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Rate your own dick or fanny
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Exceptional — Exceeded Expectations
Upon arrival, the product displayed excellent symmetry and a delightful aroma. The skin was velvety, the colour was inviting, and the overall presentation suggested that like paint it does exactly what it says on the tin 🤣
Pros:
Perfect balance of sweetness and tanginess
Soft and juicy
Impossible to ignore
Cons:
May inspire poor decision-making
Difficult to discuss in public
Durability:
Seems indefatigable and impossible to break… 😜 |
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By *Effy-Woman 1 week ago
Scotland |
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. |
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By *ee04Man 1 week ago
Essex |
This item is enthusiastic always rises to the occasion fits multiple different sockets without any fuss. Sometimes been known to spit, however not a problem if hooded correctly. The original real deal |
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By *leeds82mMan 1 week ago
Leeds, York, Halifax, West Yorkshire area.... |
"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. "
Wowsers - sounds incredibly delightful!! |
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"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. "
👏🏻👏🏻 |
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By *Effy-Woman 1 week ago
Scotland |
"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go.
Wowsers - sounds incredibly delightful!!"
It is, on a good day. |
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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Excellent. I was so impressed I showed my neighbours, who were also very impressed, so much so they have asked the local police to come and see it too. Wish it came in a multipack now, hence only 4 stars but I guess neighbours and police can order if still in stock. |
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By *r.ZeusMan 1 week ago
Basgiath War College |
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5/5
Verified Purchase
I've owned this product for decades and can confidently say it has held up exceptionally well. The finish remains attractive, the dimensions are generous without being impractical, and overall performance continues to meet or exceed expectations.
Pros:
✔️ Premium appearance
✔️ Excellent reach and coverage
✔️ Solid build quality
✔️ Reliable response time
✔️ Frequently complimented by independent reviewers
Cons:
❌ Can be difficult to keep a hat on
❌ Occasionally overconfident after receiving positive feedback |
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By *wcoMan 1 week ago
West Midlands |
Its the best one I've ever had, wouldn't be without it. The colour is perfect too. It matches the rest of my body but at the same time, it doesn't look out of place with any other skin tones it's encountered.
It's amazing really. |
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"⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5/5
Verified Purchase
I've owned this product for decades and can confidently say it has held up exceptionally well. The finish remains attractive, the dimensions are generous without being impractical, and overall performance continues to meet or exceed expectations.
Pros:
✔️ Premium appearance
✔️ Excellent reach and coverage
✔️ Solid build quality
✔️ Reliable response time
✔️ Frequently complimented by independent reviewers
Cons:
❌ Can be difficult to keep a hat on
❌ Occasionally overconfident after receiving positive feedback"
This so by far the best review ! |
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Had no complaints or rejects from this product so far, seems to be relatively popular to those who have tryed and tested, sometimes may have to purchase lube or plenty of foreplay before applying this product if you are fairly new to using or are quite petite. Hugely recommend this great product!! |
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8"/10 happy with size and girth although it's abit curved. Not an issue, not freaky and honestly an advantage at hitting certain spots given certain twists in position.
Not a total monster but I've found a lot of women would actually prefer smaller even with lube and foreplay it can be hard to take it all. Just means I gotta build the pressure start slow before going balls deep. Would like someone to deep throat it without vomiting though |
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"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. "
31 years of flawless service? That’s some serious quality engineering.
Love the sleek design, the perfect thong compatibility, and that signature leak when fully operational
Might have to book a test drive… purely for research purposes, of course.
How’s the waiting list looking?
|
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Been stuck with this handsome black cock for 40+ years and wow… what a trooper.
Sleek, thick, and blessed with ridiculous stamina — shows up for multiple long rounds like it’s trying to prove a point.
Leaves them eye-rolling, toe-curling, and dramatically breathless.
No leakage problems on my end (unlike some models).
10/10, would recommend if you can handle elite performance.
This thing is tragically overqualified.
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By *Effy-Woman 1 week ago
Scotland |
"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go.
31 years of flawless service? That’s some serious quality engineering.
Love the sleek design, the perfect thong compatibility, and that signature leak when fully operational
Might have to book a test drive… purely for research purposes, of course.
How’s the waiting list looking?
"
There currently is no waiting list. |
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So many dicks fail to live up to the hype that my expectations of this one were not exactly sky-high. It's a classic uncircumcised model, very traditional in look and feel. The glans has so far retained its shine despite intensive use and it boasts a highly efficient semen delivery system. Overall, not the most flamboyant example of this kind of hardware but a reliable performer. 4/5. |
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"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go.
31 years of flawless service? That’s some serious quality engineering.
Love the sleek design, the perfect thong compatibility, and that signature leak when fully operational
Might have to book a test drive… purely for research purposes, of course.
How’s the waiting list looking?
There currently is no waiting list. "
Excellent news — no waiting list means I can book that test drive immediately.
Just promise not to blame me when the eye-rolls start and the neighbours file a noise complaint… So, when are you free for the first extended test session
|
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★★★★ 4.0 out of 5 stars
Exceeded Expectations, Surprisingly Durable
I wasn't sure what to expect when this arrived, but after extensive testing, I can confidently say it performs exactly as advertised. Setup was quick and straightforward, responsiveness was impressive, and overall build quality feels solid.
Pros:
Reliable under pressure
Generates strong reactions from select focus groups
No batteries required
Cons:
Occasionally overconfident
User manual appears to be missing
Performance may vary depending on audience
Would recommend to anyone in the market for a multifunctional personal accessory. Looking forward to future updates and feature enhancements.
Mrs B S |
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"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. "
Great review, I can see it being popular. |
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By *vaRoseWoman 1 week ago
Ankh-Morpork |
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ (3/5)
Verified Owner
Home grown model approaching its sell by date.
Pros:
* Surprisingly powerful internal clamping mechanism. Industrial grade grip strength.
* Despite being attached to a plus-sized owner, it remains the only part of the system that appears to maintain a dedicated fitness regime.
* Generally reliable and capable of impressive performance under the right guidance.
* Multi-orgasm compatibility is a nice premium feature that I was not expecting from the standard package.
.
Cons:
* Suffers from a recurring monthly software update that introduces red rage and inexplicable emotional outbursts in its owner.
* Maintenance requirements are excessive… hair removal requires contortions
* Operating instructions were not included.
* Visual appeal is very much in the eye of the beholder, but with a colour like discounted mince you’ve got to be weird to like it
.
Overall:
Solid piece of equipment with excellent build quality and impressive grip strength. Loses two stars for unpredictable monthly behaviour and aappearance like meat on the turn. |
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"⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I have owned this product for 31 years and I can confidently say it's never let me down. Clean, sleek style that fits neatly in a thong. If you turn it fully on, it does leak quite a bit. Some see that as a con. It fits comfortably around other compatible products and has been known to induce an eye roll or two.
I recommend giving it a go. "
I think I've seen your reviews on Amazon. Are you a trusted reviewer?! |
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"⭐⭐⭐☆☆ (3/5)
Verified Owner
Home grown model approaching its sell by date.
Pros:
* Surprisingly powerful internal clamping mechanism. Industrial grade grip strength.
* Despite being attached to a plus-sized owner, it remains the only part of the system that appears to maintain a dedicated fitness regime.
* Generally reliable and capable of impressive performance under the right guidance.
* Multi-orgasm compatibility is a nice premium feature that I was not expecting from the standard package.
.
Cons:
* Suffers from a recurring monthly software update that introduces red rage and inexplicable emotional outbursts in its owner.
* Maintenance requirements are excessive… hair removal requires contortions
* Operating instructions were not included.
* Visual appeal is very much in the eye of the beholder, but with a colour like discounted mince you’ve got to be weird to like it
.
Overall:
Solid piece of equipment with excellent build quality and impressive grip strength. Loses two stars for unpredictable monthly behaviour and aappearance like meat on the turn."
I laughed way more than I should have at this. Then checked the pictures. |
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5/5 great product, which is growing on me everytime I use it. Would recommend to other users although buyer beware needs regular lubrication yo maximise longevity and performance. Probably alternatives available with different features but this one has never had a bad review |
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Came as part of the complete package & considered as a well worn but still working vintage item. Fully serviced regularly & no electronics tool to break down. Has a patina that comes with a maturity & patience of this craftsman with a skill achieved through dedication  |
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⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Have owned this product for many years and still in excellent working order, no mains/battery required as it has its own internal charging system which when full can last up to 8 hours with mini-recharges at regular intervals although a longer charge maybe required now and again,
Touch activated and can inflate quite quickly and still works extremely well no matter how wet it gets
I'm sure there are newer and bigger ones on the market but as with all modern tech they'll need replacing after a short time (Beware of the cheap ones on Temu)  |
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“INSOMNICOCK”
As my head hits the pillow he jumps up like a hyped up Hard man,ready to take on the world.
I’ve tried choking him to death but still he stands tall……🤔
I’ve had late night showers to calm him but still he’s throbbing like a powerlifters bicep…🤣
And even when do get some sleep 😴…
I wake up to him holding my double duvet high above his head like I’m sleeping in a fucking tent….🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Any tips to calm him down ??? |
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5.0 out of 5 Stars
"Reliable and Reuseable for those eco warriors – Would Rate It 6 Stars If Amazon Let Me"
Verified Usage: My Hand, Multiple Times
Pros
Reliability: More uptime than Facebook. Zero performance anxiety.
Build Quaity: It's like it was forged in the heat of a Sheffield steel works.
Recharge: Come with it's own set of pillows to sleep on
Compatability: Comes with a Universal setting to fit all holes
Cons
Sometimes it malfunctions and stands to attention in public or during the night like it's standing on standing on the parade square.
Like subway, it was sold as a 12 inch but against scrutiny it always measures less.
Didn't contain a choking hazard warning label ...
I took wayyy too long writing this haha
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