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ADHD, Autism and Using Fab for the Dopamine Hit
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I was wondering if anyone else here is neurodivergent (ADHD, autism, AuDHD, etc.) and finds themselves using Fab partly for the dopamine hit?
For me, I enjoy chatting, flirting and the excitement of browsing profiles. I also enjoy arranging threesomes and foursomes, but I often find it difficult to actually organise them through here. I can get caught up in the excitement of the idea, then struggle with the planning and follow-through.
I'm interested to know if anyone else has a similar experience. Does your ADHD or autism affect how you use Fab? Do you find the messaging, arranging meets, or social side easier or harder than expected? Have you found any strategies that work for you?
It would be interesting to hear from others who can relate. |
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Undiagnosed here but been suggested many times that I may have hit a few spicy branches on the way down 😅 I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅 On the flip side I absolutely can't instigate things so a bit of a catch 22 |
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I recognise myself in both of these situations! It can be a frustrating situation being a swinger who at times can seem completely disinterested or get totally focused on why you used a word and miss the message  |
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Diagnosed!
I don’t use fab to arrange private meets very often (if at all). Along with personal reasons, arranging anything is just not my forte 🤣
I instead use it as a tool to get chatting to people who are going to the same events. That also means I can memorise topics of conversation for when I get there 😅.
And absolutely, everything is motivated by catching that sweet dopamine hit. A large proportion of people who are neuro divergent have non vanilla interests for that reason. |
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"Diagnosed!
I don’t use fab to arrange private meets very often (if at all). Along with personal reasons, arranging anything is just not my forte 🤣
I instead use it as a tool to get chatting to people who are going to the same events. That also means I can memorise topics of conversation for when I get there 😅.
And absolutely, everything is motivated by catching that sweet dopamine hit. A large proportion of people who are neuro divergent have non vanilla interests for that reason."
That last sentence has really struck a cord with me, must admit that I have never put that 2 and 2 together before.....interesting and thought provoking. |
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"I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅"
Exactly the same for me! When I show up, I'm there for a reason. J |
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"Undiagnosed here but been suggested many times that I may have hit a few spicy branches on the way down 😅 I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅 On the flip side I absolutely can't instigate things so a bit of a catch 22"
If you are anything like me horny but to shy to fuck syndrome I called it fab and yye Internet really helped with getting me laid, I’d never had sex without the internet |
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"Diagnosed!
I don’t use fab to arrange private meets very often (if at all). Along with personal reasons, arranging anything is just not my forte 🤣
I instead use it as a tool to get chatting to people who are going to the same events. That also means I can memorise topics of conversation for when I get there 😅.
And absolutely, everything is motivated by catching that sweet dopamine hit. A large proportion of people who are neuro divergent have non vanilla interests for that reason."
Good point well made I think I only fab fir those non vanilla interests too |
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"I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅
Exactly the same for me! When I show up, I'm there for a reason. J"
I think it’s a bit of both ways sometimes I like done chit chat before getting naked other times it’s just good to be naked if you’re ready for action so to speak |
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"Undiagnosed here but been suggested many times that I may have hit a few spicy branches on the way down 😅 I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅 On the flip side I absolutely can't instigate things so a bit of a catch 22"
You’ve just described me!
Shane I’m blocked from messaging you privatkybas yiure local to me! |
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2-3 orgasms every day since I was 11yrs old for dopamine hit
mainly masturbation to start and end each day with a cheeky wank in between
Sadly rarely met a lady who wanted sex that often but it was great when I did |
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I find the initial mundane pleasantries really difficult, i know my replies are terrible sometimes one or 2 words and quite literal. I am sure it has put people off me lots of times as they either think im not interested or cant be bothered carrying the conversation.
Id much rather chat on the phone or have a social as i find it much easier face to face than online.
I couldnt possibly go to a club that just wouldnt be for me would be too overwhelming being around all those people and in that environment but i do really enjoy the sex part.
Its a bloody nightmare  |
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"Undiagnosed here but been suggested many times that I may have hit a few spicy branches on the way down 😅 I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅 On the flip side I absolutely can't instigate things so a bit of a catch 22"
Diagnosed here,
We don’t arrange meets here but only play at clubs. With this though means often getting that really awkward small talk conversation. Have you been here before, what other clubs have you been to, is it normally this busy/quiet.
Took a lot of time to adjust to what we want and how to stop masking to get through it. We now play publically and invite people to join us, we are the same as what you said. We are all here to fuck so cut out the small talk and let’s get down to it lol. |
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I'm neurodivergent and so is my boyfriend and both my nonbinary/trans girls (all 27yo). We're all kinky but my boyfriend of ten years only has eyes for me, while both the girls are absolute kinky sluts and love to be shared and whored out to men to be used and fucked and are total cock and sperm addicts. |
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Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol |
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"Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol "
Same! Well the first paragraph! I need them to make me tick. That doesn't happen through pics or just an introduction. Meeting at clubs makes things so much easier. |
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"Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol
Same! Well the first paragraph! I need them to make me tick. That doesn't happen through pics or just an introduction. Meeting at clubs makes things so much easier. "
Oh don’t get me wrong, whilst we are very much let’s get down to it, rather than lots of chat, there still needs to be attraction, it’s not just anybody we want to get down with lol. If we’ve decided we would then we would rather crack on than chat, if that makes sense lol |
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The problem with writing is that I need to check and edit god knows how many times before sending. Kills spontaneity stone dead, chat rooms are murder.
I'm also very much an observer to begin with, I do love clubs and interactions but it can be a bit hit or miss whether I warm up to whats going on before its kicking out time  |
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Undiagnosed but very sure at this point, though it took til the last few years to lock down that I might be.
I can sometimes struggle with social. I need it but due to past encounters I struggle to believe anyone wants me around so fab acts like a step in the right direction for me to push myself back into a club sometime and actually meet people again. Not great cause outside the forums I don't exactly message people much but still, it's something 😅 |
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"Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol
Same! Well the first paragraph! I need them to make me tick. That doesn't happen through pics or just an introduction. Meeting at clubs makes things so much easier.
Oh don’t get me wrong, whilst we are very much let’s get down to it, rather than lots of chat, there still needs to be attraction, it’s not just anybody we want to get down with lol. If we’ve decided we would then we would rather crack on than chat, if that makes sense lol"
Exactly this, not just everyone, but those I do want to, let's go 😅 |
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Adhd here i find fab can either trigger (ghosting once a connection is formed id rather a quick im done and this is why) or fix (my need to feel wanted craved and not so broken or undesirable) in the heat of the moment it's fun if they can cope with tigger! x |
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"Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol
Same! Well the first paragraph! I need them to make me tick. That doesn't happen through pics or just an introduction. Meeting at clubs makes things so much easier.
Oh don’t get me wrong, whilst we are very much let’s get down to it, rather than lots of chat, there still needs to be attraction, it’s not just anybody we want to get down with lol. If we’ve decided we would then we would rather crack on than chat, if that makes sense lol
Exactly this, not just everyone, but those I do want to, let's go 😅"
100% in fairness the more people speak the more likely they are going to say that rubs one or both of us up the wrong way and it’s over before it’s begun lol
Less talking more fucking lol |
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Undiagnosed, but can relate.
The attending of simple social meets and events that most people take for granted are like planning Mission Impossible.
Just have to take into account the anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks - that's all 🤨 |
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I have both sex is my favorite dopamine fix
But I struggle to maintain communication I get bored of all the talk or I just get an odd vibe n I’m done equally u could be my fave person id cut all ties if I feel ur getting too close … |
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"I struggle with the written communication. I have no idea what people want to talk about, or why. Face to face, I'm okay with it, but can seem disinterested even when I'm not.
"
This is interesting because I actually wonder whether some of the frustration is Fab itself rather than necessarily being neurodivergent.
I’m always quite happy to message first and get a conversation going, but I find I get ghosted quite a lot, which can be really annoying when you’ve actually made the effort to start a conversation.
I wonder whether the simplicity of Fab is actually part of the problem? There aren’t really many tools to help a conversation develop naturally, so it can become very black and white — message, reply, disappear. Does anyone else think the site itself makes communication harder?
|
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"I find the initial mundane pleasantries really difficult, i know my replies are terrible sometimes one or 2 words and quite literal. I am sure it has put people off me lots of times as they either think im not interested or cant be bothered carrying the conversation.
Id much rather chat on the phone or have a social as i find it much easier face to face than online.
I couldnt possibly go to a club that just wouldnt be for me would be too overwhelming being around all those people and in that environment but i do really enjoy the sex part.
Its a bloody nightmare "
I can really relate to this. I’ve tried clubs and found the whole environment quite overwhelming. I think I’d much rather meet a smaller group of people where there’s a bit more opportunity to actually talk and get to know each other.
I’m definitely not a “turn up and get straight down to it” person either. I like some conversation beforehand and afterwards. At the same time, I completely understand the need to decompress after a meet — even if you’ve really enjoyed yourself, social interaction can be quite draining.
I wonder whether Fab could actually be better suited to people like us if the messaging side was a bit better developed?
|
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"Ah now I’m the other way round. Very rarely can I just get down to it, unless I’m already doing it (group/party). I need to like someone to want to fuck them.
Love the social aspect, but will often need a day or two afterwards to isolate myself and recover.
Agree that it’s a lot about the dopamine hits. I certainly get good ones!!
What I struggle with most is the black and white of it all. The site often frustrates me and I can be quite blunt or ignore people altogether when I’m frustrated. And there’s also the rejection sensitivity side of it!! Wow, that brutal sometimes lol
Same! Well the first paragraph! I need them to make me tick. That doesn't happen through pics or just an introduction. Meeting at clubs makes things so much easier.
Oh don’t get me wrong, whilst we are very much let’s get down to it, rather than lots of chat, there still needs to be attraction, it’s not just anybody we want to get down with lol. If we’ve decided we would then we would rather crack on than chat, if that makes sense lol
Exactly this, not just everyone, but those I do want to, let's go 😅
100% in fairness the more people speak the more likely they are going to say that rubs one or both of us up the wrong way and it’s over before it’s begun lol
Less talking more fucking lol"
I can really relate to this. I’ve tried clubs and found the whole environment quite overwhelming. I think I’d much rather meet a smaller group of people where there’s a bit more opportunity to actually talk and get to know each other.
I’m definitely not a “turn up and get straight down to it” person either. I like some conversation beforehand and afterwards. At the same time, I completely understand the need to decompress after a meet — even if you’ve really enjoyed yourself, social interaction can be quite draining.
I wonder whether Fab could actually be better suited to people like us if the messaging side was a bit better developed?
|
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Reading all these replies has made me wonder whether some of what we’re describing is actually about Fab itself rather than just ADHD/neurodivergence.
I’m quite happy to message first and I actually prefer having some conversation before meeting someone. I’m not really into the “meet, fuck and disappear” approach — I like a bit of connection and conversation before and afterwards. But I get ghosted quite a lot, and I find that frustrating because I’ve made the effort to start the conversation.
I’ve tried clubs as well, but I find the size, noise and amount of social interaction quite overwhelming. I think I’m much happier in a smaller group of swingers where you can actually talk to people.
At the same time, I completely understand the point about needing to decompress afterwards. Even when I’ve enjoyed a fab experience, I can need some time alone afterwards to contemplate and reset.
So I’m wondering: does Fab’s simplicity actually make it easier for neurodivergent people because there aren’t loads of complicated features, or does the lack of better conversation/social tools actually make it more frustrating? I’m genuinely curious what others think. |
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"
So I’m wondering: does Fab’s simplicity actually make it easier for neurodivergent people because there aren’t loads of complicated features, or does the lack of better conversation/social tools actually make it more frustrating? I’m genuinely curious what others think."
For me it's the same with dating apps, the intent is there for everyone so it's easier to see flags compared to just trying to meet people in person. That said I don't find a lot of luck on those (except FB dating) so just understanding that those connections can be found is helpful to give a foundation for the time being before going back to clubs. |
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"
So I’m wondering: does Fab’s simplicity actually make it easier for neurodivergent people because there aren’t loads of complicated features, or does the lack of better conversation/social tools actually make it more frustrating? I’m genuinely curious what others think.
For me it's the same with dating apps, the intent is there for everyone so it's easier to see flags compared to just trying to meet people in person. That said I don't find a lot of luck on those (except FB dating) so just understanding that those connections can be found is helpful to give a foundation for the time being before going back to clubs."
FB dating thats a new one on me |
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"Fabs does often hit the spot in terms of pics chat and forum... Learnt to stop deleting profiles and just have regular breaks and pure honesty with partner x"
Totally agreed on deleted profiles, so hard to keep resetting and starting over from new |
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I'm ND ADHD & definitely need that dopamine hit. Fab does facilitate that for me as I've figured out how to navigate it for my purposes.
I do enjoy the social part of meeting & the lead up to anything more. I need to see if that persons desires aligns with mine. I see things in black & white & am pretty direct myself.
My attention span isn't great & I become easily bored or distracted as new exciting "prospects" show up. I tend to explain all of this to those I'm interested in meeting & also say that I'm not being rude or ignorant if I don't reply to their messages for a few days, either on here or other platforms. It's because my focus has moved elsewhere.
If someone of interest is not looking to actually meet up sometime soon, I move on fairly quickly as I get that urgency for the dopamine hit & I'm not waiting around for a "maybe", I'm looking for "Game on! Let's go!" |
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"I'm ND ADHD & definitely need that dopamine hit. Fab does facilitate that for me as I've figured out how to navigate it for my purposes.
I do enjoy the social part of meeting & the lead up to anything more. I need to see if that persons desires aligns with mine. I see things in black & white & am pretty direct myself.
My attention span isn't great & I become easily bored or distracted as new exciting "prospects" show up. I tend to explain all of this to those I'm interested in meeting & also say that I'm not being rude or ignorant if I don't reply to their messages for a few days, either on here or other platforms. It's because my focus has moved elsewhere.
If someone of interest is not looking to actually meet up sometime soon, I move on fairly quickly as I get that urgency for the dopamine hit & I'm not waiting around for a "maybe", I'm looking for "Game on! Let's go!" "
I really relate to the “Game on! Let’s go!” bit .
I think that need for something to actually happen, rather than endless messaging and “maybe sometime”, really resonates with me.
I do like the social side and getting to know someone first, though. I’m definitely not just looking for a quick fuck and gone — I like having some conversation and getting a feel for whether we actually click before meeting.
I think that’s probably why the whole Fab thing can be a bit frustrating for me. I’m quite happy to make the first move, but then you can end up getting ghosted or having a conversation just fade away, which drives me mad! Grrrrrr
But when there’s a mutual interest and someone says “right, let’s actually do this”... yeah, definitely **Game on! Let’s go!**
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I truely think alot of the 'meet now' folks are leaning into their ADHD. With some short sporadic convos to give the illusion of consistancy, one rapid communication of likes, limits have led some great experiences leaning in for seeking a dopamine hit with another human.
These meets are usually ONS in nature, simply for the novelty i think.
When i joined 10 years ago i would let the Adhd lead but the autism rules these days for safety reasons.
Rejection sensitivity is incredibly difficult to navigate in text convos, especially since im often speaking to other ND people, more convos crash out because i have triggered that in someone than any other reason.
I think getting onto the phone or a social help massively. Skip the small talk i seek a depth of mind and D 😂 |
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"I truely think alot of the 'meet now' folks are leaning into their ADHD. With some short sporadic convos to give the illusion of consistancy, one rapid communication of likes, limits have led some great experiences leaning in for seeking a dopamine hit with another human.
These meets are usually ONS in nature, simply for the novelty i think.
When i joined 10 years ago i would let the Adhd lead but the autism rules these days for safety reasons.
Rejection sensitivity is incredibly difficult to navigate in text convos, especially since im often speaking to other ND people, more convos crash out because i have triggered that in someone than any other reason.
I think getting onto the phone or a social help massively. Skip the small talk i seek a depth of mind and D 😂 "
I tend to agree. I'm not sure whether adding ADHD to a profile helps or hinders the chances of a hookup, but I do think it gives people some context for how you communicate.
Where I really agree is that text can be a minefield, especially between ND people. It's so easy for tone to be misread, assumptions to creep in, or rejection sensitivity to get triggered on either side.
For me, getting onto a phone call or meeting socially cuts through a lot of that. Some people love the constant message back-and-forth, but others just aren't built for that style of communication. A 20-minute conversation usually tells me more than days of texting ever could. |
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"
I tend to agree. I'm not sure whether adding ADHD to a profile helps or hinders the chances of a hookup, but I do think it gives people some context for how you communicate.
Where I really agree is that text can be a minefield, especially between ND people. It's so easy for tone to be misread, assumptions to creep in, or rejection sensitivity to get triggered on either side.
For me, getting onto a phone call or meeting socially cuts through a lot of that. Some people love the constant message back-and-forth, but others just aren't built for that style of communication. A 20-minute conversation usually tells me more than days of texting ever could."
I had ND on my profile for a little while but it attracted 'i think autistic girls are hott' types.
Even commenting on these threads kinda opens us up to over familiar approaches or those with malicious intentions.
Truely think we find one another anyway without the label on our profiles.
I like replying to 'theres something about you' with "its diagnosable" 😂
Im definatly one of those 'not built for that style of communication' i tend to end interactions around 2 weeks into solely texting, cant handle the daily demand of 'good morning, have a good day' 'ive finished work, hope youve had a good day' style interactions, their only benifit is that you see a pattern to someomes day/week and potential availability. As you say so much more can be gleened from 20mins on the phone than endless shallow messaging over days to weeks. But if someones only had time to text and maybe hint at a social without ever having time for a call.. I figure they dont have time for a social or a meet. |
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"
I tend to agree. I'm not sure whether adding ADHD to a profile helps or hinders the chances of a hookup, but I do think it gives people some context for how you communicate.
Where I really agree is that text can be a minefield, especially between ND people. It's so easy for tone to be misread, assumptions to creep in, or rejection sensitivity to get triggered on either side.
For me, getting onto a phone call or meeting socially cuts through a lot of that. Some people love the constant message back-and-forth, but others just aren't built for that style of communication. A 20-minute conversation usually tells me more than days of texting ever could.
I had ND on my profile for a little while but it attracted 'i think autistic girls are hott' types.
Even commenting on these threads kinda opens us up to over familiar approaches or those with malicious intentions.
Truely think we find one another anyway without the label on our profiles.
I like replying to 'theres something about you' with "its diagnosable" 😂
Im definatly one of those 'not built for that style of communication' i tend to end interactions around 2 weeks into solely texting, cant handle the daily demand of 'good morning, have a good day' 'ive finished work, hope youve had a good day' style interactions, their only benifit is that you see a pattern to someomes day/week and potential availability. As you say so much more can be gleened from 20mins on the phone than endless shallow messaging over days to weeks. But if someones only had time to text and maybe hint at a social without ever having time for a call.. I figure they dont have time for a social or a meet. "
I do wonder whether there could be a group or forum specifically for ADHD/ND people who are genuine about actually getting out and doing things — somewhere with some sort of verification, where people are there to find others who genuinely want to meet up, rather than spending weeks messaging or using it as a dating app. I think I’d find that much more appealing. |
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"
I do wonder whether there could be a group or forum specifically for ADHD/ND people who are genuine about actually getting out and doing things — somewhere with some sort of verification, where people are there to find others who genuinely want to meet up, rather than spending weeks messaging or using it as a dating app. I think I’d find that much more appealing."
This isnt a ND issue. Its a common complaint on fab.
People can use the site however they like. Its down to open communication weather we find folks seeking the same experiances as we are.
Personally i dont know if i want to meet someone before i have spoken to them. Or even after ive solely spoken to them. I dont make that decision until after a social.
I do agree there should be an 'impatient' 'indiscriminate ons meet' selectable option so people can filter in or out of such arrangements. |
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"I was wondering if anyone else here is neurodivergent (ADHD, autism, AuDHD, etc.) and finds themselves using Fab partly for the dopamine hit?
For me, I enjoy chatting, flirting and the excitement of browsing profiles. I also enjoy arranging threesomes and foursomes, but I often find it difficult to actually organise them through here. I can get caught up in the excitement of the idea, then struggle with the planning and follow-through.
I'm interested to know if anyone else has a similar experience. Does your ADHD or autism affect how you use Fab? Do you find the messaging, arranging meets, or social side easier or harder than expected? Have you found any strategies that work for you?
It would be interesting to hear from others who can relate."
I'm undiagnosed but my gp says it is aspergus. Nhs refused to diagnose me due to my age. But I know exactly what tiu mean about coming on here, it is like an addiction |
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"
I tend to agree. I'm not sure whether adding ADHD to a profile helps or hinders the chances of a hookup, but I do think it gives people some context for how you communicate.
Where I really agree is that text can be a minefield, especially between ND people. It's so easy for tone to be misread, assumptions to creep in, or rejection sensitivity to get triggered on either side.
For me, getting onto a phone call or meeting socially cuts through a lot of that. Some people love the constant message back-and-forth, but others just aren't built for that style of communication. A 20-minute conversation usually tells me more than days of texting ever could.
I had ND on my profile for a little while but it attracted 'i think autistic girls are hott' types.
Even commenting on these threads kinda opens us up to over familiar approaches or those with malicious intentions.
Truely think we find one another anyway without the label on our profiles.
I like replying to 'theres something about you' with "its diagnosable" 😂
Im definatly one of those 'not built for that style of communication' i tend to end interactions around 2 weeks into solely texting, cant handle the daily demand of 'good morning, have a good day' 'ive finished work, hope youve had a good day' style interactions, their only benifit is that you see a pattern to someomes day/week and potential availability. As you say so much more can be gleened from 20mins on the phone than endless shallow messaging over days to weeks. But if someones only had time to text and maybe hint at a social without ever having time for a call.. I figure they dont have time for a social or a meet.
I do wonder whether there could be a group or forum specifically for ADHD/ND people who are genuine about actually getting out and doing things — somewhere with some sort of verification, where people are there to find others who genuinely want to meet up, rather than spending weeks messaging or using it as a dating app. I think I’d find that much more appealing."
A ND area of fab was requested by multiple people on the threads I've attached but It looks that will never happen.
Tbf I'd be very surprised if I've come across any neurotypical people on fab or the club scene haha.
P.S a 20 minute phone call with a stranger would make me feel 🤢
P1 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1346028
P2 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1369444
P3 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1374628
P4 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1375399
P5 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1378212
P6 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1379859
P7 - https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/support/1384337
P8 - https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1385017
P9 - https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1386683
P10 - https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/138935
P11 - https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1402246
P12 -https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1409222
P13
-https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1420947
P14
-https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1432224
P15- https://www.fabswingers.com/forum/swingers/1447141
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Wow, what an interesting, insightful and eye opening thread. It's no great shock to hear that there are a lot of ND people on Fab and in the swinging world in general but even though N and I are not (yet) diagnosed with anything, reading the previous posts is like taking a trip into my own head. Particularly the powerful attraction to the dopamine hit that comes from getting a new fab / wink / message.
As some others have said, we also tend to play in clubs and are primarily looking to get down and fuck rather than engaging in small talk. We want to be friendly and we hope the people we're going to play with are nice, decent people but we're definitely not looking to make lifelong friends with anyone when we step inside a club.
It's reassuring that there are so many other people on here who identify as ND in some way (whether diagnosed or not) and who are having similar experiences with Fab and the lifestyle in general.
Have a wonderful day all you filthy, neurospicy fuckers. x |
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Scrolling in itself is a chase, so there's that.
I have discovered that if I meet someone it's better they are spicy. Spicy women offer the same things I do, so I suppose I recognise it.
It's not something I had ever considered, but when I did, it became the thing.
Let that freak flag fly |
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Really interesting post, we only play in clubs as lou really cant do the whole flirting and chatting thing, she thinks all bar areas in clubs should be turned into beds, one shot of vodka and down and dirty for the night where i love the chats and flirt.
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"I was wondering if anyone else here is neurodivergent (ADHD, autism, AuDHD, etc.) and finds themselves using Fab partly for the dopamine hit?
For me, I enjoy chatting, flirting and the excitement of browsing profiles. I also enjoy arranging threesomes and foursomes, but I often find it difficult to actually organise them through here. I can get caught up in the excitement of the idea, then struggle with the planning and follow-through.
I'm interested to know if anyone else has a similar experience. Does your ADHD or autism affect how you use Fab? Do you find the messaging, arranging meets, or social side easier or harder than expected? Have you found any strategies that work for you?
It would be interesting to hear from others who can relate."
Absolutely. Diagnosed and medicated. Still apend a lot of time dopamine seeking. Just now I have more focus while doing it. |
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"Undiagnosed here but been suggested many times that I may have hit a few spicy branches on the way down 😅 I struggle with the social side of things, I don't really see the point. It's why I dont do well at clubs or parties, we're all here to fuck so why are we standing around chatting for hours? 😅 On the flip side I absolutely can't instigate things so a bit of a catch 22"
One of my issues. I suck at small talk. It is either straight to the point or an interrogation if someone says something which interests me. |
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The need for stimulation is incredibly high. I have diagnosed AuDHD which means I sort of want lots of stimulation, from one person in a focused way, so looking at all the pretty pictures is great, that Fab sweet shop window is incredibly exciting but I want to pick one sweet and then keep getting a hit rather than trying one of everything, which I think demands a lot of the person I'm talking to, and the conversation, the mental connection is the thing that hooks me, personally, but also makes the (seemingly very common) one sided conversations very dull, and yet I want them to go somewhere cos I've picked the sweet I want to eat and keep eating.
I think I've gone far enough with the sweet analogy. |
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"I find the initial mundane pleasantries really difficult, i know my replies are terrible sometimes one or 2 words and quite literal. I am sure it has put people off me lots of times as they either think im not interested or cant be bothered carrying the conversation.
Id much rather chat on the phone or have a social as i find it much easier face to face than online.
I couldnt possibly go to a club that just wouldnt be for me would be too overwhelming being around all those people and in that environment but i do really enjoy the sex part.
Its a bloody nightmare "
This whole thread is giving me hope.
I am pushing myself to go out to places but I find the small talk chit chat bizzare especially when there is so muxh noise and stimulus.
My replies are wither overly long as though I thought they wanted a well thought out answer or two words because that is all that is needed as an answer.
Apparently neither of them responses is correct. So may just look for other neurodivergents. |
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I've got autism, and my family think I likely have ADHD too. If you read my profile and you're on the spectrum it's probably pretty obvious that I am. The people I've got on best with on this site are people who also have autism, or who have some experience with it.
I've noticed I get overwhelmed easily, so I struggle to keep up with multiple chats and I often lose interest quickly ( I know this makes me sound like a bitch ). The idea of meeting new people excites me and I get a thrill out of it, but I find it hard to commit to planning meets.
There are other reasons I don't meet often. I have issues with my appearance and my autism makes me very unfiltered. I'll say I find myself disgusting and then put people off. Sometimes I do this on purpose if I think someone is too attractive for me. A lot of people on Fab are fed up of negative status updates. If I'm upset about something I can't seem to stop museof from posting about it. Do any other autistic people do this?
I am very bubbly one on one or in groups of around three people, but the idea lf clubs scare me. I think I'd enjoy the experience, but social situations with lots of people make me want to shrink into a corner. Am I missing out by not going to any club nights? I don't get a lot of interest from couples and women and I feel like parties and clubs are the only way I can meet them. |
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Exactly this for me too. Diagnosed ADHD. Definitely need to build a connection and to want to fuck that person.
Atypically, I am excellent at planning, so do use Fab to arrange meets and I like the social side of messaging and clubs, but also need a couple of days of downtime because I have exhausted my social battery.
However I also hugely use Fab for the dopamine hits.
And yep rejection sensitivity does definitely deal some blows and I have to have a word with myself. |
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"I've got autism, and my family think I likely have ADHD too. If you read my profile and you're on the spectrum it's probably pretty obvious that I am. The people I've got on best with on this site are people who also have autism, or who have some experience with it.
I've noticed I get overwhelmed easily, so I struggle to keep up with multiple chats and I often lose interest quickly ( I know this makes me sound like a bitch ). The idea of meeting new people excites me and I get a thrill out of it, but I find it hard to commit to planning meets.
There are other reasons I don't meet often. I have issues with my appearance and my autism makes me very unfiltered. I'll say I find myself disgusting and then put people off. Sometimes I do this on purpose if I think someone is too attractive for me. A lot of people on Fab are fed up of negative status updates. If I'm upset about something I can't seem to stop museof from posting about it. Do any other autistic people do this?
I am very bubbly one on one or in groups of around three people, but the idea lf clubs scare me. I think I'd enjoy the experience, but social situations with lots of people make me want to shrink into a corner. Am I missing out by not going to any club nights? I don't get a lot of interest from couples and women and I feel like parties and clubs are the only way I can meet them."
I think Purple Mamba has an event for neurodiverse people. Has anybody been to this event? I made a thread asking what it's like on threads and whether me being unpopular on here would affect my experience. I brought up my autism and someone from Purple Mamba told me about it.
Unfortunately I don't drive and can't get many places by direct train. I don't have the money to spend on multiple trains, so I feel like it wouldn't be possible to get to this event. |
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By *heLibsCouple 4 days ago
Bristol |
Yes. Both of us do. Mr in his solo days got a little addicted to the chase and thrill, on occasion to the point it wasnt helpful or healthy. Together we are both a bit prone, while Mr is only one of us with a diagnosis we both know what we are, a pair of dopamine chasing deviants  |
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"I strongly believe everyone on fab is neurodiverse, whether they know it or not
Naa, I don't agree
Some are just jizz beasts
What if you're a ADHD jizz beast? "
That wasn't my point was it smart arse |
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By *ypersoonMan 4 days ago
WHITCHURCH, Shropshire |
Social side's my biggest challenge in the lifestyle with my Aspergers. Part of it because I'm with people who I don't know & struggle for confidence the longer I feel left alone.
Whenever I go to a club (in my case, always Club Alchemy), I always make use of the pool table to be a icebreaker for socialising to start but it can be tough especially when not getting rub of the green (both the pool table & making a social connection) plus there's only so long you can keep there in a swingers club before someone asks why you're not joining in 😜
Also the reputation single guys have because of idiots who don't understand etiquette has made confidence in clubs a tricky challenge though I wisely limit myself on wandering around the club too much (or being on the "cock conveyor" as a number of experienced swingers call it) due to the way you can be easily misjudged for being too creepy/desperate. That way I can decide to call it a night & leave if ultimately I feel like I'm not adding to the night.
In the case of the forums, do enjoy joining the topics that appeal to me or if I can contribute & have to say, am grateful that this forum topic has enabled me to open up both with my autism & general struggles within the lifestyle ❤️ the forums provide some of my dopamine hit (notably when there are perv threads set up for Saturday & Sunday 😉) |
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The first line of my profile mentions my AuDHD dopamine-seeking, so I've definitely been aware of it since I joined here. I need a bit of chat first too - just not small talk because that makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I suppose I *can* just meet up and get down to it, but I very much prefer to know the person a wee bit before the clothes come off. I feel like the knowing them a bit heightens the hit! |
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"The first line of my profile mentions my AuDHD dopamine-seeking, so I've definitely been aware of it since I joined here. I need a bit of chat first too - just not small talk because that makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I suppose I *can* just meet up and get down to it, but I very much prefer to know the person a wee bit before the clothes come off. I feel like the knowing them a bit heightens the hit!"
I always try to make a connection with the other person before I decide to meet. You're correct that can help many. |
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"Not really, I find guys categorically struggle with follow though
I'm audhd and if I want to meet I want to meet
Guys are the letdown "
If I arrange a meet, I'll nearly always follow through because once the dopamine hits, my brain has already decided it's happening 😅.
Sometimes that's great, sometimes it means I probably should have taken a bit longer to think things through. The planning stage is harder for me than actually turning up.
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"Social side's my biggest challenge in the lifestyle with my Aspergers. Part of it because I'm with people who I don't know & struggle for confidence the longer I feel left alone.
Whenever I go to a club (in my case, always Club Alchemy), I always make use of the pool table to be a icebreaker for socialising to start but it can be tough especially when not getting rub of the green (both the pool table & making a social connection) plus there's only so long you can keep there in a swingers club before someone asks why you're not joining in 😜
Also the reputation single guys have because of idiots who don't understand etiquette has made confidence in clubs a tricky challenge though I wisely limit myself on wandering around the club too much (or being on the "cock conveyor" as a number of experienced swingers call it) due to the way you can be easily misjudged for being too creepy/desperate. That way I can decide to call it a night & leave if ultimately I feel like I'm not adding to the night.
In the case of the forums, do enjoy joining the topics that appeal to me or if I can contribute & have to say, am grateful that this forum topic has enabled me to open up both with my autism & general struggles within the lifestyle ❤️ the forums provide some of my dopamine hit (notably when there are perv threads set up for Saturday & Sunday 😉)"
Your post has made me realise that a lot of how I behaved in vanilla clubs was probably ADHD-related. I'd never made that connection before. I always needed something to focus on and found random small talk hard work. Looking back, it makes a lot more sense now. |
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I'm undiagnosed (but multiple therapists don't see neurodivergance), and I'm 100% guilty of using fab as a dopamine hit.
You're combining the natural dopamine hit of sex with the addictiveness of instant gratification and social media. Which is hard to unwire yourself from. I would like to use it in healthier ways though |
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Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition?? |
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"Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition?? "
This has actually got me thinking! I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and I’ve always wondered if I have delayed orgasm, particularly with penetration and oral.
I’m actually fine when masturbating and can orgasm without much trouble, but I do really enjoy edging and can take my time with it.
With a partner, though, it can take me a lot longer to cum.
I’d always assumed it was because I’m circumcised and maybe have less sensitivity, but reading this has made me wonder if ADHD could be part of it too, especially the dopamine/attention side of things.
Anyone else with ADHD find they’re similar? |
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"Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition??
This has actually got me thinking! I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and I’ve always wondered if I have delayed orgasm, particularly with penetration and oral.
I’m actually fine when masturbating and can orgasm without much trouble, but I do really enjoy edging and can take my time with it.
With a partner, though, it can take me a lot longer to cum.
I’d always assumed it was because I’m circumcised and maybe have less sensitivity, but reading this has made me wonder if ADHD could be part of it too, especially the dopamine/attention side of things.
Anyone else with ADHD find they’re similar?"
When having actual sex 9 times out of 10 I’m in complete control of my orgasim and can pick and choose when I cum. I can choose to cum relatively quickly, or go on for hours and multiple sessions of sex before cumming really heavily.
I almost always have total control over it and have never seen climax as my ultimate goal when having sex, unless the complete focus has been put on me and my orgasim.
I’ve always thought of it as a skill and have often been told it’s not my partners normal experience of males and how they orgasim. Maybe it is condition related because may focus is never really me & always on my partner. |
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"Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition??
This has actually got me thinking! I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and I’ve always wondered if I have delayed orgasm, particularly with penetration and oral.
I’m actually fine when masturbating and can orgasm without much trouble, but I do really enjoy edging and can take my time with it.
With a partner, though, it can take me a lot longer to cum.
I’d always assumed it was because I’m circumcised and maybe have less sensitivity, but reading this has made me wonder if ADHD could be part of it too, especially the dopamine/attention side of things.
Anyone else with ADHD find they’re similar?
When having actual sex 9 times out of 10 I’m in complete control of my orgasim and can pick and choose when I cum. I can choose to cum relatively quickly, or go on for hours and multiple sessions of sex before cumming really heavily.
I almost always have total control over it and have never seen climax as my ultimate goal when having sex, unless the complete focus has been put on me and my orgasim.
I’ve always thought of it as a skill and have often been told it’s not my partners normal experience of males and how they orgasim. Maybe it is condition related because may focus is never really me & always on my partner. "
Yes this is exactly what I’m saying ☝🏻
Out of interest are you circumcised and is it different for you with or without condoms or just the same thing ? |
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"Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition??
This has actually got me thinking! I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and I’ve always wondered if I have delayed orgasm, particularly with penetration and oral.
I’m actually fine when masturbating and can orgasm without much trouble, but I do really enjoy edging and can take my time with it.
With a partner, though, it can take me a lot longer to cum.
I’d always assumed it was because I’m circumcised and maybe have less sensitivity, but reading this has made me wonder if ADHD could be part of it too, especially the dopamine/attention side of things.
Anyone else with ADHD find they’re similar?
When having actual sex 9 times out of 10 I’m in complete control of my orgasim and can pick and choose when I cum. I can choose to cum relatively quickly, or go on for hours and multiple sessions of sex before cumming really heavily.
I almost always have total control over it and have never seen climax as my ultimate goal when having sex, unless the complete focus has been put on me and my orgasim.
I’ve always thought of it as a skill and have often been told it’s not my partners normal experience of males and how they orgasim. Maybe it is condition related because may focus is never really me & always on my partner.
Yes this is exactly what I’m saying ☝🏻
Out of interest are you circumcised and is it different for you with or without condoms or just the same thing ?"
I’m not cut so different to you in that sense. I haven’t cum whilst wearing a condom ever in my life. When playing with other people and not my partner I always wear protection but I could fuck for 24 hours in a condom and not cum, I’ll still love it but I’d never orgasim.
In fact it’s very rare that I cum from whilst actually having sex its self. I need to be in a certain rhythm to cum, which mainly leads to pounding. The vast amount of time when I do this, the person I’m fucking will cum before me and have to stop and I have to start again lol |
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"Undiagnosised, but peer diagnososed by many people and even some people who work in mental health, bit nothing official, lol.
The link between hypersexuality and adhd is well documented- hence the term 'neourospicy'. I think Fab is defo a dopamine chasers heaven...but just as equally hell if you suffer from RSD.
As a side question to this topic:
Does anyone else find it takes longer to climax than it "should" due to their condition??
This has actually got me thinking! I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and I’ve always wondered if I have delayed orgasm, particularly with penetration and oral.
I’m actually fine when masturbating and can orgasm without much trouble, but I do really enjoy edging and can take my time with it.
With a partner, though, it can take me a lot longer to cum.
I’d always assumed it was because I’m circumcised and maybe have less sensitivity, but reading this has made me wonder if ADHD could be part of it too, especially the dopamine/attention side of things.
Anyone else with ADHD find they’re similar?
When having actual sex 9 times out of 10 I’m in complete control of my orgasim and can pick and choose when I cum. I can choose to cum relatively quickly, or go on for hours and multiple sessions of sex before cumming really heavily.
I almost always have total control over it and have never seen climax as my ultimate goal when having sex, unless the complete focus has been put on me and my orgasim.
I’ve always thought of it as a skill and have often been told it’s not my partners normal experience of males and how they orgasim. Maybe it is condition related because may focus is never really me & always on my partner.
Yes this is exactly what I’m saying ☝🏻
Out of interest are you circumcised and is it different for you with or without condoms or just the same thing ?
I’m not cut so different to you in that sense. I haven’t cum whilst wearing a condom ever in my life. When playing with other people and not my partner I always wear protection but I could fuck for 24 hours in a condom and not cum, I’ll still love it but I’d never orgasim.
In fact it’s very rare that I cum from whilst actually having sex its self. I need to be in a certain rhythm to cum, which mainly leads to pounding. The vast amount of time when I do this, the person I’m fucking will cum before me and have to stop and I have to start again lol"
Ok I fully get what you’re saying it’s all very similar to me.
I’m aroused but just don’t ejaculate. However sometimes I’ve felt that I’ve cum but not ejaculated it’s what i call a dry orgasm |
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