FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Devastated wife

Devastated wife

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Got a text tonight from a guy I have been chatting to on here and by text for a while, we were supposed to be meeting this Sunday. He asked me to call so I did, only to find it wasnt him but his wife. He told me he was not attached. She was so upset asking me to tell her what had been going on. I said I didnt know he was married, he gave me a different name and we hadnt actually met. She was crying asking me to be a woman and fill in the blanks for her as he wasnt likely to tell her the truth. I said well if he was her husband then that was their issue and she needed to ask him. I feel so bad as she was clearly gutted and kept asking how I knew him but I didnt want to tell her about fab. I had to hang up on her in the end. Of course he went UNLOS soon after. Now I just feel really shit even though I know I did nothing wrong. Should I have told her?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think if you would expect another woman you don't know to look out for you the same way. He did deserve to be ratted out. Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on

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By *enithWoman over a year ago

closer than you think

No! You did the right thing by hanging up ...... just block the number and stay out if it. She needs to talk to him

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think if you would expect another woman you don't know to look out for you the same way. He did deserve to be ratted out. Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on "

Yeah I get that he would have deserved it absolutely. Was just thinking its not really my problem. Now I feel guilty about it all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No! You did the right thing by hanging up ...... just block the number and stay out if it. She needs to talk to him "

That is what I told her. I just keep thinkjng how upset she was

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You did absoloutly nothing wrong he lied to you and his wife, the blame is clearly in his own court

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By *oysvsgirlsMan over a year ago

farnborough

You did 100% the right thing. Everything on here is about trust. If you lie you deserve to get caught out. If you aren't honest from the start where is the trust?

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By *homCrownMan over a year ago

West Fife

You were right to do as you did. You took him at his word he was unattached and its not your fault his other half found out.

Don't feel guilty.

You might empathise with her situation but would be healthy for you not to dwell on that aspect.

Pick yourself up and reset your filter.

Guys who can't be honest about their situation have no place on here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You did the right thing in my opinon. I can understand that she was very upset, but that is his fence to mend, not yours. You were unaware that he was married, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Telling her about fab may have caused her to haul abuse at you. Something which you don't deserve. This is between them. He's the one arranging to meet women behind his wife's back. You shouldn't have to risk any form of abuse when you were he told he was single.

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

You were not the one doing the cheating here, but the reason this is tugging so much on your conscience is because you have one in the first place and you know deep down what a complete rat bag he is and that this woman probably deserves whatever possible that will genuinely help her in these circumstances knowing how completely devastated she is. Imagine if this was you the other way around.

So really, are you asking because you want your conscience soothed to make you feel better that you’ve hung up on her? Or do you want some kind of confirmation that your conscience is right and that you probably should have helped her out with the truth at least, from a moral perspective? You either want a technical answer or a moral one.

As someone who had a swinging relationship and still got cheated on when my partner activated his fab profile up again and met people in secret without me, I contacted at least one of the profiles that verified him while we were together (once I found out) and just asked kindly for the truth about what has happened as not knowing and being lied to had been killing me. I was glad to have had someone that replied and helped inform me what went on so that I could work out what I was dealing with. I never got anywhere near the truth from him, and I’m greatful that they were as kind to me as they were when we spoke, and they were horrified at him. There were other people I could have contacted but a part of me feared them getting arsey with me and going on the defensive. Mutual acquaintances lied and covered up on his behalf, and it makes you realise that some people care more about themselves than doing the right thing.

His partner had probably never been more frightened in her life that in that moment when she made that call to you. It probably took her guts to call you, not knowing what she would hear. As long as she wasn’t going completely crazy at you down the phone, and was listening to the little that you did say, I’d say fair play to her and my heart goes out to her. You didn’t cause this, and he has made the cock up here, but honesty is all the poor girl deserves surely.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"You were not the one doing the cheating here, but the reason this is tugging so much on your conscience is because you have one in the first place and you know deep down what a complete rat bag he is and that this woman probably deserves whatever possible that will genuinely help her in these circumstances knowing how completely devastated she is. Imagine if this was you the other way around.

Your heart is in the right place but you are also guilt tripping the OP knowing her head is all over the place. It's on her concience simply because she is human. She isn't the wrong doer and her priority is rightfully herself. Her privacy is important and it isn't fair that she gets called a slag, slapper or whatever from the betrayed wife if she was to explain she was on here. Remember she is also a victim in this scenario.

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By *eavens stairwayWoman over a year ago

you never know

You have done the right thing,I had this before myself with a guy telling me he was single and working over here,when I got a call from his wife in tears I told her everything how I met him and were,but I not went meeting in person,he was arriving home on his daughters birthday. Told her keep calm and enjoy your day and when you are alone with him confront him,she was pleased I told her the whole truth and said it up to you what you both decide to do but if it was me his bags would be packed and not even get over the door,so its not your fault its clearly his,you had a lucky escape . Put it behind you honey xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

id say block the number and forget

hes the fibber not you , he shouldnt have lied ...

block and forget

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

Nowhere in the OPs comments has she said that the woman has called her a “slag, slapper” or any other derogatory term. She has neither stated that the woman was abusive, angry or shouting. It seems you have assumed that this is the case. Mainly due to ingrained assumtions we have in wider society about scorned partners. I make no apology for humanising her predicament, even if that makes others feel uncomfortable. I also still stand by the fact I said that he is the one responsible for what he has done to his wife, not the OP. I certainly didn’t say or intimate she was the wrongdoer at all, that definitely lies with the man.

As I stated above, is she asking this because she wants to hear things to make her feel better about putting the phone down without telling her what was really going on? Or something else. Most people only ask questions like this because they just want to feel better about what happened and maybe she only is looking for confirmation bias so she can mentally let it go, rather than anything else.

Deciding to give honest answers to the woman does not automatically assume that she breaches personal privacy. It should go without saying that she need not give out any personal information about who she is in order to give some truth to the wife. If I wasn’t receiving abuse, I would have felt for the poor woman and sung like a canary. If only for not covering up for the husband by default who clearly does not deserve it.

I am not trying to guilt trip anyone, Im trying to give some balance to the inevitable “it’s not your problem” comments particularly from someone who has had the shoe on the other foot. It’s easy to think

about what suits ourselves but not always as easy to think of what is fair or kind to others. If it’s playing on her mind enough to ask about it from the scene in a forum, from people who can be sensitive and understanding about our lifestyle, then this side of the issue and the explanation of it, is of just as much value.

For what it’s worth, the guy really is a scumbag as it’s very unfortunate that you’ve been put in the position that you have been, OP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you could just say to her ...

hes on fabswingers ,heres his nickname

all we do is chat , ive never met him

the end

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

For what it’s worth, the guy really is a scumbag as it’s very unfortunate that you’ve been put in the position that you have been, OP."

You clearly have a strong opinion on this and with very good reason. I have no wish to argue over the matter with you or anyone else.

That being said I must point out you missed a very vital aspect of my reply. An aspect that if you take the time to re read you will see I stated very cleary.

I did not suggest that the wife got angry nor called the OP names. Nor did i say you had done so.

If you re read you will see I put "if she was to explain she was on here". This means that a heck of a lot of what you said is in reply to something I never actually said or intimated or indeed assumed.

Privacy starts with not telling someone who is unknown to you on the other end of a phone call that you are a member of fab and what the site involves.

I have mentioned on unrelated posts about how a member on here showed my pictures around the office. This caused me to recieve unwelcome attention ranging from teasing about my naked body to being called a filthy bastard. I know from first hand how the general populous can be when presented with such news.

I accept that is not the same scenario as a betrayed wife being told over the phone that her hubby is on the site. I don't think it's unreasonable to conclude that her reaction might be even more venomous despite her being calm beforehand. It is absolutely not wrong of the OP to avoid the risk of that happening.

The wife deserves answers from hubby. She knows he was messaging the OP. The OP has not denied this and explained she didn't know he was married.

Morally that is sufficient info from the OP in my opinion.

I fully accept and respect you have a different opinion on the matter. Your arguments for full disclosure have some merit. The difference between us is who we are suggesting to prioritise that's all.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Yeah I get that he would have deserved it absolutely. Was just thinking its not really my problem. Now I feel guilty about it all. "
well don't as it's their problem not yours, you were lied to. Xx

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By *unguya2zMan over a year ago

coventry..ish

I had a devastated wife call me earlier,swore I never messaged you about anything

Tin hats on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For what it’s worth, the guy really is a scumbag as it’s very unfortunate that you’ve been put in the position that you have been, OP."

Yes. exactly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"you could just say to her ...

hes on fabswingers ,heres his nickname

all we do is chat , ive never met him

the end "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/12/17 03:33:00]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you did right, OP. It's not your job to have to tell lies to save his lying arse, and you had no loyalty to the guy (rightly so!). His wife deserved to hear the truth.

I'm always clear to men that I will not lie for them if their partner contacts me.

You did nothing wrong and by telling the wife what you know, you have empowered her to be able to make an informed decision about staying in her marriage or not. She deserves that choice.

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By *izzabelle and well hungCouple over a year ago

Edinburgh.

Keep his number. He’ll have a lot more free time now.

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

"You clearly have a strong opinion on this and with very good reason. I have no wish to argue over the matter with you or anyone else."

I find it amusing that you wrote that but then the rest of your post was dedicated to literally arguing the matter and my post completely

I am glad for the debate that these forums bring, it does seem that the situation the OP is in is a sad one for all involved.

Any mention of the actuality or possibility of the OP being called a “slag, slapper..” came from you, and it was directly your suggestion and assumption that it could happen (I wouldn’t be surprised if the OP feared this possibility during the call, but it’s important to make the distinction that it wasn’t mentioned). I didn’t mention it, and neither did the OP mention anything the woman did or said to make that sound like it was about to. I took the post on face value in that respect as it’s too easy to flesh out extra dimensions and move on tangents to an issue when there is limited information at hand. Fleshing out situations like this with our own subconscious assumptions is natural however, and it seems you had a pretty horrible situation of your own where you found yourself on the receiving end of abuse and “outing” so you know what direction things can take when they go wrong. FWIW I myself was in a similar position (although not at work) by being “outed” from someone I knew who was also using fab and I had only been here a week and I was petrified. The abuse I got was horrific and pictures were shared, so I am very sensitive to situations where personal info and privacy is concerned. I even have had a friend in the BDSM scene get outed to her entire workplace as well and it became a criminal investigation for the person who attempted to out her. You definitely have my sympathy on that one, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I do agree with you that your (our) situation is not the same scenario that has happened to the OP. Perceived risks are no less real, however I don’t see being truthful as requiring the divulging of personal information that can identify you, by default. Perhaps after what happened to me being outed, I believe I have a better idea of what that includes and doesn’t include. I didn’t intimate that she needed to tell the wife the name of fabswingers for example, I completely agree that disclosure to that kind of detail wouldn’t be wise. As I say, Im just not sure I agree that giving her information about the situation needs to involve jeopardising personal identifiable information. I don’t see these two things as mutually exclusive.

I guess for me, as much as we do think more about ourselves than others, my thoughts would very much be with a wife in this position (unless abusive in which case i would advise the opposite) and I don’t feel it would be difficult letting her know the main body of truth in the matter (as she was so clearly begging for) while keeping my privacy at the same time.

Divulging what you genuinely can about the truth of the matter, to someone who is clearly heartbroken and in need of it, is something I would be prepared to do. From a moral stand point. I would feel it’s the least I could do. I guess I don’t think I would find it a huge challenge to keep my privacy in the same process and I find the moral excuse in not saying anything, based purely on risk of privacy alone, a bit false.

In my situation when involving my partner, I was very calm and had a really nice convo with the couple and woman involved and thanked them for their help. Another woman poster above seems to tell much the same story (although from the other side of the coin) and one hopes that in the main, showing a bit of solidarity and compassion is met with whatever respect is possible in return. Certainly that seems like it could have been a possibility when I go by how the OP worded her post.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

If I’d have rung someone and got an opposite sex answering, I might have asked for the person (with the wrong name) and the reply was, there was no one by that name here. I don’t think I have entered in to a conversation about having sex witth a person I don’t know.

More likely to have said, ‘sorry wrong number and hung up’.

Then gone about blocking.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

At the end of the day, what makes the wife the innocent victim here? You know nothing about their relationship since you didn't even know she existed prior to the call. It's possible she is cold, unaffectionate and has neglected him for years. It's also possible she is none of those things and is an innocent victim. The point is that it's not your problem or responsibility. There marriage is clearly falling apart and in the vast majority of cases then both the husband and wife contibute to that, not necessarily in equal proportions.

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

You should not feel guilty.

You had information and its always the choice of the person with that information whether to share it or not.

There is no right or wrong.

Everyone will have different responses. Some will tell all, others will hang up, some will give a little information but no detail.

You did what was right for you, your concern shows your care for the distressed wife it's not an indication that you did the wrong thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a text tonight from a guy I have been chatting to on here and by text for a while, we were supposed to be meeting this Sunday. He asked me to call so I did, only to find it wasnt him but his wife. He told me he was not attached. She was so upset asking me to tell her what had been going on. I said I didnt know he was married, he gave me a different name and we hadnt actually met. She was crying asking me to be a woman and fill in the blanks for her as he wasnt likely to tell her the truth. I said well if he was her husband then that was their issue and she needed to ask him. I feel so bad as she was clearly gutted and kept asking how I knew him but I didnt want to tell her about fab. I had to hang up on her in the end. Of course he went UNLOS soon after. Now I just feel really shit even though I know I did nothing wrong. Should I have told her? "
that's crap but you did right thing

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I always say that I would never tell anybody if I thought their partner was cheating on them but if I was asked a direct question I would answer it with what I knew and nothing more.

I don't know if I would have told this woman about fab or not, I probably would have. I don't think you should beat yourself up because you didn't though, you gave her the basics.

You will feel bad because you empathised with another person in distress. This makes you a good person

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

She wasn't called a slag etc. This was another female reaching out to another female as I see it. Personally I would have told her the truth, we have been chatting on a swingers site called fab. Haven't met yet but were going to, and then let them sort their mess out.

OP it is obviously preying on your mind and you have posted this thead. Most have said you have done the right think, but most on here are not really concerned with others suffering. Only you know if you did the right thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah I get that he would have deserved it absolutely. Was just thinking its not really my problem. Now I feel guilty about it all. "

Don't feel guilty. He duped you.

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By *otgirl32Woman over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

Only ONE thing is clear and unequivocal - it's NOT your fault (OP), you're NOT the one causing pain and trouble. So block, walk away. No need to feel bad. YOu also did the RIGHT thing about not telling more (including about Fab)

As for the wife, who knows who is at fault. She might be genuinely wronged. She might also be a bitch in real life that drove her husband to seek affection elsewhere as is the case for a LOT of married men.

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By *picyminxWoman over a year ago

Huntingdon

I would have told her at least then she would have the missing pieces so she could make a decision and move on. I wouldn't protect him , he's lied already and will probably just lie even more. Not a fan of cheats. Met a guy in vanilla world and was seeing him and turned out he already had a gf. I suspected and contacted the woman who filled me in. I could then make my decision and move on. Hurt like hell but hey ho I got over it x

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By *oubyLoverWoman over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"If I’d have rung someone and got an opposite sex answering, I might have asked for the person (with the wrong name) and the reply was, there was no one by that name here. I don’t think I have entered in to a conversation about having sex witth a person I don’t know.

More likely to have said, ‘sorry wrong number and hung up’.

Then gone about blocking.

Exactly this

I’ve been cheated on and it’s never nice but the person with the responsibility to the wife is her husband, not the person he’s cheating with (or whichever way round it is). Leave it to them and don’t get involved as otherwise you’ll find the messenger is the one usually shot. Use that fab saying..,next!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why should you give a flying fuck.

I wouldn't, I'd say, it was not me who broke your vows. Go ask them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let’s just hope that all the people who cheating read this no matter what there excuse or reasons they tell themselves they are cheating and there’s always a big chance of there partner finding out and there the ones that get hurt the most. A friend of ours cheating many years ago on his now ex wife (before we new him) she found out about 7 years after not sure on the details. But cheats always get caught out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't feel guilty. You aren't the one who tried to go behind someone else's back. I'd guess she'll probably find out by fab by looking as his phone or computer. Probably you're aren't the only persons he's been chatting or met.

Remember also that he also lied to you too.

Sadly our experience is that very few guys on here are genuinely unattached. Yes, there are some, but not many.

Ultimately being on FAB you have to have an element of trust that people are telling you the truth when you decide to meet or not. Sadly that also means that also makes it easier for the cheaters and the fakes to take advantage of those who are on here for the right reasons.

Chin up, take a big breath and perhaps look at as a close call.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Only ONE thing is clear and unequivocal - it's NOT your fault (OP), you're NOT the one causing pain and trouble. So block, walk away. No need to feel bad. YOu also did the RIGHT thing about not telling more (including about Fab)

Yep! What the op experienced was a symptom of a relationship in trouble, how it got to that point is not something any of us can know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why should you give a flying fuck.

I wouldn't, I'd say, it was not me who broke your vows. Go ask them"

Really!

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By *ools and the brainCouple over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Does this mean that you are now free on Sunday?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why should you give a flying fuck.

I wouldn't, I'd say, it was not me who broke your vows. Go ask them

Really!

"
well brutal as he put it he's right hubby was cheating not as he was just about to with Op but maybe with others to ,so the Op naturally feels guilty but didn't know so isn't involved other than the wife found her number on his phone

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

Why should you give a flying fuck.

I wouldn't, I'd say, it was not me who broke your vows. Go ask them

Really!

well brutal as he put it he's right hubby was cheating not as he was just about to with Op but maybe with others to ,so the Op naturally feels guilty but didn't know so isn't involved other than the wife found her number on his phone "

She chose to marry him, live with the consequences of your decisions unless you want an arranged marriage next time...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Be prepared in future .... if a woman answers say "Hello! Thousands of people have benefitted from our PPI recovery service. Are you sure you aren't owed PPI compensation?" She will hang up, there will still be peace in their home and you will have avoided messing up the lives of two total strangers.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Be prepared in future .... if a woman answers say "Hello! Thousands of people have benefitted from our PPI recovery service. Are you sure you aren't owed PPI compensation?" She will hang up, there will still be peace in their home and you will have avoided messing up the lives of two total strangers.

The op hasn't messed up the lives of two total strangers, they've managed that all by themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The op hasn't messed up the lives of two total strangers, they've managed that all by themselves."

She is upset because she told the wife her husband had been trying to cheat on her. Before that the wife did not know.

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By *uckslut and MCouple over a year ago

Poole

100 percent you should of told her!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Should have told her everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You most definitely should have told her everything.

You have done nothing wrong as you were clearly lied to and misled.

Keep smiling, onwards and upwards

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very very true lol

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

The op hasn't messed up the lives of two total strangers, they've managed that all by themselves.

She is upset because she told the wife her husband had been trying to cheat on her. Before that the wife did not know. "

She was upset enough to ask a complete stranger to call her while pretending to be him, after presumably going through his phone. The op didn't cause the upset.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

I think you have to extract yourself from such conversations as quickly as possible and provide as close to zero information - you have no information upon who the person is that you're talking with.

As human as it may seem to want to support a distressed person, you have to leave them to get the support that they need elsewhere. And providing any information to an unknown person could result in very dire circumstances.

It can help to have a swinging number, so that you can stop using it, if there are issues. And it's less traceable etc

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By *irginieWoman over a year ago

Near Marlborough

OP you did nothing wrong. The happiness of the wife or the man is not your responsibility. Nor is counselling the wife so she can have closure. And I can almost assure you that if you had tried it would have not helped the situation.

You were duped so time to brush yourself down and make this a thing of the past.

V x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll bet all the cheating married women are laying low in this thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it is right to tell the husband or wife of a total stranger their partner is trying to cheat on them, with all the pain and suffering that brings to their family, then where does this civic duty end?

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

Personally I think he wants the relationship to end but doesnt have the guts to do it himself so he sets you up and his wife can leave or chuck him out. Why else would he get you to phone knowing his wife would answer? Think you were set up.

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

I see a happily married guy occasionally. We have amazing sex then he goes home. His wife isn’t interested and he loves how responsive I am when he touched me. It’s an ego boost for him and fulfils a need for both of us. I know what it’s like to be in sexless marriage. I’ve been there. So it can work out at times.

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I think you have to extract yourself from such conversations as quickly as possible and provide as close to zero information - you have no information upon who the person is that you're talking with.

It can help to have a swinging number, so that you can stop using it, if there are issues. And it's less traceable etc"

You make some very good points. I wonder why people are so quick to believe the woman on the end of the phone is the genuine one and he's the liar. She might be a stalker that he's tried to shake off for years, someone might have stolen his phone...

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"Personally I think he wants the relationship to end but doesnt have the guts to do it himself so he sets you up and his wife can leave or chuck him out. Why else would he get you to phone knowing his wife would answer? Think you were set up.

60% probability of being correct imo

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"If it is right to tell the husband or wife of a total stranger their partner is trying to cheat on them, with all the pain and suffering that brings to their family, then where does this civic duty end?

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

Preach

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

Who's this slutty daughter you speak of?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

Who's this slutty daughter you speak of?

Typical male!! Hahaha

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

I'm a glass half full kind of person and would turn it into a positive by saying the hubby is obviously a cheat and at least the wife now knows this.

They can work on it and stay together or seperate so at least it's going to be sorted rather than it going on for years

She might find the man of her dreams through leaving the cheating current hubby

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

Who's this slutty daughter you speak of?

Typical male!! Hahaha

To be fair, i thought the same but there was an implication she might be on the young side so i kept it to myself. But for the record, please inform us of any slutty daughters of legal age.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I think there have been some misunderstandings here that I will clear up, I did not tell his wife anything she did not know as she had read texts between us where we were making arrangements to meet and they were as she put it "provocative". What she wanted to know from me was how we got to the point of having each others numbers and texting. I didnt want to tell her I was on fab as that is my business nobody elses. Also she now has my number if she chooses to cause me trouble. I wasnt sure how to block the number so switched my phone off. Today I have a load of messages and voicemails from her starting off telling me he doesnt want me, that he is abusive, on to I am as weak as he is and that she is ending their marriage and I had a part to play in it.

I appreciate everyone taking the time to give their viewpoint and I still feel pretty shit about it all. Looking at it more clearly today though I am happier with my decision not to tell her about fab. His profile is gone. He is the one that has hurt her and cheated on her not me and I will try and remember that going forward. Oh and nobody will be getting my phone number again thats for sure!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That actually happened to me and the woman was sobbing,i had only had a cup of coffee with him but i felt terrible he told me he lived with his daughter I wont say what i wrote to him but it wasnt pleasant i now wont meet unless at a party or club and usually with men i know well and trust.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I think there have been some misunderstandings here that I will clear up, I did not tell his wife anything she did not know as she had read texts between us where we were making arrangements to meet and they were as she put it "provocative". What she wanted to know from me was how we got to the point of having each others numbers and texting. I didnt want to tell her I was on fab as that is my business nobody elses. Also she now has my number if she chooses to cause me trouble. I wasnt sure how to block the number so switched my phone off. Today I have a load of messages and voicemails from her starting off telling me he doesnt want me, that he is abusive, on to I am as weak as he is and that she is ending their marriage and I had a part to play in it.

Have you managed to block the number? You might need to contact your provider.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Keep a fab phone with a throwaway pay as you go sim op x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Keep a fab phone with a throwaway pay as you go sim op x"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile. "

Hi yeah he didnt ask me to call him, it was her pretending to be him. He clearly hadnt deletdd any of our texts though so you may be right I dont know. If you are right he is even more of a coward than I thought lol. She did say in her voicemail she hadnt seen this coming so I dont know what to think. And I will likely nevr know! So just going to try and put it behind me. I would say lesson learned but he said he was single, could accommodate and he even had a public face pic so I chose to believe him. I dont want to end up so cold hearted I never believe anyone ever. But I guess thats one of the downsides to fab x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Have you managed to block the number? You might need to contact your provider."

Think I have worked it out now thanks it seems I had blocked calls but not texts. And apparently blocked calls go straight to voicemail so she had managed to leave messages there. Just downloaded an app to block everything

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple over a year ago

Leicestershire

Use kik messenger you can msg without exchanging numbers. Don't give out your everyday number to anyone on the scene.

I see things a little different to some others on this thread. We are honest and open it's how we play. We don't have secrets so if someone asks me I'll tell them the truth. It wouldn't be our business other than where we are involved. If you want to lie and cheat then you take your own risks don't expect us to lie for you.

However the moment someone becomes abusive or disrespectful they'd get one warning and then cut off.

She has your number now so if it developes into more of a problem you'll have to change it. Blocking one number isn't going to help because she'll just use anotherone.

You haven't done any wrong he has and both her and you have been caught in the crossfire.

Don't feel guilty but learn from it.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile.

I'd say self preservation means that on Fab assuming all men (or women) are attached is a wise precaution. It doesn't mean you need to disbelieve people outside of your on line encounters. We drum it in to our kids to mistrust on line friends but don't take our own advice.

None of this is your fault as you know but I empathise, it's a horrible position to be in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Use kik messenger you can msg without exchanging numbers. Don't give out your everyday number to anyone on the scene.

However the moment someone becomes abusive or disrespectful they'd get one warning and then cut off.

She has your number now so if it developes into more of a problem you'll have to change it. Blocking one number isn't going to help because she'll just use anotherone.

You haven't done any wrong he has and both her and you have been caught in the crossfire.

Don't feel guilty but learn from it.

I have certainly learned my lesson about giving out my number. I actually thought if a guy was willing to give a number rather than kik there would be less chance he was attached. Clearly I was wrong lol! As for telling the truth that is usually my default setting. I was not covering for him I was covering for myself, I didnt want her to know I was on fab as that is my business. That protected him to a degree yes and was not helpful to her but sometimes we have to think of ourselves first. That is something I am not very good at which is wby I feel so bad I guess

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile.

None of this is your fault as you know but I empathise, it's a horrible position to be in."

Thars a fair point about not taking our own advice about online friends. But if I choose to assume everyone on fab is attached how will I ever meet anyone? I guess I can be pretty naive lol always have been far too trusting

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/12/17 13:33:23]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Does this mean that you are now free on Sunday?

Hah yes, I guess it does!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile.

None of this is your fault as you know but I empathise, it's a horrible position to be in.

The man in question freely gave you his number, had a face pic on public profile and said he could accommodate.... Their were no red flags to indicate he was married. I don't think this particular experience makes you naive at all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You haven't done anything wrong, even if you had met up.

I'm open about being in a relationship. It's my business, and i don't have to explain my life choices to anyone, but i think it's only fair to go into this openly. It does mean i miss out on some opportunities, but that is life. I also get a fair bit of criticism, which is uncalled for, but i understand.

It's quite amusing, as some people on here take the moral highground on here protesting that they have never met an attached guy before. I find that incredibly judgemental and naive.

As a general rule, if a single guy can't accomodate, he's cheating.

I know this is not always the case, and i appologise in advance to those single guys that have genuine reasons, but if you are single, why couldn't you ?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You don’t need to be on a swinging site to be a cheat! I know a guy who gave his wife an STI. He’s now on wife no 4!

The OP should move on. Easier said than done as you obviously liked this guy enough to call him. Put it behind you. No doubt he’ll be back on with a new profile.

None of this is your fault as you know but I empathise, it's a horrible position to be in.

And there's the problem. I have no idea how you tell 100% if someone is truthful about their marital status. I think the best you can do is satisfy yourself as best you can and accept that you might get duped now and again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Appologies, i never noticed he had he could accomodate.

See ?

Even that isn't a true indication !

(I'll get me coat)

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By *zamiWoman over a year ago

LONDON

My heart goes out to you but I have no idea what the answer is xx

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By *uckandbunnyCouple over a year ago

In your bed

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

Nonsense.

If I tell you something then it's entirely your choice whether to keep that information or to use it.

If you want to keep a secret don't tell anyone it.

She has no civic duty to divulge the information, but equally she has no civic duty to keep the information secret.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Appologies, i never noticed he had he could accomodate.

See ?

Even that isn't a true indication !

(I'll get me coat)"

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By *otgirl32Woman over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

From all the post I read, it seems like the root problem is in the mindset of people on Fab. For a lot, they go all "morally" when a sex partner is cheating on his/her spouse/partner. They feel they "can't ever tell someone's telling the truth", that they "can't have sex with a liar", some feel obliged to divulge the adultery to the "poor wife" and in doing so rip that family apart. Bollocks. Men and women cheat for many different reasons and if all adulterers were so immoral the world would be a very very bad place because a huge % (someone told me 50%) of married couples have at least one member cheating at some point in time. Men and women hide their attached status because they get mouthfuls from people who judge them instantly

For me, if someone's committing adultery it's his/her problem not mine. I have no moral issues with it. I'm not marrying them, I'm enjoying sex. I weigh every man or woman I sleep with based on whether they're attractive to me (physically, mentally). I don't judge them. And I don't get an ulcer over the thought that they're cheating.

Over the years I've received just 2 calls from a wife on hubby's phone and as soon as I heard "who is this" in a female voice I knew what was happening and spun it as a "wrong number" and hung up. I didn't feel the wife needed me to confirm her husband was cheating, she could ask him herself and let them sort it out.

And no one lies to me if they're attached even though their profiles do often say single.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"From all the post I read, it seems like the root problem is in the mindset of people on Fab. For a lot, they go all "morally" when a sex partner is cheating on his/her spouse/partner. They feel they "can't ever tell someone's telling the truth", that they "can't have sex with a liar", some feel obliged to divulge the adultery to the "poor wife" and in doing so rip that family apart. Bollocks. Men and women cheat for many different reasons and if all adulterers were so immoral the world would be a very very bad place because a huge % (someone told me 50%) of married couples have at least one member cheating at some point in time. Men and women hide their attached status because they get mouthfuls from people who judge them instantly

And no one lies to me if they're attached even though their profiles do often say single."

Depending on the definition of cheating used and the survey type, the results are generally that 60-70% of married people admit to some form of cheating (as they see it) at some point in the marriage, when they can self report anonymously

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And no one lies to me if they're attached even though their profiles do often say single."

Well it seems you are lucky not to have met this guy then as he definitely lied. I dont care if he wants to cheat, I do care if he wants to drag me into that without my knowledge. Because I dont want those phone calls. I dont want to feel responsible for his cheating when I was unaware, having asked him at the very start if he was attached in any way. As far as I am concerned the only person that has ripped that family apart is him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I know it isn’t as easy as that - he should never have lied to you and you were undoubtedly taken off-guard but (with the benefit of hindsight) what on Earth do you think you were doing? I’m sorry but it shows a complete lack of discretion. I think you’ve done a lot wrong - I feel sorry for this couple. You should have just put the phone down and blocked him as a caller and blocked him on here.

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

OP .... you handled it well

You could of told her more ie he's on fab ... but whats the point in that , she probably doesn't even know what fab is.

You are not the only women he has spoken to on fab... or possibly met

Hes lied to both of you .... but he has to sort out his mess now.

She's upset that's why shes leaving messages, but you have to disengage your self from the situation .... right idea to block, you dont need the hassle

Hes gone unlos for now... but he will be back.

I had a similar thing happen to me... an irrate wife rang me saying I was having an affair with her husband .... loads of abuse, she stood over him and made him call me to say he would never contact me again .

I blocked their numbers

Low and behold hes back on fab now and even had the cheek to message me asking to meet .

But the moral of this story is

Never give out your number, I learnt my lesson...

Now get back out there and have fun ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

More likely to have said, ‘sorry wrong number and hung up’.

Then gone about blocking.

Precisely.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen."

Any problems caused to the guy were caused by him, not the op, she didn't "let herself get dragged in" she was unwittingly involved. The couple have problems the op is a bystander caught in the crossfire.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

Rubbish. It was none of her business. She’s acted like a jilted lover and caused untold damage to their relationship. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, but it was not the OP’s responsibility or moral duty to spill the beans. A “sorry, wrong number” and put the phone down (then block, block, block) was all that was required.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

I think you must be reading a different op to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

what crap!! have you actually read the post? She hasn't done anything wrong! In fact she's been more discreet than the guy deserves refusing to say how she knows him, and clearly says she gave no information. She didn't 'spill the beans'..that had already been done! And as for acting like a jilted lover?? where does that come from? the OP feels bad for the woman..hardly the same thing!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen."

I dont believe I was owe him discretion. I asked him if he was attached and he said no. As for saying "wrong number" well she had already read our texts and that was the first thing she said. So i told her i didnt know he was married as she now had my number and i didnt want the shitstorm that she coukd send my way. It did happen and that was down to him, why do you think I should have lied to her to protect him? Which would have done no good anyway as like i said, she had read our texts. That horse had already bolted from the stable. I was unaware he was cheating, it was not my fault he was cheating and not my fault she found out. So I ask why you feel sorry for this couple as if it is all my fault, why you feel he was owed my "discretion"? I wonder perhaps if you have maybe been in his situation. Or do you just feel the man is never to blame, no matter how many people he lies to?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

In fact don't bother forget I asked. I dont want to argie with you. I asked for opinions and thats what I got, have to take the negative with the positive. And thanks again to everyone that has replied and mailed me. I have a much clearer view of the situation now so thankyou all

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"You clearly have a strong opinion on this and with very good reason. I have no wish to argue over the matter with you or anyone else.

I find it amusing that you wrote that but then the rest of your post was dedicated to literally arguing the matter and my post completely

I am glad for the debate that these forums bring, it does seem that the situation the OP is in is a sad one for all involved.

I can totally understand your point of view. I am not for a minute saying you are wrong. Again i reiterate we are purely stating different potential scenarios of going into more detail about how the op knows the hubby. I err on the side of caution for the op and suggest she has given the wife enough info. You suggest she gives a bit more. We have both given our reasons why we support our levels of info provided. With that I think we have concluded our viewpoints.

With respect.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should have just hung up as soon as you heard a woman’s voice. Why cause problems for him (and her!)? More importantly, why let yourself get dragged into their marital affairs?

I hope this is posted in Stories and Fantasies and didn’t really happen.

No, you misunderstand me - he is totally to blame for his situation, no getting away from that.

Yes, I have had a similar situation where an ex-gf contacted me and asked me about why I enjoyed her bj’s as she wanted to treat her new bf and suffered from a lack of confidence because of a previous bf had told her she was shit at it (and she wasn’t). Unfortunately new bf saw explicit texts from me and started phoning me, she started phoning/texting me asking me to explain and it all developed into a real shit-storm. I just blocked them both and moved on. Their problem, not mine.

You should have done the same and not have engaged in conversation with her.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Sorry. I feel like I am highjacking this thread and I am not meaning too. Please re read my post and explanation subsequently. I suggested that a possible outcome of explaining about chatting to hubby via fab might have brought abuse. I never said it happened. Cheers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people just don't seem to read comments properly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yep!! Been there done that, got the t-shirt. Before M and I got together, my ex husband used our couples profile as a platform to cheat and tell the women I knew. He’d also practice unsafe sex, resulting me having to get myself checked for STIs. The last time, it was after he met a delicate flower of 19 on here, who was as promiscuous as he was! What a delightful trip to the clap clinic that was. I get the humiliation, desperation, helplessness this guy’s wife must have felt. I’ve been there. You start to think it’s your fault, where at the end of the day, it’s something wrong with whoever decides to cheat. Relationship that works is based on trust and honesty. If I was caught up in a situation whereby I was the “other woman” and I kind of was when I met M, I’d happily explain what had happened. I’ve offered to speak with M’s former partner to explain etc, as at the end of the day, the worse thing is being full of unanswered questions.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'll bet all the cheating married women are laying low in this thread"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

These situations I expect are quite a common thing!! A lot of people on here are in relationships and want nsa meets. People should really advertise that but they don't for obvious reasons. So the Problem then is how do you know someone is being completely honest with you!! I think the OP dealt with the situation with total respect and dignity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'll bet all the cheating married women are laying low in this thread

Not intentionally, just haven't got anything to add that hasn't already been said.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

I think you make a very good point. This is a very emotional subject. We get a lot of posts from many cheats, mostly men. They go the same way always which is badly for the op. This post represents the potential consequencies from a different angle and yet the over riding theme is still stone the cheater. Not from all posters I stress.

What worries me is that many people seem very quick to tell the OP to give up the secret that the hubby was on here. That is against the generally accepted etiquette of fab. What goes on fab stays on fab does not apply in this case it seems. It doesn't matter that the hubby had left fab already nor does the circumstance of his cheating. The importance of keeping fab life between us the members of the site is for me one of the fundamentals of being here.

I am not a heartless git. I have sympathy with the wife. But that is my view point on it none the less.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think anyone who is going behind their partner's back but leaves a phone with explicit text messages on it somewhere their partner can find it is either incredibly stupid or actually wants to be found out.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Should you tell all the local shops your neighbour is in financial difficulties?

Should you put on Facebook that the family accross the street are having big trouble with their teenage daughter's slutty behaviour?

That the single mother round the corner is a sex worker?

That the social worker living opposite is an alcoholic?

That the man down the road has been made redundant but has told no one?

For me this is a private matter. If it is someone I know and care about then I may tell them and try and help after, but tell a total stranger and walk away??? Like the OP I would feel bad.

So, is the desire to punish a "cheater" they have never met so overpowering in some people that they are happily prepared to be the one to throw in the bomb that rips a family apart?

(Try not to attack me. Try to discuss the question)

I am not a heartless git. I have sympathy with the wife. But that is my view point on it none the less."

I agree with you on that score. I'm often berated because I always say that if I saw a friend or acquaintances partner on here I wouldn't say anything. My main reason isn't discretion where fab's concerned but it's certainly a consideration.

The only person I have sympathy for in this situation is the op. I have no idea what's gone on between the other two or even if the woman on the phone is who she claims to be.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

I wish you all the best. You are not weak. Far from it. To me you seem a very strong person. Onwards and upwards.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I too believe you did the right thing. She possibly found other numbers in his phone, so anyone might have told him.

This is why a lot of us try to avoid married men, not necessarily because they are married, but because we know there is a woman out there potentially headed for huge upset.

This happened to a friend of mine on here. She got a random phone call and the women concerned was about to marry the man and they already had 3 children together

As the bearer of bad news you're bound to feel crap OP, but you were just the messenger so please don't shoot yourself

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

As much as I absolutely say the OP was NOT responsible for the husband cheating, she was duped in this as was the wife. I don’t envy her in this and I can understand her freaking out at the situation, I wouldn’t go so far as to applaud anyone for choosing to do what she did in the same situation.

What I would applaud someone for is giving the wife her answers (keeping her privacy naturally) and actually trying to help her find out what she is dealing with, not putting the phone down and telling her basically nothing. What’s to applaud in that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I too believe you did the right thing. She possibly found other numbers in his phone, so anyone might have told him.

This is why a lot of us try to avoid married men, not necessarily because they are married, but because we know there is a woman out there potentially headed for huge upset.

This happened to a friend of mine on here. She got a random phone call and the women concerned was about to marry the man and they already had 3 children together

As the bearer of bad news you're bound to feel crap OP, but you were just the messenger so please don't shoot yourself

Thanks but I wasnt even the bearer of bad news, his undeleted texts were...

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Some people just don't seem to read comments properly

Yeah. I should have put it in neon lights lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

I dont need to be applauded. When I posted I felt guilty for not giving her the answers she needed and telling her about fab. Having slept on it I feel I was right not to tell her as my priority is to maintain my privacy, I did not want to tell her I was on fab. If that does not fot with your vosion of the 'sisterhood' well tough. He is the man she married and he is the one that owes her answers. Not me

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By *lgarsMan over a year ago

Aberdeen

Jenwren in many cases Aberdeen is a small community and people have to be careful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Jenwren in many cases Aberdeen is a small community and people have to be careful."

I asked if he was attached, i saw he could accommodate, he had a public pic and he gave me a phone number as he wanted to communicate that way. What else should I have done?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jenwren in many cases Aberdeen is a small community and people have to be careful.

I asked if he was attached, i saw he could accommodate, he had a public pic and he gave me a phone number as he wanted to communicate that way. What else should I have done? "

you have no reason to be defending yourself...no idea what that poster is trying to infer..

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

"As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

I didn’t say you asked to be applauded. The comment was in direct response to the people choosing to applaud you “helping” her when you don’t seem to have actually done that at all, based on what info you have given.

As I said earlier in the thread, it seemed the only reason this was listed was because you are seeking confirmation bias to make you feel better about your choices, rather than anything else. Which is clearly true.

I don’t think your definition fits with anyone’s definition of “sisterhood”. Let alone what you think mine is. He does owe her the answers she deserves, but you know that doesn’t mean she will get them. He is responsible for what he did, not you. But how low effort would it have been to tell her what she needed to know. I don’t even need to go into the privacy issue as it’s been laboured already.

I’m glad that at the end of the day, at least you feel better about it all.

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

"What I would applaud someone for is giving the wife her answers...."

Nobody owes the wife any answers, except the man she is married to. And nobody needs to be helping the wife find out what she is dealing with.

The OP acted correctly in this senario.

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By *ostEchoWoman over a year ago

London

"As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

"What I would applaud someone for is giving the wife her answers...."

Nobody owes the wife any answers, except the man she is married to. And nobody needs to be helping the wife find out what she is dealing with.

The OP acted correctly in this senario."

This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

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By *D835Man over a year ago

London

"As a side note, for everyone saying “well done for telling the wife/handling it well/she deserved to know/treated the situation with respect and dignity/well done”

We have been told that:

1) The OP only decided to confirm what the wife had read in texts, therefore not telling her anything she didn’t already know.

2) declined telling her any any further information when she implored her to fill in the gaps while clearly crying, and help her out (asking as a “woman” because her husband was lying)

And 3) ended up hanging up on her.

"What I would applaud someone for is giving the wife her answers...."

Nobody owes the wife any answers, except the man she is married to. And nobody needs to be helping the wife find out what she is dealing with.

The OP acted correctly in this senario.

This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her. "

You said: "What I would applaud someone for is giving the wife her answers...."

I don't see anything to applaud about that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her. "

Agree. Nothing will change my mind that the OP has only added to the problem for this couple and especially, for the poor wife. I don’t give a f*ck about the bloke, he deserves it for his complete lack of discretion, lying to both parties, etc. But his wife didn’t deserve this and yes, the OP should feel guilty for potentially consciously breaking up a family just because she felt hard done by. Smacks of jealousy to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

again, its sounds like you havent read her post at all....what are you on about? at what point did you glean 'conciously breaking up a family'?.. it was the wife that contacted her..you obviously have some real axe to grind which has nothing to do with the OP's post, as your 'anecdote' earlier shows. Your comments are just laughable, as well as needlessly nasty.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

How do you know the wife did nothing wrong?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

How do you know the wife did nothing wrong? "

that is nothing to do with the OP's original question....i realise you are about to push your usual 'oh she probably didnt fuck him so she deserves what she gets'...but as its irrelevant to the post there's not much point.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

Jealous of what exactly? I hadnt even met him yet. Still not sure how you feel i am the one that potentially broke the family up. Again I told her nothing she didnt already know. Last thing she said to me in her messages was I could have him. Believe me, I dont want him

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

How do you know the wife did nothing wrong?

Ummm no, your comment is irrelevant. The OP asked if she did the right thing or not and people are debating it, my question is entirely linked to the logic of someone on one side of the debate. Are you d*unk?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

How do you know the wife did nothing wrong?

as the OP doesn't know the wife or anything about her, its complete supposition as to whether the wife has done anything wrong or not...so yes, its irrelevant to the OP's original question. Its very simple...i'm off for a cup of tea so you'll have plenty of time to look up 'wronged husbands' in your little book of 'handy statistics for every occasion'..

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

How do you know the wife did nothing wrong?

Yeah who needs facts when you've got opinions

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

The Fab ‘moral compass’ is fascinating, opinionated and flawed - but discretion is a central value that I believe we should all adhere to. Unfortunately, the OP has failed spectacularly in this instance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

Yes the text was from the wife pretending to be him, ob iiusly i would not have called if i realised it was not him. I had no reason to believe it might ne his wife as he told me he had no wife. And still I dont understand why you feel I owed discretion to anyone in this instance as he was the one on fab and he was the one that lied. Did he show me discretion when he lied about being attached then left incriminating texts on his phone?. And I still dont get why you feel I interfered in their relationship when I was not the one to contact her and told her nothing she didnt tell me she already knew. But hey dont let the facts get in the way of whatever axe you have to grind here

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

You have inferred from the original post that the ops reaction to events was considered and deliberate. I don't believe it was. She was caught on the hop and acted instinctively. You would have acted differently it seems, would that we all had your presence of mind when faced with a difficult situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jealous of what exactly? I hadnt even met him yet. Still not sure how you feel i am the one that potentially broke the family up. Again I told her nothing she didnt already know. Last thing she said to me in her messages was I could have him. Believe me, I dont want him"

Re: “Jealous” I am questioning your motives for verifying/joining the dots re.her husband’s virtual (and potential) infidelity. Or maybe, you feel equally “cheated” by him (and tbat’s also understandable) but to share that with his wife,to me, also seems pretty spiteful and I can’t see how that would make her feel any better about the situation.

Sadly, no relationship is perfect. By verifying his misdemeanours you’ve made it much harder for them to patch it up and start again.

So I stick with my initial stance that you were wrong to speak to her (I accept that you will have been caught off-guard - but with the benefit of hindsight, you should have put the phone down and not engaged in conversation).

It’s been an interesting debate, my opinion that you’ve only made matters worse for this couple won’t be swayed, others disagree.

I think we all agree that he has behaved terribly with both you and his wife. We have no idea why he went down this road; while I accept “it takes two to tango” and their relationship clearly wasn’t perfect, I see no reason to blame his wife, either.

But yes, in my opinion, you should have put the phone down immediately, blocked him/her immediately and not got involved. Others disagree. I have nothing else to add.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

Theres a couple of members replying here that have experiences that affect their judgement on the matter. Myself included in a way. Walk tall and with your head held high. As I said from my very first post. You felt sympathy as you are a human being and don't wish anyone harm. You were put on the spot and got out of the situation as best as you could.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

No, I have stated in earlier and later posts that this is with the benefit of hindsight and appreciate that she would have been “caught on the hop”.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sadly, no relationship is perfect. By verifying his misdemeanours you’ve made it much harder for them to patch it up and start again.

It’s been an interesting debate, my opinion that you’ve only made matters worse for this couple won’t be swayed, others disagree.

But yes, in my opinion, you should have put the phone down immediately, blocked him/her immediately and not got involved. Others disagree. I have nothing else to add."

I called as requested and first thing i heard was "im *** wife and ive read your texts I know you were supposed to be meeting him on sunday" so clearly she had read our texts. Given she had my number that had sent/received those texts, how would hanging up then or saying wrong number have helped at all? Why would i say nothing and just let her believe i had been complicit in his lies? I think you may be on a different planet from me but whatever. He probably thinks its all my fault too lol

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"This was in response to people “applauding” the OP for helping the wife out, when clearly she hasn’t actually done that.

She hasn’t helped he wife, she has helped herself.

She hasn’t got to do anything. I just don’t know how that constitutes applauding he wife for “helping” her.

No, it very clearly states that she called him in response to a text. Do try and keep up - it is in the OP’s original post.

When she heard a woman’s voice, she should have put the phone down immediately.

Glad to have injected some humour into your life (I do think that is the point of the forums, after all).

The OP has never met either party and has absolutely no right to interfere in their relationship.

No, I have stated in earlier and later posts that this is with the benefit of hindsight and appreciate that she would have been “caught on the hop”."

You said she potentially deliberately broke up a family because she felt hard done by. That is what led me to believe you felt her actions were deliberate.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

That's a contradictory statement if you mean the wife has zero culpability, if you mean she's not primarily to blame then i agree.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

Sadly, no relationship is perfect. By verifying his misdemeanours you’ve made it much harder for them to patch it up and start again.

It’s been an interesting debate, my opinion that you’ve only made matters worse for this couple won’t be swayed, others disagree.

But yes, in my opinion, you should have put the phone down immediately, blocked him/her immediately and not got involved. Others disagree. I have nothing else to add.

Linking this to your initial statement "She was crying asking me to be a woman and fill in the blanks for her as he wasnt likely to tell her the truth." I think it's reasonable to say:

1. The marriage was on the rocks anyway since she doesn't even trust him to admit what he's done in the face of clear evidence

2. She already had all the evidence a reasonable person needs

And frankly, if she wanted you to do her a favour and be honest with her, then perhaps she should have been honest first and not trick you into the call. She could have text you asking you for a call etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Linking this to your initial statement "She was crying asking me to be a woman and fill in the blanks for her as he wasnt likely to tell her the truth." I think it's reasonable to say:

1. The marriage was on the rocks anyway since she doesn't even trust him to admit what he's done in the face of clear evidence

2. She already had all the evidence a reasonable person needs

I hadnt really thought of it this way before but yes, she could have text honestly saying who she was. I was totally sprung on me as I had no idea she existed. And yes with those texts she does have all the evidence she needs. I still feel bad for her but I fail to see how I could make it any better for her. He did what he did

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Linking this to your initial statement "She was crying asking me to be a woman and fill in the blanks for her as he wasnt likely to tell her the truth." I think it's reasonable to say:

1. The marriage was on the rocks anyway since she doesn't even trust him to admit what he's done in the face of clear evidence

2. She already had all the evidence a reasonable person needs

Ooops did not mean to stick a smiley face on the end there, I am nowhere near that heartless

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with the posters above that you shouldn't feel guilty. But it must have been very upsetting to hear his wife so upset.

However as a fellow fem I would have possibly given her the info she wanted, especially as she may still be lied to by her cheating husband.

Please don't beat yourself up, you were taken off guard, and just had to react on your gut at the time.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

My first reaction is yes most definitely,but if the prick has loads of verifications then I'm not sure. It will be bad enough for her knowing he's cheating,without her finding out it's with multiple people reading the verifications.

How fucking grim is that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/12/17 08:11:39]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How fucking grim is that."

Affairs /cheating can only exist in secrecy. As painful as it is to find out your life is a complete lie and your health had been put at risk, far better to know. She'll feel like she's going mad without knowing the truth because he'll gas light her all the way. Yes, the op isn't obligated to tell her, but it would've been human to do so.

As for not knowing if the wife has bought the cheating on herself, she could be an axe murderer and it doesn't excuse it. But there's a lot of projection here.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had similar but via email from live in gf of single guy, the first time I had met him was in the timeframe she said they were separated. The second was not. I told her mostly truth, but said I had met him down the pub. The problem was all the emails he'd sent me asking to meet, including when they had just moved in together. She messaged a few times, then I ignored her.

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By *alcon43Woman over a year ago

Paisley

I’ve not read all the responses but single guys can’t always accomodate because

They are single parents

They are living with sick/elderly parents

They’ve moved in with mates/parents

They flat share

And probably many more. Some single guys received a torrent of abuse from a single guy because they said they couldn’t accommodate. I happened to know one of them and knew his situation. I subsequently met another if the guys and he’s looking after his mum.

Single guys aren’t all married and cheating. Just thought I’d give the single guys a fair response if they can’t accommodate.

I’m single and I don’t accommodate because I have teenagers at home. So single women are just the same.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

At least you found out before you met/did anything op.Its an awful situation,i have been there years ago.

He told me he was single,she found a text from me and rang me,I told her everything and i think she appreciated it,once she realised i truley hadnt known he was attached.

I wasnt the first affair sadly.

Like others said,block the number and try to move on.Hes at fault for lying and cheating .

Miss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You were under no obligation to tell her anything OP, their mess, their problem. If she was checking her husband's phone, she either didn't trust him or had no respect for his privacy, or both, issues that most likely pre-dated any conversation with you.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

"I’ve not read all the responses but single guys can’t always accomodate because

They are single parents

They are living with sick/elderly parents

They’ve moved in with mates/parents

They flat share

Single guys aren’t all married and cheating. Just thought I’d give the single guys a fair response if they can’t accommodate.

I’m single and I don’t accommodate because I have teenagers at home. So single women are just the same.

Plus some will say they can accom,as it hoves them an advantage,when in reality they can't

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By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"..

Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on "

Your comment assumes that married men have sex with their wives

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"..

Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on

Your comment assumes that married men have sex with their wives "

And yours assumes that none of them do?

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By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"..Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on "

" Your comment assumes that married men have sex with their wives "

"And yours assumes that none of them do?

Not at all..am sure some do and I know that some don’t

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"..

Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on

Your comment assumes that married men have sex with their wives "

Really didn't like this original comment.

So he's on fab and he's cheated on his wife! Yes that's bad but to say he's got STD because of it is below par.

But if he was single he wouldn't be carrying an STD??

Really silly comment! We are all on here and all have the right to be on here whether you like it or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"..

Married men aren't swingers they are just cheats. She could end up with all sorts of STDs from his carrying on

Your comment assumes that married men have sex with their wives

Really didn't like this original comment.

So he's on fab and he's cheated on his wife! Yes that's bad but to say he's got STD because of it is below par.

But if he was single he wouldn't be carrying an STD??

Really silly comment! We are all on here and all have the right to be on here whether you like it or not. "

She said "could", and I think her point was possibly that the cheated-on partner in a relationship that is sexual is potentially being exposed to STDs without their knowledge or consent....

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By *avid1234555Man over a year ago

Dfs and Galloway/Ayrshire.

I think you did right with what you did and not get any further involved. You took the guy at face value, which we all have to do on here at some point, and most probably feel really let down by being lied to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

She has text me today on another number that I'm assuming is hers. Saying he has told her everything and he hasn't cheated he was never going to meet me, he was only leading me on. Not sure why she wanted to tell me that, I'm just glad I never actually met him. I ignored and blocked that number too and hoping that's the end of it now

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By *avid1234555Man over a year ago

Dfs and Galloway/Ayrshire.

She's had the last word now, so hopefully that's it all finished with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"She has text me today on another number that I'm assuming is hers. Saying he has told her everything and he hasn't cheated he was never going to meet me, he was only leading me on. Not sure why she wanted to tell me that, I'm just glad I never actually met him. I ignored and blocked that number too and hoping that's the end of it now "

To make you feel crap, gloat, make herself feel better. He's more than likely said that to save his own skin. Had those excuses from an ex. At least you know and can stay well away and out of it.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

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By *hortieWoman over a year ago

Northampton

Not your monkeys, not your circus.

Yeah fair play on you feeling guilty.. but.. Let him sort it out.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Not your monkeys, not your circus.

Yeah fair play on you feeling guilty.. but.. Let him sort it out. "

He has. He's taken the cowards way out and told his wife he was just leading the op on.

happy families eh!

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By *hortieWoman over a year ago

Northampton

"Not your monkeys, not your circus.

Yeah fair play on you feeling guilty.. but.. Let him sort it out.

He has. He's taken the cowards way out and told his wife he was just leading the op on.

happy families eh!"

On the plus side... he will have a very happy christmas (cough) :D

(As in... screw him. Hope his Mrs gives him a world of hurt.)

And... some guys on here wonder why some women will not touch them if they are attached or if theres a suspicion they are.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's very unusual ime. Most wives who are cheated on won't contact the other woman again after the initial contact. Sounds more like it was from him.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

[Removed by poster at 10/12/17 20:53:29]

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad."

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to."

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

no..me either...what a vile comment...

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

No because if you did, then you wouldn't call yourself "nicecouple".

Allow me to rephrase; the philosopher Joseph de Maistre once said "toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite".

Well, that applies to spouses too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

no..me either...what a vile comment..."

Wow! What an unhelpful comment! I know how his wife must have felt! I was in the same situation! Although to be fair, my ex husband entertained prostitutes, etc, whilst I was pregnant with both of our children. Believe me, I am no prude, but I didn’t know he had an agenda when we got married. He hoped that it will be like having a said prostitute at home, just without the money exchange attached. I didn’t know he wanted to swing for years, I wasn’t into the same stuff as he was, him saying “I love to own what other men want” doesn’t appeal to me! Needless to say, I wasn’t being an idiot and it didn’t just “happen” to me! I was married to a coward, who would rather make me think I am going insane, than just leave if he wasn’t happy! I couldn’t leave as my family are in another country and my children’s lives are here, my ex husband could have left at any point, instead, it was over a decade of hell. Once a cheat, always a cheat.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

No because if you did, then you wouldn't call yourself "nicecouple".

Allow me to rephrase; the philosopher Joseph de Maistre once said "toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite".

Well, that applies to spouses too. "

really? does that only apply to fidelity and governments, or do all spouses deserve what happens to them? what a ridiculous statement!

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Slough

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

No because if you did, then you wouldn't call yourself "nicecouple".

Allow me to rephrase; the philosopher Joseph de Maistre once said "toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite".

Well, that applies to spouses too.

really? does that only apply to fidelity and governments, or do all spouses deserve what happens to them? what a ridiculous statement!"

Here's one of my fun facts for you, accepting your status as a victim has a -0.33 correlation with career success.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suppose it makes her feel better to lash out at you but it's a tad ironic that she asked you to be a woman then behaves like that. He's a massive arse though and what a coward!

I do hope that's an end to it for you. They've obviously started the process of making him the innocent party and you the villain of the piece. They're both lying to themselves, it's very sad.

There we go, hardly the innocent victim. The wife is the typical, delusional idiot that these things 'happen' to.

well I wouldn't put it quite like that

No because if you did, then you wouldn't call yourself "nicecouple".

Allow me to rephrase; the philosopher Joseph de Maistre once said "toute nation a le gouvernement qu'elle mérite".

Well, that applies to spouses too.

really? does that only apply to fidelity and governments, or do all spouses deserve what happens to them? what a ridiculous statement!

Here's one of my fun facts for you, accepting your status as a victim has a -0.33 correlation with career success. "

that wasn't my question; my question was do you seriously believe that spouses deserve what they get? because that's what you've just said.

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