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Who's paying for that?
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates.
Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget.
What is your approach?
Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey?
Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range?
Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? |
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If I couldn’t afford it I would suggest an alternative and just be open that I don’t really have the spare cash at the moment for something expensive.
In reality I generally assume I will be picking up the tab and choose accordingly. |
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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates.
Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget.
What is your approach?
Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey?
Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range?
Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? "
Assume nothing.
Just ask. |
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By *iver78Man 3 weeks ago
barton upon humber |
I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !! But also I always like it when the lady offers to pay there share , but don't expect it ,
I used to see a lady who I tool away a few times and she always offerd to pay but I dident let her so she would pay restaurant bills and for coffee etc haha it always made me smile and was a bit of game to see who could pay first |
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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates.
Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget.
What is your approach?
Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey?
Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range?
Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? "
I'd invite you out for beans on toast 🤣👍 |
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Just say you're a little short and it sounds quite pricey if he intended on paying then he will say so if he is expecting to go 50/50 then he will probably ask where you think is good or suggest somewhere cheaper. |
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By *WB85Man 3 weeks ago
Staffordshire |
Just be upfront if something is going to over stretch you financially.
We can sometimes forget that we dont all share the same financial situation as others.
Its not all about expensive dates.
A nice walk with a picnic is always a great feeling. |
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By *viatrixWoman 3 weeks ago
Back in Surrey, Dahlings! |
If it is a first time social, I am always prepared to pay for my share of the bill. A hotel would not really be a factor in a first “date” unless I am already staying at one or viceversa and things go well etc.
With my partner, we chop and change. He has the hotel, the other day I paid an absolute bomb in airport parking 😂😂😂 so he picked up the tab for our meals etc. I earn a pittance compared to him but would never expect him to cover all the costs. We both have our own personal financial responsibilities. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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I (mr) would always be honest. If I suggested somewhere expensive I wouldn’t expect them to pay.
If I was invited or it was suggested I would say “that’s a bit expensive for me” to which their response determines.
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Anyone asking me anywhere it’s usually a pub or cafe. In which case I’m happy to buy the other person a coffee or whatever. It’s never come to it though (they’ve always insisted on paying for my water!) I wouldn’t go to a hotel at a first meeting and we’re likely to have a conversation beforehand if it gets to that. |
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If someone suggests something where I can't afford my half of the bill, I'll ask to do something else I can afford. If they don't want to do something within my budget - whether they want to pay or not - I'll cancel. |
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By *viatrixWoman 3 weeks ago
Back in Surrey, Dahlings! |
"If I am inviting you out to join me, then i'm paying.
If you invite me out, then, i'd probably still pay but I would certainly offer and be prepared to pay at least half.
"
This is my way of thinking as well.
If I’m inviting, I am expecting to pay the bill. 🎀 |
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A lot of it depends if it's with someone I know well or a new person.
I'm usually up front if it's something out of my price range and suggest an alternative, or say I could do it at a later date when money is less tight. I don't expect anyone to pay for me, but if they insist they will cover it all and still want to do it then I might accept.
I usually prefer doing things within my own price range.
If it's someone new offering to pay for an elaborate date they've invited me out for it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable if I'm thinking they're expecting sex at the end, if I don't want to have sex I don't want it to be awkward if I say no because they've spent a fortune on a date. I prefer something much more casual for a first date. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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I would always offer to split no matter were we were going. If it was out of my budget i would let them know probably in a jokey way due to embarassment but i would suggest somewhere different |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"What would you do, Effy?
Don't want to type anything wanky so I'll ask you instead. :D"
I've never been comfortable with the other person paying. I'm always happy to split the cost or offer to pay whether I suggested it or not.
If it was way above what I could afford, I don't think I would have any issues in being honest and suggesting somewhere/thing else that was more within my price range. As someone else mentioned, their response to that would determine whether they were worth leaving the house for anyway. |
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"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !! But also I always like it when the lady offers to pay there share , but don't expect it ,
I used to see a lady who I tool away a few times and she always offerd to pay but I dident let her so she would pay restaurant bills and for coffee etc haha it always made me smile and was a bit of game to see who could pay first "
I'm usually too busy 'tooling away' to spend valuable time on dinner dates! |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !! But also I always like it when the lady offers to pay there share , but don't expect it ,
I used to see a lady who I tool away a few times and she always offerd to pay but I dident let her so she would pay restaurant bills and for coffee etc haha it always made me smile and was a bit of game to see who could pay first "
I think this is pretty fair if you are planning a few different things on the same day. No one is left footing the bill and it still makes you feel a little chivalrous  |
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I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out".
Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub. |
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If they're inviting me, I would expect them to pay. But I would always get something in along the way, snacks, dessert, coffee whatever.
I mean if I invited someone to something I would be covering the costs. |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out".
Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub."
That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable.
I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great. |
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Meeting isn't anything new 💕 but what usually happens is you arrange to meet at 'le' otel and people agree to the bill before hand. They usually know if there'll be a drink or food so again nothing will be a surprise.. Its been happening for ages now 🍰 |
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"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out".
Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub.
That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable.
I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great."
Exactly, I think you hope that understanding comes with the more time you spend together. My mate bought a house and has other expenses which a few of us don't so he'll generally ask when we meet up if we can keep things cheap and it's not an issue. It should be about catching up/getting to know someone anyway regardless of the place. |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"Meeting isn't anything new 💕 but what usually happens is you arrange to meet at 'le' otel and people agree to the bill before hand. They usually know if there'll be a drink or food so again nothing will be a surprise.. Its been happening for ages now 🍰 "
Ahh, Goodmess! It's an entirely new concept to me, but I'm glad you took the time to explain it in simpler terms. What would we do without people like you 🫶 |
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"I would always offer to split no matter were we were going. If it was out of my budget i would let them know probably in a jokey way due to embarassment but i would suggest somewhere different "
Why would it be embarrassing if it was out of your budget? |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range
But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing)"
This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. |
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By (user no longer on site) 3 weeks ago
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"I would always offer to split no matter were we were going. If it was out of my budget i would let them know probably in a jokey way due to embarassment but i would suggest somewhere different
Why would it be embarrassing if it was out of your budget? "
I always feel embarassed im a bit socially awkward especially with things like that. If someone said it to me i wouldnt blink an eye but when its me i would sit and worry about it |
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The fact they'd want to go to somewhere fancy and expensive would put me off them, I wouldn't feel comfortable and think they were showing off
I'd suggest a nice pub lunch or somewhere not so fancy and and see how they react to that. And I'd always offer to pay half |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out".
Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub.
That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable.
I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great.
Exactly, I think you hope that understanding comes with the more time you spend together. My mate bought a house and has other expenses which a few of us don't so he'll generally ask when we meet up if we can keep things cheap and it's not an issue. It should be about catching up/getting to know someone anyway regardless of the place."
Similar situation with my friends. We all live different lives, but are pretty comfortable letting each other know when an day out or activity just isn't going to work. Like you said though, it can be a little uncomfortable bringing that up with someone new. |
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I'd be wanting full information about it, including costs, services, committments, etc. But I'd be looking to minimise risks and increase my control and autonomy.
Some people might want everything their way but I'd expect all that to get their needs met and satisfied.
I'd be looking at sharing costs and not going, unless I get what's right for me. My tastes are pretty unique, so I'd expect to personalise the trip a lot |
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"As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. "
Maybe it's an age thing (and how I was brought up), but if I invite someone out or arrange to meet, then I always expect to pay (with zero expectations of anything in return).
I've certainly been quite surprised and on more than one occasion, by how surprised some are by that though.
Chivalry is alive and kicking here.  |
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"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range
But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing)
This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. "
I've had this held over my head. And I'm sure (general) you are just chivalrous and this is what polite people do, etc, but it's *also* what manipulative people say to try to exchange meals for sex. So no, no I don't want that. |
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By *Effy- OP Woman 3 weeks ago
Scotland |
"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range
But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing)
This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return.
I've had this held over my head. And I'm sure (general) you are just chivalrous and this is what polite people do, etc, but it's *also* what manipulative people say to try to exchange meals for sex. So no, no I don't want that."
This for me too. I'm sure the vast majority of the people who offer to pay are genuinely doing it to be nice, but there still is that small minority who do it with an expectation and I'm not willing to put myself in that situation.
Since being on here I've never met anyone at a hotel i haven't paid for. If that's going to arranged i want it in my name. |
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"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !!"
•
What's the correlation between being old fashioned and (always) expecting to pay?
In any case I'm 'nouveau-fashioned' and always insist that she pays. |
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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates.
Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget.
What is your approach?
Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey?
Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range?
Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? "
Communication, communication, communication
Id speak to the other person and make sure we're both clear on the arrangements |
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Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey?
No, I expect they want me to pay. So I'd ask them about the payment arrangements. To see what the deal is. I'm tired of guessing and playing games. Can you afford this? Because I definitely can't. Are we married? Is this a first date? An anniversary? I prefer to live within my means and treat myself to something special once in a while. The company matters more than the location. We could sit on a bench eating fish and chips, and I'd be happy with that.
Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range?
Definitely.
Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month?
No. I love food. I will no longer suffer to make someone else happy. My happiness matters too. Good food is important. |
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If I invite, I pay and vise versa. If it's a long term 'friend', I'd expect to take turns in paying. I think splitting a bill at the end of the meal is a bit of a vibe killer.
If the other party couldn't afford their turn I'd much rather they were honest than caused themselves any financial hardship.
If it was a nice person I genuinely just wanted to spend time with, I'd be happy with a Thermos and a walk in the park.
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Due to the nature of my job I don’t get paid for a 52 week year. I only get paid for 40 weeks.
I’d be too embarrassed to be taken somewhere expensive that I couldn’t afford and wouldn’t feel comfortable having someone pay for me.
The joys of being fiercely independent. |
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I like to pay my way and will always offer, however I'm happy to not make a fuss and accept that sometimes it's nice to be treated if the other person wishes to offer.
It's never an expectation either and on that basis if something is suggested that would be unaffordable, I will say so.
It's likely I'd also feel uncomfortable with someone spending that much on me if it's that sort of price point too.
I wouldn't ever expect that as a consideration for a first meet anyway mind you. |
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I wouldn't ever book an expensive hotel, restaurant or whatever for someone I've/we've never met before. That's saved for us or special occasions with people we know well.
We have a social at lunchtime today with someone. Just a drink at a stock standard pub to meet F2F and have a natter.
If it goes well he will be joining us at a very nice hotel we'd already booked at the end of the month, but we booked that for us, not anyone else.
You don't need to spend a lot of money to enjoy someone's company. Whether that's food, drink or accommodation.
It's the company that's important, not the environment. 🤷♂️ |
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By *ein-guyMan 3 weeks ago
Isle of Wight |
Honesty is important and a massive plus in my book. I don't judge anyone based on their financial status and I would expect the same in return. If something a little more extravagant was being arranged then I would suggest a 50/50 split to make it easier for both parties but generally I like to pay and treat people if they mean a lot to me. |
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