FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > It's Not All About Looks
It's Not All About Looks
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"(It might be for you, that's cool) What's a quality (non physical)/personality trait that you find attractive? Are there any you don't?" Wit and humour could get me naked. Has to be more than just looks. | |||
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"Perception, intuition." Oh! These are rarely mentioned! You've brought something kind of new! Excessive exclamation mark usage, done. | |||
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"Humour is one I find v attractive Lack of empathy for others, massively unattractive. How about you Meli? " Pondering at the moment, hence the question. 
Lack of empathy/feelings for others is very much something I find unattractive though. | |||
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"Openness , honesty, good sense of humour, not taking themselves to seriously. Kissing, it seams to be very underrated on here" When did kissing become underrated? People frequently mention the importance of kissing, how much they like it. Even appears in veris. I need to keep up, clearly. | |||
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"Confidence. Knows what they want, has a passion for something other than tits out Tuesday. " Does fishnet Fridays as well count. 😉😇🤣 | |||
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"Being articulate. Being curious. A dry / slightly dark sense of humour." What does dry/slightly dark sense of humour look like to you? It's in short supply on the forums, sadly. | |||
"Chemistry is important Looks are the initial attraction but after that there needs to be a connection " That's not quite a quality/trait. You both share chemistry. | |||
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"Dry sense of humour/witty " Are your bumming threads helpful in finding that? | |||
"Dry sense of humour/witty Are your bumming threads helpful in finding that? "Yes. Seperates the men from the boys Meli. (I am joking) | |||
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"Openness , honesty, good sense of humour, not taking themselves to seriously. Kissing, it seams to be very underrated on here When did kissing become underrated? People frequently mention the importance of kissing, how much they like it. Even appears in veris. I need to keep up, clearly." A few people I've chatted to have said they don't kiss at all on meets. Could just be exceptions though | |||
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"I like a man who doesn’t flap. Calm and collected when things aren’t going to plan, is confident in their belief that things will sort themselves out. I have anxiety so if they are calm I remain calm and so don’t become some unhinged maniac in a panic. " This is a lovely reason to like it. You like people who soothe rather than exacerbate. There's no point having two in a flap. I really like that calmness as well. I've got quite a chaotic mind, find it hard to switch off, a lot of stuff up there. Spending time with some is a delightful break. | |||
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"Chemistry! " Come on, Wyld, that's not... sigh. :D | |||
"Just one? There are many high quality personality traits I favour. A sense of humour is too open and vague. Everyone has a sense of humour to some degree. The ability to give and take in "banter" (I hate that word). Without getting uptight and take offense. There are a few on here that are excellent at it. Some out in the open, some it becomes more obvious in private. You can chat to them without having to watch what you say, knowing it will be taken as it is intended (harmless and friendly), then come back with something equally (or more) cutting etc. They can match you at taking the piss out of themselves just as much as they can you. " I should also add I find this attractive in any person, not just a sexual/romantic way | |||
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"Self assurance. Different (to me) to confidence. Calm in their own skin, in their place in the world, with how others see them. " No, there's a difference. Definitely. I think of confidence as being the louder more out there cousin. Self assurance? The quieter, more steady kind - confident in a more inwards manner. In achieving what they want. Confident is more outwards looking? Based. | |||
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"Dry sense of humour/witty Are your bumming threads helpful in finding that?
Yes. Seperates the men from the boys Meli.
(I am joking)"You don't need to caveat for fear of offending, this is a safe space with no sensitive souls spoiling it. 😘😁 | |||
"Dry sense of humour/witty Are your bumming threads helpful in finding that?
Yes. Seperates the men from the boys Meli.
(I am joking)
You don't need to caveat for fear of offending, this is a safe space with no sensitive souls spoiling it. 😘😁"Thats why i love your threads Meli ❤️ | |||
"The ability to make great cakes. R" Solid choice. | |||
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"Confidence. Knows what they want, has a passion for something other than tits out Tuesday. " Is there more to life than ToT though? Unconvinced. | |||
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"Humour, curiosity, and a joy for life are all massively attractive for me. Entitlement, arrogance, and a lack of empathy/understanding. The "Im alright, Jack" mentality I find whole unattractive, regardless of physical features, they're rather ugly traits to possess" A joy for life. 🩷 Yes, that spark. That appreciation of life and the little things. That's a good one. "I'm alright Jack" is quite ugly, you're right. It's verging on callous. I can understand why people get there (sometimes). | |||
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"(It might be for you, that's cool) What's a quality (non physical)/personality trait that you find attractive? Are there any you don't?" Consistency, confidence, intelligence and balance. I like kindness and empathy, but this is getting to dating territory now. | |||
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"Dry sense of humour/witty " that’s me | |||
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"... A sense of humour is too open and vague. Everyone has a sense of humour to some degree. " Yes they do. And also how someone views humour, what they'd define it as is subjectively personal (to really emphasise the subjectivity). "The ability to give and take in "redacted" (I hate that word). " So do I. Slightly disappointed tbh. "...There are a few on here that are excellent at it. " They're excellent at it with *you*. Because your form of the "redacted" is compatible. "They can match you at taking the piss out of themselves just as much as they can you. " When that happens it can be a lot of fun, completely understand why that's a quality you like. It's great when people meet you at your level. Are there already. 😊 | |||
"When someones being honest and not telling you what you want to hear. " Authenticity. 😍 | |||
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"Emotional intelligence, sophisticated sense of humour, morally liberal, sexually open minded" Morally liberal? What do you mean? Not a general definition but what it means to you, that's what I'm asking. | |||
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"Comfortable in their own skin. Interested in the world. Unafraid to show passion and emotions. Mrs TMN x" “Interested in the world”, oh yes, I would like to add that one 😘 | |||
"Being able to convey their passion about something they're into, even if that something isn't my thing I love hearing people wax lyrical about anything." Yes! Even if it's not an attraction thing, it's an admirable quality. A person so freely leaning in to the things that light up their soul makes me happy and want to listen. Find out more about something that I'd not considered interesting before. | |||
"Attention is very attractive: when she remembers something I said offhand, weeks later, usually after I had forgotten it. Someone just told me that they found themselves unconsciously copying me in their writing. That was a charming compliment." The art of being seen is wonderful - noticing and remembering the little things. It's kind of like someone has invested in you? Your happiness. You do have a way with words, it's a well deserved compliment. | |||
"Emotional intelligence, sophisticated sense of humour, morally liberal, sexually open minded Morally liberal? What do you mean? Not a general definition but what it means to you, that's what I'm asking. "Yeah, I struggled for a term to accurately describe what I mean really. Has a social conscience, empathetic, doesn't listen to/agree with Tory or Reform rhetoric, cares about society as a whole rather than individualism, isn't racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic and isn't scared of feminism. Cares about others and is non judgemental I guess. Politically left of centre, but "capital P" Politics doesn't even really need to come into it. At its heart it's more about them as a person and how they live their life and treat other people. Being able to think critically is also really important. | |||
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"(It might be for you, that's cool) What's a quality (non physical)/personality trait that you find attractive? Are there any you don't?" you have perfect lips💋 | |||
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"Long hair so I know she isn't hiding from her own emotions. " Have to ask, might regret it. Is short hair a sign someone is hiding from their emotions? | |||
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"Im part of the wonky brained club and I dont know how it works, or what it is I sense, but Im naturally drawn to others like me, whether they know they are in the same club or not. Im also drawn to people who smile and are kind in their manner "Wanting to be with people who you can naturally (hopefully) unmask I understand. I hope you keep finding those people on a similar neuro-wavelength. | |||
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"...Interested in the world... Mrs TMN x" 🩷 Yes! Curiosity and a desire to learn more is great. Taking it a bit further, really like when people have an active interest to try and make it better. Even simple things. | |||
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"Not just her own emotions but yes. Long hair acts as a psychic antenna, which is why most women feel considerably lighter when they get their hair cut, they are no longer carrying the weight of the room, the street etc and one of the reasons men struggle with with emotional regulation. So, if you are evolved enough to be even tipping on being psychic again...which is a bear minimum for me, then I want someone capable of dealing with not only her own emotions, but the emotions of the room. You could call it a hell test because if you can handle all of that emotional and psychic trauma in the room and still be calm, gentle, and empowered then I know you can handle what ever comes. " The only reason I don't have short hair is because I'd look like a cauliflower. Hair isn't this deep.. | |||
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"Compatible humour. Everyone has a sense of humour but if theirs punches down then we probably won’t get on. " Ah punching down is rather distasteful, going to tread carefully here (it's a very big dislike). "Joy. People who take an obvious pleasure in their life. I was a concert recently and there was a girl dancing who just lit up the room with her joy at being there. " A poster above mentioned similar as well, a joy for life. There's a lot to be admired in people who do. "...And a lack of empathy is a total turn off." If you saw evident signs, were still getting along with a person - is it something you could overlook or a hard no? | |||
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"I'm generally very attracted to people with sincere kinks that they feel an overwhelming need to fulfil, even if I'm not otherwise interested in the kink itself. I guess it's partly curiosity on my part but it's also definitely a special interest." I've not really read that before. Would you meet someone to fulfill their kinks even if it's not for you? Would they generally not prefer to find someone who enjoys similar kinks to them? | |||
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"Not just her own emotions but yes. Long hair acts as a psychic antenna, which is why most women feel considerably lighter when they get their hair cut, they are no longer carrying the weight of the room, the street etc and one of the reasons men struggle with with emotional regulation. So, if you are evolved enough to be even tipping on being psychic again...which is a bear minimum for me, then I want someone capable of dealing with not only her own emotions, but the emotions of the room. You could call it a hell test because if you can handle all of that emotional and psychic trauma in the room and still be calm, gentle, and empowered then I know you can handle what ever comes. " Oh I see. You see hair as a physical antenna and one of the reasons as to why men are emotionally disregulated. And you want someone who matches your theory which is very much a personal theory. | |||
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"Kindness, compassion, understanding, humour (sarcasm, slapstick, dark, silly, giggly, dad jokes), skillful, emotional intelligence, accountability, self reflection, open minded, able to compromise, can admit when they are wrong, empathetic, adaptable, respectful, humble. I'm sure there's more. Things I don't find attractive: stubbornness, emotionally manipulative, arrogance, aggression, disrespectful, unwilling to change, delusions of grandeur, entitled, rudeness. I'm sure there's more." Really like the final sentences of both paragraphs. There are lots of traits/qualities to be admired/disliked - what are two of the main for you? | |||
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"The more crazier the better" 😅 | |||
" Oh I see. You see hair as a physical antenna and one of the reasons as to why men are emotionally disregulated. And you want someone who matches your theory which is very much a personal theory. " Its not a theory, and I said psychic, not physical. You aren't psychic though so you have no comprehension of hard that is to be in real life. It is nothing like the movies. Nor, do you have any understanding of how much hair effects that ability. Next time you run into a shaman though, maybe he will tell you the stories of how long it took him to be able to handle it... | |||
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"Kindness, compassion, understanding, humour (sarcasm, slapstick, dark, silly, giggly, dad jokes), skillful, emotional intelligence, accountability, self reflection, open minded, able to compromise, can admit when they are wrong, empathetic, adaptable, respectful, humble. I'm sure there's more. Things I don't find attractive: stubbornness, emotionally manipulative, arrogance, aggression, disrespectful, unwilling to change, delusions of grandeur, entitled, rudeness. I'm sure there's more. Really like the final sentences of both paragraphs. There are lots of traits/qualities to be admired/disliked - what are two of the main for you?"Kindness and respect. (I forgot to add honesty in the original one, that's important too). Manipulation, disrespect and lying (I didn't add lying in the original one either). I've done three each instead of two. Is this part of research you're doing? Sydney University? Or King's Cross? 😜😉 | |||
"Morally liberal? What do you mean? Not a general definition but what it means to you, that's what I'm asking.
Yeah, I struggled for a term to accurately describe what I mean really. Has a social conscience, empathetic, doesn't listen to/agree with Tory or Reform rhetoric, cares about society as a whole rather than individualism, isn't racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic and isn't scared of feminism. Cares about others and is non judgemental I guess.
Politically left of centre, but "capital P" Politics doesn't even really need to come into it. At its heart it's more about them as a person and how they live their life and treat other people.
Being able to think critically is also really important. "Yeah I was trying to understand if you meant morally liberal as in liberal with morals (cheating etc) or more in terms of liberal dorks (that's meant very affectionately, love 'em). Caring about others is a very good trait - big fan of considered and considerate people who are aware of how they treat others. Thank you DD, enjoyed reading this. | |||
"... You aren't psychic though so you have no comprehension of hard that is to be in real life. It is nothing like the movies. Nor, do you have any understanding of how much hair effects that ability. Next time you run into a shaman though, maybe he will tell you the stories of how long it took him to be able to handle it..." Damn it, knew I'd regret. You see hair as having that importance. It's not an irrefutable fact. But you can find people you're compatible with who will view hair in the same way you do. 😊 I think that's what a lot of it comes down to really. Humour, hair length, passions. People you're compatible with. Shared views on the world. | |||
"... You see hair as having that importance. It's not an irrefutable fact. Yes, it is. It just doesn't effect certain types of people in the same way. I think that's what a lot of it comes down to really. Humour, hair length, passions. People you're compatible with. Shared views on the world. I mostly agree, but there are factors beyond just compatibility for me and people like me (typically, but not always). " | |||
"Perception, intuition. · Oh! These are rarely mentioned! You've brought something kind of new! Excessive exclamation mark usage, done." • I'm attracted to those who can counteract my circumspection and those who aren't fooled by my occasional - but random - 'faux seriousness'. I like women who have a strong 'spidey sense'. It can feel emasculating without losing my masculinity. Clear as mud. | |||
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"I'm generally very attracted to people with sincere kinks that they feel an overwhelming need to fulfil, even if I'm not otherwise interested in the kink itself. I guess it's partly curiosity on my part but it's also definitely a special interest. I've not really read that before. Would you meet someone to fulfill their kinks even if it's not for you?" I enjoy setting up a scene and taking control of the participants, that's my main kink, so I'm always on the lookout for people who have kinks that satisfy that kink, if that makes sense. But no, if it doesn't work for me then I don't want to meet them (well, not for that). But I still find them attractive. "Would they generally not prefer to find someone who enjoys similar kinks to them?" Sometimes, yes. E.g. some people want to meet a sadist - someone who gets off on inflicting pain - rather than someone like me, who enjoys it only as part of power exchange. | |||
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" Hi Meli Already been said but I like a man who seems shy and quiet but is just self assured and quietly confident. I am attracted to the way people think and the way people s brains work.. I like it when they can use their brain to tickle/engage mine. A wicked sense of humour. People who are just wholly themselves; it feels special when they let themselves be with me.... A huge laugh of wild abandon also gets me..." Hi Tatty! The tickling of brains is a good one, when someone stimulates you in that way and there's the mental masturbation, yep, big fan. I've been attracted to someone's mind long before I've wanted to have sex with them. And yes, when people are themselves, unashamedly so (perhaps not the darker side but at least awareness of it) it's a joy. | |||
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"Humourous, playful and confident. " Wow …. What a coincidence I’m often described as humorous playful and confident ! | |||
"Definitely emotional intelligence, empathy, humour. I’ve come across people who view self deprecation as a weakness, which I’ve struggled with. " It's not a weakness. Won't go in to why it can happen but it's not a weakness. Maybe if it was all the time but still not sold on it being so. The people who think it is? A lack of compatibility. I think the right people understand your humour. In a generalised way. | |||
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"Humourous, playful and confident. Wow …. What a coincidence I’m often described as humorous playful and confident ! " Must be fate! 😂 | |||
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