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Making the most of a club experience
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Me and the wife have been to a club a handful of times - and its not been great!
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
We end up not really talking to anyone we might actually like to play with and to be honest its put us off for quite a long time. But we are trying again...!
So does anyone have any advice on how we could approach people - especially approaching a group?
We are thinking of giving each other dares lol!
Anyway any advice welcome!
Ps if anyone wants to come with us we are going on the 5th Aug to Cupids x |
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Absolutely nothing to offer in the way of help, just empathy in that we have had exactly the same experiences. Always find clubs to loud, too much emphasis on fancy dress, quite cliquey and as we've not once been approached by another couple, it's made us totally unconfident to make the first move.
Clubs just aren't for everyone, unfortunately. |
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By *enelope2UWoman 1 week ago
Doesn't matter cant block distances |
Not to go in with expectations there's nothing that turns me dryer than boring couples approaching with planned expectations.. keep your predictable boring tendencies at home. If you're not turned on by each other and that's not radiating accross then why do I want to be a part of that? |
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You could put a meet up for your next club night, you could also put a status up saying you'll be at the club, you may get winks or messages from others going. The more you go to a club the more likely you'll get chatting to people, look for prolonged eye contact it may be a sign someone likes you. You can say hello to people in the changing room or while you have a walk around the club. If you see people you like the look of then a compliment is a good ice breaker. Realise that not everybody in a club will play with everybody, there needs to be some attraction and connection. We can relate to your first club experiences, we were the same 10 years ago, but our club nights and experiences got better (though we're quite happy playing with each other on a night out). Go a few times without expectations, you'll find your feet and hopefully have some good experiences. Good luck ☺️ |
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By *aandLoCouple 1 week ago
Southampton |
I can empathize with you as not once has anyone approached us. It used to make me feel very insecure, and wonder what vibe do we give off that repels people?!
Yesterday evening we approached a friendly looking couple to chat. No expectations, just a determination to approach someone, introduce ourselves and ask them how their evening was going (a starter for 1pt 😁)
We had a great little chat, picked up on the lack of a sexual vibe from them and not wanting to dominate their time we left them to enjoy their evening. It was their first club visit so I felt a bit rubbish for them later as we passed them leaving the club and they said no one else had spoken to them all night.
But, (cliques aside) I now think lots of people are quite shy, and not confident enough to literally walk up to a stranger and start talking. However, starting a conversation while waiting at the bar or in the jacuzzi, or by the lockers etc feels much more natural for us.
It would just be nice though if someone looked at us and thought "I'd like to talk to them."
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"Me and the wife have been to a club a handful of times - and its not been great!
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
We end up not really talking to anyone we might actually like to play with and to be honest its put us off for quite a long time. But we are trying again...!
So does anyone have any advice on how we could approach people - especially approaching a group?
We are thinking of giving each other dares lol!
Anyway any advice welcome!
Ps if anyone wants to come with us we are going on the 5th Aug to Cupids x "
If the club has a hot tub get naked and get in it. We find conversations are so much easier away from the music/dance floor areas and people seem more relaxed in the hot tub so easier to strike up a chat. |
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"If the club has a hot tub get naked and get in it. We find conversations are so much easier away from the music/dance floor areas and people seem more relaxed in the hot tub so easier to strike up a chat."
Absolutely second this. The few times we've managed to hook up with a single guy at a club, it's been in the hottub. Always better if some play is allowed in the tub, though. |
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It can be hard at a club. I think the trick is to not think of it as a club. Have zero expectations of play but have an open and positive frame of mind. Start a conversation at the bar, or the changing area. Comment on their outfit, ask them how far they have come,or can they show you around or vice versa.
If there is a dungeon area perhaps watch, and ask if you can join or get some tips.
Ultimately the next time you go, and recognise someone, and can follow up that conversation it will be a bit easier.....
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By *WB85Man 1 week ago
Staffordshire |
Were the same, we find clubs incredibly difficult.
I'd suggest finding a club that you like, then try newbie events or couples events as the approach is much softer.
Also many clubs have group chats that can help you make friends proper to events.
We've just realised that the ckub scene isn't really for us.
Good luck OP. |
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We did our first club recently.
Everyone was lovely but it wasn't for us for a few reasons. The club itself was wonderful, spotless and the staff incredible. The people we met were also amazing.. but different vibe for sure.
Private parties are a good alternative.
Xx Mrs |
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I can find clubs difficult, but I just have a wander and start a chit chat, I can also sit on a sofa and not say a word to anyone
I have to make an effort with people otherwise I wouldn’t talk to a soul
I do find some clubs more clicky than others |
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Everytime we have been to a club something’s happened but we don’t expect it and treat it more of a night out together where it’s acceptable for my partner to have his hands down my bra on the dance floor and for me to not be wearing very much, anything else is a bonus. I the female approach lots of people even if it’s just to compliment them or to have banter so that’s worked in our favour for finding play mates. Clubs can be difficult for sure but we just don’t take our selves too seriously and if we play we play  |
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Clubs can be strange , weve queued up at townhouse to get in , been chatting to a couple , paid , and gone straight to a room
And then at club play , weve been stood there with what feels like 100 people just walking by us , and not even a single guy trying his luck
Theres no right or wrong answer , just be yourself , relax , and enjoy things , however they play out |
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From the perspective of a single fella - clubs are highly variable and can be totally different each time depending on who's there. In a kind of strange way it's actually encouraging to me that even couples can find it strange and difficult to strike up conversations.
My only advice is try different clubs but also don't dismiss your local ones as you may think you're being ignored but you will have been noticed and repeat visits increase your likelihood of attaining the connection you desire.
Keep calm and carry on  |
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"Me and the wife have been to a club a handful of times - and its not been great!
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
We end up not really talking to anyone we might actually like to play with and to be honest its put us off for quite a long time. But we are trying again...!
So does anyone have any advice on how we could approach people - especially approaching a group?
We are thinking of giving each other dares lol!
Anyway any advice welcome!
Ps if anyone wants to come with us we are going on the 5th Aug to Cupids x "
Go to a spa club during the day, so much better |
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Wow. It’s so interesting to hear people’s opinions and experiences on this. We share many of themes
We so enjoy clubs, but very much form the point of view of enjoying the atmosphere, the sense of liberation and freedom to enjoy being naked, to enjoy watching others too.
Also, Lady is less cautious than I am, so we’ve agreed she’s in charge next time we go |
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By *DW1983Man 1 week ago
Sheffield or Aberdeen |
"
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
"
I've experienced this and heard others say similar, but I think the perception is far greater than the reality in many cases. Yes, of course there will be some groups who are only interested in their own little gang, but in lots of cases I think it's just grouos of people who know each other who are chatting - because why wouldn't they? And in our own heads we build it up to mean more than it does (or to justify to ourselves not approaching them). |
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Clubs are similar to regular pubs, people will sit and talk with people they know. Same as most type of venues.
There are events where mixing is encouraged.
I have found when visiting as a couple it is single guys that approach, and watch, as a couple.
My only advice is don't give up, even if you just play together it is fun. Or try to pre organise at least a meet and greet at a club, and introduction. The more familiar your face to people the friendlier they become. |
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The first few times we went to a club we felt the same way. We then adjusted our attitude to be ‘a night out for us with sex together ‘ and if anything else happened then that was great . It massively helped reduce expectations and pressure .
Last time we went we made a conscious effort to approach people we were sat on their own and chat . It’s hard particularly if you worry they might not want to engage with you but it’s just a chat . We made sure to leave after a reasonable chat to not dominate their time and we played alongside one of the couples later.
It’s tricky but if you remember it’s just chat rather than trying to make it more it’s easier . We approached a younger couple way out of our league and it was a pleasant chat and she was very really welcoming and it surprised me and altered my assumptions on who wanted to chat in a club .
We find quiet club nights easier for this as people say on their own a lot .
Good luck x |
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We have a slightly different approach in clubs. When we are ready to play, we frequent the couples’ room and start to play with each other. We often end up through strange club language of looks, moving closer a hand extended, a touch, a few words, playing with others. Some go in just to play with each other amongst others, or to watch, but most go in to play with others so you are all on the same page. We are both sociable people but have found this more productive for play. We have also got chatting on the dance floor of clubs that had them. Remember most humans are rubbish at socialising and imagine everyone knows everyone else and wouldn’t welcome someone new to talk to. I went back to uni as a mature student. On the last day everyone in my tutor group all went out and had a great time. I hadn’t suggested going out for a drink with anyone as I was 20 plus years older than everyone else, a man, and they were all young women. It turned out they had all sat at home alone for a year because they thought everyone else was in a friendship group already. We called learned a valuable lesson. The lesson we all learned was just talk to each other rather than making assumptions. To be fair, it’s still tricky though. |
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I think swingers tend to be more socially awkward on average, so you're not alone. Lots of good advice on here about hot tubs, or even just going for it in orgy room, but when you're sitting together, think about how easy it would be for someone to join you - make sure there's a space.
Above all else, talk to everyone. Especially the people you have no interest in playing with. Just be those people for one night! |
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This really struck a chord with me so thanks OP.
We have tried a few clubs and different nights- newbie night, couples and SF, and an organised dress up event from a well-known brand.
The well-known event was the one we felt least comfortable at. The what’s app group before scares me half to death. Then on the night we repeatedly watched a group of protagonists corralling their friendship groups to specific rooms, sending people to fetch others, the. Locking the door and that was that. I know everyone has their right to play with who and where they want with consent, but this just felt like ‘no outsiders thanks’.
Newbie night we clearly got the most vanilla night ever! Apart from a few pool table conversations there was so little sex! At one point we went into the ‘cell’ next to the oool table and left all doors etc open. We weren’t quiet either. I kid you not, a group came and sat down on the other side of the bars, and talked about CORONATION STREET!
But then we went to another club near home the other week. No more than 15 people in. Had a great play with a lovely couple who came straight over and talked to us.
It’s so hit and miss. One bugbear is banging music so you can’t actually talk.
One final though; the amount of us people in swinging who are ND definitely doesn’t help. |
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It’s sometimes hard to know what people are looking for in a club. Single guys won’t want to piss off a couple by looking pushy, so sometimes won’t approach them. Knowing there’s someone else at the club who you’ve chatted to on here is a help. Find them and say hello. Even if it’s nothing more than a chat.
Also - if it’s not too busy, sit at the bar and you’ll end up chatting to the staff too. And then to other people who come up for drinks / chat. I’ve got talking to some lovely people that way. Break the ice by commenting on their outfit / hair / tattoos/ whatever. Then see where the conversation goes.
Or if you’re just wanting to chat, sit down near someone and ask “are we OK to sit here - just need a quiet sit down for 5 mins”, and ask if they’ve had a good night.
Good luck!! |
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"Me and the wife have been to a club a handful of times - and its not been great!
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
We end up not really talking to anyone we might actually like to play with and to be honest its put us off for quite a long time. But we are trying again...!
So does anyone have any advice on how we could approach people - especially approaching a group?
We are thinking of giving each other dares lol!
Anyway any advice welcome!
Ps if anyone wants to come with us we are going on the 5th Aug to Cupids x "
It really depends on what you are looking for.
If you are attracted to couple/single man or single woman in particular. Stand or sit next to them and catch their eyes and smile. Give them a compliment ask if you would like to buy them a drink.
As a single woman I can approach just about anyone and bring straight takes the pressure off approaching other women because I'm usually just complimenting their outfits or tattoos or piercings or hair. I also have just a general chat with men.
I will say this get to the club early because then you can see how the groups form.
Most clubs have regulars who are the people you see in groups. Someone like me, you will see, approaches multiple groups because I've been doing this for nearly 4 years, so I try to say hello to everyone...before I get distracted...with the sex, drink, dungeon, rope, jacuzzi and pool. Lol! |
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"Me and the wife have been to a club a handful of times - and its not been great!
There seems to be groups of people that seem to know each other well and come across as quite clicky (although that might just be our perception!)
We end up not really talking to anyone we might actually like to play with and to be honest its put us off for quite a long time. But we are trying again...!
So does anyone have any advice on how we could approach people - especially approaching a group?
We are thinking of giving each other dares lol!
Anyway any advice welcome!
Ps if anyone wants to come with us we are going on the 5th Aug to Cupids x "
We were at a DC event for the first time and lots of couples came with a circle of friends and other had met previously. They came from the North West to the South East.
We found that day we chatted in the hot tub after many had played. They were more relaxed and very friendly. We got lots of verifications and stayed in touch. The next visit to the DC event was amazing as we kept in touch, it was more of a slow burn than spontaneous connections.
We now have a new circle of friends at Liberty Elite.
We also go to OP4F. We have been on couples nights and nights that allow single men. The vibe was different but we have made friends at the bar and enjoyed play with single guys.
Each club is different and some nights we just call it a day. We are always looking to open up our circle when we see newbies who would like a chat xx
S&B  |
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"I can empathize with you as not once has anyone approached us. It used to make me feel very insecure, and wonder what vibe do we give off that repels people?!
Yesterday evening we approached a friendly looking couple to chat. No expectations, just a determination to approach someone, introduce ourselves and ask them how their evening was going (a starter for 1pt 😁)
We had a great little chat, picked up on the lack of a sexual vibe from them and not wanting to dominate their time we left them to enjoy their evening. It was their first club visit so I felt a bit rubbish for them later as we passed them leaving the club and they said no one else had spoken to them all night.
But, (cliques aside) I now think lots of people are quite shy, and not confident enough to literally walk up to a stranger and start talking. However, starting a conversation while waiting at the bar or in the jacuzzi, or by the lockers etc feels much more natural for us.
It would just be nice though if someone looked at us and thought "I'd like to talk to them."
"
We agree with the locker room chat too… so many times we have swapped details in the locker room when we are leaving, the vibe has been great.
S&B
❤️ |
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"I'm very lucky that the Mrs is a social butterfly she will walk up and talk to anyone. She's the one who sounds couples out to find out what they're looking for and if we're compatable. "
Great if one of you is like that. Great to meet someone like that, as in "real" life, those people make social situations so much easier.
As a single man going to clubs, I think being sociable (rather than stalking) is much more preferable and effective. It's just being that kind of person that can approach others easily and naturally.
Speaking for myself, I don't have the bonus of being Gods gift or very blessed in certain departments, so I have to rely on personality!
I'm not in a position to do this, but being regular visitors over time, and becoming familiar faces (if not bodies) must also help, as in any social situation! |
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Plenty of suggestions above. Adding 1 more:
The energetic couple on the dance floor catches everyones attention - especially when Abba comes on! Be that couple! You'll have complements all evening long, and plenty of openers. |
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"I'm very lucky that the Mrs is a social butterfly she will walk up and talk to anyone. She's the one who sounds couples out to find out what they're looking for and if we're compatable.
Great if one of you is like that. Great to meet someone like that, as in "real" life, those people make social situations so much easier.
As a single man going to clubs, I think being sociable (rather than stalking) is much more preferable and effective. It's just being that kind of person that can approach others easily and naturally.
Speaking for myself, I don't have the bonus of being Gods gift or very blessed in certain departments, so I have to rely on personality!
I'm not in a position to do this, but being regular visitors over time, and becoming familiar faces (if not bodies) must also help, as in any social situation!"
You definately have it harder, I think a woman approaching is seen as less 'threatening' |
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By *JohnMan 7 days ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
If you're sat in a dark corner of the bar, glued to each other all night, you're going to be harder to approach. Having a little space between you makes you look comfortable and confident. It's an open position that invites others. If you want people joining you, you have to leave space for them.
Move around the club. Interact with people as you pass - a smile or a compliment or hi, how's your night going? You're there for hours. You don't have to go from 'hi' to 'let's find a room' in the first five minutes. Lay foundations that you can build on later.
Find the social spaces. At the clubs I've known the bar isn't a great place for meeting people. The hot tub and smoking area have people coming and going, spending a little time in the same space. That's where you get the open group conversations. When you find them, join in.
If you like single men and want their attention, give them a compliment. Men never get told that they look good, have a gorgeous beard, or a beautiful laugh.
Attend often enough to be recognised. People are a lot more comfortable with people they know. |
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I use to go to a few clubs and never had any problems , if I see a couple at the bar or single women I would just say hello and start to chat and it’s suprising how many times it’s lead to having some fun. You have to put the effort in to get rewards . |
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By *rmrs95Couple 7 days ago
Chester |
"Everytime we have been to a club something’s happened but we don’t expect it and treat it more of a night out together where it’s acceptable for my partner to have his hands down my bra on the dance floor and for me to not be wearing very much, anything else is a bonus. I the female approach lots of people even if it’s just to compliment them or to have banter so that’s worked in our favour for finding play mates. Clubs can be difficult for sure but we just don’t take our selves too seriously and if we play we play "
This is same as us xx
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I would highly recommend hosted club events with group chats beforehand to build connections before.
Also with hosted events the hosts are usually more than happy to introduce you to others, give advice on how best to navigate approaching people and getting chatting, and lots of hosts also check in with you throughout the event x |
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By *un_2Couple 6 days ago
X |
We are always conscious to join new looking people / couples into our conversations or groups.
We actively try to speak to them, join them in, play some ice breaker games ect …
Not always end goal sex, we really enjoy socialising with likeminded liberated people.
Not everyone who is quiet or reserved has always liked this approach….. and we get the vibes and slowly let them people be.
But more people have enjoyed our friendly, well welcoming approach ….
Xxxxx
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By *oxesMan 6 days ago
Southend, Essex |
I think what I will say has been covered by the fantastic advise already mentioned in this thread.
But the advice I got from the girl who was leading me round op4f on my first time was to get talking to People no matter.
And it doesn't have to be about sex. I made loads of friends and aquatences from clubs and that makes the next visit easier because you know some body.
I remember in OP4F having a conversation about dubstep with the owner. He ranted about how he hated the genre another time the ice was broken with a couple by talking about Cornwall. I have even heard how a women managed to find a builder for her house from speaking to someone from a club.
I would not say deliberately try and inject yourself in a conversation but you know if your standing next to someone and they are looking at you vice versa. "You alright mate, how's it going?"
P.s. JD1981 fantastic profile picture. |
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We've been playing pool and approached a few times by couples asking to play doubles so you could try that. Sometimes leads to play, sometimes not! Another way is to start playing and leave the door open, we had a very hot encounter that way! Also chatting to a female in the bathroom can make a connection then when you meet them in the club you have already spoken! Being relaxed is totally the key which isn't always easy when it feels like everyone knows everyone else! |
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"I think what I will say has been covered by the fantastic advise already mentioned in this thread.
But the advice I got from the girl who was leading me round op4f on my first time was to get talking to People no matter.
And it doesn't have to be about sex. I made loads of friends and aquatences from clubs and that makes the next visit easier because you know some body.
I remember in OP4F having a conversation about dubstep with the owner. He ranted about how he hated the genre another time the ice was broken with a couple by talking about Cornwall. I have even heard how a women managed to find a builder for her house from speaking to someone from a club.
I would not say deliberately try and inject yourself in a conversation but you know if your standing next to someone and they are looking at you vice versa. "You alright mate, how's it going?"
P.s. JD1981 fantastic profile picture."
This 100%, if you are polite and sociable people will remember you the next time you visit the club and it will be easier to break the ice with people. |
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By *oveginCouple 6 days ago
Scotland |
Great thread OP👏
We feel exactly the same and had got to the point that we feel that clubs here in the UK are not for us. (Love the clubs in PDI )
But after reading this thread we get that its not just us and we maybe just need to change our approach. |
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By *lanenakedMan 6 days ago
near you .. but not too near |
"Absolutely nothing to offer in the way of help, just empathy in that we have had exactly the same experiences. Always find clubs to loud, too much emphasis on fancy dress, quite cliquey and as we've not once been approached by another couple, it's made us totally unconfident to make the first move.
Clubs just aren't for everyone, unfortunately."
This is my experience too.
Not quite sure why every other night needs to be fancy dress like it's Halloween every month .. and yes they are very Cliquey I found in both my visits to the closest ones. Not pulling out going again but it will be with a gf as single guys get completely ripped off with the entry fees. The pubs are better for single guys if your half decent looking anyway. |
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I’d echo the advice of people who say go with no expectations. Look as though the two of you are having a great time - smiling and laughing. The bar/tea area is a great place - talk with people behind the counter about anything and everything. Put meets on here perhaps. Remember a lot of play doesn’t happen until later. Yes people do go and know each other from previous times. I’ve noticed couples going into group areas and just play with each other, other people then ask if the can join. So you could do the same both doing the asking and being asked. It is difficult but I just go up to people and ask if I can join in - mostly I get a yes but if it’s a no then just walk away. Also it could be that the timing was wrong.
Remember everyone is in the same boat. Just go to have fun yourselves and look as though the two of you are having fun together. If you want to draw a crowd and your into bdsm put one one of you in the sticks and start experimenting with the equipment - it’s amazing how much of an icebreaker that can be - great discussions. |
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We know if we go to a club the 2 of us are going to have a good night regardless of if we meet anyone else
We didn’t speak to anyone at all for a good few numbers of times we went. After a while people started to recognise us from previous visits, it turns into a hello at the bar maybe and conversation sometimes progresses. We now see people we can stop and chat to and sometimes that turns into more. .
It is hard approaching other couples, we are a bit too shy to do that, and yes there are groups of people that know each other but that’s natural.
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