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Has anyone ever had this said to them?
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By *rfate OP Man 7 weeks ago
south tyneside |
Has anyone ever this said to them, "I think you are really attractive, but I don't think you are dominant."
I had a social the other night and thought things were going well, then got told that. My thoughts were basically, because I'm not like rag dolling you around in a crowed pub 😂? It kind of took me by surprise. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them? |
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"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest
Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it
It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "
Agreed.
I pick up that your presence wasn't necessarily giving off the vibes that that person was seeking at that moment, and was perhaps a subtle challenge to see if you could pick up on the vibes they were giving off and respond in a way that unlocks things.
I wouldn't get hung up on it though
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By *WANDTGCouple 7 weeks ago
Borough of Greenwich |
So what do you define as Dominant in your play ?
Someone else was asking about Dom play , he was completely off track as it was more oppressive (not aloud to use S word) and master that he was explaining. |
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"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest
Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it
It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "
I would say that there are many ways to be dominant.
But no matter how you dom, you shouldn’t do it to a stranger on a social meeting.
It’s like (in analogy only) having a dog.
You train your dog to obey commands.you are in control.
This doesn’t mean you can start shouting “sit” at any dog you meet, or clip a lead on a random dog and take it for a walk.
From what I’ve picked up on the fetish side of things, it sounds like she is “prey” looking for someone “primal”.
That’s a very distinct sub genre, and if she isn’t clear about her expectations, she could be in for a lot of disappointment |
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There are all kinds of Dom’s from all walks of life. A Dom that’s good for me might not necessarily be good for someone else. I can tell by talking for 15 mins if a Dom is not for me. But if I think a Dom is for me the vetting process for me takes time and plenty of regular meets.
I will play with verified Dom’s at a club in the safety of a Dungeon and safe words with my Dom watching over for added safety.
But if the first impression after about 15mins of chat isn’t for me then he’s not for me.
Sam here the lady
S&B xx  |
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By *aandLoCouple 7 weeks ago
Southampton |
"Unfortunately many women have exactly the same distorted, fantasy idea of what "domination" is, as men do."
But if that's her expectation of dominance then it's valid for her, and any connection she wants to make.
It's why nailing down the specifics is very important. Yet from the OPs post she was expecting him to know what it meant to her without talking about it. 🤷 |
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By *reya73Woman 7 weeks ago
Whitley Bay |
I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion? |
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By *reya73Woman 7 weeks ago
Whitley Bay |
"I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"
*Right |
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By *rfate OP Man 7 weeks ago
south tyneside |
"I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
No I just thought it was strange thing to say is all 😂
But we had been discussing pleasure dom, as well as other thing. Sadly it wasn't meant to be, I just wanted to know is all.
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"
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I think too many people have read 50 shades and have distorted views of a Dom/sub relationship based on a combination of Mills and Boon mixed in with an abusive dangerous facet.
Plus every Dom/sub relationship like any relationship has its own distinct nuances (as a previous poster on the thread said). So OP, I guess you weren't the other persons idea of dominant but to someone else you would be their perfect Dom. |
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Hubby collects Warhammer, older Horus Heresy and Necromunda because fuck that 3 year release cycle.
Point being, we don't have pictures of geeky stuff in the background of our pics.
What action figures are those btw?  |
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It's all subjective I guess. Different people can have different interpretations. Although, being dominant doesn't involve "rag-dolling" 🫣. Missy and I play with the DD/lg dynamic together. Which is another type of dominance again, more of a power exchange and care-giving role. |
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By *vaRoseWoman 6 weeks ago
Ankh-Morpork |
No
But I have socialised with people whose version of BDSM doesn’t align with mine. There are many styles, many types of dynamics and even with labels there are different ways of doing things. It doesn’t make anyone wrong just that you aren’t a match.
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"Has anyone ever this said to them, "I think you are really attractive, but I don't think you are dominant."
I had a social the other night and thought things were going well, then got told that. My thoughts were basically, because I'm not like rag dolling you around in a crowed pub 😂? It kind of took me by surprise. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them? "
Yes in Manchester she got dressed and left  |
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By *lanenakedMan 6 weeks ago
near you .. but not too near |
"Has anyone ever this said to them, "I think you are really attractive, but I don't think you are dominant."
I had a social the other night and thought things were going well, then got told that. My thoughts were basically, because I'm not like rag dolling you around in a crowed pub 😂? It kind of took me by surprise. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them? "
Yes I have .. not a single thing appears to be out of place everything going well, part with a hungry horny snog full of the hopes of what's to come then they hit you with a comment that's completely out the blue and baseless ... It's just their way of ending it suddenly and for reasons only known to them ..and loaded with bitchiness and attitude. There's absolutely no need.
What did she expect you to do to exhibit your dominant nature ? Rip her clothes off in public and shag her .. it's a bullshit comment. One thing is for certain she's not into you that's a fact, so I'd just completely ignore after that. Leave a private note in case they change their profile so much you can't recognize it so prevents you messaging again or just reminds you of the situation. Very handy. |
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By *rfate OP Man 6 weeks ago
south tyneside |
"Hubby collects Warhammer, older Horus Heresy and Necromunda because fuck that 3 year release cycle.
Point being, we don't have pictures of geeky stuff in the background of our pics.
Mainly anime star wars and batman stuff I'm not shy about being nerdy 😂
What action figures are those btw? "
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You’re looking at domination at just physical but the majority of it is the psychological that then leads into physical play. It’s how you carry yourself, how you use words and eye contact, mannerisms and also outlooks on things. It’s a complicated myriad of different things and people who are submissive in nature not just sexually will pick up on the vibes if you have what they like in a dominant partner. |
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By *rfate OP Man 5 weeks ago
south tyneside |
So just an update for people turns out it was a polite let down apparently, I just wasn't her type no dig deal. Strange it took her all night and her tongue down my throat to realise this 😂. |
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Skip it women's doesn't know what they want for themselfs on this fab. One day u read a bio looking for dom u act dom as fuck and they delete your messages, other day they say they looking for a nice single dude with I am, and message gott deleted, either ways u gets on second plan so don't play on their rules, find someone who accept you as u are. |
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"I think you are being let down gently OP. They are giving you a reason why you are not for them. Take it like a gent and move on."
I agree. It sounds like she simply didn't feel the right connection or attraction for whatever reason and wanted to let you know she wasn't interested in taking things any further. Sometimes people give a kinder, more palatable reason rather than the unfiltered truth, especially when they're trying not to hurt someone's feelings. Ultimately, the reason itself doesn't really matter, she wasn't feeling it, and it's best to accept that and move on. |
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