on it because I think you're wrong to appeal to it. There are clear and simple rules that define what a scotsman is. There are none that define what a Christian is. You asserted that a particular reading of Christianity is true. The poster replied that they felt you were misreading it and that they're reading was true. You then appealed to the true scotsman fallacy in order to support your assertion that a true Christian should read the Bible your way. In short you both made the true scotsman fallacy so you don't get to win the argument by appealing to it. What's more, there really isn't such a thing as a true Christian. Even Jesus was a Jew. At least a scotsman lives in Scotland or has Scottish ancestry. Thus, in the phrase "true scotsman" at least one of those words is quite clearly defined. The phrase "true Christian" however is nonsense. " Eh? I actually said completely the opposite. I was taking issue with him saying his version of Christianity was the correct one and saying that there is no such thing as a "true Christian". Christians are people and organisations who define themselves as Christians. | |||
"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree Google "no true Scotsman". It's a well known logical fallacy involving circular reasoning Yes I know. I called you out on it because I think you're wrong to appeal to it. There are clear and simple rules that define what a scotsman is. There are none that define what a Christian is. You asserted that a particular reading of Christianity is true. The poster replied that they felt you were misreading it and that they're reading was true. You then appealed to the true scotsman fallacy in order to support your assertion that a true Christian should read the Bible your way. In short you both made the true scotsman fallacy so you don't get to win the argument by appealing to it. What's more, there really isn't such a thing as a true Christian. Even Jesus was a Jew. At least a scotsman lives in Scotland or has Scottish ancestry. Thus, in the phrase "true scotsman" at least one of those words is quite clearly defined. The phrase "true Christian" however is nonsense. Eh? I actually said completely the opposite. I was taking issue with him saying his version of Christianity was the correct one and saying that there is no such thing as a "true Christian". Christians are people and organisations who define themselves as Christians. " You 2 have completely gone off track
First, someone hijacked the thread by bringing in Christianity in the conversation (who knows what OP's religion is? ).
Well, I got sucked in too, oops!
Then the no sex thread looks like about to become of interest to Nicola Sturgeon.She may fear that her intended 2nd Referendum is under thread...
Now you,guys,are arguing about general concepts about definitions etc..
Believe it or not, certain things in life are true whilst others - false.
You may not accept it and prefer the credo that all is relative and so on.
In my view, you can define a Christian, and a Scotsman, and a fallacy and wife's loss of sex drive... It may be a little difficult at times, but there's a way.
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"You are not alone in your plight mate, there are so many blokes out there in the same situation. I have several close friends, all in their late 30's in the same situation. Attractive wives, great lives, wonderful kids, no sex!!! It comes up in conversation every time we get together these days, the common theme is they just want to be wanted like they were. One is on the verge of an affair, another is contemplating using an escort every now and then, another gets plenty of attention from ladies on nights out and has started enjoying that attention now. All of us are convinced it's what marriage does to women, likewise all are convinced if we were to separate from our wives because if this, we would tear our hair out watching them become sex loving women again with other people. I can't share this with my friends but I can share it on here. My wife went from 0-60 when we came on here the first time around. Her being a hotwife worked wonders for us, it took years of suggesting it for her to agree, but she loved it. Sadly she went from 60-0 when we stopped and became pregnant. I can only conclude that my wife, and many others, deep down are not "one man women" but it's what marriage and society expects them to be, and programs them to be. I'm all for talking, talk to your wife sincerely and see how it goes, even contemplate suggesting this site. Who knows, she might go from 0-60 ??" Someone suggested on here that women need a variety to keep them going. I'm not sure I'd think so, but if true, get together all those couples, friends of yours, and have an orgy.. See if anyone comes out healed from the session | |||
"You're committing the "no true Scotsman" logical fallacy. I'm not a Christian but I'm gonna call you out on this one. A scotsman is someone who was either born in Scotland or who's lived there long enough to earn that accolade. What is a Christian? Someone who's read the Bible and has a particular take on it? As anyone who's had the misfortune of arguing with a Christian can testify, it's an extremely slippery thing that varies from reading to reading. Your reading of the Bible isn't the "true Christian" any more than any one else's... not even the Pope's imo, although a Catholic would need to disagree Google "no true Scotsman". It's a well known logical fallacy involving circular reasoning Yes I know. I called you out on it because I think you're wrong to appeal to it. There are clear and simple rules that define what a scotsman is. There are none that define what a Christian is. You asserted that a particular reading of Christianity is true. The poster replied that they felt you were misreading it and that they're reading was true. You then appealed to the true scotsman fallacy in order to support your assertion that a true Christian should read the Bible your way. In short you both made the true scotsman fallacy so you don't get to win the argument by appealing to it. What's more, there really isn't such a thing as a true Christian. Even Jesus was a Jew. At least a scotsman lives in Scotland or has Scottish ancestry. Thus, in the phrase "true scotsman" at least one of those words is quite clearly defined. The phrase "true Christian" however is nonsense. Eh? I actually said completely the opposite. I was taking issue with him saying his version of Christianity was the correct one and saying that there is no such thing as a "true Christian". Christians are people and organisations who define themselves as Christians. You 2 have completely gone off track
First, someone hijacked the thread by bringing in Christianity in the conversation (who knows what OP's religion is? ).
Well, I got sucked in too, oops!
Then the no sex thread looks like about to become of interest to Nicola Sturgeon.She may fear that her intended 2nd Referendum is under thread...
Now you,guys,are arguing about general concepts about definitions etc..
Believe it or not, certain things in life are true whilst others - false.
You may not accept it and prefer the credo that all is relative and so on.
In my view, you can define a Christian, and a Scotsman, and a fallacy and wife's loss of sex. drive... It may be a little difficult at times, but there's a way.
"Abstract concepts like Christianity have no existence outside human minds. . If human beings didn't exist Christianity wouldn't exist. So yes, the definition of a Christian is purely relative. It's whatever the general social consensus says it is at any given point. | |||
"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " Have you tried spicing things up in the bedroom? Have you discussed if she would like to see other guys maybe get her mojo back? | |||
" Abstract concepts like Christianity have no existence outside human minds. . If human beings didn't exist Christianity wouldn't exist. So yes, the definition of a Christian is purely relative. It's whatever the general social consensus says it is at any given point. " If humans didn't exist, nothing but inanimate matter would exist (for the sake of the argument, suppose there were no animals and other living organisms ). General social consensus can never be the yard stick though. Very little progress would've been made throughout history if people were merely following the herd. Specifically regarding Christianity,there's little point even considering it with any seriousness if it was all a man made belief. Conversly,if you believe it originates from God, why you would care what the general social consensus is? Follow what God says. | |||
" Abstract concepts like Christianity have no existence outside human minds. . If human beings didn't exist Christianity wouldn't exist. So yes, the definition of a Christian is purely relative. It's whatever the general social consensus says it is at any given point. If humans didn't exist, nothing but inanimate matter would exist (for the sake of the argument, suppose there were no animals and other living organisms ). General social consensus can never be the yard stick though. Very little progress would've been made throughout history if people were merely following the herd. Specifically regarding Christianity,there's little point even considering it with any seriousness if it was all a man made belief. Conversly,if you believe it originates from God, why you would care what the general social consensus is? Follow what God says. "My point is that understanding of abstract concepts changes over time. Take Christianity attitude to things like witchcraft and same sex relationships for example. The understanding of the concept of God has also changed over time. The idea of God as viewed by a 21st century Christian is very different to the concept as understood by say Augustine and Calvin. You are also begging the question when you say Christianity originates with God. You and pope Francis both believe that but you draw very different conclusions from that belief. Christianity is worth taking seriously, even though like all other ideologies, it was dreamed up by human beings because it has had an immense influence on human history. | |||
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"Eh? I actually said completely the opposite. I was taking issue with him saying his version of Christianity was the correct one and saying that there is no such thing as a "true Christian". Christians are people and organisations who define themselves as Christians. " You argued that Christianity advocates celibacy. He disagreed. You implied "true Christianity" advocates celibacy and that his views weren't "truly Christian". Then he responded by saying that Christians who advocate celibacy aren't "true Christians". You then accused him of the true scotsman fallacy. A tad hypocritical I'd suggest. | |||
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" Abstract concepts like Christianity have no existence outside human minds. . If human beings didn't exist Christianity wouldn't exist. So yes, the definition of a Christian is purely relative. It's whatever the general social consensus says it is at any given point. If humans didn't exist, nothing but inanimate matter would exist (for the sake of the argument, suppose there were no animals and other living organisms ). General social consensus can never be the yard stick though. Very little progress would've been made throughout history if people were merely following the herd. Specifically regarding Christianity,there's little point even considering it with any seriousness if it was all a man made belief. Conversly,if you believe it originates from God, why you would care what the general social consensus is? Follow what God says.
My point is that understanding of abstract concepts changes over time. Take Christianity attitude to things like witchcraft and same sex relationships for example.
The understanding of the concept of God has also changed over time. The idea of God as viewed by a 21st century Christian is very different to the concept as understood by say Augustine and Calvin. You are also begging the question when you say Christianity originates with God. You and pope Francis both believe that but you draw very different conclusions from that belief.
Christianity is worth taking seriously, even though like all other ideologies, it was dreamed up by human beings because it has had an immense influence on human history. "If Christianity was dreamed up by human beings it wouldn't not have had this immense influence on human history and human life in general. You site some authorities that have their own views on God. If you were to find out what God thinks, you are likely to realise that He hasn't changed at all and everything about Him is just as it has ever been. Everlasting, omnipotent, merciful and loving, etc. | |||
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"Hi folks, what are your thoughts. Im happily married apart from our drastically different sex drives. Im no rabbit but she has lost her mojo years ago. She is stunning, funny, cuddly and lovely but sex is almost always me begging for scraps like a dog at the table. Spice thing up maybe she's just busy with life I.e kids , work so on . Take some of the pressure off if you can . Maybe a romantic weekend away without any pressures perhaps ? Is it ok to stray in my situation or is it ok for your life partner to switch off your access to sex at 40yrs old... " | |||
