FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Fab rejection
Fab rejection
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Remember, fab isn’t real. It’s a very skewed culture in an artificial, self-selecting society. What happens on fab has no bearing on the real world or your value as a person. Try not to let it get to you x |
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By *linyMan 6 weeks ago
Manchester/London |
As others have said, do not take it personally. Everyone is different and have different tastes they find attractive. Just be yourself, stay respectful and resilient and do something that makes you happy to keep your mental health in a good place. |
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By *ay2530 OP Man 6 weeks ago
glastonbury |
"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?
life is to short to worry about it..
"good things come 2 those who can wait " "
Let’s hope so 4 months is a long time |
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Are there any other opportunities where you can meet women.....hobbies, social clubs (not swinging ones) etc? If there are, I'd suggest leaving this site before it takes control of your life and find women through different means. |
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If it's affecting you negatively maybe hide your profile and take a little break.
Let's face it it's just sex, there isn't a need for it to make you feel down or bad about yourself.
Here you'll need to get used to rejection and that's the same for everyone not just guys.
Hope you feel better soon OP
Mrs |
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"If it's affecting you negatively maybe hide your profile and take a little break.
Let's face it it's just sex, there isn't a need for it to make you feel down or bad about yourself.
Here you'll need to get used to rejection and that's the same for everyone not just guys.
Hope you feel better soon OP
Mrs "
loud and clear  |
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?"
I hide my profile and take some time out.
This site is shite as a solo guy at the moment, has been for months. I haven't had a new meet through here for over a year, but try not to wind myself up about it, bring myself down etc, because at the end of the day, you can only play the cards you've been dealt, but if there's nobody sitting at the table to play the game with you, it doesn't mean you're a bad player....
Try your local Parkrun on a Saturday morning mate, I guarantee there'll be more women there, than in here   |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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For those that know me well enough will know that some people’s words can hurt
Why should they be allowed to or do I let them because we are human and basically some people are just not very nice, especially those that give the persona they are on here
Don’t let fab let you feel low, use it as part of a tool to find someone.
Also when I realised that the forums make up a very small percentage of the site and they also don’t reflect the larger parts of it
Bear of luck fella and stay strong |
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By *ay2530 OP Man 6 weeks ago
glastonbury |
"For those that know me well enough will know that some people’s words can hurt
Why should they be allowed to or do I let them because we are human and basically some people are just not very nice, especially those that give the persona they are on here
Don’t let fab let you feel low, use it as part of a tool to find someone.
Also when I realised that the forums make up a very small percentage of the site and they also don’t reflect the larger parts of it
Bear of luck fella and stay strong "
Thanks  |
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By *ay2530 OP Man 6 weeks ago
glastonbury |
"As others have said, do not take it personally. Everyone is different and have different tastes they find attractive. Just be yourself, stay respectful and resilient and do something that makes you happy to keep your mental health in a good place. "
Just keep swimming  |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"For those that know me well enough will know that some people’s words can hurt
Why should they be allowed to or do I let them because we are human and basically some people are just not very nice, especially those that give the persona they are on here
Don’t let fab let you feel low, use it as part of a tool to find someone.
Also when I realised that the forums make up a very small percentage of the site and they also don’t reflect the larger parts of it
Bear of luck fella and stay strong "
Best of luck, but maybe bear will do |
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By *lowupdollTV/TS 6 weeks ago
Herts/Beds/Leeds/London |
Someone not engaging with a few photos and words on a screen (which is really what we all are on here) isn’t really rejection. It’s choosing something it someone else (or choosing not to choose).
Technically I’m rejected by every straight man on this site. Actually I’m just not what they’re choosing, they’re not rejecting me they just don’t choose to go that way. Which is cool.
Don’t take it personally. You aren’t being rejected, and you won’t be everyone’s choice.
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By *ay2530 OP Man 6 weeks ago
glastonbury |
"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?
Think of it like buying a lottery ticket, one day your luck may just change."
Best start buying lottery tickets then |
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By *ay2530 OP Man 6 weeks ago
glastonbury |
"Someone not engaging with a few photos and words on a screen (which is really what we all are on here) isn’t really rejection. It’s choosing something it someone else (or choosing not to choose).
Technically I’m rejected by every straight man on this site. Actually I’m just not what they’re choosing, they’re not rejecting me they just don’t choose to go that way. Which is cool.
Don’t take it personally. You aren’t being rejected, and you won’t be everyone’s choice.
"
Well said, thanks. |
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Everyone gets rejected, don't beat yourself up. Go to socials and events, don't use fab to meet use it to stay in touch and be part of community. Maybe update your profile a bit too, some better pictures and more about what you want. Plenty of advice on forums |
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By *P_80Man 6 weeks ago
Waterford |
You have to understand that this is in a lot of ways like any other social setting, only you don't meet face to face.
While it's a place for people who are open to meeting others for adult fun, it doesn't mean that they are here just for sex with anyone.
You have to treat it as you would in any other social setting.
If you are fortunate enough to click with someone, then great. If not, don't take it personally. |
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A dry spell of 4 months really isn't that unusual for a single guy, but if it's getting you down, then take a break for a while. I'd also say that your profile could do with a bit of work.
PM me if you want some advice. |
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We laugh about it and don’t even see it as rejection because it’s the guys that contact us initially, we hardly ever send the first message. Don’t let the site take over your life in the hope of meeting someone, there are a lot of people on here that aren’t on here to meet. Don’t take it personally and look at it as a bit of fun, if something comes off it then alls good, if it doesn’t then you have had some fun trying
Mrs |
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*This is just my own opinion*
Just because I'm on a site like this doesn't mean I'll have sex with anyone and everyone, I still have to be attracted to them and them me, beit male or female, the chances of it happening is just like in regular situations and rejection is apart of that unfortunately
I have to be in the right mood to answer messages, to hold a conversation with someone, to even post on forums and if I'm not in the right mood I'll log off and do something more vanilla instead |
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?
I hide my profile and take some time out.
It's not much better for couples or women either!
Filter out the "I'm so horny", " it's sunny all the sluts are out" and the other crap in your local updates and I bet it's pretty much silent. Taking makes away from ours reduces our feed to about 7-8 posts a day in local updates.
Seems to be a changing....
This site is shite as a solo guy at the moment, has been for months. I haven't had a new meet through here for over a year, but try not to wind myself up about it, bring myself down etc, because at the end of the day, you can only play the cards you've been dealt, but if there's nobody sitting at the table to play the game with you, it doesn't mean you're a bad player....
Try your local Parkrun on a Saturday morning mate, I guarantee there'll be more women there, than in here "
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I'm not sure I'd bother staying on the site if all I was experiencing is rejection.
I'm here for the most part for moment of interaction when I'm bored (the sporadic sex and constant access to boobies are excellent bonuses) if I wasn't getting what I was looking for from here I wouldn't see the point if hanging about, especially if it was getting me down.
Break the cycle op and take a break from the place |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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"Water off a ducks back so to speak?"
Has too be. Or you will end in a loony bin. Just say, no problem thanks for replying...to them then whatever you want to yourself....fucking die you fat bitch, I wasn't even interested anyway, under your breath, to yourself, and let the frustration out. Don't EVER say it someone (how you actually feel) just be nice, move on and try and find fun elsewhere within the app? I.e videos or forum etc.. |
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"bin. Just say, no problem thanks for replying...to them then whatever you want to yourself....fucking die you fat bitch, I wasn't even interested anyway, under your breath, to yourself, and let the frustration out. "
To be honest if anyone needs to use this thought process as a coping mechanism, my advice would be to look into why you need to deal with rejection in that way.
Self reflection or professional help but definitely root out the cause of it, it would be beneficial in more aspcts of life than just fab |
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Grow a thick skin, expect nothing, fabs is often something people use to pass time, treat it that way yourself, then you’ll grow to enjoy it for what it is, on the odd occasion you do meet someone it’ll be a bonus !! |
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Bruv, it took me a YEAR & A HALF to meet anyone from this site.
Success as a single male is all about…
*Trial & error
*Taking chances
*Getting the right face pic
*Mastering the art of the ice-breaker
*And knowing who you’re going to appeal to. Coz you’re gonna be somebody’s type |
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"Bruv, it took me a YEAR & A HALF to meet anyone from this site.
Success as a single male is all about…
*Trial & error
*Taking chances
*Getting the right face pic
*Mastering the art of the ice-breaker
*And knowing who you’re going to appeal to. Coz you’re gonna be somebody’s type"
💯% this 👆🏼 |
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"Remember, fab isn’t real. It’s a very skewed culture in an artificial, self-selecting society. What happens on fab has no bearing on the real world or your value as a person. Try not to let it get to you x"
Well said. Please don't let something like fab hurt your confidence. If you walked into a pub that had one woman in it would you feel like a losee if you didn't get off with her? Please talk with a trusted friend. |
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I've gotten used to it too. It's an extension of life in general ~ like pushing water uphill. No matter how hard you try ~ don't get nowhere most the time. Count up your minor victories and try to remain positive.  |
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By *dalisqueWoman 6 weeks ago
land of make believe |
It is worse when you have given lots of your time and some of yourself to someone over time & they 'it's not you ,it's me'or ghost you!
An initial rejection of your profile,isn't a rejection of you.
I'm sorry you feel rubbish.
Hugs 🩵
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Well number 1, four months is no time at all.
And number 2, folk on here don't know you. Full stop. End of.
You are not the sum total of your bio, so they aren't rejecting the real full you. They're saying they aren't currently looking to hook up with you based off of the information that you have displayed in your profile. And they're allowed to say no thank you.
Some people don't do well in person but do great online. Some are the opposite. Then there are those who do poorly on both and need a wingman/woman to deal with social anxiety/shyness/being a dick/etc.
You just have to want it enough to keep trying. Or make your peace with where you are, who you are and what your life is. |
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I think we need at one point a serious conversation on the forums about rejection and the impact it can have on people, women, men and couples. As it can really be awful for anyone not able to prepare for it.
Having said that mate, chin up. It isn't you, it is fab. It can be tough being a guy on here. We have all been rejected. I certainly have. I've been told I look too young, I look too old, I'm not big enough, I'm too muscular etc etc. It happens.
Persevere, be on the forums, attend socials and clubs. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 6 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
In both the real world and oN Fab, 95% of people will never be compatible with eachother.
Recognising that from the outset should go a long way to reducing any stress re a lack of responses and chat.
Don't forget that you're essentially trying to engage with complete strangers. Imagine how difficult that is face to face, and then factor in the fact it's being attempted online. Much, much harder to get any kind of connection going. |
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It can be difficult for couples here, I can only imagine how hard it can be for single men.
I think if it’s getting you, maybe take a step back.
Fab should be a bit of fun and that’s it.
It shouldn’t affect the way you feel about yourself at all.
Donna x |
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I got used to it sadly. First couple of times I got ghosted after meets it really hurt. I cried and felt terrible. Now I've come to expect it. I just sent someone some pics on here and got left on delivered. |
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If it were that bad I would take a break for a while.
This place can be so cruel sometimes and it's disheartening to see but we have to remember, we aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea and it can take a while to find our feet.
I'd suggest if you can OP to attend a few organised socials, they are a great way to meet people.
Good luck. |
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So are you saying you'd sleep with every person who would message you? Surely you reject people also. Whether that be their age, gender, location, picture, etc
Ultimately you need to look after yourself and your MH so perhaps a break is required? |
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"I got used to it sadly. First couple of times I got ghosted after meets it really hurt. I cried and felt terrible. Now I've come to expect it. I just sent someone some pics on here and got left on delivered. "
that's mental you're hot as hell. Chin up sexy x
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?"
Stop using fab for abit.
Delete all your sent messages after sending them so as not to look to see if read etc
Perhaps look at a new approach as in attend social meets to make contact It’s often easier once you get in a local swing area community of socials. You get veris. You then get messages abit better.
Look at your profile and maybe see if it needs rebuilding. Pics / descriptions etc
Mostly though don’t view fab as a serious guage on how real life perceived you are. Fab is ultimately a weird micro slice of a quirky minority of people using it primarily for their own sexual gratification. Usual concepts of manners / politeness etc go out the window.
I’d just unplug for a bit myself. Maybe allocate 2/3 times a week to pick up messages / checking etc |
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Gotta work on yourself to find validation from within and not from others.
You being beautiful or attractive or worthy doesn’t come from how many replies you get or how many shags you have, it comes from YOU knowing your worth.
It’s hard on here definitely and I’ve felt unattractive and undesirable before but working in myself is the best thing I ever did. I know I’m attractive and desirable and worthy of respect regardless of interaction on the internet. And then this all just becomes fun |
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?"
Rejection is mostly what happens on here. People set the bar far too high and get caught up in the who’s who of profiles and judgements. Even as a couple it sometimes is hard when rejected. We put on our big pants and move on. |
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?
Rejection is mostly what happens on here. People set the bar far too high and get caught up in the who’s who of profiles and judgements. Even as a couple it sometimes is hard when rejected. We put on our big pants and move on. "
I don’t think it’s fair for any of us to say the bar is set too high. |
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Fab is a tough place, you do need to be mentally strong for the highs and lows that can come from it.
If you have taken a hit and do feel like its that bad, as many have said, take a step back and get happy with yourself. Being happy in your own skin is important. Those knock backs dont feel as bad when you can say to yourself, no problem, your loss
Good luck
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"I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low about myself. How do you cope when rejection just keeps coming?"
Take a break from fabs - I strongly encourage everyone to do this from time to time. Put your phone down, step away from fabs and take a break.
The rejection can be enough when it’s constant or people just stop talking to you for what seems to be no reason.
But, take a break, don’t give yourself a time limit or delete your account. You can always come back. |
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Fab is a site where for most. Rejection is in perhaps the high 90% of who people contact. Others have said you need , good profile , decent photo’s ? . But for males a good way to write messages to show personality . There are a lot more factors also. All I do is make contact. If get interest . Go from there . If rejected that is normal for majority of males . |
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