FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why do people choose not to make their verifications public?
Why do people choose not to make their verifications public?
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By *oxy jWoman 7 weeks ago
somerset |
never used to hide mine until guys whom i said no to were getting in touch with whom i met and giving them grief or telling them that i was no longer interested in them and it was a few doing is.. so hidden they are and i no longer want veris or give them unless they really want one..
so many false veris now anyway you no longer know what real or not |
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By *bi HaiveMan 7 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
A lot on mine relate to when it was a couples profile for a decade, and as that person is no longer around it would be unrepresentative to have them on display.
It makes my summary look a little odd as there's a large number from single males. Most were from either organised socials or MFM meets.
I'm not concerned with that, but don't want anything specific about people meeting me and someone else being visible, as that was about meets with my ex.
That's in the past. |
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I ask people not to verify me if they have met me but not played- as I only meet at clubs.
I don’t need social veris, my veris prove I’m genuine. I don’t need another saying we had a good night but didn’t play.
If someone ignores me and veris anyway, I don’t show it. Just reading 10 the same all the time.
Only show play ones x |
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Because its no one else business who I've met and some people get really weird with them. Messaging people you've met, gossiping etc they can cause a lot of drama. I just don't bother with them at all. |
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"We made all our veris public but the one guy who didnt publish our veri on his page didn't want anyone to know he liked fat women."
oh those people are sad... I once asked a guy if he wanted a veri.. and he said " god no. I don't need people to know I've met you " funny I refused to meet him again
Cali |
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There are a few where someone goofed and used my real name. Not showing that
Super graphic ones
People who have left the site or for other reasons the verification is not there for me to display anymore
Really old ones
Someone asked me not to because of a fear of drama (although tbh my preference would be to show those ones to flush drama mongers out)
Basically I only show a few now because of the way I've changed my use of the site, but when I showed most of them, they're reasons why |
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"I ask people not to verify me if they have met me but not played- as I only meet at clubs.
I don’t need social veris, my veris prove I’m genuine. I don’t need another saying we had a good night but didn’t play.
If someone ignores me and veris anyway, I don’t show it. Just reading 10 the same all the time.
Only show play ones x"
I/We will only verify people we've had sexual contact with. Don't care how good your social skills are, what we're verifying is that you're an acceptable play partner. We've played with a handful who we've not verified because we'd not want to "recommend" them, but if we'd not played with them they definitely would have been verification worthy. |
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I don't show all, some have genuinely left the site, some there is no longer a connection etc.
I wouldn't want to show all but I wouldn't hide all either.
I had a situation where someone tried to arrange something without my knowledge contacting a veri. That bothered me.
Those that hide them because of "shame" based on the comments in this thread, that's shocking to me but can fully see that happening. |
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By *an1978Woman 7 weeks ago
GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please) |
"Because its no one else business who I've met and some people get really weird with them. Messaging people you've met, gossiping etc they can cause a lot of drama. I just don't bother with them at all. "
Mainly this!
It creeped me out when someone I met, found and contacted others I had met. 
Obviously unfriended and blocked, next step will be Police  |
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When I get a new veri random men message me and shout at me that I didn’t meet them. So I don’t ask for veris (last 2 were given without me asking) and I don’t show them in an effort to draw less attention to them |
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When I was active or made more off a personal effort to be involved on the scene be it visiting swinger clubs/socials a few times a year for social or private gatherings I used to have most things visible and open on my profile that included verifications…
Last few years though I have taken a large step back I rarely communicate or message/chat with anyone anymore tbh as for clubs same really once in a long while visits..
Life just comes in the way sometimes and other things have taken priority/interest in general in life for me that I am more focused on…
Regarding verifications I used to have them all visible and open be it social encounters/webcam or sometimes private encounters and I always felt more happy and fortunate that I was able to meet them people I never felt shame or embarrassed for it if anything I was grateful for the happy memories….
That being said after a while I kind off grew tired off looking at the list and one day I just decided to hide all off them except for the 2x recent ones as I figured not everyone needs to see/know everything after all it’s not a trip advisor site and somethings are best left private..
 |
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I don't have any play veries and wouldn't display them if I had.
Quite a few people who have verified me aren't on the site now so their verifications have gone but still count in the summary.
Others I keep hidden for various reasons including drama of their making that had nothing to do with me but I don't want anyone thinking I was associated with them.
I have also hidden veries that were not truthful.
Written by people I had actually met but the verification they left bore no resemblance to what actually happened.
I have hidden all of them at different times when others think it is acceptable to contact them and ask for my personal details or they are outside my age filters and they want people I have verified to persuade me to message them. |
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"I don't show veris that I deem too explicit, as I think it may give people who read the profile the wrong impression. Just because I did a thing with one person doesn't mean I will with others."
I get this and I do something similar
I prefer to not show recent verifications to filter out anyone who wouldn’t wanna meet folks without verifications in ‘the last 3/6 months’ malarkey  |
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I hide mine unless I am arranging to meet and then happy to show them to people who are interested in meeting. If they asked to see them, suggests to me that that may be interested in meeting. Maybe they won't be thought after reading veries  The other reason is I have on occasion had people contacting me direct about other people I have given veries too. Asking what they are like what they enjoy etc. that's just bad form for me, that's not what they are meant for. Happy fabbing everyone whether you show your veries or not |
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I don't display all ours because it's pointless some are duplicates, some are sexual ones & sexual trip advisor isn't my thing, some people have left the site so theirs no longer show.
I've left enough that shows we are who we say we are, we turn up and that's all that's needed.
I totally get why people don't display them it's no one else's business who they meet, just being verified is enough.
Mrs |
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Because who I have met is no one else's business.
Before I hid mine, I'd get guys telling me they were fitter/better looking then someone I'd met so my reasons for declining them were lies. Men had contacted people on my verifications for trip advisor style reviews. I hate graphic, poorly written verifications. I don't give out verifications to people so its right i don't use theirs.... There's a whole host of reasons. |
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"Because its no one else business who I've met and some people get really weird with them. Messaging people you've met, gossiping etc they can cause a lot of drama. I just don't bother with them at all. "
Similar reasons from when one of us did this as a single long before. |
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I don’t display cam ones, don’t see the point as the reason I check others veris are to see in person ones. Cam veris wouldn’t really verify anything for me.
Also not keen on super graphic or detailed ones. And finally, I prefer to keep it to show the ones I think truthfully reflect me and how the meet or social went.  |
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By *iss.ddWoman 6 weeks ago
Leeds + Newcastle |
"We displayed ours until we were contacted by profiles who had met the people who had verified us. Mostly suggesting that we should meet them too. "
I hid mine on my couples profile for the same kinda reason.
If you won't meet me, why did you neat xy+z etc |
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I’m not meeting new people at the moment, so if someone I’ve already met decides to verify me then this updates on my profile and isn’t time sensitive, so it looks like I’ve met someone perhaps more recently than i actually have, it then starts up difficult conversations with other people who query my profile saying I’m not meeting. This is all so much more complicated than it needs to be!
It’s no one else’s business who I have met or chatted with or when I met them etc.
The fact that I’ve been verified should be enough |
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I always have a couple on show simply to prove that I’m genuine and follow through on what I say. I see no reason to have them all show.
I always give a veri after a meet even if it doesn’t go anywhere but even if it does they’re usually quite generic in a similar vein.
My favourites are the ones guys give that read like the script of a cheap porn movie along with the words , “treat her with respect”…  |
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We had one that didn't want to show his because it had mentioned about him having a sexual activity with Mr and he didn't want anyone to know he was bi...after turning up to ours... for a Bi MMF.
I'm happy to show ours to be honest. Not had any reason not too yet. |
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I'm happy to show my verifications and most who I've left a verification for have also displayed them. I presume that those that didn't display them don't want people know they would meet an old timer like me.
I don't like to use graphic language in the verifications I write and keep them fairly discrete. However I did receive a request for another verification with a full graphic description of the horny encounter for personal use only which I thought was brilliant and I was more than happy to do. |
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By *jonesMan 6 weeks ago
Totnes |
"I don't display all ours because it's pointless some are duplicates, some are sexual ones & sexual trip advisor isn't my thing, some people have left the site so theirs no longer show.
I've left enough that shows we are who we say we are, we turn up and that's all that's needed.
I totally get why people don't display them it's no one else's business who they meet, just being verified is enough.
Mrs "
There are some very dodgy profiles with say three veris from other dodgy profiles..a few visible ones do give confidence some one is genuine ... |
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I’m not into verification. Prefer to meet in person at swinger clubs and actually spend time chatting with someone.
So all these posts here are an eye opener to me. Next they will be wanting a rating system like rate your Uber driver. |
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I don't hide them on this account or my wife and is couple account.
Mostly because we are active in the local club and do social events which our veris reflect. More there to show we are legit than anything else. |
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We enjoy doing the occasional camera show but the downside is you can end up with a load of verifications from strangers you have never met or spoken too. We would prefer to be able to delete them but as we can't We can just not publish them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 6 weeks ago
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I know some couples who never display their meets with Single men & only display the meets with couples..the reason..they'd be tormented by some single men then, saying "I thought you weren't meeting single men" cos some would have it mentioned in their profile "No Single Men".... |
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By *ruffle888Woman 6 weeks ago
under the council skies... |
I'm not trip advisor..
Plus, I got a veri from someone I knew ages ago, didn't recenly meet, then got messages of why I didn't meet xyz.
I don't post on fb what I have for dinner..so, I don't need a veri to let others know what I'm doing |
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"When I was active or made more off a personal effort to be involved on the scene be it visiting swinger clubs/socials a few times a year for social or private gatherings I used to have most things visible and open on my profile that included verifications…
Last few years though I have taken a large step back I rarely communicate or message/chat with anyone anymore tbh as for clubs same really once in a long while visits..
Life just comes in the way sometimes and other things have taken priority/interest in general in life for me that I am more focused on…
Regarding verifications I used to have them all visible and open be it social encounters/webcam or sometimes private encounters and I always felt more happy and fortunate that I was able to meet them people I never felt shame or embarrassed for it if anything I was grateful for the happy memories….
That being said after a while I kind off grew tired off looking at the list and one day I just decided to hide all off them except for the 2x recent ones as I figured not everyone needs to see/know everything after all it’s not a trip advisor site and somethings are best left private..
"
So much this. My bs radar is finely tuned to profiles with dozens,even hundreds of verifications. I've known from personal experience that
1. Sex is subjective so what I enjoy will be different from others in varying circumstances
2. Not all encounters with the same person have the same chemistry
3. Social/party/club veris are naff IMHO
What's the Russian expression? Trust, but verify. Trip advisor, indeed, sir! |
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"I'm not trip advisor..
Plus, I got a veri from someone I knew ages ago, didn't recenly meet, then got messages of why I didn't meet xyz.
I don't post on fb what I have for dinner..so, I don't need a veri to let others know what I'm doing"
Aw cmon. We need to know when you had sausage and mash. |
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I do find veris quite useful to perhaps corroborate what is said in the narrative and also after speaking to them. If they are recent, it does give more confidence they are likely not to be time wasters.
I am always very wary of those who have veris from TVs, but choose not to show them, where other veris are shown!
R xx |
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There doesn’t need to be an endless amount, but a few public ones I like to see. Helps me ascertain if the people someone has met with matches up with preferences or other things they’ve stated in their profile. I display my verifications also for this exact reason. For example, my profile states my certain preference in a woman, my verifications mostly are from women who fit that description therefore are consistent and an accurate representation of not only my profile but myself as a whole.
Overly graphic ones detailing every granular detail of a play encounter I find to be quite distasteful though. Cos you know, less is more and all that.
If someone feels a certain way about the amount of verifications I have, or the time frame in which I’ve got them, then I question if they’re someone I even want to associate with in the first place.
All just another reason why I prefer to meet people in real life first as opposed to online. Can be taken on face value, no other trivial factors aside from the content of my character that I can be judged on. Verifications are a pleasant reminder of all the wonderful experiences I’ve had and bloody fantastic people I’ve met. |
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All on display. If someone has taken time to write them for me then I think it’ll be rude to not show them. Also they give a better understanding to potential partners that who I am and what I am looking for. |
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By *rMrs84Couple 6 weeks ago
Doncaster |
"I know it’s there choice yada yada yada but what is the reason why you wouldn’t. "
We keep the occasional low effort ones off (two word varies -‘great fun!’) as they add little.
You also can’t display from people who have left the site which hits some of ours too |
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By *amoanMan 6 weeks ago
st peter port |
The issue I have with veris, is that even if you don’t show them on your profile, it still indicates, the sexual orientation of the verifier.
This mean that althought I’d love to meet a 35 yr old, divorced, size 12 hot blonde, with the ability to suck a golf ball up a garden hosepipe, she’s likely to be put off msging by the lovely T girls I’ve had amazing hot oral sex from who’ve been good enought to take the time, to leave a much appreciated verie.
I love oral both ways and women are my default setting, but the reality is, as a mature male, its gonna be a truck driver in a frock, heels and blond wig polishing my helmet. |
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It’s quite interesting reading this as we were thinking of hiding our veris, as it seems to be pure nosiness why people glance through them mostly.
I think we’ve been on here long enough to show we are genuine, we meet when we say & we look like our pics but I think past that verifications almost seem like eBay reviews lol |
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"The issue I have with veris, is that even if you don’t show them on your profile, it still indicates, the sexual orientation of the verifier.
This mean that althought I’d love to meet a 35 yr old, divorced, size 12 hot blonde, with the ability to suck a golf ball up a garden hosepipe, she’s likely to be put off msging by the lovely T girls I’ve had amazing hot oral sex from who’ve been good enought to take the time, to leave a much appreciated verie.
I love oral both ways and women are my default setting, but the reality is, as a mature male, its gonna be a truck driver in a frock, heels and blond wig polishing my helmet."
You know, if you don’t want a blowie from a man then you don’t have to have a blowie from a man. |
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I think it also largely depends the country/city you're posting from. Some communities are smaller and more secretive than others, for historical reasons so I tend to take "social" and "party" veris with a huge grain of salt as I have witnessed a lot of unpleasantness between party organizers, attendees and the general sort of assiduously repetitive and wholly unrealistic back-scratching (and stabbing) that goes on here (and similar English-speaking sites) between all those involved. I've red-flagged and blocked some of those profiles because frankly, I can do with less drama and politics... and we all know about sex and politics.
Whereas a site like this makes zero sense in France, the Netherlands,BENELUX and Germany because everything is all out in the open and you can even google swing venues on the maps nearest to you.
There is a French website for swinging, of course, but I won't mention it primarily because you have to have a pretty good command of the language and have a French phone number, I think so it's useless for anglophone Fabbers. I don't know if they use a similar system of verifications but the security on it is quite tight and there are NO blank profiles.
Don't know the situation in Germany/Austria/Switzerland. I assume swinging German-speakers know where to go and they tend to be a LOT kicker than us. |
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"We made all our veris public but the one guy who didnt publish our veri on his page didn't want anyone to know he liked fat women."
What a douche bag had a few like that I now make sure they genuinely like bigger women and a not ashamed of showing that fact |
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"We made all our veris public but the one guy who didnt publish our veri on his page didn't want anyone to know he liked fat women.
What a douche bag had a few like that I now make sure they genuinely like bigger women and a not ashamed of showing that fact"
You'd be amazed how many young, fit guys have a secret desire for fat girls. I had a fling with a guy whose mom was a dietitian who regularly verbally abused her fat clients.
I swear.. I'd never had had this much attention in my teens (and I wasn't exactly fat then just a little extra butt and little tummy, but tall with thick thighs) but as a married fat momma with no desire or intention for a committed relationship, I was like catnip for every millennial within a 15-mile radius.
Goes to show, eh?
Guys will sleep with anyone... especially if we accommodate.  |
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By *bxanfCouple 6 weeks ago
Bilston/Dudley |
"We made all our veris public but the one guy who didnt publish our veri on his page didn't want anyone to know he liked fat women.
What a douche bag had a few like that I now make sure they genuinely like bigger women and a not ashamed of showing that fact
You'd be amazed how many young, fit guys have a secret desire for fat girls. I had a fling with a guy whose mom was a dietitian who regularly verbally abused her fat clients.
I swear.. I'd never had had this much attention in my teens (and I wasn't exactly fat then just a little extra butt and little tummy, but tall with thick thighs) but as a married fat momma with no desire or intention for a committed relationship, I was like catnip for every millennial within a 15-mile radius.
Goes to show, eh?
Guys will sleep with anyone... especially if we accommodate. "
When we accomodated, our inbox was bombarded with gym fit guys under 30. |
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We don’t display the ones we didn’t play with and do display the ones that we did, however we really don’t understand the social veris
We even got asked to veri someone whilst in Cap D’adge and we only had a cup of coffee with them ha ha ha ha - give us all a break Fab is a swingers site for people who actually have sex with other people, not the wannabes |
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"I know it’s there choice yada yada yada but what is the reason why you wouldn’t. "
1. We wouldn't want to meet them again or be judged by their profile.
2. One ex partner of Tony's tried contacting and meeting one of our friends behind our back to cause a rift ! (she did that via our verifications )
3. We want to keep them all to ourselves lol  |
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I generally hide the casual veri's from social events as they don't really say anything about me.
I've been verified by a woman who I said hi to in a corridor. Literally just hi as we walk passed each other.
I've been verified by a woman who was at the same event but I had no interaction with whatsoever. Why people do this I don't know. |
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Very much each to their own I guess. We display all of ours, social or otherwise. We don’t meet outside of clubs anyway and in the past we have attempted to meet both well verified and unverified people from Fab with mixed results  |
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I only have one veri on my profile as i have only met one person and I'm happy with it.
I really couldn't care less if people know who i have met on here.
If people think any different of me for who I have met, then they're the problem. |
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Some don’t want others to see the people they are meeting and this is why they hide them.
If you say you’re straight and then have other sexual ‘preferences’ leaving veri’s it could look a bit confusing |
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By *exbecs12Woman 4 weeks ago
Land of roman gods |
"I know it’s there choice yada yada yada but what is the reason why you wouldn’t. "
Freedom of choice for me.
All it is is to say you are genuine and like your described profile.Not a description of how a cock goes in holes or how you kissed. |
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i show webcam chats and social meeting - being as i ran a social and attended a few social I have a few - i have stopped putting on other meets as I have had some hate messages, and its no one else's business |
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"never used to hide mine until guys whom i said no to were getting in touch with whom i met and giving them grief or telling them that i was no longer interested in them and it was a few doing is.. so hidden they are and i no longer want veris or give them unless they really want one..
so many false veris now anyway you no longer know what real or not"
That’s a horrible experience. I’m curious about how you know there are so many false veris? |
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By *serenJ84Woman 4 weeks ago
North east wales |
I've found there seems to be alot of the same women going with the same guys as me. So I've started no displaying everything. Esp as I have people constantly checking my profile then comment to say "ooo you've been having fun" etc etc |
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Pros and cons.
My couples profile we have 200+ but only show a few, because honestly who wants to see 200+? People assume that’s 200+ meets… when the vast majority are cam verifications, or socials.
My singles profile? I hide them, but point to my couples one anyway.
But really, at the end of the day, all I want is somebody honest. I’ve had two failed meets in the last few weeks because people (with verifications I may add) didn’t turn up after all the planning.
So yeah, I would scrap them completely if it meant not being let down. |
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I display enough recent veris to reassure visitors to my profile that I am still alive and who I claim to be. I don't display them all because there's a fine line between enough and too many, and anybody who needs to see everything before drawing a conclusion can sod off. I had one meet get very arsey about not displaying her veri. I'd worked out that she was a prolific barebacker, and I didn't really want anyone to assume I'd gone skinny dipping. |
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By *ynecplCouple 4 weeks ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Numerous reasons. Some are from duplicate meets, sometimes the profile has left so we can't show them. Another reason is not wishing to be associated with a particular profile anymore and lastly we have one verification which was so over the top we felt we shouldn't show it as it was not a true reflection of how the meet went (it was only a social). |
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"I display enough recent veris to reassure visitors to my profile that I am still alive and who I claim to be. I don't display them all because there's a fine line between enough and too many, and anybody who needs to see everything before drawing a conclusion can sod off. I had one meet get very arsey about not displaying her veri. I'd worked out that she was a prolific barebacker, and I didn't really want anyone to assume I'd gone skinny dipping. "
Like your style of writing. Skinny dipping |
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"We displayed ours until we were contacted by profiles who had met the people who had verified us. Mostly suggesting that we should meet them too. "
This and the fact that people are very judgemental if you have a lot of them due to social events and maybe club meets. It's automatically assumed by some (often wrongly) that you've fucked everyone who has verified you. It boils down to the age old thing of not reading properly or at all. |
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Personally mine were mostly from one lady with few others from ladies who've left fab, but my FBs situation was complicated so didn't show them to preserve her anonymity. And because they weren't/aren't showed I asked someone to do one from social I attend, just to show any verification. |
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By *ickawitchCouple 4 weeks ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
"I know it’s there choice yada yada yada but what is the reason why you wouldn’t. "
We chose not to within a month or so of being on . People ( mainly single guys) would message us say “we have a mutual friend, so we’ll get on too “ Yada yada . Or and we found this worse, they would message those on our veri’s and say the same or that they knew us and so would vouch for them to get themselves party invites. |
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"I know it’s there choice yada yada yada but what is the reason why you wouldn’t.
Because we believe in discretion. We shouldn't have to say who we have met, nor should they."
This reflects our positon too. |
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Verifications are not as reliable or as useful as talking to the person in real time. They can only give you a vague idea but not the whole picture.
We all have different reasons for our preferences. I'd never assume that the partner I had a great (or bad) time with would behave in the same way as with someone else.
I'm not counting Verifications for the sole purpose of event organisers who want to vet possible candidates who would be an asset to their events of course, though I suspect that even they have multiple methods of sifting out the ones not fit for their needs. This isn't a criticism, just human nature.
Consider the following analogy.
You're looking for a great restaurant. You check the reviews. Some are positive, some aren't. You'll never really know until you've experienced it yourself and even there, you could have visited during a bad day, staff quit, cook is in hysterics in the kitchen and deliveries were canceled.
You could go back to the same restaurant a week later, the staff are nice, the atmosphere is wonderful and the experience was amazing.
That's why I take any peer reviews with a grain of salt and respect those who prefer to save themselves the grief of publishing highly subjective, or bland or inaccurate veris. Sometimes it's simply a question of others just being nosy and quizzing the reviewers or poaching lovers. Who know?
When in doubt, your gut instinct is a better method for assessing whether someone is compatible than a terabyte of social/party/reciprocal veris.
Just my €0.02 |
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