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Has anyone ever had this said to them?
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By *rfate OP Man 3 days ago
south tyneside |
Has anyone ever this said to them, "I think you are really attractive, but I don't think you are dominant."
I had a social the other night and thought things were going well, then got told that. My thoughts were basically, because I'm not like rag dolling you around in a crowed pub 😂? It kind of took me by surprise. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them? |
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"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest
Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it
It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "
Agreed.
I pick up that your presence wasn't necessarily giving off the vibes that that person was seeking at that moment, and was perhaps a subtle challenge to see if you could pick up on the vibes they were giving off and respond in a way that unlocks things.
I wouldn't get hung up on it though
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By *WANDTGCouple 3 days ago
Borough of Greenwich |
So what do you define as Dominant in your play ?
Someone else was asking about Dom play , he was completely off track as it was more oppressive (not aloud to use S word) and master that he was explaining. |
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"If that's your definition of dominant then they were right to be honest
Being dominant isn't 'rag dolling' someone around as you put it
It's a specific and nuanced dynamic "
I would say that there are many ways to be dominant.
But no matter how you dom, you shouldn’t do it to a stranger on a social meeting.
It’s like (in analogy only) having a dog.
You train your dog to obey commands.you are in control.
This doesn’t mean you can start shouting “sit” at any dog you meet, or clip a lead on a random dog and take it for a walk.
From what I’ve picked up on the fetish side of things, it sounds like she is “prey” looking for someone “primal”.
That’s a very distinct sub genre, and if she isn’t clear about her expectations, she could be in for a lot of disappointment |
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There are all kinds of Dom’s from all walks of life. A Dom that’s good for me might not necessarily be good for someone else. I can tell by talking for 15 mins if a Dom is not for me. But if I think a Dom is for me the vetting process for me takes time and plenty of regular meets.
I will play with verified Dom’s at a club in the safety of a Dungeon and safe words with my Dom watching over for added safety.
But if the first impression after about 15mins of chat isn’t for me then he’s not for me.
Sam here the lady
S&B xx  |
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By *aandLoCouple 3 days ago
Southampton |
"Unfortunately many women have exactly the same distorted, fantasy idea of what "domination" is, as men do."
But if that's her expectation of dominance then it's valid for her, and any connection she wants to make.
It's why nailing down the specifics is very important. Yet from the OPs post she was expecting him to know what it meant to her without talking about it. 🤷 |
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By *reya73Woman 3 days ago
Whitley Bay |
I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion? |
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By *reya73Woman 3 days ago
Whitley Bay |
"I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"
*Right |
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By *rfate OP Man 3 days ago
south tyneside |
"I haven't had that .. no.
Did you not then express your curiosity and have an interesting conversation about dom and sub dynamics?
What kind of a Dom situation were you discussing? What did she expect/desire?
No I just thought it was strange thing to say is all 😂
But we had been discussing pleasure dom, as well as other thing. Sadly it wasn't meant to be, I just wanted to know is all.
These dynamics should be negotiated and honed to each individual and also, sometimes more importantly, to what is present between you and how you might fit together. It takes time. But I can usually tell pretty quickly by how the conversation is going in discussion, if the person is tight for me or not.
Its an interesting topic .. but did you just want a mini whinge, or to open up discussion?"
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I think too many people have read 50 shades and have distorted views of a Dom/sub relationship based on a combination of Mills and Boon mixed in with an abusive dangerous facet.
Plus every Dom/sub relationship like any relationship has its own distinct nuances (as a previous poster on the thread said). So OP, I guess you weren't the other persons idea of dominant but to someone else you would be their perfect Dom. |
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