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Old fashioned chivalry from men
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Just to clarify, the sort of behaviour I'm referring to is things like men paying on dates/meets (or at least buying the first round), going to the passenger side of a car to open the door for a lady, walking on the curb side when with a lady, holding a ladies coat whilst she puts it on.
Mrs |
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I don't agree with men paying for dates, alternating paying for rounds is fine, he buys the cinema tickets, I buy the snacks, yeah.
But the rest is nice.
I don't need or expect a guy to do things for me, I am pretty capable and self sufficient.
What I do hate though is when a woman expects him to do or pay for something just because he is the bloke, that gets my back up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I like too, but then I'm old. Lol.
As far as I'm concerned it's just good manners and if the lady in question likes it and feels special 
I'm sure you like it when somebody holds the door for you etc.
Manners cost nothing and if you get a nice smile and a thank you from a sexy lady, it's all good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was raised with some manners, so holding a chair out, any door open, offering to pay is second nature to me.
If there are women genuinely offended by that, then I will simply avoid them and them me no doubt. Sexist? Don't make me laugh  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone likes to be pampered and spoilt but you have to draw the line somewhere. You don't want to feel it's like payment for services and feel obligated to that person. It's also about respect. We can't have equality when it suits us.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Interesting comments so far. A number of men describing these niceties as manners. Would you guys show the same manners to a man, or is this how you like to treat a lady? I.e. It comes to manners, should women and men be treated the same?
Btw, I'm the the camp where I love this stuff, so there will be no offence from me
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
"
Why shouldn't a woman be chivalrous...???
We live in an equal society... |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I like it to a certain degree. I would feel uncomfortable if someone paid for everything for me, I'd much rather go halves. But some of the things you describe are just polite and respectful. I do those things and am not a man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interesting comments so far. A number of men describing these niceties as manners. Would you guys show the same manners to a man, or is this how you like to treat a lady? I.e. It comes to manners, should women and men be treated the same?
Btw, I'm the the camp where I love this stuff, so there will be no offence from me
Mrs"
It varies from me. Depending on the act. I'm normally the guy left holding the door for about ten people!
Sometimes grabbing a door for a woman is a bit of a flirt ( if done correctly ). But I'll happily say " after you " to a guy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Why shouldn't a woman be chivalrous...???
We live in an equal society... "
Why indeed? I personally would not do something like open the passenger door for a man, or buy the first round. But I don't have a desire for that level of equality in society. I enjoy the subtle differences in manners and etiquette between men and women. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
Maybe it's different, but my hubby does all these things for me and I love it, but we are of the older generation! If I were single and on a date, I would be going halves with an evening out, but I would still like the other things you mentioned, but I wouldn't necessarily expect them.  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I was raised with some manners, so holding a chair out, any door open, offering to pay is second nature to me.
If there are women genuinely offended by that, then I will simply avoid them and them me no doubt. Sexist? Don't make me laugh "
Would you do those things for a man? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My partner does all those things for and more. I sometimes have to be 'devious' so that he doesn't end up paying for everything, all the time. Sometimes, I will book the theatre tickets online and pay for these on my card so that he doesn't even get a chance to argue with me
With men from a sex-site, I only meet in clubs where there is nothing for them to pay for me. Some really weird ones message me offering to take me to a club and paying for the entrance. I have never understood what they are offering to pay since as a woman by herself, most clubs are free to enter or at the most cost £5 or £10 |
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By *omez42Man
over a year ago
gloucester |
I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!"
I love being made to feel looked after. It doesn't have to be much, I don't expect being paid for for instance, but the little things like doors held mean a lot. |
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It's nice to be nice, really. I'll open doors for anyone and make nice gestures regardless of gender. I'll buy drinks for friends on the unspoken understanding that they'll get the next round, whenever that'll be.
I think when you make a big show of only doing these things because the recipient is female then you can be on shaky ground if you don't know how it'll be received. |
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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago
Where the streets have no name |
"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!"
Something similar happened to me in several occasions and I was treated as a sexist...
But I still think there is something beautiful and elegant in the (old fashioned?) chivalry...
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I wouldn't open the side door unless there was a reason she couldn't open it herself, As for buying the first drink or opening/holding doors open paying for meals etc, I do it for Men and Women it just basic manners between friends or strangers |
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I think it's a wonderful thing. Makes you feel special. Well, I say that, can't say it's ever happened but in my head when I think about someone doing those things it gives me hope and a sense of...well, Disney princess I suppose. Now I've written it, it sounds a little ponsy, but I'll hold my hands up and shout out loud
"I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!" |
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By *obyn67Woman
over a year ago
Wonderland |
"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Why shouldn't a woman be chivalrous...???
We live in an equal society...
Why indeed? I personally would not do something like open the passenger door for a man, or buy the first round. But I don't have a desire for that level of equality in society. I enjoy the subtle differences in manners and etiquette between men and women."
Totally agree...I too enjoy the subtle differences... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good old fashioned manners is one thing, having a man fuss around me all the time would become tiresome. If we go out for a drink I like to buy rounds, and feel more comfortable if the man doesn't try to argue me out if it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's a wonderful thing. Makes you feel special. Well, I say that, can't say it's ever happened but in my head when I think about someone doing those things it gives me hope and a sense of...well, Disney princess I suppose. Now I've written it, it sounds a little ponsy, but I'll hold my hands up and shout out loud
"I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!""
It's happened to me on more than one occasion and I'm ashamed to say I got fed up with it after a while. I like to be able to walk into a restaurant and sit myself down, and not have to wait for someone to open my car door for me. |
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By *im_66Woman
over a year ago
Bradford |
I love chivalry. Even though I know I'm fully independent, or possibly because of that, I love guys being old fashioned chivalrous.
Really makes a great impression on a first date. I will, of course, offer to pay my way, but it's nice to feel taken care of. |
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"I think it's a wonderful thing. Makes you feel special. Well, I say that, can't say it's ever happened but in my head when I think about someone doing those things it gives me hope and a sense of...well, Disney princess I suppose. Now I've written it, it sounds a little ponsy, but I'll hold my hands up and shout out loud
"I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!"
It's happened to me on more than one occasion and I'm ashamed to say I got fed up with it after a while. I like to be able to walk into a restaurant and sit myself down, and not have to wait for someone to open my car door for me. "
I can imagine if it was all the time it would get boring, but now and then, to be spoilt rotten and made to feel priceless must be magical. |
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!"
Fuck a ten minute lecture I would have excused myself to the loo n let her spend ten mins realising I'd fucked off
 lmao X |
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Iv gotta say I'm high strung hot headed fiercely independent and all for equal pay and rights however I'm not a bloke I don't expect to be treated like one
yes as an equal to a bloke rather than a lesser but at the same time I treat blokes as men and lasses should be treated as ladies
I don't expect doors opened or me to go through first etc but if I'm honest if u do do it then uv got more chance of seeing me again as its respectful
the paying for everything thing I don't agree with but at the same time I refuse to carry money iv always done it where on a night out at the start of a night I hand my money to the mr and he pays for everything just think it's a man place to provide even if in reality your funding it behind closed doors
It's just good etiquette to keep up appearances of being ladies I reckon ...... Fucks up 6 pints later like
Lmfao ! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It's just good etiquette to keep up appearances of being ladies I reckon ...... Fucks up 6 pints later like
Lmfao ! X "
I'm a really cheap 'lady' these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's a wonderful thing. Makes you feel special. Well, I say that, can't say it's ever happened but in my head when I think about someone doing those things it gives me hope and a sense of...well, Disney princess I suppose. Now I've written it, it sounds a little ponsy, but I'll hold my hands up and shout out loud
"I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!"
It's happened to me on more than one occasion and I'm ashamed to say I got fed up with it after a while. I like to be able to walk into a restaurant and sit myself down, and not have to wait for someone to open my car door for me.
I can imagine if it was all the time it would get boring, but now and then, to be spoilt rotten and made to feel priceless must be magical."
I prefer to be physically spoiled in bed  |
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"I think it's a wonderful thing. Makes you feel special. Well, I say that, can't say it's ever happened but in my head when I think about someone doing those things it gives me hope and a sense of...well, Disney princess I suppose. Now I've written it, it sounds a little ponsy, but I'll hold my hands up and shout out loud
"I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A DISNEY PRINCESS!"
It's happened to me on more than one occasion and I'm ashamed to say I got fed up with it after a while. I like to be able to walk into a restaurant and sit myself down, and not have to wait for someone to open my car door for me.
I can imagine if it was all the time it would get boring, but now and then, to be spoilt rotten and made to feel priceless must be magical.
I prefer to be physically spoiled in bed "
You mean you can't have both? 
Fuck that then, I'll happily remain Cinderella before the ball if that's the case! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!
Fuck a ten minute lecture I would have excused myself to the loo n let her spend ten mins realising I'd fucked off
lmao X "
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By *ire_thornMan
over a year ago
Sol The Narion system |
"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Just to clarify, the sort of behaviour I'm referring to is things like men paying on dates/meets (or at least buying the first round), going to the passenger side of a car to open the door for a lady, walking on the curb side when with a lady, holding a ladies coat whilst she puts it on.
Mrs"
I see nothing wrong with this I feel that is how one should treat a lady
I do however detest the guys that do those aforementioned things with the expectation of sexual favors for being a decent person
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Just to clarify, the sort of behaviour I'm referring to is things like men paying on dates/meets (or at least buying the first round), going to the passenger side of a car to open the door for a lady, walking on the curb side when with a lady, holding a ladies coat whilst she puts it on.
Mrs"
no its not outdated, personally I think its nice |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!
I love being made to feel looked after. It doesn't have to be much, I don't expect being paid for for instance, but the little things like doors held mean a lot. "
Me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Chivalry is dead
I went on a date last month and not once was I expected to offer my services to protect the church. Nor did I provide evidence that I could ride and own a horse with it's trappings.
Also when I increased taxation upon my serfs and declared my duty to war with infidels, she wasn't impressed in the slightest.
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professionally I am used to open door etc for other people which get sometimes get me in a muddle when I am opened a door
good manners are nice though, its nice when someone buys you a drink but any more than that I'd pay myself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you everybody for your answers. In a world of increasing equality (and rightly so), I am glad I am not the only one who still desires to be treated by men slightly differently than how they would treat fellow men - that special treatment that makes me feel like a lady.
Mrs |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Thank you everybody for your answers. In a world of increasing equality (and rightly so), I am glad I am not the only one who still desires to be treated by men slightly differently than how they would treat fellow men - that special treatment that makes me feel like a lady.
Mrs"
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?  "
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady? "
Then you have to open your own doors! |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x"
Oh...that's sweet.. |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!.. "
It's just my way there's too many blokes here that treat women like objects I'd rather use a more subtle tact |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think chivalry is a lovely thing. I do pay my way but buying first round is important. I'd think I was a princess if someone opened the door for me.
Recently on a night out a taxi driver did. I was in a 50s dress. It just made the start of my night more special. X |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
Oh...that's sweet.. "
 us men need you lovely ladies on here more than you need us so I won't send a fancy a f*** message not do I display a cock pic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Just to clarify, the sort of behaviour I'm referring to is things like men paying on dates/meets (or at least buying the first round), going to the passenger side of a car to open the door for a lady, walking on the curb side when with a lady, holding a ladies coat whilst she puts it on.
Mrs"
I love it. Esp when they're particularly naughty in the bedroom. Perfect combination
Would always reciprocate or at least offer x |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
"Is this outdated and unnecessary, sexist or patronising, or a rare and welcome treat that makes a lady feel special and worth it?
Discuss
Just to clarify, the sort of behaviour I'm referring to is things like men paying on dates/meets (or at least buying the first round), going to the passenger side of a car to open the door for a lady, walking on the curb side when with a lady, holding a ladies coat whilst she puts it on.
Mrs
I love it. Esp when they're particularly naughty in the bedroom. Perfect combination
Would always reciprocate or at least offer x"
Oh I very much have a naughty streak too  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
Oh...that's sweet..
us men need you lovely ladies on here more than you need us so I won't send a fancy a f*** message not do I display a cock pic "
Good thinking, on your part..nice attitude. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x"
It must be hard for men these days to know how to treat women. As some of yesterday's contributors said, a few men said they caused offence by giving women this special treatment. It other women will expect it.
Mrs |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
It must be hard for men these days to know how to treat women. As some of yesterday's contributors said, a few men said they caused offence by giving women this special treatment. It other women will expect it.
Mrs"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was raised with some manners, so holding a chair out, any door open, offering to pay is second nature to me.
If there are women genuinely offended by that, then I will simply avoid them and them me no doubt. Sexist? Don't make me laugh "
Love this!!
Equality is good in its place, - the workplace, certain 'women's rights' (such as the right to vote) as an example.... but I believe that some things should actually remain 'old fashioned', such as chivalry.....it definately makes a woman feel cherished and special!!
Please don't mis-understand, I don't need, nor expect a man to do everything - but basic things such as opening doors or holding the coat etc are not just good manners, but simply being thoughtful!
Thoughtfulness is sadly a characteristic that a lot of people seem to have lost. |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
Oh...that's sweet..
us men need you lovely ladies on here more than you need us so I won't send a fancy a f*** message not do I display a cock pic
Good thinking, on your part..nice attitude. "
Thank you I will also rarely swear but I try to do that in life too now |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
Oh...that's sweet..
us men need you lovely ladies on here more than you need us so I won't send a fancy a f*** message not do I display a cock pic
Good thinking, on your part..nice attitude.
Thank you I will also rarely swear but I try to do that in life too now "
I try not to swear too! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I follow a simple maxim, treat a lady like a lady.
There seem to be a few examples of what qualities make a man a gentleman, but what qualifies a woman to be a lady?"
I feel like a lady, when a man behaves like a gentleman around me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
It must be hard for men these days to know how to treat women. As some of yesterday's contributors said, a few men said they caused offence by giving women this special treatment. It other women will expect it.
Mrs"
I never expect anything unless it's been discussed. I wouldn't say I'm a lady but I know how to behave like one outside the bedroom x |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"I follow a simple maxim, treat a lady like a lady.
There seem to be a few examples of what qualities make a man a gentleman, but what qualifies a woman to be a lady?"
A lady is a woman who can accept a man being a gentleman and show respect and appreciation, for him, doing that for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like good manners, but I'm just as likely to do the things suggested for a man (or another woman, for that matter!).
Polite consideration is very different to the sort of patronising chivalry that some men display.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
It must be hard for men these days to know how to treat women. As some of yesterday's contributors said, a few men said they caused offence by giving women this special treatment. It other women will expect it.
Mrs
I never expect anything unless it's been discussed. I wouldn't say I'm a lady but I know how to behave like one outside the bedroom x"
By and large I do expect it. Though I won't be pedantic if a gentleman falls short in certain areas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it should be outdated.
Those types of men are rare.
Showing respect and manners are very rare nowadays. Which is a shame.
Still have to meet a man who has he manners and shows respect towards me as I show him.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No it should be outdated.
Those types of men are rare.
Showing respect and manners are very rare nowadays. Which is a shame.
Still have to meet a man who has he manners and shows respect towards me as I show him.
"
I have always treated a lady with respect and courtesy. It's nothing to do with chivalry. It's simply good manners and the way that all people should treat each other...regardlesd of gender.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't really equate chilvalry to basic manners Manners are irrespective of gender. Chivalry IMO is a specific way that men treat women. Some people might not like it as it goes against gender equality, which is why I wondered if was outdated or sexist.
For example I find it a huge turn of a man goes to the passenger side of a car to open the door for me to get in, before going to the other side so he can get in. In reality it's a totally stupid thing to do, because the car would be ready to drive off much faster if both got into the car at the same time. It's certainly not bad manners of him if I have to open my own car door.
Same way, I would not expect to buy the first round when with a man. But why not? Surely it would be good manners of me to offer to go to the bar first.
So no I don't consider manners and chivalry as the same. And I understand, why in a world of gender equality as an ideal, some will not agree with men giving women special and often unnecessary treatment.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A rare and precious thing it died along with peoples manners ..Shame as world was a better place back in those days .I dont think it was about women being special though as it was expected of any male to any female regardless of age or attraction.A male was to pay or offer to pay open carry stuff and generally treat a woman well .They were also meant to treat the elderly and the frail the same way .Which is why it was labelled sexist. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I don't really equate chilvalry to basic manners Manners are irrespective of gender. Chivalry IMO is a specific way that men treat women. Some people might not like it as it goes against gender equality, which is why I wondered if was outdated or sexist.
"
I think what it comes down to is semantics. In your mind, chivalry is a man treating you in a special way, in mine, chivalry is about honour and respect and courage and courtesy.
I don't see how it goes against gender equality unless we take your interpretation. We get it, you feel special when you get a door opened for you or a drink bought for you. I do that to people regardless of their hole or rod.
I don't think chivalry is outdated or sexist but I do think your interpretation of it is rather narrow focused. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't really equate chilvalry to basic manners Manners are irrespective of gender. Chivalry IMO is a specific way that men treat women. Some people might not like it as it goes against gender equality, which is why I wondered if was outdated or sexist.
For example I find it a huge turn of a man goes to the passenger side of a car to open the door for me to get in, before going to the other side so he can get in. In reality it's a totally stupid thing to do, because the car would be ready to drive off much faster if both got into the car at the same time. It's certainly not bad manners of him if I have to open my own car door.
Same way, I would not expect to buy the first round when with a man. But why not? Surely it would be good manners of me to offer to go to the bar first.
So no I don't consider manners and chivalry as the same. And I understand, why in a world of gender equality as an ideal, some will not agree with men giving women special and often unnecessary treatment.
Mrs"
I wonder if it is special or unnecessary treatment or even a gender equality thing. Not sure that gender politics has any bearing on how most people behave to each other.
It may sound old fashioned but that opening the car door walking on the side of the pavement nearest the traffic buying the first drink or dinner or whatever... are they simply an expression of respect or concern for the welfare of another person that merely recognises the value of the individual. Or perhaps a demonstration of the value and respect which someone places on the person accompanying them? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't really equate chilvalry to basic manners Manners are irrespective of gender. Chivalry IMO is a specific way that men treat women. Some people might not like it as it goes against gender equality, which is why I wondered if was outdated or sexist.
For example I find it a huge turn of a man goes to the passenger side of a car to open the door for me to get in, before going to the other side so he can get in. In reality it's a totally stupid thing to do, because the car would be ready to drive off much faster if both got into the car at the same time. It's certainly not bad manners of him if I have to open my own car door.
Same way, I would not expect to buy the first round when with a man. But why not? Surely it would be good manners of me to offer to go to the bar first.
So no I don't consider manners and chivalry as the same. And I understand, why in a world of gender equality as an ideal, some will not agree with men giving women special and often unnecessary treatment.
Mrs
I wonder if it is special or unnecessary treatment or even a gender equality thing. Not sure that gender politics has any bearing on how most people behave to each other.
It may sound old fashioned but that opening the car door walking on the side of the pavement nearest the traffic buying the first drink or dinner or whatever... are they simply an expression of respect or concern for the welfare of another person that merely recognises the value of the individual. Or perhaps a demonstration of the value and respect which someone places on the person accompanying them?"
If a man does these things for me, I do indeed regard it as a demonstration of respect and value that the men has for me. However, I as a woman would not do those things in order to demonstrate my respect and value for a man. Instead I will hold back for the man to do it. Why? Because I like that there are different rules of etiquette between genders.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do love chivalry, which might be a male/female thing, but good manners are always welcome whatever the gender, particularly in this brash internet age. |
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By *rwolfMan
over a year ago
bristol |
It takes nothing to be a gent..
Manners, consideration, politeness....it all shows you are a decent person
However in todays society other bits can be adjusted to suit..
Lets be honest, if a FWB turns up and says lets eat out its my way of saying *** then it feels amazing, thoughtful and can deepen a bond... Everyone likes a nice thing done for them and in a world of negatives why should we not enjoy the niceties with those we like? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!"
You should point out the origins of the custom.
A gentleman will hold open a door for a lady with his left hand and allow her to enter first, if there are vagabonds waiting inside then you have your right hand free to draw your sword, and the lady between you to act as a shield
Manners are fun, and while women are equal to men in most aspects of modern life, ladies are still different |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Manners are fun, and while women are equal to men in most aspects of modern life, ladies are still different "
And that is axactly how I feel. As a female I expect equal opportunities, but as a lady I don't want to be treated the same as a man.
Mrs
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!"
Lol, I'd have walked out on the nagging cunt and leave it with her to ask herself why no man can put up with that shit. Of course dragging my knuckles along the floor, grunting along my way out the door I just opened for her
To answer the question I'll have basic manners most of the time, but I purposefully wind feminist bitches up, same with their white knight followers too. |
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!
Lol, I'd have walked out on the nagging cunt and leave it with her to ask herself why no man can put up with that shit. Of course dragging my knuckles along the floor, grunting along my way out the door I just opened for her
To answer the question I'll have basic manners most of the time, but I purposefully wind feminist bitches up, same with their white knight followers too."
"nagging cunt"
that made me laugh |
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"I went on a date once, where I opened the door for the lady, as I would have for any person I was walking with.
I then had to endure a ten minute lecture about how she was perfectly capable of opening doors herself and how my attitude dated back to the stone age.
No, we didn't!
I love being made to feel looked after. It doesn't have to be much, I don't expect being paid for for instance, but the little things like doors held mean a lot. "
I agree . I like to be spoilt and treated like a princess . Like to be seduced but obviously that is a long lost art nowdays .
I just like a man to behave like a gentleman .
My profile says it all ! |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
Manners and respect cost nothing for us to give, sometimes I believe it has been forgotten in parts of our society. Am I more polite and respectful of ladies, absolutely yes! I've only once been told by a lady that I don't need to open a door for them, 'I know I don't need to' was my reply, she had a big smile on her face. |
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"Chivalry is not dead is on my profile I believe in treating a lady opening doors and being respectful
That's lovely to hear!..
and if I don't class myself as a lady?
Well I'll still treat you the same way unless you told me not too x
Oh...that's sweet..
us men need you lovely ladies on here more than you need us so I won't send a fancy a f*** message not do I display a cock pic "
He gives good hug too |
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By *o1978Woman
over a year ago
maidstone |
"I don't agree with men paying for dates, alternating paying for rounds is fine, he buys the cinema tickets, I buy the snacks, yeah.
But the rest is nice.
I don't need or expect a guy to do things for me, I am pretty capable and self sufficient.
What I do hate though is when a woman expects him to do or pay for something just because he is the bloke, that gets my back up."
Couldn't agree more.
Especially when a woman writes on her profile that she won't pay for a hotel!! That's just wrong!! After all it should be a mutual respect |
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I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat."
Well that's a new idea - women of today don't deserve the things I've mentioned and will consider a man who does that weak and spineless!?! I can't believe you are right there. Well I've certainly never felt chivalrous men are weak. If anything I regard the act as manly and makes me feel feminine.
Mrs
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat.
Well that's a new idea - women of today don't deserve the things I've mentioned and will consider a man who does that weak and spineless!?! I can't believe you are right there. Well I've certainly never felt chivalrous men are weak. If anything I regard the act as manly and makes me feel feminine.
Mrs
"
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By *eKoopleCouple
over a year ago
Germany / Manchester |
I always opened a door for a woman and I'll do it without having to think. In recent times, I've noticed a few women react in what I can only describe as bizarre.
1. They'll stand by the doorway bemused by the gesture.
2. Grab their hand bag and rush through the door as quickly as possible without making eye contact.
3. Look at me like I'm from another planet. Possibly the shock that Chivilary remains alive in the 21st Century.
On the positive side I've experienced the following:
1. A mention "I wish my husband was like you"
2. A kiss on the cheek for doing so and a "that's so sweet, thank you"
3. Being told I've made that persons day.
Chivilary is nothing but a nice gesture and if men did this often and without thinking, I'm sure more women would be much happier. -Marquis |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do love a gent and a guy who holds the door open for me. As for paying for a meal or cinema.. if he has offered to take me out one evening then I suspect he wont mind paying.. I might buy the drinks. If we arrange together to go out we share the meal or drinks unless he or I offer to pay. I really dont have any issues with paying.. it seems most guys I have met generally dont mind me paying for everything but I would like a `thank you' afterwards but this is a rare thing sadly.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My sub likes to be treated like a lady - sounds impossible for a Dom???
Well no - A Dom first and foremost needs to be a gentleman and a Dom second.
It's all about looking after your charge...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nah didn't you know being a good Dom is about knocking that bitches 2 front teeth out?
For the record I picked my special lady up (nah, she really is a spaz and she knows it ) and took her out for a meal and wine which didn't think twice about paying for. Was gonna make her pay a fiver towards couple price at the club but we didn't end up going when we for back to mine to change anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's nice to be nice, really. I'll open doors for anyone and make nice gestures regardless of gender. I'll buy drinks for friends on the unspoken understanding that they'll get the next round, whenever that'll be.
I think when you make a big show of only doing these things because the recipient is female then you can be on shaky ground if you don't know how it'll be received. "
I agree with this, I'll be honest.. I'm probably more likely to if it's for a woman, but it's just what you do.. it's not about chivalry or gender inequality, it's just being a nice human being. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree with men paying for dates, alternating paying for rounds is fine, he buys the cinema tickets, I buy the snacks, yeah.
But the rest is nice.
I don't need or expect a guy to do things for me, I am pretty capable and self sufficient.
What I do hate though is when a woman expects him to do or pay for something just because he is the bloke, that gets my back up."
Agree with this 100% |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any female who thinks chivalry is a sign of weakness or inequality probably doesn't deserve such kindness.
It's a sign of strength to take control of a situation and lead with a kind gesture.
To challenge this maybe shows some insecurity in themselves, but as a gentleman it's never intended that way.
I cook and clean better than most women, but that still doesn't mean I don't believe in carrying her bags, and opening doors for her.
...and carrying her upstairs every now and then |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My sub likes to be treated like a lady - sounds impossible for a Dom???
Well no - A Dom first and foremost needs to be a gentleman and a Dom second.
It's all about looking after your charge...
"
Definately. Those dynamics go hand in hand IMO.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any female who thinks chivalry is a sign of weakness or inequality probably doesn't deserve such kindness.
It's a sign of strength to take control of a situation and lead with a kind gesture.
To challenge this maybe shows some insecurity in themselves, but as a gentleman it's never intended that way.
I cook and clean better than most women, but that still doesn't mean I don't believe in carrying her bags, and opening doors for her.
...and carrying her upstairs every now and then "
FFS " doesn't deserve such kindness"...
When did being polite caring considerate and concerned for a girls welfare become something they had to deserve. The reason for treating a lady like a lady should be self evident not something that you decide they need to deserve
Neanderthal...
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By *EE96Man
over a year ago
FOLKESTONE |
Nothing wrong with simple decent manners and respect. Opening the car door is probably not practical unless it's raining and I've got the brolly but for the rest then yes, I certainly do all those still. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not going to apologise for being 'old school' on this. It's just good manners, and I hope it's taken as such. As My preference is for ladies in their 40s/50s and upwards, fortunately I think they understand chivalry and where it comes from better than the younger generation.
No offence is ever intended by a chivalrous gesture. |
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So under rated. A gentleman behaviour is divine, but likewise I would be happy to keep a door open with a smile for all. Manners are only thing still free.
Drinks dinner gets too much - that's where it's better 50/50 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not going to apologise for being 'old school' on this. It's just good manners, and I hope it's taken as such. As My preference is for ladies in their 40s/50s and upwards, fortunately I think they understand chivalry and where it comes from better than the younger generation.
No offence is ever intended by a chivalrous gesture."
You sound like a nice, balanced man
My husband does that too and not just for me but for any woman. He would even hold a door open for a man. It is just good manners
- Mrs. J - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree with men paying for dates, alternating paying for rounds is fine, he buys the cinema tickets, I buy the snacks, yeah.
But the rest is nice.
I don't need or expect a guy to do things for me, I am pretty capable and self sufficient.
What I do hate though is when a woman expects him to do or pay for something just because he is the bloke, that gets my back up."
I completely agree with you |
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Good manners cost nowt. Door holding is just courtesy...passenger door is chivalry..road side of pavement..depends how much you like them
It doesn't go unnoticed which is nice..a slightly older female colleague at my work commented today on the door opening ...i just say ,well taught and its how i'm wired |
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My man is an Officer and a Gentleman.
He shows me the greatest of respect as he does any female.
It saddens me when he is publicly castigated for being a "pompous arrogant twat" simply for holding the door open for a young Mother pushing her pram out of the shopping mall.
As far as I can see, chivalry is alive and well and thriving within our culture. It is just the fact that certain elements of society are unable to see that it is genuine manners.
Sorry if that sounds like a "rant" but events today have highlighted this problem.
Polly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree with men paying for dates, alternating paying for rounds is fine, he buys the cinema tickets, I buy the snacks, yeah.
But the rest is nice.
I don't need or expect a guy to do things for me, I am pretty capable and self sufficient.
What I do hate though is when a woman expects him to do or pay for something just because he is the bloke, that gets my back up."
I completely agree with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a bit of chivalry goes a long way, it is about manners and etiquette, thinks like holding doors open I do for anybody because that's just good manners. I'd give my seat up on a bus or train for any woman but I'd do the same for an older gent. I'd always pay for the meal on a first date, that's just the done thing. There's nothing wrong with chivalry, anybody who is offended by it is just plain idiotic in my book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chivalry is dead
I went on a date last month and not once was I expected to offer my services to protect the church. Nor did I provide evidence that I could ride and own a horse with it's trappings.
Also when I increased taxation upon my serfs and declared my duty to war with infidels, she wasn't impressed in the slightest.
"
that's quality |
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"Chivalry is dead
I went on a date last month and not once was I expected to offer my services to protect the church. Nor did I provide evidence that I could ride and own a horse with it's trappings.
Also when I increased taxation upon my serfs and declared my duty to war with infidels, she wasn't impressed in the slightest.
that's quality "
It is indeed hilarious,
But it does "dumb down" the issue to hand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Finally. Thank OP for posting an interesting thread which has led to some semi intellectual conversation. Not like the usual shite topics on here. Too pissed to post something profound, but well done OP, well done |
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"I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat.
Well that's a new idea - women of today don't deserve the things I've mentioned and will consider a man who does that weak and spineless!?! I can't believe you are right there. Well I've certainly never felt chivalrous men are weak. If anything I regard the act as manly and makes me feel feminine.
Mrs
"
Well op, I have sat down and talked to women of those days and these women are the real deal , I really like them , I have also dated girls of today between the ages of 20 and 29 and their values are very different and they definitely don't like guys who open doors, they consider that kind of behavior weakness, they like the bad boys who don't really care about them and they are far more experienced sexually than the women of those days I admit.especially when it comes to sucking cock and fucking.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think i would enjoy a gentleman. Im yet to experience all this door holding and pulling out chairs. Its nice that it happens but i wouldnt expect it from anyone.
Its just nice to be nice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat.
Well that's a new idea - women of today don't deserve the things I've mentioned and will consider a man who does that weak and spineless!?! I can't believe you are right there. Well I've certainly never felt chivalrous men are weak. If anything I regard the act as manly and makes me feel feminine.
Mrs
Well op, I have sat down and talked to women of those days and these women are the real deal , I really like them , I have also dated girls of today between the ages of 20 and 29 and their values are very different and they definitely don't like guys who open doors, they consider that kind of behavior weakness, they like the bad boys who don't really care about them and they are far more experienced sexually than the women of those days I admit.especially when it comes to sucking cock and fucking.
"
I had more my age group in mind when I brought this subject up, and I certainly was not aware that middle aged women like myself regard chivalrous men as weak. My point of discussion was that maybe they found it sexist. Now you've explained that it's the 20 to 29 age group that have taken the view chivalry is a weakness, then maybe you are right. I don't know any women of the age group you date, so I wouldn't know.
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"I will pick and choose here and I won't want to refer to it as chivalry, you see,the women of those days deserved all these things the op is talking about, they were really worth it but if you do these things with the girls of today you will be considered very weak and a guy without a spine and from that point she will be in the driving seat and put her foot in your ass.
When it comes to going to a restaurant or hotel , I will make the payment cause its on me and I want to relax, I personally don't want her spending a dime on me and am not sharing any bills with her even if she is far above me, especially if I made the arrangement, the respect starts here.
Opening doors , walking around etc is a no no.
Now if she offers to take me out and I know she is strong enough to do so I will accept but I will have already established who I am to her and it will be clear those things don't mean anything to me and irrespective of her wealth and power, I am in the driving seat.
Well that's a new idea - women of today don't deserve the things I've mentioned and will consider a man who does that weak and spineless!?! I can't believe you are right there. Well I've certainly never felt chivalrous men are weak. If anything I regard the act as manly and makes me feel feminine.
Mrs
Well op, I have sat down and talked to women of those days and these women are the real deal , I really like them , I have also dated girls of today between the ages of 20 and 29 and their values are very different and they definitely don't like guys who open doors, they consider that kind of behavior weakness, they like the bad boys who don't really care about them and they are far more experienced sexually than the women of those days I admit.especially when it comes to sucking cock and fucking.
I had more my age group in mind when I brought this subject up, and I certainly was not aware that middle aged women like myself regard chivalrous men as weak. My point of discussion was that maybe they found it sexist. Now you've explained that it's the 20 to 29 age group that have taken the view chivalry is a weakness, then maybe you are right. I don't know any women of the age group you date, so I wouldn't know.
Mrs"
My opinion is that technology is the main thing that changed between your age group and the new age group but in this new age group chivalry is gone.
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