FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do you respond to personal attacks
How do you respond to personal attacks
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
On here, online, messages, threads etc.
Do you feel the need to respond to get even? just report/ignore?
Can you completely refrain from getting emotional or upset ?
When people do or say things no directly to you, but you know they are lying or being a creep, do you feel the need to call the, out and set the world right?or just ignore it , not your problem.?
What do think about how others react, ping pong arguments on threads or calling others out, is it ever justified ?
Sorry, deep for 4-15am on a Friday but someone’s annoyed me and I can’t sleep !
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By *aked beachMan 5 days ago
Just A Stranger In A Strange Land. |
On here it’s happened a couple of times. I always reply saying how sorry I am that I’m a disappointment to them, plus I point out their grammar errors and offer to help them do better in that regard. Generally goes quite after that 👍 |
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I don’t respond, there are people here that I get on with and have shared opinions, others I don’t, personal attacks (I’ve had one just today!) have no place in an open community like ours, but there are far too many people that are not here to abuse others, and those are who I want to spend my precious time on
But sometimes I get 🤬🤬
I also understand contradiction… |
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By *essTTWoman 5 days ago
Birmingham |
"On here, online, messages, threads etc.
Do you feel the need to respond to get even? just report/ignore?
Can you completely refrain from getting emotional or upset ?
When people do or say things no directly to you, but you know they are lying or being a creep, do you feel the need to call the, out and set the world right?or just ignore it , not your problem.?
What do think about how others react, ping pong arguments on threads or calling others out, is it ever justified ?
Sorry, deep for 4-15am on a Friday but someone’s annoyed me and I can’t sleep !
"
Certain things i won't acknowledge
Sometimes men on here call me fat when I don't want to meet them but that's neither here nor there cause I am fat 😂😂😂
I just block and move on.
However I get a surprising (or maybe not surprising the way the country is going right now) amount of racism/comments as well but those I can't let go and i almost always respond to those 🤦🏾♀️ |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"On here it’s happened a couple of times. I always reply saying how sorry I am that I’m a disappointment to them, plus I point out their grammar errors and offer to help them do better in that regard. Generally goes quite after that 👍"
That’s a little passive aggressive right? That can have a habit of escalating into ping pong from what I observe on forums , like pretending you aren't upset appearing polite but subtlety attacking back ? |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Struggling to think of anything i care less about, opinions of total strangers mean absolutely nothing"
What if it was on a group chat, thread or in a community, not quite a total stranger, and public within a group not private. It’s different from a message from a stranger |
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By *essTTWoman 5 days ago
Birmingham |
"On here it’s happened a couple of times. I always reply saying how sorry I am that I’m a disappointment to them, plus I point out their grammar errors and offer to help them do better in that regard. Generally goes quite after that 👍"
You do realise that not everyone speaks English as a first language so what exactly do you achieve by correctly their grammar? |
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By *essTTWoman 5 days ago
Birmingham |
"On here it’s happened a couple of times. I always reply saying how sorry I am that I’m a disappointment to them, plus I point out their grammar errors and offer to help them do better in that regard. Generally goes quite after that 👍"
*Quiet |
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"On here it’s happened a couple of times. I always reply saying how sorry I am that I’m a disappointment to them, plus I point out their grammar errors and offer to help them do better in that regard. Generally goes quite after that 👍
You do realise that not everyone speaks English as a first language so what exactly do you achieve by correctly their grammar?"
Also dyslexia |
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I don't usually get them to be honest, but it would be to move on without retaliation. Never any point having a slanging match.
Someone blocked me recently, saying I was fake for not replying to their message straight away...they blocked me before I could (gently!) put them right on the issue!
That's about as bad as it gets.
Women and couples i know get it much worse. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"On forums, misogynistic and racial comments I do tend to get into arguments about but anything else, nah"
You feel the need to set people right, call them out, why ?
What do you think about others that do the same, I guess you’re supportive of them and their thread battles if the cause is a good one ?
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By *essTTWoman 5 days ago
Birmingham |
"On forums, misogynistic and racial comments I do tend to get into arguments about but anything else, nah
You feel the need to set people right, call them out, why ?
What do you think about others that do the same, I guess you’re supportive of them and their thread battles if the cause is a good one ?
"
I don't think about others tbh.
And I don't know why, those 2 topics are sensitive to me, probably because I can't change being black and I can't change being a woman. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don't usually get them to be honest, but it would be to move on without retaliation. Never any point having a slanging match.
Someone blocked me recently, saying I was fake for not replying to their message straight away...they blocked me before I could (gently!) put them right on the issue!
That's about as bad as it gets.
Women and couples i know get it much worse."
To be honest it’s only happened 3 times in 10 years on here and this one isnt fab related. I have a couples account that gets dozens of abusive message each week, but that doesn’t bother us, it’s complete strangers and so not personal. |
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"Struggling to think of anything i care less about, opinions of total strangers mean absolutely nothing
What if it was on a group chat, thread or in a community, not quite a total stranger, and public within a group not private. It’s different from a message from a stranger "
Still couldn't care, but then again, with the exception of immediate family, i dont really care what people i know say either.
As long as its only directed at me personally |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 5 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"On forums, misogynistic and racial comments I do tend to get into arguments about but anything else, nah
You feel the need to set people right, call them out, why ?
What do you think about others that do the same, I guess you’re supportive of them and their thread battles if the cause is a good one ?
I don't think about others tbh.
And I don't know why, those 2 topics are sensitive to me, probably because I can't change being black and I can't change being a woman. "
I’m sorry I want paying attention, didn’t link to comment to a person….
Yeah I think that’s sightly different, possibly everyone has a responsibility to call that kind of stuff out. But most just stay quiet , not their problem  |
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I find it a bit strange you starting a thread such as this MrNotts. Cast your mind back to the dim distant past...
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/1720104
You appeared to be ready to start an argument on this thread, or were you d*unk? |
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Honestly the best response is to ignore the idiot. They say things to try to get a response out of you. My answer is to not bother replying. It's because their opinion doesn't actually matter one iota. |
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"I start a thread to draw attention to myself and what a victim I am. I draw it out for as long as possible. I enjoy being thoroughly undignified like that.
Let’s write sad sad songs about it 🎸🎻"
💔😭 |
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Luckily I don't abide group chats for that reason. As far as I can tell they are mostly set up to gossip and slag others off. On here, no one cares enough to dig at me🤷♀️
I'm anything for a quiet life. |
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Depends on my mood if I’m honest. Some days you can brush it off, other times you have to have your say.
Although to be honest, most of the time on here it’s pointless, folk are just on the wind up and they say what they say and then leave the discussion. It’s like thinking of a really good comeback after the fact. |
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By *rad670Man 5 days ago
South Lakes |
Not had many personal attacks but when it happens you just have to rise above it even if you want to have your say, some folk are possibly on here just to provoke the same as many are just fishing to see how much attention they can get. |
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By *ision21Man 5 days ago
Newcastle Under Lyme |
"On here, online, messages, threads etc.
Do you feel the need to respond to get even? just report/ignore?
Can you completely refrain from getting emotional or upset ?
When people do or say things no directly to you, but you know they are lying or being a creep, do you feel the need to call the, out and set the world right?or just ignore it , not your problem.?
What do think about how others react, ping pong arguments on threads or calling others out, is it ever justified ?
Sorry, deep for 4-15am on a Friday but someone’s annoyed me and I can’t sleep !
"
I respond to a personal attack by ignoring them.
It winds them up more.
If they do it again then repeat rinse. |
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Nothing is personal if it's from some random who doesn't know me who are just trying to make themselves seem relevant...
I left the playground a long time ago...it's pathetic and funny at the same time.
Bless their little cotton socks  |
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"I refuse to waste my time arguing with idiots on the Internet "
Im pretty much the same, wouldn't give it a second thought, if people can't say something to my face in person I wouldn't give them a second thought!
Mr 🐺 |
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As i get older you fall to respond to shite anymore. I just chuckle and the block. Or ignore. Sadly some sad pathetic people feel that attacks or being dodgy is the normal. It's sad. I feel it's also occuring more and more as times change and society becomes more like keyboard warriors etc.
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I haven’t ever had one but I would ignore and not engage. Regardless of my opinion, I won’t change the other persons view so best not to get tangled up in it. Stay with positive people and avoid the negative ones |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 4 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I haven’t ever had one but I would ignore and not engage. Regardless of my opinion, I won’t change the other persons view so best not to get tangled up in it. Stay with positive people and avoid the negative ones "
I see that a lot of threads when people are arguing , they're unable to debate and will never change each others opinion insulting & abusing each other, so I wonder why they do it. It's like they have the last say. Even if the issue is an important one, they end up looking like idiots |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 4 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I haven’t ever had one but I would ignore and not engage. Regardless of my opinion, I won’t change the other persons view so best not to get tangled up in it. Stay with positive people and avoid the negative ones "
It's not always possible in communities is it ? |
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"I haven’t ever had one but I would ignore and not engage. Regardless of my opinion, I won’t change the other persons view so best not to get tangled up in it. Stay with positive people and avoid the negative ones
It's not always possible in communities is it ? "
You always have the choice. You can either engage and respond or ignore it and them. You can’t quieten every barking dog you walk past. |
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"It's context dependent for me
What about verbal bullying/abuse on a group chat or forum, often quite underhanded pretending to be humour ?"
Very difficult to prove. More difficult to prove to an extent that it can be penalised.
I find it's easier to let people show their own arses. Because people notice, and it reflects poorly on the people who engage in such tactics. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 4 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don't give a toss I'm not that bothered by hurty words it takes a lot to offend me"
Me too. Whether i get offended is always my choice, and it's very rare I do.
What about calling it out, revenge and putting the world right (even if you're not offended) ? |
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"I don't give a toss I'm not that bothered by hurty words it takes a lot to offend me
Me too. Whether i get offended is always my choice, and it's very rare I do.
What about calling it out, revenge and putting the world right (even if you're not offended) ? "
It's too easy to say your offended these days it's like walking on glass, if someone gets offended by something I've said that's their problem not mine |
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I try and avoid confrontation but I've found over the years on fab that I tend to be living rent free in some people's heads and they can't resist having a dig now and again.
I usually just ignore it but the very odd time when I've been tired or in a bad mood I have reacted and bit back.
More often than not I just let them dig their own hole because they are showing how petty they really are.
A non fab example was a business owner on Facebook attacking me for asking a question on a post regarding the use of social media to attract business.
The irony of his reaction wasn't lost on me. |
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"I just ignore it mostly.
It tickles me when you go from being really attractive to pig ugly in two messages because you said no. Espically funny when they then message you again in a few weeks lol"
The dick wants what it wants 🤷🏽♂️ |
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"I just ignore it mostly.
It tickles me when you go from being really attractive to pig ugly in two messages because you said no. Espically funny when they then message you again in a few weeks lol"
People don’t like to be rejected |
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Depends what mood I'm in..catch me on a good day and I may politely reply to respond and then block.
On an average day when I'm feeling a bit meh, I just block.
Get me on a bad day and I'm sorry to say I can be a bitch..you will get a message where I'm probably not polite and then get blocked.
I shouldn't do it and fall to their level but sometimes I feel better for it.
Either way you are getting blocked |
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There's power in silence, I can't say that I have no had any issues on this site .
I refuse to argue with anyone I won't be brought down to that level of saying or doing something with the intent on upsetting or hurting someone.
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I think it depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I'll see it for what it is and leave it and other times, I'll call it out and can be a bit like a dog with a bone and not let it die even if it is a pointless venture knowing they'll lack the self reflection to see why they're in the wrong. |
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I speak my mind, say my peice and move on
You can educate but you can't argue with stupid. When personal attacks start they know they've lost the debate anyway and can't think of any other way to exert themselves but because they don't have the intellect
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Might sound idealistic but I genuinely don’t let people hold that power over me. If somebody has a problem that’s their problem. I am happy with how I conduct myself, and if I’ve genuinely done something wrong I’ll apologise. But I have no space for rude or entitled people either online or in life. You can’t change the world, but you can change how you see it. |
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"I speak my mind, say my peice and move on
You can educate but you can't argue with stupid. When personal attacks start they know they've lost the debate anyway and can't think of any other way to exert themselves but because they don't have the intellect "
The part about personal attacks losing the debate is so true, especially when it comes after a while of back and forth, you just know they're not worth wasting your time with anymore. |
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"How do you respond to personal attacks
The fallback position is Terminal High Altitude Area Defense, and if I am not confident about that then it may be a pre-emptive strike."
Take off and nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. |
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By *rHotNotts OP Man 4 days ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Critisism is an opportunity for growth.."
That is true, but I think the general rule should be constructive and asked for, but even if it's not and it's abusive you can learn from it, some people are just unable to articulate themselves or be respectful, like if somebody calls somebody politically correct, or woke, which I see a lot, what they really mean is that that persons ideas are relevant to 2026, but I just haven't caught up.
So it's actually a compliment |
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Depends.
Do I feel attacked because they're taking things out of context or outright lying or fabricating? Or because someone is giving me criticism on who and how I actually am?
Mostly the best option is to walk away from the former, people who listen to them will learn the truth eventually.
The latter, probably take some time to consider why it's getting that negative a reaction and decide if I'm happier trying to resolve it or just avoiding people who are upset by it 💜 |
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On here I try to just take it in, process it,then ignore as its not worth bothering about that kind of remark by people who you probably will never even meet in real life who don't know anything about you. |
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By *eliWoman 4 days ago
. |
It's situational - mods are good at removing really awful posts/threads, other times my responses vary.
There's little point in calling out some lies, not worth the ban.
Is how others react ever justified? Maybe not. I can be a dick sometimes so I understand it. People respond with emotion or get irritated and it becomes a *thing*. I wouldn't ever go full awful but dickery happens. I'm a lot better at stepping away. |
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Outside of fab there are occasions when if I unleashed the full force of my sarcastic and brutal wit on someone who is being an absolute fool, I could probably leave them in a snivelling mess on the floor. I choose not to. I tolerate much before I bite, then it's gloves off, devil take the hindmost and don't say you weren't warned |
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Try to think of a funny response if possible because they are not expecting that.
Ive sometimes replied and find Ive been blocked before they can read it 🤷♀️
Ive had a rude one this morning. Someone in his 20's. I told him off. He apologised.
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 4 days ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
It depends on context.
From my boss - I try to remember that all being well, I'll be retiring at 59 as long as I stay in this job.
In glam mode - it very very rarely happens. I've had the odd rotten message on here, but when I've been able to see their profiles, I think they've got bigger problems than me. In person, I've only ever had someone be crappy to me once in the street and he just made a fool out of himself. Even his mate was edging away, not wanting anything to do with him.  |
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I don’t really. But I don’t give any info about myself on here and nobody knows who and if I meet so there’s probably nothing to attack me about. If it was a friend it would maybe bother me but anyone else I really wouldn’t care x |
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If it's something that happens during a discussion with some context, I'll tend to de-escalate and try to make peace.
If it comes out of the blue with no warning (had a few PMs like that) then the fucker's absolutely getting both barrels and the whole nine yards of perfectly phrased and reasoned vitriol, because why the fuck would you even feel entitled to do that unless you're a pathetic no-life sociopath? |
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By *aandLoCouple 4 days ago
Southampton |
Not yet had a personal attack on here thankfully. I do notice though some threads, and associated comments are intentionally divisive, or aim to put people down whose preferences don't align with theirs.
I have typed a reply many a time then deleted rather than post as in reality those people are nothing to me, thus my response isn't required. |
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"On here, online, messages, threads etc.
Do you feel the need to respond to get even? just report/ignore?
Can you completely refrain from getting emotional or upset ?
When people do or say things no directly to you, but you know they are lying or being a creep, do you feel the need to call the, out and set the world right?or just ignore it , not your problem.?
What do think about how others react, ping pong arguments on threads or calling others out, is it ever justified ?
Sorry, deep for 4-15am on a Friday but someone’s annoyed me and I can’t sleep !
"
Ignore it, people post negative comments to get reaction and are looking for further argument.
You will annoy them far more, if you rise above and ignore, because they are wanting you to hit back.
Even better, just Block them. |
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