Was talking with someone who suggested a fwb with benefits arrangement. I starting to say it would be good to chat more as fwb still needed trust (he wanted a more sub/dom relationship). I promptly got told I was putting pressure on him and he needed space. Was I really wrong to ask for more than a few odd messages..especially being what he was looking for? |
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"Was talking with someone who suggested a fwb with benefits arrangement. I starting to say it would be good to chat more as fwb still needed trust (he wanted a more sub/dom relationship). I promptly got told I was putting pressure on him and he needed space. Was I really wrong to ask for more than a few odd messages..especially being what he was looking for? "
your not wrong at all for asking that
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There is no fixed rule about messaging etc.
This also applies to other situations in life, and to men and women.
Each one is different.
A person is entitled to do as they please or feel comfortable with.
Never let anyone walk over you.
Just say NO, block, ghost, whatever, him/her,
It’s called being assertive.
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By *os19Man 4 weeks ago
Edmonton |
"Was talking with someone who suggested a fwb with benefits arrangement. I starting to say it would be good to chat more as fwb still needed trust (he wanted a more sub/dom relationship). I promptly got told I was putting pressure on him and he needed space. Was I really wrong to ask for more than a few odd messages..especially being what he was looking for? "
. No you were not wrong to ask for more than a few odd messages.From my experience there are boundaries that need to be established before a good FWB can start to develop.
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"Men mistake fwb and fb, he just wants to bang. Never explain yourself to anyone and only do what you're comfortable with. "
Totally this.
Any sort of meet or regular arrangement has to be about mutual pleasure, mutual respect and trust.
You are on fab for your own pleasure and reasons. Don't compromise those for a tosspot who just wants to bang. |
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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago
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FWB, FB, Fuck Toy, Sub… all fine by me. Men are quite adaptable. We are hard wired to fuck indiscriminately because we have unlimited sperm and an reproductive imperative to shoot it into as many females as possible, increasing the odds of progeny.
Women have more finite and limited fertility. They are therefore hard wired to be highly selective about partners. A man can father thousands of children in his life so cares less about wasting a load into the odd wrongun here and there. If nothing else the ejaculation is good for the prostrate and mood. |
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"Was talking with someone who suggested a fwb with benefits arrangement. I starting to say it would be good to chat more as fwb still needed trust (he wanted a more sub/dom relationship). I promptly got told I was putting pressure on him and he needed space. Was I really wrong to ask for more than a few odd messages..especially being what he was looking for? "
Yeah, you should say sorry to him, after all he is Dom
Mr |
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"I have s couple of fwb and what makes it cool is that we don't put pressure on each other it's just chill chat and an occasional are you free?"
Yes but I can imagine you both discussed what you are after in the bedroom. That's all I was trying to do as I have some boundaries and he got funny |
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"A fwb works both ways and not always a sexual benefit, hence the ‘friend’ aspect.
Sounds like he just wants a fuck buddy"
This.
Also in my opinion a dom/sub relstionship is built over time and with great trust.
Sounds more like he wanted a sex sl*ve that does exactly what he wants |
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"I have s couple of fwb and what makes it cool is that we don't put pressure on each other it's just chill chat and an occasional are you free?
Yes but I can imagine you both discussed what you are after in the bedroom. That's all I was trying to do as I have some boundaries and he got funny"
Oh yea nothing wrong with talking about what your looking for everyone should do that surely? Yea it sounds like he just wanted to get his dick wet and not give a fuck about what you wanted which isn't a friend with benefits situation |
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Great topic- I have a strong feeling my partner has a FWB and I addressed it and said if it's the case please tell me cuz it might open some doors! I really want a FWB but would rather it was all out in open and told her we not splitting because of that! (Deep down I want her to tell me she is as might get things rolling!) |
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"A fwb works both ways and not always a sexual benefit, hence the ‘friend’ aspect.
Sounds like he just wants a fuck buddy
This.
Also in my opinion a dom/sub relstionship is built over time and with great trust.
Sounds more like he wanted a sex sl*ve that does exactly what he wants "
Exactly this.
Fwb = friends .... and that means talking to each other
Dom/sub = talking to each other deeply understanding each other and building trust otherwise you are both at risk of it going wrong.
He sounds like a wannabe ... just wants someone he can fuck and doesn't really care who ... and doesn't want any limits ... massive red flag |
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FWB is exactly that or should be - Friends.
Friends share more than just the sexual side of life and support and encourage each other and care about each other! If you don’t care how the other one feels, then you’re not friends in my opinion.
I have a losely FWB arrangement in that we are close and share our personal lives far more than either do with others, there can be bumps along the way when one is used to never having to consider someone else’s feelings and it can take some adjusting to, getting the balance of friendship and also independence right but because I massively value her friendship we get through the bumpy bits, same as in any friendship?
I actually think proper friendship with someone who understands swinging is helpful as it can mitigate the effects of always being told things people think you want to hear, mine will not always like hearing things but equally friends are honest, and I’ll say if she’s being unreasonable the same as I would so any friend?
TLDR - No you weren’t being unreasonable and if someone actually wants to be you’re friend they will consider your feelings. |
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By *rbobbMan 2 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"A fwb works both ways and not always a sexual benefit, hence the ‘friend’ aspect.
Sounds like he just wants a fuck buddy
This.
Also in my opinion a dom/sub relstionship is built over time and with great trust.
Sounds more like he wanted a sex sl*ve that does exactly what he wants
Exactly this.
Fwb = friends .... and that means talking to each other
Dom/sub = talking to each other deeply understanding each other and building trust otherwise you are both at risk of it going wrong.
He sounds like a wannabe ... just wants someone he can fuck and doesn't really care who ... and doesn't want any limits ... massive red flag"
I totally agree. Well said  |
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Your not wrong at all! He was clearly not after FWB. Some of us thats exactly what we are looking for but because of narrow minded people its so hard to find.
Bin him and move on, your stunning and will fi d the right person x |
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I think some men think fwb means feels & it's going to evolve into her being in love so prefer to fuck n go to prevent that. But I think that can happen for men too & women are just as capable of fwbs - friendship closeness not romantic intent.
Sounds like a bad fit, maybe he meant FB but said fwb or had something else going on..
Don't stress, you were doing what you needed to. Just leave it & move forward xx |
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"How can you have a friends with benefits situation when you haven't met him ??
Also it does depend on how many messages you sent him. We are only hearing your side. "
I said he suggested fwb. No we hadn't met....because when I said I wanted to know someone a bit first and tried to get to know him via text. He got funny |
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"How can you have a friends with benefits situation when you haven't met him ??
Also it does depend on how many messages you sent him. We are only hearing your side.
I said he suggested fwb. No we hadn't met....because when I said I wanted to know someone a bit first and tried to get to know him via text. He got funny"
He was only interested in himself then and not you
Shame there are people like this who ruin it for genuine people who are happy to find a connection |
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"FWB is exactly that or should be - Friends.
Friends share more than just the sexual side of life and support and encourage each other and care about each other! If you don’t care how the other one feels, then you’re not friends in my opinion.
I have a losely FWB arrangement in that we are close and share our personal lives far more than either do with others, there can be bumps along the way when one is used to never having to consider someone else’s feelings and it can take some adjusting to, getting the balance of friendship and also independence right but because I massively value her friendship we get through the bumpy bits, same as in any friendship?
I actually think proper friendship with someone who understands swinging is helpful as it can mitigate the effects of always being told things people think you want to hear, mine will not always like hearing things but equally friends are honest, and I’ll say if she’s being unreasonable the same as I would so any friend?
TLDR - No you weren’t being unreasonable and if someone actually wants to be you’re friend they will consider your feelings. "
Stupid question. What’s TLDR meaning? |
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"FWB is exactly that or should be - Friends.
Friends share more than just the sexual side of life and support and encourage each other and care about each other! If you don’t care how the other one feels, then you’re not friends in my opinion.
I have a losely FWB arrangement in that we are close and share our personal lives far more than either do with others, there can be bumps along the way when one is used to never having to consider someone else’s feelings and it can take some adjusting to, getting the balance of friendship and also independence right but because I massively value her friendship we get through the bumpy bits, same as in any friendship?
I actually think proper friendship with someone who understands swinging is helpful as it can mitigate the effects of always being told things people think you want to hear, mine will not always like hearing things but equally friends are honest, and I’ll say if she’s being unreasonable the same as I would so any friend?
TLDR - No you weren’t being unreasonable and if someone actually wants to be you’re friend they will consider your feelings.
Stupid question. What’s TLDR meaning?"
Too long; didn’t read. |
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You have agency over yourself, your needs & desires. Also agency over your boundaries and expectations.
Anyone who cannot respect you and those boundaries isn’t worth you time or your investment.
Looking at your profile and pictures: his loss. Your gain.
Kind regards
Chad
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"FWB is exactly that or should be - Friends.
Friends share more than just the sexual side of life and support and encourage each other and care about each other! If you don’t care how the other one feels, then you’re not friends in my opinion.
I have a losely FWB arrangement in that we are close and share our personal lives far more than either do with others, there can be bumps along the way when one is used to never having to consider someone else’s feelings and it can take some adjusting to, getting the balance of friendship and also independence right but because I massively value her friendship we get through the bumpy bits, same as in any friendship?
I actually think proper friendship with someone who understands swinging is helpful as it can mitigate the effects of always being told things people think you want to hear, mine will not always like hearing things but equally friends are honest, and I’ll say if she’s being unreasonable the same as I would so any friend?
TLDR - No you weren’t being unreasonable and if someone actually wants to be you’re friend they will consider your feelings.
Stupid question. What’s TLDR meaning?
Too long; didn’t read. "
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