FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Single men in clubs
Single men in clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi,
I’ve always wanted to go to a club, but I always fill a bit intimidated about going to one.
now by that I mean I’m inexperienced in all of this and wouldn’t know the first thing to do when I get there! Im pretty easy going talking wise but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me(again more to do with self esteem etc!).
Any advice, or encounters at clubs would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite  |
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By *anrteeCouple
over a year ago
London |
"Hi,
but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me
"
And there is your problem - you need to change that attitude it will hold you back. Things like lack of confidence, low self esteem, nervousness etc manifest themselves in body language which others can see |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you go for the first time the staff will show you around and tell you the rules, do's and dont's, each club is different in the way it is run, but if you look smart, smell nice and just be yourself you should be OK. Don't follow couples and single girls about, (they don't like it) just be polite and smile a lot, but most of all try and relax and anjoy yourself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Mate,
I've been on fab three times and until the other day, never met anyone.
Us single blokes know the score trying to find single women on here, due to the ratio is nigh on impossible.
First time I sent out tons off messages and only got replies of one lady. We tried to set something up but at the last minute, it fell through.
2 time: I deleted my account without even messaging anyone.
This time: I know most of my emails will get deleted without being read. So, I tried a different angle. Lets see if I can go to a party. Being a swinging club virgin and the usual drill on here. I thought I'll just get ignored but no. I went to my first party on the 18th and enjoyed it.
Comfort zone was completely blown out the water. I haven't been surrounded by that many naked men since I was getting changed for PE in school. That amount of naked women, in my life, never.
I'm currently booked to go another party at the start of Feb, we'll see what happens. |
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite "
Good advice  |
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By *ea_CoffeeCouple
over a year ago
Near Kettering |
Just go with the attitude that your there for a good social, try to relax and just just start chatting to people.
A good place would be the bar where you can chat to staff and get some pointers or tips plus you have the added bonus that there will be lots of people coming and going so plenty of opportunities to find people that you click with.
There are also usually 1 or 2 chill out area's where people will sit down to catch there breath and the smoking area's are always full of social activity.
You may or may not get lucky, if you do that's a bonus but if not hopefully you will have made some fab contacts that can at least verify you as genuine and give your profile here a little boost.
The clubs we have been to have all been very welcoming, friendly and fun. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it, made me feel less nervous about the whole situation!
I’ll think i’ll Start looking at forum threads more often regarding socials!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi,
I’ve always wanted to go to a club, but I always fill a bit intimidated about going to one.
now by that I mean I’m inexperienced in all of this and wouldn’t know the first thing to do when I get there! Im pretty easy going talking wise but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me(again more to do with self esteem etc!).
Any advice, or encounters at clubs would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
"
See am same am really shy and I wouldn't know what or where to look or do myself
 |
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"Hi,
I’ve always wanted to go to a club, but I always fill a bit intimidated about going to one.
now by that I mean I’m inexperienced in all of this and wouldn’t know the first thing to do when I get there! Im pretty easy going talking wise but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me(again more to do with self esteem etc!).
Any advice, or encounters at clubs would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
"
i am a single male and i was in your shoes untill recenlty make my first visit to a club in the area... and i know what you feel.. trust me.. my advice is do it... you are a men... just register to a club... go there.. be friendly.. don"t cause troubles.. sometime if you drink too much due to stress and nerves can change you in a non plesant guy... don"t have great expectation .. just go there... say hi.. smile... and you will be fine... |
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your over thinking how things happen in clubs, there area very social and very friendly. people like to chat, have a drink, may be even a dance if they have a dance floor. going to a club is a night out not just a place to have sex, there is the whole night to chat and meet people long before going of to the play areas |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Sometimes the images in your head are nothing like the reality. Clubs they are fun, relaxing environments, meeting with like minded people. Only pressure is what you bring, nobody is going to get upset with the odd intelligent innuendo and flirty chat.
Just chat, watch, remember it’s not a whore house.
It’s a club, with fun club people.
Well, I think it is, except for that bad....
Joking 99.9% of people are great, which is more than can be said them out of the club scene and to a degree, that includes fab.
Fab does add highly to the scene thought.
Well in our world. |
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By *luteguyMan
over a year ago
Here and There |
Just go and treat it as a pub/night club. Chat to people and don't have any expectations. I was in the same boat but just went along to a couple of clubs on my own just to gauge the atmosphere. In my limited experience everyone is friendly. It's a bit like fab, chat to like minded people it might ultimately lead to something but, in the main, it's just chat, banter and fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try to relax.
Smile!
Say hi to everyone (except the really creepy guy in the corner)
Don’t be the really creepy guy in the corner!
Don’t whiz around desperately looking for the action.
Just be friendly but not clingy. |
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My advice would be to read a few club reviews and make sure you visit on a busy night.
If you want in disiphering some of the fake reviews feel free to PM me
Presuming if it’s a busy night get there early and you’ll feel more comfortable with your surroundings before the crowd arrives and remember most people wether ladies men or couples are in the the same boat not knowing what to expect and that’s half the fun |
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"My advice would be to read a few club reviews and make sure you visit on a busy night.
If you want in disiphering some of the fake reviews feel free to PM me
Presuming if it’s a busy night get there early and you’ll feel more comfortable with your surroundings before the crowd arrives and remember most people wether ladies men or couples are in the the same boat not knowing what to expect and that’s half the fun"
Or maybe try a Newbies night which is designed to introduce newbies into the club scene & help them feel comfortable.
Swingers clubs aren’t dodgy sex dens ... they’re social clubs for Swingers, with separate play areas for people who want to go & use them.
Find a club & event you like the sound of & give it a try
Good luck OP ... and the others on the thread in the same boat
You’ll wonder what you were worrying about after your first trip, honestly!! |
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"Sometimes the images in your head are nothing like the reality."
This is exactly true; the first club I visited felt more like a Sunday afternoon in a working men’s social club, than a Friday night in a swingers’ club! And the second one I went to, was LITERALLY an afternoon drinking tea lol! 
There are plenty of previous threads in the archives here you can search through fella, about single guys in clubs, but you just have to go at some point. You might enjoy the experience, or you may not, but at least you tried |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi,
We went to our first club the other day and we were at a loss too, we walked in and got shown round from the start but after that we were like ‘what do we do?!’ It was a daytime thing so it wasn’t that busy apparently.
We went and got a drink at the bar, we then decided to bite the bullet and go into the hot tub, we got chatting straight away but there was both of us there which helped.
When we went back into the bar area we felt a bit awkward because we didn’t really know what to do so went back in the hot tub by the time we came out and back to the bar we knew some people to chat to in the bar and then got invited back to the hot tub where we stayed for the rest of the time there and had a great time!
I can’t speak for an evening event.
Geeky x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some really friendly and encouraging responses on here. I am sure this will give a lot of newbies (including myself) that extra bit of reassurance. Thanks all. |
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Get yourself to a club. Smile, chat to everyone, expect nothing. I promise you will have a great time and each time just gets better and better.
A very gorgeous girl I know gave me the best advice in clubs...
"Fake it till you make it!"
I thought yeah right. Well, now I am a different person. Confident, forward, daring. All the things I was lacking.
You will find your true self.
Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it, made me feel less nervous about the whole situation! "
This 2nd party I've signed upto will have way more people than the first one last week. Butterflies in the stomach are going like mad and part of my brain is going what are you doing you nutter and the other half is going I don't know but, it's feckin exciting.
You might have seen gangbangs in porn or documentaries etc but nothing can prepare you for actually being in a real club situation. As I said, my comfort zone was smashed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
I’ve always wanted to go to a club, but I always fill a bit intimidated about going to one.
now by that I mean I’m inexperienced in all of this and wouldn’t know the first thing to do when I get there! Im pretty easy going talking wise but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me(again more to do with self esteem etc!).
Any advice, or encounters at clubs would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
"
In a nutshell;
Go to enjoy it, if you don’t go home.
Don’t be rude.
Don’t be pushy.
NO MEANS NO don’t question why, it’s no.
Don’t go expecting to become Hugh Hefner.
Don’t expect sex because you’ve paid an entry fee.
Don’t get pissed.
Treat it as a normal night out (but with people having sex!)
The thing is you’ll never know if you don’t give it ago! |
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite "
This
We don't like it when guys just follow us around all night but don't actually talk. |
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite
This I completely agree and so do all the quality guys I know.I think it shows a complete lack of manners and respect.On The ocasions I’ve met a couple or a lady friend and been followed or sometimes overtaken to a room I always ask the guy in question if you can’t be bothered to even speak to a lady why should she want to suck your cock?
We don't like it when guys just follow us around all night but don't actually talk. "
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite
This
We don't like it when guys just follow us around all night but don't actually talk. "
Sorry my reply and quote was meant for your post |
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"Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it, made me feel less nervous about the whole situation!
This 2nd party I've signed upto will have way more people than the first one last week. Butterflies in the stomach are going like mad and part of my brain is going what are you doing you nutter and the other half is going I don't know but, it's feckin exciting.
You might have seen gangbangs in porn or documentaries etc but nothing can prepare you for actually being in a real club situation. As I said, my comfort zone was smashed."
Sounds like your first club experience was a positive one, fair play to you fella |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi Mate,
I've been on fab three times and until the other day, never met anyone.
Us single blokes know the score trying to find single women on here, due to the ratio is nigh on impossible.
First time I sent out tons off messages and only got replies of one lady. We tried to set something up but at the last minute, it fell through.
2 time: I deleted my account without even messaging anyone.
This time: I know most of my emails will get deleted without being read. So, I tried a different angle. Lets see if I can go to a party. Being a swinging club virgin and the usual drill on here. I thought I'll just get ignored but no. I went to my first party on the 18th and enjoyed it.
Comfort zone was completely blown out the water. I haven't been surrounded by that many naked men since I was getting changed for PE in school. That amount of naked women, in my life, never.
I'm currently booked to go another party at the start of Feb, we'll see what happens."
Party sounds good. X x |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I have visited clubs on three occasions as a single guy and I can definitely say that it takes some courage and a certain mindset to do so. It's difficult even for us with confident, outgoing personalities...especially the first time!
I completely agree that if you look nervous and are hesitant, odds are good you'll sit in a corner most of the evening. Most people in clubs i've found are friendly and will happily chat to you if you give out a relaxed easygoing vibe without being pushy.
It helps to look on the forums to see if there are any special events that the club is hosting and if the response is good. If so, odds are good it will be a busy evening allowing for more people to potentially talk to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Party sounds good. X x "
Party on the 18th was good. Bit nervous about the one in feb cause so far, there about 50 single guys on the list, about 10 single Ladies and 10 or so couples. Comfort zone will be getting smashed again, regardless of what actually happens, on the day, play wise.
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I applaud you for making the effort to go to a club, the most off putting thing for most of us swingers are guys who think because they have joined the site they will get sex.
Going to clubs and socializing with others brings good verifications if you are genuinely a nice guy, and the rewards you will reap from good verifications are enormous, that's when your swinging journey will truly start.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I applaud you for making the effort to go to a club, the most off putting thing for most of us swingers are guys who think because they have joined the site they will get sex.
"
Thanks, I said as much in one of my other posts the other day. A lot of guys join here thinking that, ladies will either be free whores or start acting as slutty as some of the guys on here wish they could be.
At the party the other day. 3 single ladies turned up. One didn't play at all and the other two picked one guy each and didn't play with anyone else and one of them had played with the guy she picked on a few different occasions. So they seem to almost have an FB thing going on, if they bump into each other at a party.
Just what I have observed, so far. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
" I applaud you for making the effort to go to a club, the most off putting thing for most of us swingers are guys who think because they have joined the site they will get sex.
Thanks, I said as much in one of my other posts the other day. A lot of guys join here thinking that, ladies will either be free whores or start acting as slutty as some of the guys on here wish they could be.
At the party the other day. 3 single ladies turned up. One didn't play at all and the other two picked one guy each and didn't play with anyone else and one of them had played with the guy she picked on a few different occasions. So they seem to almost have an FB thing going on, if they bump into each other at a party.
Just what I have observed, so far."
This is a party. I would hope at a club there would be more than 3 ladies. But there are no guarantees ladies will play , won't play or who they play with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like your first club experience was a positive one, fair play to you fella "
It was a positive one. That's why I'm going back. The amount of people signed up for this next one, is what is freaking me out a bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" This is a party. I would hope at a club there would be more than 3 ladies. But there are no guarantees ladies will play , won't play or who they play with. "
It was a daytime party which probably makes a lot of difference. 3 couples {inc organisers} and about 15/20 men. A few that were signed up didn't turn up. I know, it's sexual selection literally right there in front of your face. |
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" Party sounds good. X x
Party on the 18th was good. Bit nervous about the one in feb cause so far, there about 50 single guys on the list, about 10 single Ladies and 10 or so couples. Comfort zone will be getting smashed again, regardless of what actually happens, on the day, play wise.
"
The last one we went to was lots of fun, I'm sure your comfort zone will accommodate accordingly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" The last one we went to was lots of fun, I'm sure your comfort zone will accommodate accordingly "
I hope I get used to it. It feels fair ground/rollercoaster kind of scary at the mo. Probs cause I'm a newb. |
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" I applaud you for making the effort to go to a club, the most off putting thing for most of us swingers are guys who think because they have joined the site they will get sex.
Thanks, I said as much in one of my other posts the other day. A lot of guys join here thinking that, ladies will either be free whores or start acting as slutty as some of the guys on here wish they could be.
At the party the other day. 3 single ladies turned up. One didn't play at all and the other two picked one guy each and didn't play with anyone else and one of them had played with the guy she picked on a few different occasions. So they seem to almost have an FB thing going on, if they bump into each other at a party.
Just what I have observed, so far.
This is a party. I would hope at a club there would be more than 3 ladies. But there are no guarantees ladies will play , won't play or who they play with. "
To be fair Lizzy, when I visited Atlantis, there were only 5 ladies in, all one half of a couple, and around 25 single guys. That was on a Friday night too |
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" The last one we went to was lots of fun, I'm sure your comfort zone will accommodate accordingly
I hope I get used to it. It feels fair ground/rollercoaster kind of scary at the mo. Probs cause I'm a newb."
Aaah but those rollercoasters wouldn't be any fun if you got used to them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Aaah but those rollercoasters wouldn't be any fun if you got used to them.
"
They are ok once you get strapped in. I'm just trying to explain my experience and emotions,
so the guys who have never been before, can understand that what they are feeling nervous about, I'm feeling nervous about. Even though I've popped my cherry. The other day in the club was organised by different people. This one is being organised by the owners and has way more single guys going. Which means a whole new set of people to get to know. Hence the butterflies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi,
I’ve always wanted to go to a club, but I always fill a bit intimidated about going to one.
now by that I mean I’m inexperienced in all of this and wouldn’t know the first thing to do when I get there! Im pretty easy going talking wise but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me(again more to do with self esteem etc!).
Any advice, or encounters at clubs would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!
Totally understand where your coming from as I feel the very same way buddy
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite "
Good advice and your pics look amazing by the way #melikes x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi,
but couldn’t see anyone actually wanting to speak to me
And there is your problem - you need to change that attitude it will hold you back. Things like lack of confidence, low self esteem, nervousness etc manifest themselves in body language which others can see"
Same again gr8 pics #melikes x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you go for the first time the staff will show you around and tell you the rules, do's and dont's, each club is different in the way it is run, but if you look smart, smell nice and just be yourself you should be OK. Don't follow couples and single girls about, (they don't like it) just be polite and smile a lot, but most of all try and relax and anjoy yourself "
yep me likes x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi Mate,
I've been on fab three times and until the other day, never met anyone.
Us single blokes know the score trying to find single women on here, due to the ratio is nigh on impossible.
First time I sent out tons off messages and only got replies of one lady. We tried to set something up but at the last minute, it fell through
So did you get any action or not or just a sausage fest???
2 time: I deleted my account without even messaging anyone.
This time: I know most of my emails will get deleted without being read. So, I tried a different angle. Lets see if I can go to a party. Being a swinging club virgin and the usual drill on here. I thought I'll just get ignored but no. I went to my first party on the 18th and enjoyed it.
Comfort zone was completely blown out the water. I haven't been surrounded by that many naked men since I was getting changed for PE in school. That amount of naked women, in my life, never.
I'm currently booked to go another party at the start of Feb, we'll see what happens."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just go with the attitude that your there for a good social, try to relax and just just start chatting to people.
A good place would be the bar where you can chat to staff and get some pointers or tips plus you have the added bonus that there will be lots of people coming and going so plenty of opportunities to find people that you click with.
There are also usually 1 or 2 chill out area's where people will sit down to catch there breath and the smoking area's are always full of social activity.
You may or may not get lucky, if you do that's a bonus but if not hopefully you will have made some fab contacts that can at least verify you as genuine and give your profile here a little boost.
The clubs we have been to have all been very welcoming, friendly and fun."
I’m in same boat so will take this advice on board thankyou x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I applaud you for making the effort to go to a club, the most off putting thing for most of us swingers are guys who think because they have joined the site they will get sex.
Going to clubs and socializing with others brings good verifications if you are genuinely a nice guy, and the rewards you will reap from good verifications are enormous, that's when your swinging journey will truly start.
Good luck. "
yep me too I really need to get into the club scene I think #fingerscrossed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" yep me too I really need to get into the club scene I think #fingerscrossed"
Go for it! Just ask whoever is organising one to go to a club in the forums on here.
You will be nervous, THAT feeling you will feel when you sign up for a club. I'm feeling it right now. I know exactly how you feel.
Nothing ventured and all that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" yep me too I really need to get into the club scene I think #fingerscrossed
Go for it! Just ask whoever is organising one to go to a club in the forums on here.
You will be nervous, THAT feeling you will feel when you sign up for a club. I'm feeling it right now. I know exactly how you feel.
Thankyou so much for info much appreciated
Nothing ventured and all that."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Join in the forum thread advertising a particular event that takes your fancy, so you can get chatting to others who are going.
Tell the staff you are new at the club and they will show you round and introduce you to some regulars hopefully.
Get a drink and socialise! That means chatting to other blokes too, not just the women you like the look of. Be friendly and polite "
As above. Its all about talking to people building confidence andr respect. |
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Do it.
A little Dutch courage (A LITTLE). Go with only the expectations of having some drinks and chatting to some like minded people. Go in with a positive upbeat attitude. Make the effort to introduce your self and talk to people. Most of all be yourself. Then what every happens you'll have a great nice and experiance something new and intresting. |
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" This is a party. I would hope at a club there would be more than 3 ladies. But there are no guarantees ladies will play , won't play or who they play with.
It was a daytime party which probably makes a lot of difference. 3 couples {inc organisers} and about 15/20 men. A few that were signed up didn't turn up. I know, it's sexual selection literally right there in front of your face."
You were at the Greedy Girls event ... the ratio is always massively tilted towards a large number of men & the dynamic is quite different from other events.
There will be a lot more ladies at your next event & a different ratio and dynamic. You’ll find the evening events also have a different feel to daytime ones! It’s just about trying a variety of events & see which ones are more for you! |
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Some good advice for single guys on here!
Also worth you knowing that quite a few couples go to clubs with the aim of meeting a young single guy-we certainly do!
Dont be too pushy-just chat, smile and fingers crossed you will meet someone.
Do not follow people round or just plonk yourself next to someone and sit looking at them - 2 biggest turn offs!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some good advice for single guys on here!
Also worth you knowing that quite a few couples go to clubs with the aim of meeting a young single guy-we certainly do!
Dont be too pushy-just chat, smile and fingers crossed you will meet someone.
Do not follow people round or just plonk yourself next to someone and sit looking at them - 2 biggest turn offs!!
"
Hopefully this dosent/hasn’t happened to you! |
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