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Am i selfish for not wanting kids?
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By *lujiz94 OP Man
over a year ago
Bishop's Stortford |
I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here? |
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No, you're not selfish.
I always told my detractors that it would be far more selfish of me to bring an unwanted child into the world. Because a child I had would not be wanted. All children should be wanted and fiercely loved. |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
You're not selfish for not wanting children, it's no one's business but your own and people should keep their nose out |
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"No, having kids so they look after you is. No guarantee they'll live close in any case. I live a long distance from one of my parents. "
Imagine being told that your very existence is to wipe your parent's arse when they can't anymore. I can't even.
And yet people say this every day in polite conversation - that people must have children to take care of them when they're old.
I feel better about my potential children - and I flush the parts that could make them down the toilet once a month. (I have a period. Yes I know that's a grotesque description) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think plenty of people have kids because they 'want' them, but put their unhealed baggage on them, or can't afford the cost, time, resources that they require to become resilient, stable, capable individuals. That's more selfish, imo. |
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"No, having kids so they look after you is. No guarantee they'll live close in any case. I live a long distance from one of my parents.
Imagine being told that your very existence is to wipe your parent's arse when they can't anymore. I can't even.
And yet people say this every day in polite conversation - that people must have children to take care of them when they're old.
I feel better about my potential children - and I flush the parts that could make them down the toilet once a month. (I have a period. Yes I know that's a grotesque description)"
Exactly it's grim, you were born for this function alone. I hope my kids don't have to look after me, I don't want to be a burden on them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I …..rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
So you’re creating a job.   
How’s that selfish?
Haha. Some people miss the bigger picture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely not selfish in any way! Never think that you are.
I have 2 children and I love having children but I totally get why people do not. It’s only society and certain people who say that you must have children! They don’t make the rules! X |
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No, your life, your choice. Are they willing to fork out a lifetime for the child's upbringing?.
I hate these societal expectations people think you need to follow. My Son and Daughter in Law are financially secure in their own house, got married last year and people keep saying to her "all you need now is kids"  she gets upset as she cant physically have them and isn't particularly bothered about Children anyway, they both prefer dogs and their lifestyle won't fit having a Child.
They may adopt, they may not. Whatever they do it's their choice regardless |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
I have never wanted children and I get very annoyed at some of the comments I get. It’s my life and I’ll live it how I want.
I’d have been tempted to say to those relatives that it’s selfish to make someone feel guilty for not following their own narrow minded views on how life should be lived.
You do you and I’ll do me! |
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I knew from a very early age that I didn’t want kids and had to suffer so many people telling me I’d change my mind (including medical professionals).
I haven’t changed my mind yet and I was 54 at the start of the year!
It’s not selfish. It’s choice. |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Bournemouth |
"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
i think youve made a choice that suits you |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
1. The choice not to have kids can have many (genuine) reasons and every one is valid IMHO.
2. It is nobody else's business but yours.
3. Why should this even be up for discussion, I ask myself?
Live and let live!! |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
No it's not selfish at all op. It's not compulsory to have them &
Why bring kids into the world if you don't want them anyway.
I've never wanted kids, so never had them, I was told for years I'd change my mind etc. |
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You are selfish, so are everyone else. Some people get meaning out of life through kids and families. Some people get meaning out of lives through other means. We all go our ways. Yes, we are all selfish and there isn't anything wrong with that.
As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good. |
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By *an_spMan
over a year ago
Coventry |
"You are selfish, so are everyone else. Some people get meaning out of life through kids and families. Some people get meaning out of lives through other means. We all go our ways. Yes, we are all selfish and there isn't anything wrong with that.
As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good."
That’s doesn’t quite satisfy the definition of being selfish, point taken though |
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"You are selfish, so are everyone else. Some people get meaning out of life through kids and families. Some people get meaning out of lives through other means. We all go our ways. Yes, we are all selfish and there isn't anything wrong with that.
As long as you are aware of the challenges of old age being lonely, you should be good.
That’s doesn’t quite satisfy the definition of being selfish, point taken though "
I went by the wiki definition of "Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively for oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others."
There are so many altruistic arguments we can make about both having and not having kids. End of the day, we don't care about any of these and go on with what gives us satisfaction. |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
Not selfish in the slightest |
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That’s actually pretty appalling that they’d say that to you. Sorry OP. I know it’s your family.
I’ve dropped friends in the past for saying similar things. I can’t have children, and if I wanted them or not that’s nobodies business. |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
I'm childless by choice.
You can find a way to fend off these well meaning people. You choose how diplomatic you want to be with them.
I could think of nothing more selfish than knocking out a kid or two then resenting the hell out of them. |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
I don't think you're selfish, and I have kids! There's pros and cons to having children and not having them, so each to their own. And who's to say you won't change your mind should you meet someone. Your choice is yours to do with as you please, so I admire you for that
Anyway, the only thing I'm hoping for from my kids is that they'll put me in a decent care home with some hot nurses! Wishful thinking, I know!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd argue that they are bang out of order for even suggesting that they should have any say in what you do or how you live your life.
Rather selfish of them in fact. |
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I think its absolutely the right decision for you and totally unselfish. There are enough unwanted children in this world and i think it takes real bravery to admit you dont want to have any of your own against society expectations. Keep being you OP and sod what any one rlse thinks. |
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By *sWyldWoman
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
You don't have children with the expectation they will look after you. In fact that's the last thing I want for my boys!
You're not selfish.
I love my sons, they are my life and I wouldn't have ever been without them, but, I'm very glad they are now much older and I'm beginning to get time in my life for me.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Why will someone else's kids have to take care of you when you're older?
You'll have saved enough money by not having children to pay someone to look after you. If you go abroad to Thailand or somewhere as cheap you can live like a king. |
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So not selfish, OP.
I knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids and I remember my mum telling me I was selfish because of "all the women who can't have children". I told her to butt out & you should do the same to your relative.
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No. Having children is a calling, not an asset to produce and develop.
Neither should kids be expected to give anything back to their parents. They had no say in the process of their conception. Adults should invest in their kids, out of duty and nothing more than wanting them to be treated fairly. |
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"I had a back and fourth with some relatives (they have a 18 month old and another baby due in may) and the older ones asked when i plan on having kids, since I'm still single. When i said I don't think I want children, they gave me a rather hostile look. I then overhead one of my older relatives saying it was rather selfish of me, since someone else's kids will have to take care of me when I'm older. What are people's thoughts on here?"
No in my opinion children are a drain on resources cash and time
YES I'm far to selfish to be a good dad so I chose not to be one at all do I regret it NO way children today are so demanding and have a sense of entertainment. |
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